Please help!!!


  • Jan 23, 2016 11:57 PM GMT
    Okay where do I start? My name is J, and I have this attraction towards this guy, in whose name I shouldn't say so we'll call him Tom. Tom and I are both 22, except I can't read Tom. At this age I am finding myself curious about the same sex. Tom and I are co-workers and we've been hanging out quite frequently lately. He tells his co-workers and friends he's straight, but so do I, which leaves me questioning his incentives.

    We smoke and drink all the time at my place which allows for me to understand Tom more in depth. Just the other day he sent a text with a Wink ;) face asking to come over. Since I'm in the closet, I obliged. I think Tom is straight because he'll ask me "when are girls coming over,?" In which I would pretend to show any interest. One day Tom asked me, "Do you have any social media pages?" I responded yes and here's where things gets weird. He added me and began to scroll through my entire life right in front of my eyes. He seen me in my ballet uniform from last semester, and even my cheerleader uniform from last season, in which he seems confused that I am this masculine dude with feminine interest.

    Fast forward a few days later he comes over again. This time, smelling good, in a tank top, and freshly jelled hair. He proceeds to my living room, and asked me "what stretches do you do to stay flexible?" I responded, "Many" and I formed a pike stretch in the middle of my living room. He followed after me and said, " Like this?" While he did this, All I can see was a complete bulge as if he wasn't wearing any briefs. At this moment, I literally began to have a boner and couldn't even stand up to help this sexy guy, which was a perfect opportunity to test the goods icon_mad.gif. icon_sad.gif At this moment I'm literally screaming in my head, "You f****** tease," and I felt embarrassed because these huge wave of emotions came over me. One in which I realized I'm starting to become infatuated with him.

    So, what do I do? I began research. I searched, "Signs he's in the closet" etc. I received pretty vague responses but one said to wait for him to initiate conversation with me. He texted me again the next day asking to hang out again this time with girls. I said okay.( I socialize with a lot of girls at work so I had no issue inviting any over). I bring over a girl and he did not. This girl (lets call her "P",) is a very pretty girl, with nice hair and make-up and a good friend overall. Tom seem to get jealous of her and I Chemistry and would intervene saying, "What y'all talking about" etc. The whole time, P and I were literally watching makeup tutorials from my iPad. Long story short I'm not into P like I am Tom. He is so attractive, he's 6'2 light skinned with this crooked smile that is gorgeous to me. I'm 5'7, dark-skinned with a gorgeous smile icon_biggrin.gif Anyways, he wants to come over again tonight, and I literally want to jump his bones, but I can't. Should I ask him? Should I just give it time? THESE FEELINGS ARE SO INTENSE. But I really want to know how he feels. icon_cry.gif

    Listening to Miguel, until someone hears my cry, icon_sad.gif
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    Jan 24, 2016 5:36 AM GMT
    Just use Grindr. Maybe you guys will see each other on it? icon_smile.gif

  • Jan 24, 2016 5:52 AM GMT
    Okay, I'm going to check that out . icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 24, 2016 1:03 PM GMT
    Oh dear, me things you really want him big time

    If I may. From what you have said about his behaviour towards you suggests to me that he isn't sure himself of whether he wants to come out of that closet yet.
    He appears instead to want to explore your sexuality. This could be because he wants to be a good friend but doesn't want it to be physical or because he wants to see if he pushes your buttons and see if he likes the idea of getting into your pants. He is unsure what he wants.

    Perhaps its best to test the water. When next he is clearly showing a bulge, perhaps a smile and a statement like " I'm glad its not just me who is getting excited, I suppose I should admit that I am bi because clearly I'm attracted to you."

    Sometimes we have to take a risk, I think you clearly need to end the deadlock in your mind over him because you want him. If he is winding you up and he goes and tells everyone your gay you can say no. Your bi. Your young and its very common now so time to venture out of that closet alittle more
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    Jan 24, 2016 1:36 PM GMT
    Just come out the closet already. You're living in the 21st century and the USA. Although, I don't recommend getting involved with a coworker.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 24, 2016 1:41 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidJust come out the closet already. You're living in the 21st century and the USA. Although, I don't recommend getting involved with a coworker.


