My boyfriend doesn't turn me on anymore

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  Jan 23, 2016 12:47 AM GMT

  We've been together for a while now.
  The first months were great. He's very nice, not extremely good-looking, but still handsome in my eyes. I love him very much and we hardly ever fight.
  
  For the last few months, though, I've had a hard time getting an erection everytime we're making out. He's the top, so when I bottom it even started to hurt and I get distracted thinking about other stuff in my life.
  
  To prove if I had a problem down there, I decided to go on a date with another guy (I know, this was not smart). Anyway, it was fine and we kissed for a while at the end of the date. I never saw him again, but I found out that I was getting hard for the whole time we kissed, which doesn't happen anymore with my boyfriend.
  
  Is there any way to overcome this?
  Do you think the relationship is over?

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  Jan 23, 2016 2:16 AM GMT

  You've lost that lovin' feeling.
  
  Only you know when and why this happened and if it can be fixed.

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  Jan 23, 2016 2:40 AM GMT

  Yeah, that's rough dude. I've been with my guy almost 7 years and he still gets my rockets firing just by making out.

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• badbug
  
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  Jan 23, 2016 4:51 AM GMT

  
  Are you one of those people that become less sexually attracted to people that care about you?
  
  I know that i often lose interest sexually, when relationships become more stable in my mind. When i am unsure of how people feel about me or are threatened by their potential attraction to someone else, i am much more into them sexually. But when things are calm and stable i really shut down sexually.
  
  I've found for me, role play helps. Porn too.
  
  If i just try and force things it doesn't work out very well. On the positive side, as fucked up as it is, i know a relationship is working when i start having sexual issues!
  
  

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  Jan 23, 2016 5:03 AM GMT

  badbug said
  Are you one of those people that become less sexually attracted to people that care about you?
  
  I know that i often lose interest sexually, when relationships become more stable in my mind. When i am unsure of how people feel about me or are threatened by their potential attraction to someone else, i am much more into them sexually. But when things are calm and stable i really shut down sexually.
  
  I've found for me, role play helps. Porn too.
  
  If i just try and force things it doesn't work out very well. On the positive side, as fucked up as it is, i know a relationship is working when i start having sexual issues!
  
  

  
  
  OMG I think that might be it!
  This is fucked up.

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• Import
  
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  Jan 23, 2016 5:27 AM GMT

  Just break up with his ass now.
  
  You already cheated on him. You already dont like him anymore. Just fuckin end it. It's done. That shit is expired. Like who are u kidding?

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  Jan 23, 2016 5:40 AM GMT

  Import saidJust break up with his ass now.
  
  You already cheated on him. You already dont like him anymore. Just fuckin end it. It's done. That shit is expired. Like who are u kidding?

  
  
  It's not that easy to break up when I still have strong feelings for him.

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  Jan 23, 2016 6:23 AM GMT

  zoolanderz said

  Import saidJust break up with his ass now.
  
  You already cheated on him. You already dont like him anymore. Just fuckin end it. It's done. That shit is expired. Like who are u kidding?

  
  
  It's not that easy to break up when I still have strong feelings for him.

  
  
  You cheated on the dude for an experiment before talking with him or going to a therapist. Your feelings for him clearly don't include a desire to respect him.

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• AMoonHawk
  
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  Jan 23, 2016 6:47 AM GMT

  You're a top
  
  
  ... and what Import said

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• badbug
  
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  Jan 23, 2016 10:06 AM GMT

  Don't let those people take out their hurt feelings on you. You didn't cheat on them.
  
  
  I can't click on your profile and see how old you are, so i am not really ready to jump down your throat for being a jerk.
  
  
  
  OMG I think that might be it!
  This is fucked up.
  
  What makes you think that?
  
  Is it a pattern you have noticed?
  
  The key for myself, was understanding it and helping my LTR partners to understand it. Explaining what my needs are and why i have them, was easier and a way for our connection to become a little deeper once i understood why i felt and acted the way i did when relationships became more serious. The more i understood about how my mind works (and my dick) the more confidence i had sharing it.
  
  
  You already dont like him anymore. Just fuckin end it. It's done. That shit is expired. Like who are u kidding?
  
  
  Did you even read what he wrote? The part where he talks about "loving him very much"?
  
  Not everyone exhibits the same behaviour in relationships like the disney channel has taught you. There are actually interesting people out there.
  
  So he dumps this guy, and does it again with the next guy and the next and the next? Where does that leave him, if this is infact his problem?

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• Wendigo9
  
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  Jan 23, 2016 4:30 PM GMT

  Look for that spark, what attracted you two at the start. When I spent new years with my bf at his place for 4 days, he seem more like a house cat and very little sex involved. Love someone long enough, you begin to realize sex isn't the best "one a day" in your relationship. Long as you can look eachother in the eye and still smile when saying "I love you", then the two of you are alright.

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  Jan 23, 2016 4:48 PM GMT

  Okay I'll bite, you only mention 1 st months and
  Last few months, and why you had to tell us he was not extremely good looking speaks volumes (of books I guess ). I've thought that way also because my ex-bf put many limitations on me.
  
  I think you are young and you don't really know Love. You have an infatuation with him. If you loved him you would not have taken the many steps it takes to find the kind of guy you want and plan a date. Love works things out together.
  
  Tell your boyfriend that you need his help, if you get weird answer then leave him. See a Doctor if you have to( you said it started to hurt ) Go to Talk therapy if you have to. Look this up on the Internet.
  
  You said  "I get distracted thinking about other stuff in my life." Your situation happened to me when I was emotionally and physically exhausted from a prior job.
  
