How many dates are you willing to go without having sex?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2016 3:55 AM GMT
    If a guy is withholding sex because He Doesn't Want to Hook Up™, I Want to Get to Know You Better™ and He's Not Ready™ how many dates are you willing to have before getting annoyed about the lack of sex?

    Is having sex early on irrelevant to you?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2016 3:59 AM GMT
    If I truly felt he was into but saw sex as something sacred between lovers I'd be willing to wait a few month, provided he was physically affectionate in other ways.
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    Jan 11, 2016 4:17 AM GMT
    For me, the vast majority of my (not all that numerous) dates are long distance. Given the logistical challenges of getting together in person at all, I'm not really interested in waiting longer than a third or fourth date for us to be having sex. Truthfully, first or second date is preferable if we're going to be going the dating route rather than the "friend zoning" route.

    Not looking for anything anonymous or anything that isn't potential relationship material so I don't consider it "hooking up" even if it's sex on the first date.

    Both of my multi-year relationships (2 years and 9 years) started with sex on the first date.
  • AttisXVI

    Posts: 293

    Jan 11, 2016 4:32 AM GMT
    As many as it takes for us to have sex. Problem is, if we arent compatoble in bed, thats a pretty big roadblock, so we shouldn't wait forever.
  • RaulMoonPride

    Posts: 107

    Jan 11, 2016 4:52 AM GMT
    If I see that guy as a potential date I would never fuck him first day, but otherwise it can complicate things, whwn you have sex thinking to date that guy it becomes akward, is like you skipped a lot of courting and talking and bang, you got someone, I need my time with people.
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Jan 11, 2016 12:48 PM GMT
    duluthrunner saidFor me, the vast majority of my (not all that numerous) dates are long distance. Given the logistical challenges of getting together in person at all, I'm not really interested in waiting longer than a third or fourth date for us to be having sex. Truthfully, first or second date is preferable if we're going to be going the dating route rather than the "friend zoning" route.


    I whole heart-ed-ly agree, and deal with the mostly long distance bit myself as well. Most of the time I allow for the first 2 dates to be "get to know you better" dates. if nothing happens after the 3rd, then we're clearly only friends, no benefits.

    AttisXVI saidAs many as it takes for us to have sex. Problem is, if we arent compatoble in bed, thats a pretty big roadblock, so we shouldn't wait forever.


    sexual compatibility is important too, but that also needs multiple times to be worked out, especially if the first few times are awkward for miscommunication.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2016 2:03 PM GMT
    It should happen when you are both ready. If you are annoyed that someone wants to wait a given length of time, you probably are looking for different things. I guess I would be annoyed if it went longer than a few months and nothing. (Long distance relationships aside)
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    Jan 11, 2016 4:15 PM GMT
    For me personally, I like to let it happen naturally. The longest I've waited was almost 4 months, since the guy was (yes) a virgin! But, I believe that while important, sex too early definitely puts a "haze" on the relationship, and may make things a little unclear.

    Cheers,

    Sean
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2016 4:21 PM GMT
    If we're "hooking up", it should be that night, minimally after the first drink... but that's just a "Hook Up"... all about the sex, and not getting to know someone.

    "Dating" is an exercise in finding a match for yourself. Humor, Interests, Feelings, Politics... all sorts of things to find out how compatible you are before finding out how sexually compatible you are.

    So, "How many dates" before sex... "As many as necessary".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2016 5:32 PM GMT
    I think it depends on you and the guy. I used to be a fan of waiting and getting to know each other over several dates thinking this was the only way to go. And that CAN definitely work. But I've also found that having an initial coffee/drink and then on the 2nd date we get naked works nicely too. There is something about being naked where I have found that guys loosen up (literallyicon_smile.gif) and you can get beyond some of the formality fluff.
  • MarvelBoy23

    Posts: 279

    Jan 11, 2016 6:36 PM GMT
    It's what you guys feel comfortable with. I've been seeing this guy, and we didn't get intimate until the 4th date. I don't mind the wait, it makes the intentions more clear, and after the massive turmoil from my past relationship, I really don't mind having that clarity!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2016 7:44 PM GMT
    All very good replies.

