Dating HIV Positive Guys...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2016 8:07 PM GMT
    If you are avoiding meeting and getting to know guys based purely on their status, you are really, really limiting yourself. I have met so many great guys this year alone who I wouldn't have if I had been closed minded about a person's status. And I have been negative for years. So if you are lonely in 2016 and have a list of things you need in a guy, I hope you consider removing a person's status off your list of barriers if that's on there.
  • justjosh

    Posts: 8

    Jan 02, 2016 3:18 PM GMT
    Your post does little to change my attitude about HIV+ guys.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Jan 02, 2016 5:16 PM GMT
    Good for the OP.

    Frankly, this is a very personal decision each and every dude has to make for himself. There are pros and cons as always.

    Yet, there should be no 'guideline' of any kind here. Your life, you call the shots.

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2016 5:42 PM GMT
    Well now with the introduction of Prep.Sex with HIV Positive men is much safer esp if you use condoms along with Prep.It is a very personal choice whether to engage in sexual acts with positive men and nobody should be attacked for it.As for having HIV positive friends...who cares what their status is.
  • jperfit

    Posts: 593

    Jan 02, 2016 6:42 PM GMT
    I don't think its a good idea to date someone whom is pos and your neg; its playing roulette with your health but someone could test negative one day and test pos another day you just don't know; you have to assume everyone you meet may be positive and take precutions if you truly care about your health, and as far as this prep is concerned, it is nothing more then a false sense of security, I work in clinical research and as many of you know HIV is a virus that will adapt in order to survive the numbers of infection was dropping but within 2-5 years from now you can bet that the numbers will go up( triple) due to new cases because of this prep people are under the idea that their free to do anything without accountability and it will come back to haunt them and it will set aids research back another 15-20years.

    Many researchers are already talking about it. Really do your homework with regards to prep
  • Sincityfan

    Posts: 409

    Jan 02, 2016 7:29 PM GMT
    woodfordr saidIf you are avoiding meeting and getting to know guys based purely on their status, you are really, really limiting yourself.


    Are you saying 99.9% of the gay male community is HIV+? If not, I don't see how not fucking/dating HIV+ guys is "really, really limiting."
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    Jan 02, 2016 7:40 PM GMT
    jperfit saidI don't think its a good idea to date someone whom is pos and your neg; its playing roulette with your health but someone could test negative one day and test pos another day you just don't know; you have to assume everyone you meet may be positive and take precutions if you truly care about your health, and as far as this prep is concerned, it is nothing more then a false sense of security, I work in clinical research and as many of you know HIV is a virus that will adapt in order to survive the numbers of infection was dropping but within 2-5 years from now you can bet that the numbers will go up( triple) due to new cases because of this prep people are under the idea that their free to do anything without accountability and it will come back to haunt them and it will set aids research back another 15-20years.

    Many researchers are already talking about it. Really do your homework with regards to prep


    Citation please. I have never read anything to that effect. Australia said ART would increase 10x in their response to the Swiss Statement comments on undetectable in 2008.

    Clearly that didn't happen.

    Now ACON agrees with the Swiss Statement, along with their own Opposites Attract study and others.

    The two drugs in PrEP are part of the three drugs in ART. They have not failed in ART, why would they fail in PrEP? THATS been 18 years. Failure only occurs when not used as prescribed. A resistance develops. A regimen change usually works in that case.

    The CDC, WHO and many others do not share your opinion. They do recognize a small window of opportunity to end HIV/AIDS by 2030 and that includes ART and PrEP.




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    Jan 02, 2016 8:05 PM GMT
    woodfordr saidIf you are avoiding meeting and getting to know guys based purely on their status, you are really, really limiting yourself. I have met so many great guys this year alone who I wouldn't have if I had been closed minded about a person's status. And I have been negative for years. So if you are lonely in 2016 and have a list of things you need in a guy, I hope you consider removing a person's status off your list of barriers if that's on there.


    Check out hivequal.org. We are all equal. Everyone has an HIV status: POZ, NEG, UVL, PrEP.

    Woodford I read your comments and you are one of the few who gets it and is not judgemental. Not everyone is as advanced as you. Prejudice is a learned behaviour. It's harder to unlearn.
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    Jan 02, 2016 8:53 PM GMT
    Sincityfan said
    woodfordr saidIf you are avoiding meeting and getting to know guys based purely on their status, you are really, really limiting yourself.


