A bit unsettled.

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    Jan 01, 2016 2:54 PM GMT
    Met this guy on the dance floor and he was all flirty with me and I was really into him. I was checking him out the whole night. He wanted to bang me so we left the party and moved to his car where we wanted to have a quick BJ. SOmehow his friends, a group of 6-7 men joined us in the car as well and they were all demanding that I give them sex. I was not even interested in looking at anyone except for the guy I came in the car with who was adamant that I give it to all of them. They had the car rolling towards the remote, dark areas miles out of city, I wanted to get out but they insisted that they will only drop me back if I let them do what they want. When I denied vehemently they started getting violent with me, mainly slapping me hard in the face and head to the sound of my ears ringing. This one guy was trying to choke me into submission to the point that I could not even have my voice out. This got me so angry that I slapped his face as hard as I could and got furiously back at him to the sound of my fist falling hard on his body while other guys continued to hit me. I was firm that no matter what happened there is no way I will let them get sex from me not even the guy who interested me initially. Then they started acting kind to me, patting my back demanding if I blow them all and let my ass ride the group they will let me go. When they realised their tactic is not working this one guy (who choked me and initiated the violence) started getting violent again throwing my prescription spectacles out of the window outside while we passed the lake which really saddened me in a way that my fighting spirit started to drain (Those were quite expensive FCUK glasses. It a gift from my father which costed him 14000 rupees (USD $250 approx) finally they stopped at a dark spot quite away from the city and threw me out. Walking back scared me so bad. It was 1 A.M. and my friend from the party was calling me back to back, worried at my safety. He couldn't even come and pick me up because his car key was in my pocket. The only light was from the cars passing by, none stop when I was signalling for hitch-hike. Finally half an hour later (I must have walked 4-5 KM) I reached the party. I told this to my friend. I did note the vehicle number on my phone so that I can press charges which I didn't even need to because I can recall it as easily as my date of birth. My friend and I decided that it is best not to inform the police because all this affair is going to bring shame on me and my parents.

    I didn't allow rape so in hindsight it is not a big deal. There are a few minor cuts on my face and feet and purple patch on my neck other than sore arms and back. I have to go for dinner at sister's house in an hour and the story my friend and I have cooked up is that I will tell her that I had a slip and fell on the ground at party last night which let to all the bruises.

    While I know this is not my fault, except may be that I was naively stupid in going to a car at a stranger's invitation. There still have been moments today where I found myself unsettled because I have mostly never hid anything from my family. They know I am gay and are very comfortable with it but not behind their back, I am open to casual sexual relationship with others. That would almost be like a stab at their back.
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    Jan 01, 2016 3:15 PM GMT
    What the hell was he driving, a school bus?
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    Jan 01, 2016 3:20 PM GMT
    DefensiveEnd saidWhat the hell was he driving, a school bus?


    He was driving a scorpio;

    2 can sit in front, 3 in the middle and 2-4 at the back. Though, the guy I got in the car with wasn't driving.
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    Jan 01, 2016 3:33 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    DefensiveEnd saidWhat the hell was he driving, a school bus?


    My thoughts 'almost' exactly. The other thing that kinda makes it hesitant for me is that the OP claims "six or seven men joined."

    Unless you're on heavy drugs or sloppy drunk you're going to know the exact details of how many people there were inside a car attempting to rape you.


    While I was drunk, but not enough to pass out, be completely wasted or get brazenly sloppy. It is hard to exactly count the number of people surrounding you since I was in the middle and I wasn't even sitting and there were people at the back. Mind you inside the car there was no light.

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    Jan 01, 2016 4:54 PM GMT
    You have to REPORT them to the police asap ..
    What they have done to you , they have before and will again do it to someone else ..You were lucky in the sense you didn't get raped , but another mam could be ..
    Please , please , for the sake of others , REPORT them to the police , you have the right information ( car's license plate ) take photos of your face and body bruises , and head to a police station ..
    Do it , don't even hesitate !!
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    Jan 01, 2016 5:01 PM GMT
    If you are correct in recalling the events, they suggest sexual assault. You are not doing yourself any favours by not reporting this offence. They have probably taken advantage of you. Did this event happen in Canada or India?
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    Jan 01, 2016 5:04 PM GMT
    neffa saidYou have to REPORT them to the police asap ..
    What they have done to you , they have before and will again do it to someone else ..You were lucky in the sense you didn't get raped , but another mam could be ..
    Please , please , for the sake of others , REPORT them to the police , you have the right information ( car's license plate ) take photos of your face and body bruises , and head to a police station ..
    Do it , don't even hesitate !!


