The "Chase" game

  • Aussieguy92

    Posts: 2

    Jan 08, 2016 2:41 PM GMT
    Hi guys, first time posting here so hello to you all!

    Now a question I have been wondering for a while is what to do in those initial phases of chatting / dating, or for lack of a better description - "the chase".

    To premise this, (without sounding conceited) I would like to think I am a pretty attractive guy, can hold a conversation and have a few laughs. Although, the phase I struggle with is after the first date. Generally, guys will proposition me and we will meet and have a great time, but the next day I am riddled with "Do I message him?" "What if he doesn't message me?" "Is he interested?"

    I know these seem like common thoughts, but sometimes I'm not satisfied until I have received a message etc then I can continue to go about my day - pathetic, I know! God help if I was to ever date someone like myself, we would get to a stalemate waiting for the other to message then just fizzling out.

    So my question is, am I reading too much into it, and how can I consolidate it for more than the first date (and not obsess about it so much, dating should be fun!).

    Thanks for you replies in advance, and any seasoned confident guys to the front with your responses icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 08, 2016 5:46 PM GMT
    Aussieguy92 said... phases of chatting / dating, or for lack of a better description - "the chase"...

    your not trying to sleep with a hostage hold them against their will. In reference to "the chase". Quite possibly they are doing YOU a favor by NOT going on a second date. Dating is not a win loose thing than again the gay dating pool is small.

    if you judge your date to be very interested mention it would make your morning to here their voice or if you could text him, set a date time.
  • badbug

    Posts: 866

    Jan 09, 2016 1:16 AM GMT

    I would ask yourself what it is that you want from a quick message, and why you want it?

    Basically, you're searching for validation. We all love validation, i am like you, we would both not message eachother for sure lol What helps me, not rip off my skin, is understanding that i am 99/100 more interested in whether or not someone likes me than whether or not i actually like them. It's all about validation for me, understanding that, helps me relax and realize it doesn't matter so much if someone really digs me or really doesn't.

    The best way not to obsess, is to realize you are obsessing about your feelings, your fear of rejection. That all those issues are yours, inside you...the attention that we get is like a quick fix, but we're always going to need more of it. If you become too fixated on it, like you are saying, dating becomes awful instead of interesting because you artificially make the stakes too high, putting your self-esteem and self-worth at too great of risk.

    LOL...ok maybe this is too serious. But whether this is 50 percent you or 100 percent you, it's the same method at work.

    Also, what's with the picture? You aussies are supposed to all be friendly all the time. Personal experience bears that out too.
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    Jan 09, 2016 1:27 AM GMT
    Every guy has an angle. Sounds like you should get to know them more before good times are had by all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2016 2:40 AM GMT
    You should know by the end of the date whether you have a chance at a second date. If things went well in the course of the date, at the end of the date say something to the effect that you really had a great time and would like to see him again. Ask if it would be OK to call him sometime to hang out again to have dinner or see a movie.

    It's also good to have an activity up your sleeve to invite him to. If he's up to meet you again say something along the lines of Hey, there's going to be a free concert in the park on the 29th. Or I know this really cool band playing at XYZ Club on the 25th. Would you like to go with me?
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 901

    Jan 09, 2016 5:05 AM GMT
    Remember that it takes two to tango.

    So, if the other dude also sees himself as 'a pretty attractive guy who can hold a conversation and have a few laughs'; he is likely to wait for your message, too, because he does not see you as his better in any way. In the meantime, you are very diligently waiting for his call/txt until the whole thing peters out, and the loop starts over and over again.

    Showing some guts is actually pretty sexy. If you enjoyed the date, do not hesitate to text the next day and tell him that. Shoot over an informal invite, too. Say, along the lines of what the UndercoverMan here says...

    If you are genuinely looking for some ongoing validation; for someone who will amply demonstrate that they are after you, consider going a peg or two down the market, and look for guys who are likely to view you as a major catch, and will not hesitate to grant you all the validation that you may be after.icon_biggrin.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2016 5:48 AM GMT
    When two people play games, one will win and the other will lose.
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    Jan 09, 2016 8:35 PM GMT
    By the end of the date, You should know if you have a 2nd date or not. I usually have a rule, I will either call or text within 24 hrs if I really like the guy. I expect him to do the same. Anything after 1-2 day follow up, it could be he's not that into you.

  • mybud

    Posts: 14091

    Jan 10, 2016 3:45 AM GMT
    If it's right, you wont have self doubt and contact him, it will be like breathing...automatic.
  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Jan 11, 2016 5:41 AM GMT
    I believe in efficiency.
    You can spend time worrying about when to follow up or you can just follow up.
  • hungryman1

    Posts: 6

    Jan 18, 2016 10:09 AM GMT
    I think you should follow up and message him. What if he's thinking the same thing as you? What if he's waiting for you to message him? If you message him, he'll know you're interested in him. If he doesn't reply, then maybe move on to someone else.
  • ManHunt

    Posts: 23

    Jan 18, 2016 2:09 PM GMT
    I would message the guy, if it was a good experience.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2016 12:53 AM GMT
    First of all, I agree with the fact that you can't not play the "chase" game, even though it's annoying.
    You can't just say to a guy "hey I like you, let's hang out", which is kinda stupid. Maybe it's because if it's too simple they don't think it's worth it.

    There are two ways to look at things :
    A) you message him cause you're desperate.
    B) you message him cause you're being super casual and you don't care.

    So sometimes there's no need to analyze things too much.