  I hope you well.
  
  
  
  

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• Beeftastic
  
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  Jan 23, 2016 9:56 PM GMT

  There's another dynamic that can happen in relationships. When you get really close to someone, your brain can identify them as family. And you don't have sex or have sexual feelings for family.
  
  That might take some counseling to understand and get over so it doesn't happen then next time you meet someone.

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  Jan 23, 2016 11:57 PM GMT

  Well I must say I'm a little confused by what you have said. I am bottom and during sex I regularly don't get an erection.it's never bothered me because I get feelings of a pleasurable nature in my bum. I would say that other actions during sex can make it more exciting. I like a bit of rough stuff, but everyone is different. If by not getting an erection you feel the sex isnt good enough anymore then watch some movies, decide what you would like to try. Be advantageous but if I may. Don't give up on the relationship just because your buttons arnt being pushed. Get him to explore your body more.

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• MartinMPL
  
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  Jan 24, 2016 12:06 AM GMT

  zoolanderz saidWe've been together for a while now.
  The first months were great. He's very nice, not extremely good-looking, but still handsome in my eyes. I love him very much and we hardly ever fight.
  
  For the last few months, though, I've had a hard time getting an erection everytime we're making out. He's the top, so when I bottom it even started to hurt and I get distracted thinking about other stuff in my life.
  
  To prove if I had a problem down there, I decided to go on a date with another guy (I know, this was not smart). Anyway, it was fine and we kissed for a while at the end of the date. I never saw him again, but I found out that I was getting hard for the whole time we kissed, which doesn't happen anymore with my boyfriend.
  
  Is there any way to overcome this?
  Do you think the relationship is over?

  
  
  i notice you put "he's very noce, not extremely good looking" this is the problem you went for his personality "WHICH IS GREAT!" but you also need to go for someone you are very attracted to or its not gonna work out in the end.

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  Jan 24, 2016 1:19 AM GMT

  Love is a weak word.
  
  If you love him "intellectually," like, he checks all of the boxes on an online profile that are matches for you, and the idea of being with him is attractive, that's one thing.
  
  If you love him "physically," like, when you smell his clothes you're immediately overcome, that's another thing.
  
  It sounds like he's great on paper, but you don't have a physical/visceral connection. Like the kind you get from a perfect chemical match.

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  Jan 24, 2016 2:41 AM GMT

  mickeytopogigio saidLove is a weak word.
  
  If you love him "intellectually," like, he checks all of the boxes on an online profile that are matches for you, and the idea of being with him is attractive, that's one thing.
  
  If you love him "physically," like, when you smell his clothes you're immediately overcome, that's another thing.
  
  It sounds like he's great on paper, but you don't have a physical/visceral connection. Like the kind you get from a perfect chemical match.

  
  
  I wouldn't call either of those love. That's respect and list which can be mistaken for love.

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  Jan 24, 2016 1:11 PM GMT

  ...

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• tobyb
  
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  Jan 24, 2016 3:59 PM GMT

  Throwing someone out is easy. Don't just pick the easy answer. I am constantly amazed by the people on this site who jump to the conclusion that someone else looking for relationship advise should end it. Many people advising everyone else to kick their boyfriends to the curb are constantly single and still nursing grievances about things they feel someone else did wrong to them.
  
  YES, it's true, over in a relationship, sex changes. After a while, it isn't the head-exploding exploration of a new body that it was at first. Amazingly, it can be still, sometimes, even after years together and literally thousands of times having sex together. It is for me. But frankly, sex with love is even more mind-bending and thrilling than that first round of exciting-exploration sex. If you get to that point, then you're really cooking with gas.

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• courtnyou
  
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  Jan 24, 2016 4:52 PM GMT

  People always seem to have black and white answers for a subject that is a big gray area. You have to decide for yourself what's best. You might want to discuss your feelings with your man.

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  Jan 24, 2016 8:16 PM GMT

  One thing stood out... "he's not extremely good-looking, but still handsome in my eyes". This is an interesting way to describe him and I wonder if this the root of your issue. You're not THAT attracted to him. Someone doesn't have to be extremely good-looking to be attractive, but by definition of attractive, you still need to feel attracted to them. Usually there are other anchoring factors that turn you on... a guy's confidence, his sense of humor, how he interacts with others, he's courageous etc. But the way you describe him just seems like he's a nice guy, a good friend but not really pushing any of your hot buttons.
  
  You could talk to him about how you feel but you need to know what the problem is. But please stop going out on dates with other guys. That just is kinda crummy and disrespectful to this guy.

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• Breeman
  
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  Jan 24, 2016 8:19 PM GMT

  7 years you say? I think they refer that to the 7 year itch.

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  Jan 24, 2016 10:44 PM GMT

  Please! Stop feeding the trolls; they can't help themselves, and won't stop as long as you feed them.
  
  
  

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  Jan 25, 2016 12:26 AM GMT

  Ya; 12year old troll

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  Jan 25, 2016 1:54 AM GMT

  tobyb saidThrowing someone out is easy. Don't just pick the easy answer. I am constantly amazed by the people on this site who jump to the conclusion that someone else looking for relationship advise should end it. Many people advising everyone else to kick their boyfriends to the curb are constantly single and still nursing grievances about things they feel someone else did wrong to them.
  

  
  
  I'm sure his going on a date and making out with another guy is the reason people are telling him to dump his boyfriend. Its not that its the easy choice. Its just not fair for him to cheat on his boyfriend simply because he has some issues.

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