    Absolutely agree. It all sounds like some weird fantasy on a show, ignoring all reality. This is just the beginning of your frustration. I remember before I came out, I never worried about using my name on a site like Realjock. Get comfortable with it. I'd simply tell him the truth.
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    Jan 24, 2016 2:28 PM GMT
    Curiousguy2016 saidOkay where do I start? My name is J, and I have this attraction towards this guy, in whose name I shouldn't say so we'll call him Tom. Tom and I are both 22, except I can't read Tom. At this age I am finding myself curious about the same sex. Tom and I are co-workers and we've been hanging out quite frequently lately. He tells his co-workers and friends he's straight, but so do I, which leaves me questioning his incentives.

    We smoke and drink all the time at my place which allows for me to understand Tom more in depth. Just the other day he sent a text with a Wink ;) face asking to come over. Since I'm in the closet, I obliged. I think Tom is straight because he'll ask me "when are girls coming over,?" In which I would pretend to show any interest. One day Tom asked me, "Do you have any social media pages?" I responded yes and here's where things gets weird. He added me and began to scroll through my entire life right in front of my eyes. He seen me in my ballet uniform from last semester, and even my cheerleader uniform from last season, in which he seems confused that I am this masculine dude with feminine interest.

    Fast forward a few days later he comes over again. This time, smelling good, in a tank top, and freshly jelled hair. He proceeds to my living room, and asked me "what stretches do you do to stay flexible?" I responded, "Many" and I formed a pike stretch in the middle of my living room. He followed after me and said, " Like this?" While he did this, All I can see was a complete bulge as if he wasn't wearing any briefs. At this moment, I literally began to have a boner and couldn't even stand up to help this sexy guy, which was a perfect opportunity to test the goods icon_mad.gif. icon_sad.gif At this moment I'm literally screaming in my head, "You f****** tease," and I felt embarrassed because these huge wave of emotions came over me. One in which I realized I'm starting to become infatuated with him.

    So, what do I do? I began research. I searched, "Signs he's in the closet" etc. I received pretty vague responses but one said to wait for him to initiate conversation with me. He texted me again the next day asking to hang out again this time with girls. I said okay.( I socialize with a lot of girls at work so I had no issue inviting any over). I bring over a girl and he did not. This girl (lets call her "P",) is a very pretty girl, with nice hair and make-up and a good friend overall. Tom seem to get jealous of her and I Chemistry and would intervene saying, "What y'all talking about" etc. The whole time, P and I were literally watching makeup tutorials from my iPad. Long story short I'm not into P like I am Tom. He is so attractive, he's 6'2 light skinned with this crooked smile that is gorgeous to me. I'm 5'7, dark-skinned with a gorgeous smile icon_biggrin.gif Anyways, he wants to come over again tonight, and I literally want to jump his bones, but I can't. Should I ask him? Should I just give it time? THESE FEELINGS ARE SO INTENSE. But I really want to know how he feels. icon_cry.gif

    Listening to Miguel, until someone hears my cry, icon_sad.gif


    It's OK, shugah! I already know. Hhhhwink!

  • Jan 24, 2016 4:55 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidJust come out the closet already. You're living in the 21st century and the USA. Although, I don't recommend getting involved with a coworker.


    I wish it were that easy,
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    Jan 24, 2016 5:11 PM GMT
    It can be that easy... You don't have to come out to the whole world, yet... but you should come out to him.

    If he's as much of a friend, he'll understand one way or another...
  • onelousymick

    Posts: 23

    Jan 24, 2016 6:39 PM GMT
    Sleuthing is fun and all, sure.

    But grow up and be open. Tell him you're gay or bi or whatever, and if he feels inclined he'll say something too.

    If he doesn't, he doesn't.

    If there's room for potential growth, let it happen naturally but let it happen out in the open and not this pseudo-detective crap.

  • Jan 24, 2016 6:58 PM GMT
    Okay 1st let me start by saying, this is one of the maturest groups I've ever encountered icon_smile.gif Tom and I are co-workers. We are servers at a restaurant around a bunch of other 20 something year olds. That being said, Coming out could be detrimental because of the odds at stake. I know you don't know until your try, but my intuition is telling me he's at least curious. I will just have to gain the courage to tell him today, and keep you guys updated in the meantime icon_smile.gif

  • Jan 24, 2016 7:04 PM GMT
    JonSpringon saidIt can be that easy... You don't have to come out to the whole world, yet... but you should come out to him.

