Is it normal to be 26 and no have had a relationship?

  • italiano027

    Posts: 79

    Jan 16, 2016 11:17 PM GMT
    Why does it seem like dating in the gay world is so difficult and the majority of gay guys are so superficial and flakey?

    Im 26 and never really had a relationship and very few dates. I feel like I'm missing something

    I mean I know I'm not the #10 GQ model with washboard abs everyone seems to want but jeez.

    Maybe the fact that I live in CT which sucks for dating life doesn't help
  • you_know_Its_...

    Posts: 261

    Jan 17, 2016 12:21 AM GMT
    Since you're complaining about flakey and superficial guys, I'm assuming you're looking for a LTR... your chances for that are as good in Connecticut as anywhere else.

    Big gay meccas like NYC, SF, LA or Toronto are great if you want to hook up with hundreds of guys, but the sheer number to choose from also means everyone else is even more superficial, and less likely to settle down with anyone.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3534

    Jan 17, 2016 3:43 AM GMT
    italiano027 saidWhy does it seem like dating in the gay world is so difficult and the majority of gay guys are so superficial and flakey?

    Im 26 and never really had a relationship and very few dates. I feel like I'm missing something

    I mean I know I'm not the #10 GQ model with washboard abs everyone seems to want but jeez.

    Maybe the fact that I live in CT which sucks for dating life doesn't help


    You are cute enough not to have trouble assuming your body is even mediocre, unless your personality sucks. That I can't see. Go ask 100 guys out, and come back and report.

    Find some nerds. They are less flakey, but harder to find.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 17, 2016 5:17 AM GMT
    25 is considered old and over the hill in the gay world. Your only choice now is to get a bunch of cat companions, and wear lots of tweed clothing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 17, 2016 6:07 AM GMT
    I feel it's normal. Everyone is different
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 17, 2016 6:19 AM GMT
    xrichx said25 is considered old and over the hill in the gay world. Your only choice now is to get a bunch of cat companions, and wear lots of tweed clothing.

    No more plaid?   icon_cry.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 17, 2016 7:39 AM GMT
    It's probably pretty common among gay men to be 26 and not have had a relationship. But complaining about flaky guys isn't going to do squat for you.

    Here's how to have a relationship: YOU take the lead ... meet guys online or in gay venues not for sex but to make friends or to ask them on a date ... when someone sparks your interest YOU take the initiative and ask them out, even if it's just for coffee ... if they say yes then you do the date and see if there is interest to do it again ... if they say no then you realize there are always more fish in the sea and you move on ... YOU keep doing it until you have a relationship. The most challenging part is keeping at it until you click with someone. But that's just a matter of going through enough guys until you finally meet someone who fits enough of what you're looking for.

    If you do the above consistently for one year you will have a relationship, assuming that's what you really want.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 17, 2016 8:09 AM GMT
    Well relationship are a luck of draw. There really isn't anything you can do about it except put yourself out there and see where it goes.

    I am 28 and had only two relationships in my life so far and both came at a time when I was not expecting it. My first, I met him here in India through a common friend for a hook up and it got us talking. The relationship only last 3 months. My second, lasted close to 2 and a half years and it happened in Canada and that did not exactly end but rather had me moving back to Canada because my visa expiration date was close. We still talk once every 3-4 days now though we are only friends now. I met him on manhunt.net at a time when I was relocating from a small university town to Toronto but dating him caught me and I stayed back.
  • NeuralShock

    Posts: 411

    Jan 17, 2016 2:45 PM GMT
    Apparition said
    italiano027 saidWhy does it seem like dating in the gay world is so difficult and the majority of gay guys are so superficial and flakey?

    Im 26 and never really had a relationship and very few dates. I feel like I'm missing something

    I mean I know I'm not the #10 GQ model with washboard abs everyone seems to want but jeez.

    Maybe the fact that I live in CT which sucks for dating life doesn't help


    You are cute enough not to have trouble assuming your body is even mediocre, unless your personality sucks. That I can't see. Go ask 100 guys out, and come back and report.