    Naive, just a bit?

    This is India. What exactly do you think the police would do, besides have a good laugh at his expense? If the OP's tale is true (I tend to think along the lines of MMTM), he should take his own revenge (carefully).
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    Jan 01, 2016 6:19 PM GMT
    I believe you, and that's all that matters. You may need to seek psychological help because sometimes the effects of a traumatic event don't manifest themselves until much later. In addition, while it would appear that you were not raped as there was no penetration (penile, digital, foreign object, etc.), you were assaulted and momentarily held captive. Thus, I would suggest filing a police report. Also think about preventing these criminals from victimizing other people by informing the police.
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    Jan 01, 2016 6:36 PM GMT
    Longblack saidIf you are correct in recalling the events, they suggest sexual assault. You are not doing yourself any favours by not reporting this offence. They have probably taken advantage of you. Did this event happen in Canada or India?


    This happened to me in India. I think I am doing myself a favour because I know how the system works, not only will I expose myself to huge humiliation at the hands of law and order but the eventual shame and disgrace that can linger on my family.

    It will also be difficult to get the crime reported in my opinion because homosexual behaviour is criminalised and as we have seen in the past how local political goons have come to haunt vulnerable groups esp. sexual minorities in the past. It becomes a matter of personal safety too.


    I wrote this post mostly to vent out because other than the friend I was with at the party, nobody know this about so I was getting a bit suffocated with anxiety. Also, I think it would be quite embarrassing to tell anyone verbally esp. non-gay people I know because the gay world is so underground and works in different ways I feel I would be judged harsh.
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    Jan 01, 2016 6:57 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidI believe you, and that's all that matters. You may need to seek psychological help because sometimes the effects of a traumatic event don't manifest themselves until much later. In addition, while it would appear that you were not raped as there was no penetration (penile, digital, foreign object, etc.), you were assaulted and momentarily held captive. Thus, I would suggest filing a police report. Also think about preventing these criminals from victimizing other people by informing the police.


    Thanks. Assault is very common here and happens so often that just that alone is not going to get a report done unless this resulted in battery to the extent that one is fighting life at the Intensive Care Unit. At best (and this being naively hopeful) the police attendant would lash out on the phone to the car owner, giving him an earful and that's all.

    Assault here is common especially in school. I remember a nun in my school whom every student feared. She had very cruel ways of punishing. She would go around with this thick wooden rod and hit students in bony areas or make one kneel down in the hot summer outside. Once she didn't allow me to go to the toilet because my homework was incomplete, I could not hold after a time and pee'd my pants which caused me immense humiliation. All this in the name of discipline.

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    Jan 01, 2016 7:05 PM GMT
    theantijock%20engage%20stalker%20reducti

    The only thing I see casting doubt is that you wound up with 7 tops in one bar, never mind one car. Just kidding. I agree with the comment that you might consider seeking therapy to talk this out, particularly with the aspects of force but also by the shame you seek to protect your parents from, with regard to casual sex.

    I'd have no idea how to advice whether or not to report to authorities which would seem to me more clear cut where we gay people have more rights. Where it is illegal for gay people to be sexual, I don't know if that would benefit by documenting abuse or if that would in some way backfire.

    Sorry for you that you experienced this and lost your glasses gifted to you by your dad. I'm not sure it will follow that you lost your glasses by the concocted story you said you plan to tell him when you could have felt for them even in the dark where you'd "fallen".
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    Jan 01, 2016 7:31 PM GMT
    theantijock saidtheantijock%20engage%20stalker%20reducti

    The only thing I see casting doubt is that you wound up with 7 tops in one bar, never mind one car. Just kidding. I agree with the comment that you might consider seeking therapy to talk this out, particularly with the aspects of force but also by the shame you seek to protect your parents from, with regard to casual sex.

    I'd have no idea how to advice whether or not to report to authorities which would seem to me more clear cut where we gay people have more rights. Where it is illegal for gay people to be sexual, I don't know if that would benefit by documenting abuse or if that would in some way backfire.