    The reason I asked is because I've been dating a guy and on the 6th date I went to his place for the first time. I was ready and eager to have sex and I thought he was too, but when we went to bed and started making out and I reached for his dick, he stopped me.

    "So I'm not allowed to touch your dick?", I joked. And he replied "not yet."

    We just cuddled that night.
  • mar0302

    Posts: 273

    Jan 11, 2016 8:30 PM GMT
    Six dates are more than I would wait.. I'd wait 2 or 3.. I had a second date with someone recently and he was annoyed that I didn't want to have sex with him.. I think it depends on the circumstances.. sometimes first date is ok, sometimes third.. but if someone isn't on the same wavelength then it's time to move on..
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 11, 2016 8:33 PM GMT
    I don't mind at all if the guy doesn't want to do it immediately. Actually, I find it refreshing, but each situation is different. I would say, if he isn't affectionate by the 3rd or 4th date, we have a problem.. we should be well on our way to his putting out, especially with my seduction efforts.

  • FRE0

    Posts: 4864

    Jan 11, 2016 8:39 PM GMT
    stratavos said
    duluthrunner saidFor me, the vast majority of my (not all that numerous) dates are long distance. Given the logistical challenges of getting together in person at all, I'm not really interested in waiting longer than a third or fourth date for us to be having sex. Truthfully, first or second date is preferable if we're going to be going the dating route rather than the "friend zoning" route.


    I whole heart-ed-ly agree, and deal with the mostly long distance bit myself as well. Most of the time I allow for the first 2 dates to be "get to know you better" dates. if nothing happens after the 3rd, then we're clearly only friends, no benefits.

    AttisXVI saidAs many as it takes for us to have sex. Problem is, if we arent compatoble in bed, thats a pretty big roadblock, so we shouldn't wait forever.


    sexual compatibility is important too, but that also needs multiple times to be worked out, especially if the first few times are awkward for miscommunication.


    Exactly!

    Compatibility requires time. The first experience often cannot predict whether there will be compatibility.
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Jan 11, 2016 9:58 PM GMT
    I won't know until it happens . . .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2016 10:45 PM GMT
    Sex first, date later. I prefer to sample the entrée before I buy it.
  • rdberg1957

    Posts: 662

    Jan 11, 2016 11:45 PM GMT
    MrFuscle saidIf I truly felt he was into but saw sex as something sacred between lovers I'd be willing to wait a few month, provided he was physically affectionate in other ways.


    What he said.
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Jan 12, 2016 12:40 AM GMT

    I am really good at reading people when i am in their presence, a childhood defense mechanism thing, so i could wait a fair amount assuming i was getting enough positive verbal and non-verbal cues.

    How long, would depend on my attraction to the person and their reason(s) for the delay. I think in your case, on date 6, i would want to know what the hold up was in a decent amount of detail.

    Also i think age would play a factor. A guy in his early 20s i might think it was neat. A guy in his 40s making me wait, i would find that odd and suspicious...like are you waiting for something to clear up?? and wonder about our compatability if they're taking sex that seriously.

  • Apparition

    Posts: 3525

    Jan 12, 2016 1:05 AM GMT
    after the date 3, i would want references.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 12, 2016 1:47 AM GMT
    Four.
  • HarborFighter

    Posts: 32

    Jan 12, 2016 7:57 AM GMT
    None. Not willing to wait. First date is for SEX.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 12, 2016 8:18 AM GMT
    It depends, I've waited for 5 or 6 dates when it seemed like the person was a long timer. But usually it's first or second.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 12, 2016 8:42 AM GMT
    Honestly after one date, i like to see if there's sparks between us. I pretty much know after one date if I'm into him sexually. Now getting to know him in the long run is another story. But i want the physical spark to be there too.
  • ManHunt

    Posts: 23

    Jan 16, 2016 5:56 PM GMT
    I am usually the one making people wait. For me, there is not a number in terms of days I would wait to get laid. It depends on the chemistry between the two of us.