    Find some nerds. They are less flakey, but harder to find.


    I've had the opposite experience where nerds are everywhere lol.

    May come with what I do though...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 17, 2016 4:05 PM GMT
    xrichx said
    25 is considered old and over the hill in the gay world. Your only choice now is to get a bunch of cat companions, and wear lots of tweed clothing.

    380794_548690678506964_1403434086_n_zpsw

    It's true that 26 is a little old to not be dating regularly. But then we're all different. I never went on ANY dates until I was 26. Not even in high school, didn't go to my senior prom, nothing. Women held no interest for me whatsoever, yet I wouldn't consider the male alternative as an option.

    In fact, quite frankly, I was so naive I couldn't even conceive that there WAS an alternative to females. And then I began my military career, and I was such a driven workaholic that there wasn't time for any kind of social life. It wasn't until I took a break for college, to earn my missing degree and protect my career, that my Mother really started putting the pressure on me to get married.

    So OK, I finally had the time and opportunity in college, I made a plan and achieved it, as methodical as I always am. Naturally the results were disastrous. To say I wasn't straight husband material is a major understatement. But I did produce 2 sons, which satisfied my parents.

    I didn't retire and come out gay until I was 20 years older than the OP. And then I began to have more dates, sex, dancing, clubbing, all kinds of fun, than I'd ever had in my entire previous life. Is 26 "over the hill"? Try 46, plus being short and not attractive in appearance. But I hardly spent a weekend without a guy in my bed, or me in his. It was one continuous party.

    Takeaways from this reminiscence: age is not the key issue here. Although I'd judge 26 to be a very great plus. It's more about determination, and taking control of the situation. Evaluating your assets, whatever they are, and using them to best advantage, while working to minimize your weaknesses. Use all the social tools at your disposal, from the Internet to local LGBT activity groups, community charity organizations, gay-friendly churches, political involvement, gay sports clubs, etc, etc.
  • shawn06

    Posts: 337

    Jan 17, 2016 6:46 PM GMT
    Where you live makes a difference but you should be getting dates. Are you on dating apps and sites? Most will be looking for sex, however I meet people fairly regularly in public places like a bar and have made plenty of friends that way. Some of those people turned into long term relationships, you just have to understand that flakey people exist and learn to cut those people off quickly.

    Also communication is big. Some people seem to prefer to be chased and put no effort into anything, make sure that you're also initiating conversation and making plans to hang out with them as well. Otherwise you could be sending mixed signals and people will probably stop trying.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jan 17, 2016 7:30 PM GMT
    swimmersf saidIt's probably pretty common among gay men to be 26 and not have had a relationship. But complaining about flaky guys isn't going to do squat for you.

    Here's how to have a relationship: YOU take the lead ... meet guys online or in gay venues not for sex but to make friends or to ask them on a date ... when someone sparks your interest YOU take the initiative and ask them out, even if it's just for coffee ... if they say yes then you do the date and see if there is interest to do it again ... if they say no then you realize there are always more fish in the sea and you move on ... YOU keep doing it until you have a relationship. The most challenging part is keeping at it until you click with someone. But that's just a matter of going through enough guys until you finally meet someone who fits enough of what you're looking for.

    If you do the above consistently for one year you will have a relationship, assuming that's what you really want.


    This is the ticket. If you've never had a relationship by age 26 it is because you're expecting someone else to do the work. It is utter horse shit that there aren't guys around or that the ones who are just don't measure up. You're just scared. Man up and go find yourself a guy.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jan 17, 2016 7:33 PM GMT
    Be yourself and it will come..Some gays mold themselves into the person they think others want. They follow which is a bone kill.
  • ManHunt