    Sorry for you that you experienced this and lost your glasses gifted to you by your dad. I'm not sure it will follow that you lost your glasses by the concocted story you said you plan to tell him when you could have felt for them even in the dark where you'd "fallen".


    Thanks. It wasn't a bar. It was a farm hotel that throws new year party every year. My friend and I were the only gay men at the party, we had two more (gay) friends but they left early. All the other men I know were straight and I think, in fact I am sure, these are straight men. This is a rural state, straight men and gay men have sex here all the time. It is a bit more complexed sexuality, men here do not get women so other men become alternatives (in fact, the party had not a single woman). Is this even making sense?

    It feels more like drunk behaviour with sexual frustration to me. I am pretty sure if they have to 'pick' a target for rape, if they go that route, it would be woman.

    At the dinner at my sister's; my sister immediately saw my bruises and inquired so I did tell her the fabricated story. She saw through it because she said it look different from usual bruises and asked if I had a fight with anyone, I retorted that Do I look like a person to ever had a fight with anyone? She said, may be someone else picked one with you. I told her no, just a bad slip in dim light. We moved on to others things to talk about. She didn't ask me about my glasses because I do not wear it all the time.


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    Jan 01, 2016 7:37 PM GMT
    Dude.... be more careful. Given your circumstances, what more can we say?
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    Jan 01, 2016 7:55 PM GMT
    car.PNG

    sounds like you could have been killed...straight men can get very violent after they've gotten off, suddenly blaming you for their weakness.
    I had a somewhat similar incident in Panama, but jumped out of the taxi at the second stop.
    Maybe you could start a https://www.gofundme.com/ and a few of us duel income types will pitch in for a new pair of glasses...don't really need to give that much to the DNC this year.
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    Jan 01, 2016 8:06 PM GMT
    Too bad you live in India.
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    Jan 01, 2016 8:53 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidcar.PNG

    sounds like you could have been killed...straight men can get very violent after they've gotten off, suddenly blaming you for their weakness.
    I had a somewhat similar incident in Panama, but jumped out of the taxi at the second stop.
    Maybe you could start a https://www.gofundme.com/ and a few of us duel income types will pitch in for a new pair of glasses...don't really need to give that much to the DNC this year.


    Hey, thanks for that link. That's very sweet. I posted here mostly because I wanted to vent out in some way. I checked the link, you need to tell them why you want the money for spectacles. I don't want to post this there. I revealed here only because I needed to vent and felt comfort in gay space only. Prescription glasses are not that expensive here, I will buy one. It was only that those glasses had a sentimental value besides that those were really expensive ones with good design and quality.
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    Jan 01, 2016 9:28 PM GMT
    ricky1987 saidThanks. It wasn't a bar. It was a farm hotel that throws new year party every year. My friend and I were the only gay men at the party, we had two more (gay) friends but they left early. All the other men I know were straight and I think, in fact I am sure, these are straight men. This is a rural state, straight men and gay men have sex here all the time. It is a bit more complexed sexuality, men here do not get women so other men become alternatives (in fact, the party had not a single woman). Is this even making sense?

    It feels more like drunk behaviour with sexual frustration to me. I am pretty sure if they have to 'pick' a target for rape, if they go that route, it would be woman.

    At the dinner at my sister's; my sister immediately saw my bruises and inquired so I did tell her the fabricated story. She saw through it because she said it look different from usual bruises and asked if I had a fight with anyone, I retorted that Do I look like a person to ever had a fight with anyone? She said, may be someone else picked one with you. I told her no, just a bad slip in dim light. We moved on to others things to talk about. She didn't ask me about my glasses because I do not wear it all the time.


    Good to have the additional details confirming what I suspected: that I'd have difficulty judging all that from my American perspective. I'd imagine many gay's here would think that scene hot. It makes sense that you'd have a different mind-set by those cultural practices. Though it does bring to light some universal issues including parents accepting you for who you are and not just gay, but as a "practicing homosexual". Not that you'd flaunt your sexual proclivities but nor should you have to hide from your own family. So that's a shame. Maybe not yours, maybe not theirs, maybe the culture that would make you lie when you should be comforted.

