Stay A Virgin?

  • Gayvirgin101

    Posts: 2

    Jan 14, 2016 9:23 PM GMT
    Hello boys.

    I am 23 year old gay man who is still a virgin. I came out at 18, but for my entire life I have chosen to wait until "marriage" or something along those lines to have sex, which in my case means penetration(top/bottom). Let's just say my Mormon roots influenced me to make that decision.

    Over the years I have encountered people who think it is admirable to have waited so long and others who think it is strange. Not only gay men, but friends and acquaintances I have met over the years. I always thought it was an interesting quality that makes me stand out from the rest, but lately I feel it has been holding me back.

    I am an actor, Broadway oriented, and I feel the lack of having sex takes away from me being able to truly embody a character or understanding a romantic relationship between two characters. I am a "leading man" type(so I am told) and I feel like something is missing or not clicking.

    More than that, I feel that people all around me sub-consciously judge me as a person and don't take me very seriously. It's very disheartening because I feel I am fairly mature for my age. I get along much better with older men. They are much more understanding, honest, and kind than men in my generation.

    The reason why I am posting this is to get some feedback/advice. I have recently met someone who is older, partnered(open-relationship), who's company I really enjoy. I am considering having sex with him because I am think I'm just ready to take the next step, but it goes against everything I have stood for my whole life.

    I don't know what to do. Yes, no, maybe so? I haven't talked to hime about it yet but I wanted to be absolutely sure if I brought up the subject. I would love to hear any opinions on the situation. Comment below, message me, etc...I am open to all ideas.

    Cheers!
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jan 14, 2016 9:54 PM GMT
    Sex is natural and does, in fact, act as a gateway to adult emotions. Abstinence is an invention by men to ensure any children in the household are genetically his children. The church preaches about it because it enshrines male dominance and a hierarchical structure that feeds their coffers and power. There is absolutely no reason for a gay man to "wait." Except fear. And other gay men can smell it a mile away. If you're serious about theatre, you'd better learn about adult emotions or stay so young looking that you can play the part of a child. Lastly, sex involves some knowledge and skills that are learned. You'll look pretty foolish fumbling through your first encounter older than abut 25. My first was with an older guy and he was kind and patient and lots of fun. But I had also read and learned a bit before and even experimented with a dildo to learn how to relax. I only later found out he was a Republican.... But we remain friends anyway.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jan 14, 2016 9:56 PM GMT
    Nice art, btw... I like it a lot.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 14, 2016 11:49 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidSex is natural and does, in fact, act as a gateway to adult emotions. Abstinence is an invention by men to ensure any children in the household are genetically his children. The church preaches about it because it enshrines male dominance and a hierarchical structure that feeds their coffers and power. There is absolutely no reason for a gay man to "wait." Except fear. And other gay men can smell it a mile away. If you're serious about theatre, you'd better learn about adult emotions or stay so young looking that you can play the part of a child. Lastly, sex involves some knowledge and skills that are learned. You'll look pretty foolish fumbling through your first encounter older than abut 25. My first was with an older guy and he was kind and patient and lots of fun. But I had also read and learned a bit before and even experimented with a dildo to learn how to relax. I only later found out he was a Republican.... But we remain friends anyway.


    I believe you meant "virginity" was an invention by men for the purpose you stated. It guaranteed purity of lineage and affected laws governing property and wealth, and the transference thereof, from 7,000 years ago in Mesopotamia all the way to the mid-20th century in the western world.

    It was also a concept applied only to women. They weren't regarded as people with autonomous rights in societies throughout history, and instead were basically property, and family commodities utilized in trade, negotiations, and group partnerships. Virginity simply increased their value.

    And "value" is where I think he should take a step back and reconsider before jumping in and fucking. Two simple questions can lead into deep introspection.

    "Why do I value virginity?"
    "Why is virginity important to me?"

    The answers won't come right away, but if he places value on virginity, then he has to think about how having sex will affect him. I didn't have sex until I was 21 or 22, but my reasons were different, and so were my questions. But I do think it'll be good for him to answer those personal questions so he can go into the situation self-assured.

    Personally, I think virginity is an outdated concept society and religions use to control sexuality, and with the false ideal of purity is impurity and shame. Along the lines of enshrining male dominance, it places an unconscionable amount of power... in a dick. Whether or not you've had a dick inside of you does not change your value, it does not change your character, it does not change your identity.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Jan 15, 2016 3:07 AM GMT
    FN_R5000I said
    Destinharbor said
    "Why do I value virginity?"
    "Why is virginity important to me?"

    The answers won't come right away, but if he places value on virginity, then he has to think about how having sex will affect him. I didn't have sex until I was 21 or 22, but my reasons were different, and so were my questions. But I do think it'll be good for him to answer those personal questions so he can go into the situation self-assured.

    Personally, I think virginity is an outdated concept society and religions use to control sexuality, and with the false ideal of purity is impurity and shame. Along the lines of enshrining male dominance, it places an unconscionable amount of power... in a dick. Whether or not you've had a dick inside of you does not change your value, it does not change your character, it does not change your identity.


    There is really no harm in asking those questions. Sadly, none of us will get much wiser, once these are answered. Everyone is entitled to his/her own idiosyncrasies that are usually nothing less than arbitrary attitudes, and as such irrelevant to the rest of the world.

    The real problem with all the societally imposed concepts of this nature is to understand the simple fact that this is "Not All About Me."

    Opinion setters raging from the old religious leaders to the marketing gurus these days are all basing their strategy on a very simple concept: adhering to THEIR way will make you better, safer, more relevant, special... You have a prescribed, safe way to your happiness, and you found a shortcut to happiness, fulfillment and salvation, and as a bonus, a top of everything, you now MATTER.

    Your life, so, you are calling the shots. Whatever you choose to do with your VCard is for you, and ONLY you to decide.

    Remember however, that to the rest of the world, it really does not matter.

    SC





  • ManHunt

    Posts: 23

    Jan 30, 2016 5:18 PM GMT
    Hi there,

    I am actually in a similar position. I am 22 year old, still a virgin. For me, I believe when sex happens between two people; it comes naturally. You shouldn't have to force it or actively seeking for it.

    Over the years, however, especially now that I am about to graduate college, my friends have been pushing me to at least lose my virginity before I graduate. I am trying, but I haven't met the right person just yet.

    Regarding to the judging part, no, I don't think people would judge you based on this. Most of the people I talked to, feel surprised or impressed more than anything else.

    Lastly, if you think you are ready, let it happen. There is only one rule, don't make yourself regret about the decision. At the end of the day, it is all about pleasuring yourself and the person you are with.

    Play safe!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2016 9:47 AM GMT
    Gayvirgin101 said

    I am considering having sex with him because I am think I'm just ready to take the next step, but it goes against everything I have stood for my whole life.

    If you really like this guy, and you sense that he would be a caring sex partner, go ahead. (I assume he wants to have sex with you). I would advise against having sex for the first time with anyone that you are not attracted to (or have strong feelings for).

    How to have a good time for your first at your age? Take a vacation or along weekend at a gay resort area, where you will meet other guys who are in relaxed vacation mode. Connect with a nice guy and have a nice time. Lose the V-card, learn about sex, and you will have a nicer time when you meet other guys in the future.
  • SOONY

    Posts: 74

    Feb 03, 2016 11:59 AM GMT
    That is your organ's ((dick.butt). Take your desition...
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    Feb 03, 2016 4:03 PM GMT
    virginity is over rated.