    Are you saying 99.9% of the gay male community is HIV+? If not, I don't see how not fucking/dating HIV+ guys is "really, really limiting."


    99.9% ¿ where did you get that? If you eliminate the 500,000 or so who are undetectable and can't infect you, and only fuck Neg guys who might actually be POZ, that is limiting. Condoms fail 30% in anal sex.

    It's not just limiting socially, it's medically foolish. A smaller pool that has "unknown" infectious HIV in it, increases odds. Test and test often if you are negative.

    Even if you use a condom 100% assuming every trick is POZ......you still have a 30% chance. Gays (blacks more so) use condoms more that heteros. And blacks have the HIGHEST HIV incidence. Yet our rates are still 50,000 every year. LESS condom use isn't helping. Even if it was 100% condom use there is that 30% built in every year.
    The lowest incidence is where ART and PrEP are readily available. In San Francisco serodiscordant couples (UVL/PrEP-NEG) are not unusual. SF is down to 302. Q
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2016 8:54 PM GMT
    There are always going to be risks involved with being sexually intimate with a guy. At least in the case that a guy is HIV+ but on meds and is undetectable, the chance of you catching the virus is extremely low. If you're taking PrEP than it's essentially nonexistent, at least based on the studies done on PrEPs ability to prevent contraction of the virus.

    So nowadays, you don't really have to worry about sero converting as long as you're taking proper precautions. You still have to actually be sexually/emotionally compatible with the guy though. Don't let feeling bad about your partner's status be the reason you let things go further than you would have otherwise.

    I personally have no problem with dating an HIV+ guy. If I fall for the guy I fall for the guy, not much I can do. And it's not like we have a giant dating pool otherwise haha
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    Jan 02, 2016 9:13 PM GMT
    Dating positive guys is not for everyone and it's reckless to suggest there are no risks involved. Yes, PrEP has made it safer but not exactly risk free. If you're a total bottom who is negative and also hates condoms I would not recommend getting involved with an HIV+ top.

    I was in a relationship with an HIV+ person for exactly one year and it really made our sex life difficult. He was actually more afraid of making me positive than I was. Of course this was when PrEP was not available yet so it was much more dangerous back then.
  • Amira

    Posts: 328

    Jan 02, 2016 9:39 PM GMT
    woodfordr saidIf you are avoiding meeting and getting to know guys based purely on their status, you are really, really limiting yourself. I have met so many great guys this year alone who I wouldn't have if I had been closed minded about a person's status. And I have been negative for years. So if you are lonely in 2016 and have a list of things you need in a guy, I hope you consider removing a person's status off your list of barriers if that's on there.


    I can agree with parts of this. I've dated a guy who was HIV positive and the fact that he was able to tell me on the first date was honorable when you consider how many people are not being honest with their status.

    However, we live in a world of choices and the decision to date someone who is positive is a personal choice. As stated there are pros and cons to both spectrums. However, one should not change their preferences out of loneliness. That is my only "critique" with your post. icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 02, 2016 10:17 PM GMT
    Radd saidDating positive guys is not for everyone and it's reckless to suggest there are no risks involved. Yes, PrEP has made it safer but not exactly risk free. If you're a total bottom who is negative and also hates condoms I would not recommend getting involved with an HIV+ top.

    I was in a relationship with an HIV+ person for exactly one year and it really made our sex life difficult. He was actually more afraid of making me positive than I was. Of course this was when PrEP was not available yet so it was much more dangerous back then.


    Back in the pre-ART days I had 2 lovers who were Neg. They stayed that way. Oral was about as far as it got.

    Back in 2003 I had already been on "the cocktail" for 3 years. ART was new. All I knew was they were "better meds" that I switched to. A guy on A4A who was Neg contacted me. He said he only dated long term undetectable men. I didn't know what he was talking about! He was visiting from NY and had an undetectable BF back there. He knew a lot more about it than I did. We had a very long talk about it. Ironically he was the one convincing me that I was safe.

    I knew what the benefits were for me, I was healthy still. It was the first I heard of UVL sorting. I had limited myself to Poz guys (still do. Mostly) It was scary because I was always 'safe' and had two exes to prove it.