    Posts: 23

    Jan 17, 2016 8:44 PM GMT
    Well, to make you feel better. I am on the same boat. I am 22 and never had a relationship nor any dates. I had dating apps, but people on there are looking for sex only or I am not into them/they are not into me. To make the matter worse, I live in the Chicago area, which is one of the gayest cities out there. I am very curious in how other guys on RJ pulls it off too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 17, 2016 10:04 PM GMT
    Living in bigger cities like NYC, LA or Chicago, I don't think it improves your odds either. You can meet more people but chances are, guys have this mentality of *I'm going to wait for the perfect man. Well that's at least based on my experiences. On top of it, I could be wrong here but I think most gay men are not really built for a long term monogamy relationship. I'm sure some do, like in a small numbers. How many countless posts do you see on there on Open relationships, break ups/?? I think maybe because gay men don't have the normal expectations of society to get married and have kids, so you see many of them still in the clubs at age 40+ above. I just realized this is a very depressing answer/post, I'm hoping to meet my man in the future and turn it back to positive or better yet just get Bachian to say just go to the gym and get more buff. GL icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_razz.gificon_redface.gificon_eek.gif
  • italiano027

    Posts: 79

    Jan 18, 2016 7:46 PM GMT
    swimmersf saidIt's probably pretty common among gay men to be 26 and not have had a relationship. But complaining about flaky guys isn't going to do squat for you.

    Here's how to have a relationship: YOU take the lead ... meet guys online or in gay venues not for sex but to make friends or to ask them on a date ... when someone sparks your interest YOU take the initiative and ask them out, even if it's just for coffee ... if they say yes then you do the date and see if there is interest to do it again ... if they say no then you realize there are always more fish in the sea and you move on ... YOU keep doing it until you have a relationship. The most challenging part is keeping at it until you click with someone. But that's just a matter of going through enough guys until you finally meet someone who fits enough of what you're looking for.

    If you do the above consistently for one year you will have a relationship, assuming that's what you really want.



    Lol, thanx for the advice but those are all of the things I have been doing for years on end
  • italiano027

    Posts: 79

    Jan 18, 2016 8:08 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    swimmersf saidIt's probably pretty common among gay men to be 26 and not have had a relationship. But complaining about flaky guys isn't going to do squat for you.

    Here's how to have a relationship: YOU take the lead ... meet guys online or in gay venues not for sex but to make friends or to ask them on a date ... when someone sparks your interest YOU take the initiative and ask them out, even if it's just for coffee ... if they say yes then you do the date and see if there is interest to do it again ... if they say no then you realize there are always more fish in the sea and you move on ... YOU keep doing it until you have a relationship. The most challenging part is keeping at it until you click with someone. But that's just a matter of going through enough guys until you finally meet someone who fits enough of what you're looking for.

    If you do the above consistently for one year you will have a relationship, assuming that's what you really want.


    This is the ticket. If you've never had a relationship by age 26 it is because you're expecting someone else to do the work. It is utter horse shit that there aren't guys around or that the ones who are just don't measure up. You're just scared. Man up and go find yourself a guy.


    Please don't give me that condescending crap like I dont know what the heck I'm doing.

    I've done the above extensively only to get continuously turned down and ignored
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 18, 2016 9:50 PM GMT
    italiano027 said
    swimmersf saidIt's probably pretty common among gay men to be 26 and not have had a relationship. But complaining about flaky guys isn't going to do squat for you.

    Here's how to have a relationship: YOU take the lead ... meet guys online or in gay venues not for sex but to make friends or to ask them on a date ... when someone sparks your interest YOU take the initiative and ask them out, even if it's just for coffee ... if they say yes then you do the date and see if there is interest to do it again ... if they say no then you realize there are always more fish in the sea and you move on ... YOU keep doing it until you have a relationship. The most challenging part is keeping at it until you click with someone. But that's just a matter of going through enough guys until you finally meet someone who fits enough of what you're looking for.

    If you do the above consistently for one year you will have a relationship, assuming that's what you really want.



