"In My Mind They Crossed The Line".....

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 07, 2007 4:54 PM GMT
    You are friends with someone or maybe even dating a guy and something happens in your mind..... you walk away realizing that something they did (maybe it was something that was said... or a realization based on who they are.. or even something like drugs) and you don't see them the same way as before and it changes everything.

    Do you work that way (a sudden realization) or is it a gradual process? What would be a "deal breaker" for you with regards to dating someone (or friendship since that may well be different)???
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Oct 07, 2007 5:45 PM GMT
    I'm def one of those people where there's a deal breaker and.... That's it

    I'm pretty laid back but you cross over a certain line
    there ain't no turning back
    lying
    drugs
    cheating...those things will basically do it
  • Alan95823

    Posts: 306

    Oct 07, 2007 6:41 PM GMT
    I've had my lines crossed, without even knowing they were there ahead of time. I won't bore y'all with the related stories, but the list of my lines include:

    1. Racism
    2. Internalized homophobia
    3. Lying/cheating
    4. Drug use
    5. Domineering/controlling behavior

    Some of it was gradual, some of it was sudden realizations.
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    Oct 07, 2007 6:55 PM GMT
    I've definitely walked away from a situation feeling one way, then coming to a sudden realization about what happened. This happened when I was in a phase of catching up with old high school friends and wanting to hear about what exciting things they have done since. It was really cool hearing about all different experiences. Then I get in touch with one friend and the whole time it was somewhat weird and I couldn't put my finger on it. I didn't realize until I was driving home that the weirdness was because this guy hadn't changed, didn't seem to have had too many "life" experiences as me and others, and was as a result, going through some harder times now because he hadn't been through hard times yet.

    I try not to have any deal breakers. I hate lying as much as the next guy, but people lie all the time with the best of intentions. I find people who lie about big things just can't handle facing the situation because they don't have the emotional experience or teachings, and I guess it's a deal-breaker in the sense that I tell them that it's over, but usually after awhile, I think we'll meet again one day and come to a shared understanding about whatever happened.
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    Oct 08, 2007 7:58 AM GMT
    I have definite lines. Crossing them is usually a deal-breaker.

    Lying
    Cheating
    Stealing
    Drugs
    Controlling behaviour
    Abusiveness of any sort (including animal abuse)
    Racism

    These are things I just don't tolerate in a relationship and/or friendship. I don't do these things, I don't like these things, I feel uncomfortable with anyone who does these things, and I don't have to put up with it in my life. Period. When I'm done, I'm done.

    Just kicked a guy to the curb because he managed to cross all those lines, except abuse and stealing - which I could foresee happening, all at once.
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    Oct 08, 2007 9:56 AM GMT
    My nana has a saying. I think she ripped it off from someone famous, but I can't be bothered googling for the legitimate source. "If someone is nice to you, but not nice to their staff, they are not nice."

    This from a woman who once slapped her maid for trying her perfume, but still...
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    Oct 08, 2007 12:33 PM GMT
    Cheating....dont tell me you have all these deep feelings....take down my walls....and fuck around with every Tom, Dick and Harry you can meet online...

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    Oct 08, 2007 2:22 PM GMT
    CHEATING, HITTING and if you are liar that stems from deeper issues of low self-esteem.icon_mad.gif

    Those are deal breakers.

    Anything else we could navigate through.icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 08, 2007 2:27 PM GMT
    People who lack the ability to forgive are about the only ones who cross my line. There's a lot of line crossing on this site.
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    Oct 08, 2007 2:39 PM GMT
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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    Oct 08, 2007 2:43 PM GMT
    Oh, that reminds me.

    Another deal breaker for me is functional illiteracy.
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Oct 08, 2007 3:00 PM GMT
    I believe everyone lies, whether to themselves or to others, so it's only purposeful misrepresentation that bothers me, and even then I'll put up with it. I dunno, my tolerence levels are higher because of my natural sociological curiousity. I like to learn why people lie, how they act when they lie and how often they do. It's always great to know someone's lying when they don't know you know.

    Lord i have issues! lol

    but as far as deal breakers, I can't think of any off the top of my head...
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    Oct 08, 2007 3:02 PM GMT
    That is quite funny McGay.icon_lol.gif

    The "crossing of the line" comment.
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    Oct 08, 2007 3:05 PM GMT
    One that I forgot....I cant forgive someone who crosses the line because they have a personality disorder and wont get professional help for it...like the following:

    Narcissistic Personality Disorder
    Beginning by early adult life, grandiosity (fantasized or actual), lack of empathy and need for admiration are present in a variety of situations and shown by at least 5 of:
    -A grandiose sense of self-importance (patient exaggerates own abilities and accomplishments)
    -Preoccupation with fantasies of beauty, brilliance, ideal love, power or limitless success
    -Belief that personal uniqueness renders the patient fit only for association with (or understanding by) people or institutions of rarefied status
    -Need for excessive admiration
    -A sense of entitlement (patient unreasonably expects favorable treatment or automatic granting of own wishes
    -Exploitation of others to achieve personal goals
    -Lack of empathy (patient does not recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others)
    -Frequent envy of others or belief that others envy patient

    -Arrogance or haughtiness in attitude or behavior

    Guys like this...SCARY!!!!!!!!!!!!
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    Oct 08, 2007 3:09 PM GMT
    I can forgive functinal illiteracy, but only if the illiterate equips himself with a "Reading is Fundamental" kit.
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    Oct 08, 2007 4:08 PM GMT
    I cant forgive narcissism....cruelty to others and blatant self promotion...well, for me, that dog will never hunt!!!!
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    Oct 08, 2007 4:31 PM GMT
    For me everything is context. I don't have any real lines in the sand as you have to look at the whole situation. Sometimes people can end up in a dark place and they do stupid things. It is rare, i think, for someone to do bad things just to do bad things - normally they have got twisted or mixed up in their thinking.
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    Oct 08, 2007 6:14 PM GMT
    It's good that you can forgive yourself. It's a start to healing.
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    Oct 09, 2007 10:37 PM GMT
    Any verbal abuse and it's over.

    And of course cheating.