Should I start dating again?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 04, 2016 5:18 AM GMT
    I haven't dated dated in a while. I've talked to a few dudes recently but nothing official. Mentally I am ready to go back into the the market. Physically I know I am not ready. I lost 16 pounds in December and made a lot of important health modifications, partially due to some of you guys. I know its going to be at least six weeks until the average gay dude in Houston starts treating me like a human being and not their worst nightmare, lol.

    I'm truly happier than I have ever been in my adult life. I haven't been this happy since I was eight lol. I actually catch myself self thinking how proud I am of me and how happy I am about where I am in my life. I know I can handle the inevitable rejections. There is a part of me that thinks I should just wait until I am in better shape. Their is no point putting myself out their knowing I will not find anyone for a while. Another part of me sees that as thinking, "i'll put myself out there when I am good enough." I don't want to reinforce that because I am already good enough. Most of the things I bring to the table may not be tangible. They are important to me and they are the most important things I look for in a man. Looks, and money are just icing on the cake, but pound cake is still delicious in its own right icon_cool.gif. I know in the gay community looks are the key to the house. You may get ushered out for bad manners but if you don't have a key you are not getting in. I don't begrudge that, I accept it as a natural part of life. Of course I know in the end this thread is meaningless. I am getting in shape. I will achieve the physique I want. I have many other things to focus on. I am wondering should I add dating to that list as well. Thanks in advance for the advice.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jan 04, 2016 5:25 AM GMT
    If you're the happiest you've ever been, why fuck it up with dating? Enjoy what you got presently, get in shape... then proceed.
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Jan 04, 2016 5:38 AM GMT


    I guess the fact you are hesitant says something.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 04, 2016 12:19 PM GMT
    The fact that you're asking says something too. And that you wrote a 500 word paragraph to convince us of your happiness.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 04, 2016 12:28 PM GMT
    Perhaps use this time to get involved in some activities that will lead to meeting more people - not necessarily gay guys, just anything that will occupy your time and get you out there to meet different types of people while you continue to work on your physique.

    That way, when you feel you are in shape enough for dating you'll have plenty of avenues to explore.

    Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 04, 2016 2:00 PM GMT
    Congratulations on the weight loss. Now get out there and date/meet people while you're achieving your fitness goals. No need to put your social life on hold.
  • Willingshy

    Posts: 13

    Jan 04, 2016 2:01 PM GMT
    We are always dating...that is going about, living our lives, and meeting people. I guess what you're asking is if it makes sense to make that more of a 'mission' or 'objective' in life, but from my experience that doesn't seem to work.

    I find most of my relationships 'happen' when I am living my life and meeting people who have similar interests who I end up connecting with.

    Keep doing what you're doing and you'll be pleasantly surprised by the people you 'attract' into your life. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 04, 2016 4:35 PM GMT
    javelin7 saidThe fact that you're asking says something too. And that you wrote a 500 word paragraph to convince us of your happiness.


    Hold on, let me get my poncho because this bitch is desperately trying to rain on my parade.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Jan 04, 2016 4:42 PM GMT
    Willingshy saidWe are always dating...that is going about, living our lives, and meeting people. I guess what you're asking is if it makes sense to make that more of a 'mission' or 'objective' in life, but from my experience that doesn't seem to work.

    I find most of my relationships 'happen' when I am living my life and meeting people who have similar interests who I end up connecting with.

    Keep doing what you're doing and you'll be pleasantly surprised by the people you 'attract' into your life. icon_smile.gif


    Yup. This is very true. Even more so, if you flash your abs at them now and then, and if they see the rest of your physique.icon_biggrin.gif

    Now, for the guys who still may be lacking all of the aforementioned attributes, some planned effort may turn out to be just a bit more productive.icon_wink.gif

    @the OP

    If you are asking, the chances are that you are not ready... IMHO, that is...

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 04, 2016 5:54 PM GMT
    mybud saidIf you're the happiest you've ever been, why fuck it up with dating? Enjoy what you got presently, get in shape... then proceed.


    I can see your point. I have a real problem thinking about loosing weight and then dating. I get that men put looks at the top of their list but I don't want to reinforce the idea that I'll be worthy of dating once I get in shape even if many others feel that way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 04, 2016 6:29 PM GMT
    MrFuscle said
    javelin7 saidThe fact that you're asking says something too. And that you wrote a 500 word paragraph to convince us of your happiness.


    Hold on, let me get my poncho because this bitch is desperately trying to rain on my parade.


    I'm not trying to rain on your parade at all! Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying that you aren't happy. I'm just saying that you put so much effort into even asking us this, that act alone might reveal that you do really want to start dating.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 04, 2016 7:18 PM GMT
    badbug said

    I guess the fact you are hesitant says something.


    Yeah it says I'm a real human being full of all the insecurities that entails.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 04, 2016 7:21 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidCongratulations on the weight loss. Now get out there and date/meet people while you're achieving your fitness goals. No need to put your social life on hold.