    It is a very personal decision. Not to be taken lightly for either party. You can't convince anyone. Not until they know in their heart what is true.
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Jan 03, 2016 1:24 AM GMT
    If I met someone I liked, my only hesitation would be deciding whether or not to start PrEP. I didn't always feel this way but I've arrived at this position based on the debates I've followed here on RJ.
  • Benz4756

    Posts: 8

    Jan 03, 2016 2:16 AM GMT
    Excellent response and smack down by MuchMoreThanMuscle to those who speak from their personal fears and not from known science with empirical evidence. Today, it is not the disease but such views that is more scary.
    Loved the ' One Last Thing' comment.
    Priceless!
    LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2016 2:36 AM GMT
    jperfit saidI don't think its a good idea to date someone whom is pos and your neg; its playing roulette with your health but someone could test negative one day and test pos another day you just don't know; you have to assume everyone you meet may be positive and take precutions if you truly care about your health, and as far as this prep is concerned, it is nothing more then a false sense of security, I work in clinical research and as many of you know HIV is a virus that will adapt in order to survive the numbers of infection was dropping but within 2-5 years from now you can bet that the numbers will go up( triple) due to new cases because of this prep people are under the idea that their free to do anything without accountability and it will come back to haunt them and it will set aids research back another 15-20years.

    Many researchers are already talking about it. Really do your homework with regards to prep


    actually pos/neg can date and have successful relationships, all it takes is open conversations and understanding risks and ways to reduce risk.

    going on 19+ years with my spouse, one of us is pos and the other neg. We have a healthy sex life throughout the 19+ years.

    Get education.
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    Jan 03, 2016 2:37 AM GMT
    Radd saidDating positive guys is not for everyone and it's reckless to suggest there are no risks involved...

    I was in a relationship with an HIV+ person for exactly one year and it really made our sex life difficult...


    This. I like sex to be fun, spontaneous, carefree, and messy. I don't want to have to worry for three months just because I got his cum in my eye, or I didn't use a condom for a blow job and I forgot that I had flossed an hour before, or I had a cut on my skin. It's not so much an issue anymore since I'm married.
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    Jan 03, 2016 2:48 AM GMT
    Sincityfan said
    woodfordr saidIf you are avoiding meeting and getting to know guys based purely on their status, you are really, really limiting yourself.


    Are you saying 99.9% of the gay male community is HIV+? If not, I don't see how not fucking/dating HIV+ guys is "really, really limiting."


    For some demographics the rate of HIV infection is so high you really are limiting yourself. We are already a very small minority of the population.
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    Jan 03, 2016 2:53 AM GMT
    If I were HIV+ I wouldn't date HIV- men. If I accidentally infected someone, even if we were careful, I would NEVER forgive myself. That's my personal feeling about it, I don't mean to judge anyone else for their decisions.
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    Jan 03, 2016 5:04 AM GMT
    So are you saying it's perfectly safe to have an HIV+ guy (detectable or not) indiscriminately spew his cum all over his partner whether it gets in his eyes or not?
  • mar0302

    Posts: 273

    Jan 03, 2016 9:03 AM GMT
    PrEP has been shown to be virtually 100% effective when taken as directed. It loses its efficacy when taken less than 4 days a week ..
    http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/iPrEx_OLE_results_1667_25922.shtml

    Add to this the fact that someone that knows they are HIV+ is much more likely to be on medication and undetectable... and undetectable means virtually no chance of passing on the disease..

    http://www.aidsmap.com/No-one-with-an-undetectable-viral-load-gay-or-heterosexual-transmits-HIV-in-first-two-years-of-PARTNER-study/page/2832748

    Dan Savage called undetectable people the new 'safe sex' because most HIV infection comes from people that don't know they're infected, rather than those with infections as they're more likely to have it under control..

    Add both of these facts together, and I wouldn't shy away from dating (or sleeping with) someone with HIV.. I'd make sure I was on PrEP just in case their viral load became detectable, but put together it's virtually impossible to get HIV from them.. even if you don't use other forms of protection...

    While once I would have been afraid to date someone with HIV - I tend to be paranoid about it generally - now I'm much more open to it.. I actually feel bad for the couple of times I've said no to guys once I found out they were positive.. but medicine and risk was much different just a few years ago than it is now..
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    Jan 03, 2016 4:52 PM GMT
    Nothing wrong with meeting new people regardless of their status or political beliefs. I treat every sexual encounter as if the person is HIV positive, regardless of what they tell me because I have known way too many people who tested negative 6 months ago and go one being scary sexual with unknown people.