    I'll just add that to my list of complaints about life on planet Earth.
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    Jan 01, 2016 10:16 PM GMT
    theantijock said
    ricky1987 saidThanks. It wasn't a bar. It was a farm hotel that throws new year party every year. My friend and I were the only gay men at the party, we had two more (gay) friends but they left early. All the other men I know were straight and I think, in fact I am sure, these are straight men. This is a rural state, straight men and gay men have sex here all the time. It is a bit more complexed sexuality, men here do not get women so other men become alternatives (in fact, the party had not a single woman). Is this even making sense?

    It feels more like drunk behaviour with sexual frustration to me. I am pretty sure if they have to 'pick' a target for rape, if they go that route, it would be woman.

    At the dinner at my sister's; my sister immediately saw my bruises and inquired so I did tell her the fabricated story. She saw through it because she said it look different from usual bruises and asked if I had a fight with anyone, I retorted that Do I look like a person to ever had a fight with anyone? She said, may be someone else picked one with you. I told her no, just a bad slip in dim light. We moved on to others things to talk about. She didn't ask me about my glasses because I do not wear it all the time.


    Good to have the additional details confirming what I suspected: that I'd have difficulty judging all that from my American perspective. I'd imagine many gay's here would think that scene hot. It makes sense that you'd have a different mind-set by those cultural practices. Though it does bring to light some universal issues including parents accepting you for who you are and not just gay, but as a "practicing homosexual". Not that you'd flaunt your sexual proclivities but nor should you have to hide from your own family. So that's a shame. Maybe not yours, maybe not theirs, maybe the culture that would make you lie when you should be comforted.

    I'll just add that to my list of complaints about life on planet Earth.


    I think the problem is not that I am a "practicing homosexual" but that I am practicing and this would be true even if I was a heterosexual. My parents know I am not a virgin. They know when I lived back in Canada, I had a partner for a year and a half and we shared the same bed every night. My mother even asked all the details about how gay sex works. It was embarrassing for me to answer her. I might be the only person may be with the exception of my father (and possibly my sisters) with whom she had ever talked about anything concerning sex and this is also her only source of knowledge about sex.Once during my teens when I was caught masturbating by my mom, she schooled me on good deeds and bad deeds and how once I get married I must 'save it' for the family I will have or let it waste now so I couldn't have off springs. What of course would truly disappoint them is I am having sex without any romance or love involved and promise of spending life together. This would be considered a very reckless behaviour with no sexual responsibility and also asking my parents a lot to accept simply because I must feel they are obligated to accept me for what I am. Some things are better off in my closet like they don't know I have an app called grindr on my phone which is like an online catalogue for one night stand. Mostly it is a ridiculous app here but churns out a good results every once in a while. Even if I tell my parents what happened last night and they understand it, what would happen? nothing. Would their acceptance mean that I have a passport to possibly shame them to the world outside that could be quite intolerant. My parents are already very over protective of me since I came out and shower me with gifts and love speeches, not just me but even to my sisters almost to the point when I sometimes feel if they are feeling guilty of parenting or trying to overcompensate for something. They bought me that spectacles last year. This year when I was telling them how my computer has been acting up for the past few months, they insisted that I buy a laptop and got me not just any new laptop but a Macbook. Sometimes when my father is having his whisky, he would stop me and ask if I ate anything and then insist that I order whatever I love eating because (his speech continues) we should not stop ourselves from what we want and must not care for what others think etc etc etc .
  • venue35

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    Jan 01, 2016 11:26 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidcar.PNG

    sounds like you could have been killed...straight men can get very violent after they've gotten off, suddenly blaming you for their weakness.
    I had a somewhat similar incident in Panama, but jumped out of the taxi at the second stop.
    Maybe you could start a https://www.gofundme.com/ and a few of us duel income types will pitch in for a new pair of glasses...don't really need to give that much to the DNC this year.
    Who would want to rape you??
    You are joking right????icon_neutral.gif
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    Jan 02, 2016 3:40 AM GMT
    Ricky -- I am so sorry (and infuriated and disgusted) by the story of the assault you experienced. And it saddens me to hear that the state of the society that you live in is such that you have no expectation of receiving justice. Glad to know that this forum is a place that you can vent safely. Take care and I hope that you're spared of such abuse in the future.
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    Jan 02, 2016 3:55 AM GMT
    Why the hell would you answer your mom if you she asked how gay sex works? Blugh! I'd die first!
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    Jan 02, 2016 4:00 AM GMT
    I hate to tell you.....but from what I have seen and read on line.....this was a gay mans dream fantasy!!