    This is what I'm thinking. I guess I was seeking a little validation. I don't expect to find my future husband anytime soon, however life likes to throw curve balls and laugh at the ensuing confusion. You never know, what's in store.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 04, 2016 7:25 PM GMT
    SilverRRCloud said
    Willingshy saidWe are always dating...that is going about, living our lives, and meeting people. I guess what you're asking is if it makes sense to make that more of a 'mission' or 'objective' in life, but from my experience that doesn't seem to work.

    I find most of my relationships 'happen' when I am living my life and meeting people who have similar interests who I end up connecting with.

    Keep doing what you're doing and you'll be pleasantly surprised by the people you 'attract' into your life. icon_smile.gif


    Yup. This is very true. Even more so, if you flash your abs at them now and then, and if they see the rest of your physique.icon_biggrin.gif

    Now, for the guys who still may be lacking all of the aforementioned attributes, some planned effort may turn out to be just a bit more productive.icon_wink.gif

    @the OP

    If you are asking, the chances are that you are not ready... IMHO, that is...

    SC


    No I'm ready. Ready doesn't always mean you should. Also I've found just putting things out there sometimes leads to unexpectedly pleasant results. Thanks a slight misunderstanding between me an badbug, I've recently cut my consumption of diet soda down by 80%. That wasn't the plan. By putting myself out there I was able to be influenced in a positive way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 04, 2016 8:11 PM GMT
    javelin7 said
    MrFuscle said
    javelin7 saidThe fact that you're asking says something too. And that you wrote a 500 word paragraph to convince us of your happiness.


    Hold on, let me get my poncho because this bitch is desperately trying to rain on my parade.


    I'm not trying to rain on your parade at all! Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying that you aren't happy. I'm just saying that you put so much effort into even asking us this, that act alone might reveal that you do really want to start dating.


    I love Duffy and her old lady voice

  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Jan 04, 2016 10:16 PM GMT
    MrFuscle said
    SilverRRCloud said
    Willingshy saidWe are always dating...that is going about, living our lives, and meeting people. I guess what you're asking is if it makes sense to make that more of a 'mission' or 'objective' in life, but from my experience that doesn't seem to work.

    I find most of my relationships 'happen' when I am living my life and meeting people who have similar interests who I end up connecting with.

    Keep doing what you're doing and you'll be pleasantly surprised by the people you 'attract' into your life. icon_smile.gif


    Yup. This is very true. Even more so, if you flash your abs at them now and then, and if they see the rest of your physique.icon_biggrin.gif

    Now, for the guys who still may be lacking all of the aforementioned attributes, some planned effort may turn out to be just a bit more productive.icon_wink.gif

    @the OP

    If you are asking, the chances are that you are not ready... IMHO, that is...

    SC


    No I'm ready. Ready doesn't always mean you should. Also I've found just putting things out there sometimes leads to unexpectedly pleasant results. Thanks a slight misunderstanding between me an badbug, I've recently cut my consumption of diet soda down by 80%. That wasn't the plan. By putting myself out there I was able to be influenced in a positive way.


    What good is getting ready if you are not sure that you should do it? Beyond the obvious health benefits of cutting on your sodas?

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 04, 2016 11:08 PM GMT
    SilverRRCloud said
    MrFuscle said
    SilverRRCloud said
    Willingshy saidWe are always dating...that is going about, living our lives, and meeting people. I guess what you're asking is if it makes sense to make that more of a 'mission' or 'objective' in life, but from my experience that doesn't seem to work.

    I find most of my relationships 'happen' when I am living my life and meeting people who have similar interests who I end up connecting with.

    Keep doing what you're doing and you'll be pleasantly surprised by the people you 'attract' into your life. icon_smile.gif


    Yup. This is very true. Even more so, if you flash your abs at them now and then, and if they see the rest of your physique.icon_biggrin.gif

    Now, for the guys who still may be lacking all of the aforementioned attributes, some planned effort may turn out to be just a bit more productive.icon_wink.gif

    @the OP

    If you are asking, the chances are that you are not ready... IMHO, that is...

    SC


    No I'm ready. Ready doesn't always mean you should. Also I've found just putting things out there sometimes leads to unexpectedly pleasant results. Thanks a slight misunderstanding between me an badbug, I've recently cut my consumption of diet soda down by 80%. That wasn't the plan. By putting myself out there I was able to be influenced in a positive way.


    What good is getting ready if you are not sure that you should do it? Beyond the obvious health benefits of cutting on your sodas?

    SC


    I'm a writer. Sometimes its easier for me to clarify my feelings on a subject by writing it down. It doesn't matter what is good or bad. What matters is what is best for me. I laid out the positives; my being in a great mental state and my continual drive for a better body. I also laid out the negatives; i will experience more and harsher rejection due to still being overweight. Other people have weighed in and given me food for thought. From my point of view this thread has been successful. I will go back into dating by putting myself out their as a romantic, sexual being. I won't have the same problems I had before because I am coming at this from a very different mindset. I will have challenges but would life be worth living if everything were just handed to you. That would get old very fast. Cheers, and thank you for the advice.
  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Jan 04, 2016 11:12 PM GMT
    If you date now at least the guys you are dating will be less concerned about your body. Then they will be pleasantly surprised when you get into shape.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 04, 2016 11:18 PM GMT
    Fireworkz saidIf you date now at least the guys you are dating will be less concerned about your body. Then they will be pleasantly surprised when you get into shape.