    If he's as much of a friend, he'll understand one way or another...


    Hey John icon_smile.gif First let me say that I am a huge gossiper. I get along with all the beautiful girls from my job and they told me that he's hit on them sometimes. John, I'm excited for the good things that can come from doing this, but there also is the bad.

  • Jan 24, 2016 7:05 PM GMT
    onelousymick saidSleuthing is fun and all, sure.

    But grow up and be open. Tell him you're gay or bi or whatever, and if he feels inclined he'll say something too.

    If he doesn't, he doesn't.

    If there's room for potential growth, let it happen naturally but let it happen out in the open and not this pseudo-detective crap.


    Okay, best answer so far .
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Jan 24, 2016 9:13 PM GMT
    The fact that he's "hit on" girls means nothing; many closeted gay men do that so you cannot reach any valid conclusions from it.

    I always refused to make up stories about girls and women. In the restaurant business there are many gay men; it's almost expected so there is no reason to hide. However, that doesn't mean that you have to be fully out; it's your choice. If you do decide to be openly gay, don't present the fact as if it is supposed to be an issue since that puts others in the uncomfortable position of having to respond. Instead, be completely casual about it; just treat it as if it is a mundane everyday thing.

    As has previously been said, it is hazardous to become romantically involved with a coworker. If it doesn't work out, you could be very uncomfortable working with him and might feel impelled to get a job elsewhere.

    And while you're at it, cut the smoking! It is not an attractive addiction.
  • tobyb

    Posts: 111

    Jan 25, 2016 3:55 PM GMT
    If you don't feel comfortable or ready to tell him you're gay, or bi, or attracted to him, at least don't let other things or people get in the way of letting him explore his sexuality with you. I recommend not hitting on girls yourself, or telling him that you do, or that you find a girl sexy. If he asks, better to say "sure she's good looking, not sure she's my type though." If he suggests hanging out with girls, deflect, with something like "why bother, do we need girls, let's just hang out." You don't have to tell him you want to jump his bones, like you say, he may know already, I think it's important not to lie to him or imply that you are interested in others, that could just confuse him. Even if you are just coy or ambiguous, things could develop on their own. He may be basically straight and just wanting to experiment without calling it anything, or "declaring" anything. Let your bodies do the talking, and see what happens.
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    Jan 25, 2016 7:48 PM GMT
    Next time he says he is tired or stressed a bit try a friendly shoulder massage. Its a real ice breaker in m to m relationships.
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    Jan 26, 2016 7:58 AM GMT
    I don't know what your jobs are, but be exceptionally careful. A co-worker can very easily file an anonymous complaint about sexual harassment or a hostile work environment or any number of really damaging things to a career. It is one of the absolute rules of employment..."Do NOT dip in the company ink!" You risk much....even if you are correct.....If he does come out to you and you both act on it and it scares him, or he has regrets or is still just unsure and wants to cover his tracks....he could toss you under the bus for him to save face.....I know this is asking a lot from a 22 year old raging hormone......but I would think with the brain on top of the shoulders and not with your little buddy below the belt.....icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 26, 2016 10:08 AM GMT
    Suggestion #1 - You're 22 years old. Now is the time to have fun! Because, the years goes by faster and faster. Thinking back, I can only imagine how different things could be if I had come out earlier.

    Suggestion #2 - Come out to at least a few of your close friends. And, choose friends OUTSIDE of work circle if possible. The ones that are ok with it will stick around. And, those friends will bring other people around that will become good friends. At the same time, the shitty friends will disappear and take other shitty friends with them. Come out to family when you are ready.

    Suggestion #3 - The more you gossip at work the more you appear to be a shit_stirrer. Don't be "that girl" and get that reputation. You'll look like an asshole. And, it'll come back to bite you in the ass.

    Suggestion #4 - Server jobs are like a rotating door. One of you will quit eventually. That is when you tell the guy what you feel. Because nothing screams "sexual harassment in the workplace" like hitting on and/or banging someone at work. Not smart in any way, shape or form. Especially, if it gets legal...you're 22...you'll never be able to shake that off.