    BE CAREFUL FOOL
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    Jan 02, 2016 6:19 AM GMT
    Wow glad you're okay, just learn the lesson and be careful next time. icon_eek.gificon_confused.gif
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    Jan 02, 2016 8:46 PM GMT
    ricky1987 saidI think the problem is not that I am a "practicing homosexual" but that I am practicing and this would be true even if I was a heterosexual. My parents know I am not a virgin. They know when I lived back in Canada, I had a partner for a year and a half and we shared the same bed every night. My mother even asked all the details about how gay sex works. It was embarrassing for me to answer her. I might be the only person may be with the exception of my father (and possibly my sisters) with whom she had ever talked about anything concerning sex and this is also her only source of knowledge about sex.Once during my teens when I was caught masturbating by my mom, she schooled me on good deeds and bad deeds and how once I get married I must 'save it' for the family I will have or let it waste now so I couldn't have off springs. What of course would truly disappoint them is I am having sex without any romance or love involved and promise of spending life together. This would be considered a very reckless behaviour with no sexual responsibility and also asking my parents a lot to accept simply because I must feel they are obligated to accept me for what I am. Some things are better off in my closet like they don't know I have an app called grindr on my phone which is like an online catalogue for one night stand. Mostly it is a ridiculous app here but churns out a good results every once in a while. Even if I tell my parents what happened last night and they understand it, what would happen? nothing. Would their acceptance mean that I have a passport to possibly shame them to the world outside that could be quite intolerant. My parents are already very over protective of me since I came out and shower me with gifts and love speeches, not just me but even to my sisters almost to the point when I sometimes feel if they are feeling guilty of parenting or trying to overcompensate for something. They bought me that spectacles last year. This year when I was telling them how my computer has been acting up for the past few months, they insisted that I buy a laptop and got me not just any new laptop but a Macbook. Sometimes when my father is having his whisky, he would stop me and ask if I ate anything and then insist that I order whatever I love eating because (his speech continues) we should not stop ourselves from what we want and must not care for what others think etc etc etc .


    I used the phrase in harkening back to a time when homophobes referred to American gay people as practicing homosexuals, as opposed, I suppose to gay priests abstaining from sex, the non practicing variety gay.

    Obviously your folks are not homophobes, but it's one thing for a person to accept us as a gay being while not completely accepting us as being gay and expressing our sexuality such that in time, perhaps, you'd be able to say to your mom that you found a guy interesting, you went off to be alone with him, but then, holy crap, this happened, without any of that reflecting badly upon you who did nothing wrong whether or not you were going off for casual sex. Though then of course you might not cause them shame but worry all the same so you might think to avoid that or proceed how you think best.

    Even if you weren't off to suck this guy's dick, even in an inhibited society, I'd think that two heteros or two homos or any mix ought to be allowed at least some romanticism. That involves time alone, of leaving a party, of going off to be with each other without others.

    But from your description it sounds like you've a good family maybe caught up in the confines of culture which it sounds like you're navigating just fine. I was lucky to have a mom very open about the world, much of which she probably got from her avid novel reading. I've not known anyone else to read as much as she. So there was pretty much nothing I could do that she wasn't already aware of, even sexually, even though she'd only been with two men (my dad and my step-dad) her entire life and we spoke openly about that.

    She was cool with men having sex with each other and very often enjoyed coming to a gay movie with me which sometimes got us some stares. How many guys watch Trick with their mother? So that was always kind of fun.

    Your family sounds like good people. Hopefully as you age, your culture will open up to us. Most people from India who I've met have been quite intelligent so I'd be surprised if we don't get gay rights there. And that should even improve further your home life. Best of luck to you.
  • Webster666

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    Jan 03, 2016 12:57 AM GMT
    ABSOLUTELY, tell anyone the truth about what happened to you.
    This is nothing to be ashamed of.
    It does NOT bring shame on your family.

    I'm sorry this happened to you.
    Hugs.