    Honey this is Houston, what you look like on the outside is far more important than anything else. I have never seen so many well dressed homeless people in my life. I mean homeless dudes will walk around with freshly cut hair with processed waves and everything. I learned this because I tend to nod at people in acknowledgement when I pass them and many will stop and ask you for money. One thing I am worried about is attracting someone who doesn't want me to succeed physically. Chances are they will show their colors soon enough and removed they will be. Thank you for the sentiment though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 05, 2016 2:02 AM GMT
    Hey mate,

    Congrats on the weight loss and getting into shape. Once you feel good about yourself, that confidence will project outward, and people will come to ya. Don't get me wrong, in my experience too, that still leads to some of the WRONG people... Continue to weed em out... Like you mentioned before, true colours always show. People can't hide it for very long.

    One suggestion for the Houston area (which is where I am too), my friend turned me on to MeetUp. It's cool, because you find activities in the area that interest you, and meet with people that have similar likes. It's been working out well, and I've met a tonne of great people.

    Keep up the good work mate...

    Cheers,

    Sean
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 05, 2016 3:51 AM GMT
    MrFuscle

    I will go back into dating by putting myself out their as a romantic, sexual being.[/quote]

    Stephenoabc

    Don't go back into dating without looking at the Cabinet Members of GAWD in your natal chart. Look at your North Node (reason for being).

    I'm not looking for a romantic, sexual being.
    FINANCE, POWER, TASTE, SPIRITUAL LEADERSHIP (because some religious experiences can leave something to be desired)

    I remember being engaged.
    I wanted a girlfriend who could keep us going with monthly intellectual parties.
    What do I have decades later? A paid blog about Christianity in Antiquities and RealJock with Forums on a variety of topics.

    In all fairness, I did used to take continuing education classes at NYU that were stimulating. I attended lectures, blah, blah, blah. I have two Virgo relatives that are kind of talkative in a constructive way.

    Romance and sex?
    How about honest friendship that leads to the joy of lifelong togetherness, shared luxury car/SUV, shared $300,000 home?

    Is that ambitious enough?

    How about a domestic, romantic, sexual being who'll go to church with someone about twice a month? It might be good to put God in your get-up. If you don't want to be an advanced notion of God like astrology in the picture, you know Black people like some Gospel and sermons that revive--that is, if you're not excluding Black people.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 05, 2016 4:01 AM GMT
    Turn it up some mo'

  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Jan 05, 2016 6:31 AM GMT
    MrFuscle said
    Fireworkz saidIf you date now at least the guys you are dating will be less concerned about your body. Then they will be pleasantly surprised when you get into shape.



    Honey this is Houston, what you look like on the outside is far more important than anything else. I have never seen so many well dressed homeless people in my life. I mean homeless dudes will walk around with freshly cut hair with processed waves and everything. I learned this because I tend to nod at people in acknowledgement when I pass them and many will stop and ask you for money. One thing I am worried about is attracting someone who doesn't want me to succeed physically. Chances are they will show their colors soon enough and removed they will be. Thank you for the sentiment though.


    I'm in London we are more stylish in Europe generally (often straight men are better dressed than gays) apart from the homeless.
    I've dated guys who were out of shape and kept saying they would get fitter. I learnt never to believe that one. So if you actually do get fitter that will be a pleasant surprise.

    I've been on a few dates over the Christmas period and watched a couple of guys put on weight over the period it didn't bother me that much. Plus I thought Americans like a bit of meat on the bone.

    Why would anyone not want you to succeed? Maybe they just want to be lazy themselves but I doubt they would prevent you from getting fit. Most people want to be fitter.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 06, 2016 8:46 AM GMT
    give up, men are disgusting. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 06, 2016 6:07 PM GMT
    GTPSean saidHey mate,

    Congrats on the weight loss and getting into shape. Once you feel good about yourself, that confidence will project outward, and people will come to ya. Don't get me wrong, in my experience too, that still leads to some of the WRONG people... Continue to weed em out... Like you mentioned before, true colours always show. People can't hide it for very long.

    One suggestion for the Houston area (which is where I am too), my friend turned me on to MeetUp. It's cool, because you find activities in the area that interest you, and meet with people that have similar likes. It's been working out well, and I've met a tonne of great people.

    Keep up the good work mate...

    Cheers,

    Sean


    Thanks Sean, I've been to a few meet up groups before and enjoyed it. I will try t do more. My only problem is my unconventional schedule. Since I work from 3-10pm tues-friday and 12-8pm saturday, most of the meet up groups I can go to are mommy groups lol.

    Thanks for the encouragement