Straight friend flirting with me less since I came out?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2016 5:13 PM GMT
    Before I get started. Yes, this is about the same straight friend I've made threads about in the past. No, I am not trolling. If you don't like it or don't have anything constructive to add to the thread, feel free to stay out of it and not comment.

    I've made a few threads in the past about my straight friend who I also happen to work for. He is probably my only real male friend and I appreciate his friendship so much. However, I feel like I may be in love with him and have been attracted to him for quite some time. He's just so naturally good-looking, that no matter how hard I try, I can't stop being attracted to him sexually and I do love his personality.

    He's told me that when we worked together at our previous job, he didn't think I was gay. I ended up telling him I was "confused" about my sexuality due to my OCD (which makes me question and over-analyze everything ranging from my sexuality to which pair of socks I want to buy) this past spring. However, I didn't really openly discuss guys or anything like that with him, but he got the hint. I always felt like he and his girlfriend (who I'm also friends with) knew anyway.

    A few months ago, me, him, and his girlfriend had an open conversation about it for the first time. Basically, he told me that after I started working for him and we were together every day, he started to notice it more. However, he said he didn't think of me any differently and really made me feel loved and not judged. He and his girlfriend also have brothers who are gay, and they both shared their stories about how their brothers came out, etc. Just last week, we were talking about sex/hooking up with people and stuff, and it was the first time I openly told him about hooking up with a guy (the only guy I ever hooked up with, but I didn't go into too much detail with him).

    I feel like ever since I've been a bit more open with him, he doesn't have the same flirty nature with me as he used to. I guess it's a good thing, since he isn't really leading me on anymore, he used to touch me, massage me, smack my ass, pretend to hump me, etc. Even make sexual comments about fucking me, sucking my dick/me sucking his, etc. I never thought he was in the closet or anything, but I guess I wondered if he may be bi-curious or just has a thing for me. I would do all of these things to him as well.

    Since we've gotten a bit closer over the last few months, this has pretty much stopped on his end though. He'll still hug me and tell me he loves me (in a friendly way), and occasionally will smack my butt or touch my nipple as he walks by or something, but nothing like what he used to do.

    Is it because he was just trying to get me to open up to him, and now that I am open with him, he doesn't feel the need to do those things anymore (he did tell me on his birthday when he was drunk that he wants me to be myself around him, and then he kissed me on the cheek)? Or because now that he knows for sure I am attracted to guys, it scares him that things might go too far?

    It's puzzling to me, but I wish I knew what he were thinking.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2016 5:40 PM GMT
    I think he's being a good friend to you, accepting you for who you are but at the same time not leading you on unnecessarily.
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1034

    Jan 10, 2016 6:53 PM GMT
    He's not as playful with you now because he thinks you might mistake it for genuine sexual interest, and/or he's sensitive to the fact that it teases you unnecessarily.

    He's a friend. You be one too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2016 6:54 PM GMT
    bro4bro saidHe's not as playful with you now because he thinks you might mistake it for genuine sexual interest, and/or he's sensitive to the fact that it teases you unnecessarily.

    He's a friend. You be one too.


    +1
  • metta

    Posts: 39108

    Jan 10, 2016 7:01 PM GMT
    It sounds more like a crush than love to me. It also sounds like he is being a good friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2016 10:13 PM GMT
    Agree he is your friend But you need to maintain
    And keep yourself in check stop looking for more
    When it is clear there is nothing more
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2016 10:49 PM GMT
    I agree with everyone else. He's trying to be cool, and respect your feelings. I am also sad that you had to put a disclaimer on your post. This post was in no way trolling. There's nothing wrong with it at all.
  • interestingch...