    Lol, thanx for the advice but those are all of the things I have been doing for years on end


    If so, then the problem is not flaky men but that you're doing it wrong, choosing the wrong men, or doing something that turns others off. If you project confidence and seriousness (e.g., no backwards baseball caps), you are able to tell when someone is interested in you (e.g., lots of eye contact), you directly and clearly ask them to do something with you and you offer and are ready to pay for it when the time comes for that (at least the first time ... if he's a decent guy he'll say no or "I'll get it next time"), and you then follow-up to arrange further time together with a guy you're interested it is almost impossible not to slide into a relationship. Realize also that this is a time-consuming process: finding a relationship takes as much time as being in one.
  • italiano027

    Posts: 79

    Jan 18, 2016 10:01 PM GMT
    swimmersf said
    italiano027 said
    swimmersf saidIt's probably pretty common among gay men to be 26 and not have had a relationship. But complaining about flaky guys isn't going to do squat for you.

    Here's how to have a relationship: YOU take the lead ... meet guys online or in gay venues not for sex but to make friends or to ask them on a date ... when someone sparks your interest YOU take the initiative and ask them out, even if it's just for coffee ... if they say yes then you do the date and see if there is interest to do it again ... if they say no then you realize there are always more fish in the sea and you move on ... YOU keep doing it until you have a relationship. The most challenging part is keeping at it until you click with someone. But that's just a matter of going through enough guys until you finally meet someone who fits enough of what you're looking for.

    If you do the above consistently for one year you will have a relationship, assuming that's what you really want.



    Lol, thanx for the advice but those are all of the things I have been doing for years on end


    If so, then the problem is not flaky men but that you're doing it wrong, choosing the wrong men, or doing something that turns others off. If you project confidence and seriousness (e.g., no backwards baseball caps), you are able to tell when someone is interested in you (e.g., lots of eye contact), you directly and clearly ask them to do something with you and you offer and are ready to pay for it when the time comes for that (at least the first time ... if he's a decent guy he'll say no or "I'll get it next time"), and you then follow-up to arrange further time together with a guy you're interested it is almost impossible not to slide into a relationship. Realize also that this is a time-consuming process: finding a relationship takes as much time as being in one.


    Well and also I think the other issue is I domt know how to meat people other than online (ie. Grindr, tindr etc) and all the people on there are either no interested, don't respond, or are creeps and/or only want sex.

    I don't know how to or where to meet people in person because I don't know where to go around here.. I mean where do u go? The bar where more than likely someone only wants to hookup, if u meet someone at all? It's kind of rural around here and there's not a gay community really. The gays that there are are so closeted u wouldn't know if u saw them
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jan 18, 2016 11:06 PM GMT
    italiano027 said
    Destinharbor said
    swimmersf saidIt's probably pretty common among gay men to be 26 and not have had a relationship. But complaining about flaky guys isn't going to do squat for you.

    Here's how to have a relationship: YOU take the lead ... meet guys online or in gay venues not for sex but to make friends or to ask them on a date ... when someone sparks your interest YOU take the initiative and ask them out, even if it's just for coffee ... if they say yes then you do the date and see if there is interest to do it again ... if they say no then you realize there are always more fish in the sea and you move on ... YOU keep doing it until you have a relationship. The most challenging part is keeping at it until you click with someone. But that's just a matter of going through enough guys until you finally meet someone who fits enough of what you're looking for.

    If you do the above consistently for one year you will have a relationship, assuming that's what you really want.


    This is the ticket. If you've never had a relationship by age 26 it is because you're expecting someone else to do the work. It is utter horse shit that there aren't guys around or that the ones who are just don't measure up. You're just scared. Man up and go find yourself a guy.


    Please don't give me that condescending crap like I dont know what the heck I'm doing.

    I've done the above extensively only to get continuously turned down and ignored

    I've lived in small towns in Alabama and even there found some super guys. Your defensive retort is probably the same issue that is scaring off the guys you meet. You sound afraid of sex.
  • italiano027

    Posts: 79

    Jan 18, 2016 11:44 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    italiano027 said
    Destinharbor said
    swimmersf saidIt's probably pretty common among gay men to be 26 and not have had a relationship. But complaining about flaky guys isn't going to do squat for you.