    HIV does not make you smarter or sexier or more successful. It's a disease. I'd bang a person with cancer, or a hang nail or HIV, but I'd treat all of them like they could be a danger to my healthy life.
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    Jan 03, 2016 6:10 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    Radd saidDating positive guys is not for everyone and it's reckless to suggest there are no risks involved...

    I was in a relationship with an HIV+ person for exactly one year and it really made our sex life difficult...


    This. I like sex to be fun, spontaneous, carefree, and messy. I don't want to have to worry for three months just because I got his cum in my eye, or I didn't use a condom for a blow job and I forgot that I had flossed an hour before, or I had a cut on my skin. It's not so much an issue anymore since I'm married.



    There (may) come a day when you can safely have sex with an HIV+ guy and not fear contracting it. So far PrEP is at almost a 100% protective rate, but I think it needs to be studied for a few more years before I would ever be comfortable doing that. People like Timm try to convince us that day is already here but I'm not willing to take that kind of chance until further studies are done.
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    Jan 03, 2016 7:14 PM GMT
    Radd said
    UndercoverMan said
    Radd saidDating positive guys is not for everyone and it's reckless to suggest there are no risks involved...

    I was in a relationship with an HIV+ person for exactly one year and it really made our sex life difficult...


    This. I like sex to be fun, spontaneous, carefree, and messy. I don't want to have to worry for three months just because I got his cum in my eye, or I didn't use a condom for a blow job and I forgot that I had flossed an hour before, or I had a cut on my skin. It's not so much an issue anymore since I'm married.



    There (may) come a day when you can safely have sex with an HIV+ guy and not fear contracting it. So far PrEP is at almost a 100% protective rate, but I think it needs to be studied for a few more years before I would ever be comfortable doing that. People like Timm try to convince us that day is already here but I'm not willing to take that kind of chance until further studies are done.


    I've provided scientific models, several studies, expert virologist opinions, CDC, WHO, ACON, Dr. Julio Montaner, Dr. Fauci......plus 16 years of my own anecdotal experience of ART and 30 years of HIV history.

    Just like the early Doctors saw anecdotal evidence in 2003 of ART and my NY Bronco buddy....knowledge is on different time line. When the Swiss did their study in 2008 it was already common knowledge, in theory, and practise for many. They knew it had to at least relatively safe. Or else it would be like the Tuskegee experiments : immoral.

    No I'm Not trying to "convince" anyone. But I am telling you facts. Facts I knew in 2005. Since proven time and again since then. A bulb went off in my head when I read Dr. Fauci's "Treatment as Prevention". That is brilliant, that being undetectable is part of the solution and end of AIDS.
    You may not get it now. You don't have to as long as your safer sex is just that. Safe. Its a 3 prong attack: Condoms for the old school, ART for those with HIV, and PrEP for the most aware.

    I'm not looking for acceptance, and I'm not looking to fuck Neg guys. I accepted my HIV status in 1986. And Neg guys, virgins and straight guys aren't my thing.
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    Jan 03, 2016 11:38 PM GMT
    Viral load and transmission – a factsheet for HIV-negative people


    Sept 16, 2015
    Do people with an undetectable viral load never transmit HIV?


    "It’s hard to prove that people with an undetectable viral load never transmit HIV. One study found that the lowest recorded viral load in someone who transmitted HIV was 362 copies/ml, though this person was not taking treatment. There have been three reports of transmissions involving gay men who had an undetectable viral load near the time of transmission, but we do not know whether their viral load was undetectable at the time HIV was passed on.

    Even if your partner has an undetectable viral load, it is still a good idea to take an HIV test regularly as viral loads can occasionally go up."

    http://www.aidsmap.com/Viral-load-and-transmission-a-factsheet-for-HIV-negative-people/page/2989764/

    feel free to read the rest of the article please. There's plenty of other good information for HIV negative guys.

    I wasn't sure what level HIV could be transmitted. In the earlier studies <200 was considered undetectable. No transmissions at 200. Now it's <50, <40. Any blips would be around 18%. They could be detectable, by the new standards, but still noninfectious.