    Suggestion #4 - You say that you smoke. Quit now! Your body will heal fast. And, it's an expensive, harmful habit.
  • jeep334

    Posts: 410

    Jan 26, 2016 1:02 PM GMT
    ScottCLE saidSuggestion #1 - You're 22 years old. Now is the time to have fun! Because, the years goes by faster and faster. Thinking back, I can only imagine how different things could be if I had come out earlier.

    Suggestion #2 - Come out to at least a few of your close friends. And, choose friends OUTSIDE of work circle if possible. The ones that are ok with it will stick around. And, those friends will bring other people around that will become good friends. At the same time, the shitty friends will disappear and take other shitty friends with them. Come out to family when you are ready.

    Suggestion #3 - The more you gossip at work the more you appear to be a shit_stirrer. Don't be "that girl" and get that reputation. You'll look like an asshole. And, it'll come back to bite you in the ass.

    Suggestion #4 - Server jobs are like a rotating door. One of you will quit eventually. That is when you tell the guy what you feel. Because nothing screams "sexual harassment in the workplace" like hitting on and/or banging someone at work. Not smart in any way, shape or form. Especially, if it gets legal...you're 22...you'll never be able to shake that off.

    Suggestion #4 - You say that you smoke. Quit now! Your body will heal fast. And, it's an expensive, harmful habit.


    +1

  • Jan 26, 2016 11:41 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]xrichx said[/cite]Just use Grindr. Maybe you guys will see each other on it? icon_smile.gif[/quote


    Omg XrichX your planned worked. You'll gag when reading this. So, I made a Grindr like 2 days ago (yea I know I'm pretty late), and I stumble across something. I'm about 78.6% sure this picture is him. His body (in which I studied btw) in the picture matches his body in Actuality. His face is cut off but his description matches him as well. I think it's him and I'm freaking tf out.
  • onelousymick

    Posts: 23

    Jan 27, 2016 1:51 AM GMT
    Curiousguy2016 said[quote][cite]xrichx said[/cite]Just use Grindr. Maybe you guys will see each other on it? icon_smile.gif[/quote


    Omg XrichX your planned worked. You'll gag when reading this. So, I made a Grindr like 2 days ago (yea I know I'm pretty late), and I stumble across something. I'm about 78.6% sure this picture is him. His body (in which I studied btw) in the picture matches his body in Actuality. His face is cut off but his description matches him as well. I think it's him and I'm freaking tf out.



    Don't let that unduly influence you coming out to him. He might still say nothing, or worse, might not even be him!

    Do you think you will come out, even casually, to him?
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    Jan 27, 2016 5:48 AM GMT
    Curiousguy2016 said[quote][cite]xrichx said[/cite]Just use Grindr. Maybe you guys will see each other on it? icon_smile.gif[/quote


    Omg XrichX your planned worked. You'll gag when reading this. So, I made a Grindr like 2 days ago (yea I know I'm pretty late), and I stumble across something. I'm about 78.6% sure this picture is him. His body (in which I studied btw) in the picture matches his body in Actuality. His face is cut off but his description matches him as well. I think it's him and I'm freaking tf out.


    So, did you chat a bit; one torso to another, before asking for a face pic?
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Jan 27, 2016 8:36 PM GMT
    tobyb saidIf you don't feel comfortable or ready to tell him you're gay, or bi, or attracted to him, at least don't let other things or people get in the way of letting him explore his sexuality with you. I recommend not hitting on girls yourself, or telling him that you do, or that you find a girl sexy. If he asks, better to say "sure she's good looking, not sure she's my type though." If he suggests hanging out with girls, deflect, with something like "why bother, do we need girls, let's just hang out." You don't have to tell him you want to jump his bones, like you say, he may know already, I think it's important not to lie to him or imply that you are interested in others, that could just confuse him. Even if you are just coy or ambiguous, things could develop on their own. He may be basically straight and just wanting to experiment without calling it anything, or "declaring" anything. Let your bodies do the talking, and see what happens.


    Hitting on girls would for him be using other people in a way that is unfair to them.