    Here's how to have a relationship: YOU take the lead ... meet guys online or in gay venues not for sex but to make friends or to ask them on a date ... when someone sparks your interest YOU take the initiative and ask them out, even if it's just for coffee ... if they say yes then you do the date and see if there is interest to do it again ... if they say no then you realize there are always more fish in the sea and you move on ... YOU keep doing it until you have a relationship. The most challenging part is keeping at it until you click with someone. But that's just a matter of going through enough guys until you finally meet someone who fits enough of what you're looking for.

    If you do the above consistently for one year you will have a relationship, assuming that's what you really want.


    This is the ticket. If you've never had a relationship by age 26 it is because you're expecting someone else to do the work. It is utter horse shit that there aren't guys around or that the ones who are just don't measure up. You're just scared. Man up and go find yourself a guy.


    Please don't give me that condescending crap like I dont know what the heck I'm doing.

    I've done the above extensively only to get continuously turned down and ignored

    I've lived in small towns in Alabama and even there found some super guys. Your defensive retort is probably the same issue that is scaring off the guys you meet. You sound afraid of sex.


    Not at all
  • italiano027

    Posts: 79

    Jan 18, 2016 11:45 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    italiano027 said
    Destinharbor said
    swimmersf saidIt's probably pretty common among gay men to be 26 and not have had a relationship. But complaining about flaky guys isn't going to do squat for you.

    Here's how to have a relationship: YOU take the lead ... meet guys online or in gay venues not for sex but to make friends or to ask them on a date ... when someone sparks your interest YOU take the initiative and ask them out, even if it's just for coffee ... if they say yes then you do the date and see if there is interest to do it again ... if they say no then you realize there are always more fish in the sea and you move on ... YOU keep doing it until you have a relationship. The most challenging part is keeping at it until you click with someone. But that's just a matter of going through enough guys until you finally meet someone who fits enough of what you're looking for.

    If you do the above consistently for one year you will have a relationship, assuming that's what you really want.


    This is the ticket. If you've never had a relationship by age 26 it is because you're expecting someone else to do the work. It is utter horse shit that there aren't guys around or that the ones who are just don't measure up. You're just scared. Man up and go find yourself a guy.


    Please don't give me that condescending crap like I dont know what the heck I'm doing.

    I've done the above extensively only to get continuously turned down and ignored

    I've lived in small towns in Alabama and even there found some super guys. Your defensive retort is probably the same issue that is scaring off the guys you meet. You sound afraid of sex.


    Not at all
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2016 12:20 AM GMT
    xrichx said25 is considered old and over the hill in the gay world. Your only choice now is to get a bunch of cat companions, and wear lots of tweed clothing.


    maybe over in your gay circle, but 26 is not old or over....He is very young and have plenty of time to find himself and a boyfriend or two before settling down for the long term.

    I agree that he should make some trips to NYC or BOS, both are full of young gay men and I am sure he can find the type he would like and who would like him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 20, 2016 3:20 AM GMT
    DTOBIN2013 said
    I agree that he should make some trips to NYC or BOS, both are full of young gay men and I am sure he can find the type he would like and who would like him.


    This will solve the OP's problems.

    When I was in school in Boston I briefly dated a guy in Hartford.
    It soon became apparent that Connecticut was a zone of sexual desolation. Everyone who couldn't get away for weekends in NY or Boston sat around drinking and bemoaning their fate.
  • italiano027

    Posts: 79

    Jan 22, 2016 10:22 PM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    DTOBIN2013 said
    I agree that he should make some trips to NYC or BOS, both are full of young gay men and I am sure he can find the type he would like and who would like him.


    This will solve the OP's problems.

    When I was in school in Boston I briefly dated a guy in Hartford.
    It soon became apparent that Connecticut was a zone of sexual desolation. Everyone who couldn't get away for weekends in NY or Boston sat around drinking and bemoaning their fate.


    For real? Lol