    Posts: 694

    Jan 10, 2016 11:05 PM GMT
    I agree with the above comments and think he's straight and backed off a little so as not to lead you on. The other thing is the fact that even if he was gay, you shouldn't mix business with pleasure, thats a rule worth remembering, could save a lot of hassle.
    Good luck though, hope you find someone you really like, I did, happens when you least expect it but unfortunately didn't work out, thats life however I recently met a very cute dutch guy who is absolutely gorgeous, I gave him my number within a few minutes of meeting which I never do, I'm waiting patiently for a reply, will let you guys know what happens.
    And no you aren't trolling, nothing wrong with asking for advice
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14350

    Jan 10, 2016 11:07 PM GMT
    hairyandym said
    bro4bro saidHe's not as playful with you now because he thinks you might mistake it for genuine sexual interest, and/or he's sensitive to the fact that it teases you unnecessarily.

    He's a friend. You be one too.


    +1
    +2icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2016 11:28 PM GMT
    ant811 said
    It's puzzling to me, but I wish I knew what he were thinking.

    You're puzzled because it's likely HE'S puzzled, and his actions reveal that.

    But beyond that I can't advise you. The stuff you guys have been doing at work are beyond anything that I ever did myself, in terms of intimate touching and invading personal space. I suppose a generation gap thing. Even today my gay friends of similar age wouldn't do most of those things with me, nor I with them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2016 12:27 AM GMT
    bro4bro saidHe's not as playful with you now because he thinks you might mistake it for genuine sexual interest, and/or he's sensitive to the fact that it teases you unnecessarily.

    He's a friend. You be one too.


    This ... don't over-analyze it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2016 12:45 AM GMT
    ant811 said... It's puzzling to me, but I wish I knew what he were thinking.
    Does it matter what he is thinking.

    If he is flirting and you want him to stop, ask him to stop.

    All this is slowing you down. I bet things will really get weird when you introduce him to your new gay boy friend.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 11, 2016 12:54 AM GMT
    pellaz said
    ant811 said... I bet things will really get weird when you introduce him to your new gay boy friend.



    Judging by ant's profile pics here; it shouldn't take him long to find a gay bf.



    icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2016 1:28 AM GMT
    I don't see the point of analyzing it anyway.
    Whatever his reason is, which could be anything, does it matter?
    Maybe it does to you, if you're hoping that the reason is that he has some kinda attraction to you. I hope you weren't.
    What matters here, the way I see it, that he's being a good friend.
    This topic, which spawn numerous posts from you, for several months or maybe over a year, is quite something.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Jan 11, 2016 2:05 AM GMT
    I have a straight male friend who from the very beginning was always very affectionate towards me, but I never ever went over the line of our friendship! he is now happily married with two sons, as such we don't get to see each other as often as before. But whenever we do see each other, we both greet with a kiss and a hug! my point is that a loving straight-gay male friendship is possible, and I dare say probably even a better friendship then that with a gay friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2016 2:12 AM GMT
    hairyandym said
    bro4bro saidHe's not as playful with you now because he thinks you might mistake it for genuine sexual interest, and/or he's sensitive to the fact that it teases you unnecessarily.

    He's a friend. You be one too.


    +1


    +2
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2016 4:53 AM GMT
    Your whole story is kind of creepy. Good luck with that.
  • RaulMoonPride

    Posts: 107

    Jan 11, 2016 4:58 AM GMT
    You are already crushed with him, so thats the first problem, you are going to infatuate and believe he is being lovely with you. I believe he was being bromantic with you, so you just try to be a nice friend, no matter what happens, he will be a straight guy and you a gay guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2016 2:24 PM GMT
    Aww mate,

    Like everyone has mentioned before, he's an awesome friend. Well, I think he may be pulling back because he doesn't want you to get the wrong idea. I think he values your friendship dearly, and doesn't want anything to ruin it. At the same time, don't let your physical desires push you to make a move on him because it will end poorly.

    Cheers,

    Sean
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 04, 2016 3:03 PM GMT
    One of my other 2 co-workers aside from my friend/boss has been out for 6 weeks due to surgery and Monday was his first day back at work.

    Ever since he came back on Monday, my friend/boss has been flirting with me/touching me again. I didn't even initiate it this time. I don't know if it has anything to do with my co-worker coming back or if it's just a coincidence, but it seems odd. Today he basically mounted me and started humping me like a rabbit while I was sitting at my desk. icon_eek.gif

    I'm just really confused...