Need some gay relationship advice please.

  • mesa999

    Posts: 17

    Jan 26, 2016 1:07 AM GMT
    I need someone to give me something advice please!

    I'm 45, am currently seeing a 22 year old guy and am wanting him to move in with me so we can be together. We met on Grindr of all places about a year ago while I was on business, he's a great guy however has had some problems in the past, was in prison for two years, had a drug addiction, smokes, but at the end of the day I live him and want to possibly be with him but at times think the relationship is doomed.

    I pay for everything we do, I pay his cell phone bill, give him around $1000 a month for spending money as he only works part time and he has a hard time getting better jobs due to his criminal record and all.

    When we meet we had sex but I flew him down to me a few weeks ago to look over the area I'm in and to look for part time employment. We had a great time until on a Sunday night he was laying in bed and told me that he doesn't want sex and only wants to masturbate. Just came out of the blue and was a shock. I told him that I know he likes sex as he was always on Grindr when we furst met. I'm an attractive but older guy and I got so upset that I bought him an airline ticket to get him home earlier.

    During the five days he was here I never once asked for sex but he knows how attracted I am to him. I'm just upset that he all of a sudden doesn't want sex now.

    Is there any hope with this situation or should I just move on? I know he is so much younger but at the end of the day I do truly love him but not sure why he won't give me sex.

    Any feedback would be appreciated!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2016 1:23 AM GMT
    Uh, move on. Don't be that guy. This kid is trouble.
  • mjlikeaboss

    Posts: 70

    Jan 26, 2016 1:29 AM GMT
    Gotta second that... Sounds like he might have just used you. Whether it was intentional or if he is just a dumb 22 year old that had some kinda crush on you, sounds like it's over now. Sounds like he wasn't exactly a catch anyway. No offense...
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Jan 26, 2016 1:30 AM GMT


    You're not stupid. So quit acting stupid.

    Would you date a 68 year old man? How long would that last for? What would happen when he was 78, would you still be attracted to him?

    You're having issues now and you're 45. What happens when you are 55? 65? I don't know where you live but assuming there will be legalised marriage there in 5-10 years, it seems the best case scenairo for you is that he cheats on you and treats you poorly for a decade or so then takes as much of your stuff as possible when he is legally able. That's best case scenario mind you.

    You're just wasting your time here living in fantasy land. 10 years from now you'll be 55 and he'll be 32. Think about that. Even if you had an awesome relationship and he was a great guy and not a criminal that seems fine taking your money, it would still not be very likely to workout.




  • mesa999

    Posts: 17

    Jan 26, 2016 1:39 AM GMT
    I just don't know why he all of a sudden decided he no longer liked sex and just wanted to masturbate instead, just so confused. Guess it's better I sent him out of here as I couldn't live with a partner who never wanted to have sex, I told him it was unacceptable and sent him packing. Am not going to pay for everything and get nothing out of it to be honest.

  • mesa999

    Posts: 17

    Jan 26, 2016 1:44 AM GMT
    And the age gap did worry me but we seemed to have gotten along great, I was loving to him and would've done anything for him, but now don't think I'd get back with him as I was hurt badly by him. Guess that's what I get for trying to date a younger guy. ):
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2016 2:03 AM GMT
    mesa999 saidAnd the age gap did worry me but we seemed to have gotten along great, I was loving to him and would've done anything for him, but now don't think I'd get back with him as I was hurt badly by him. Guess that's what I get for trying to date a younger guy. ):


    Don't beat yourself up over it, pal. The situation didn't seem that healthy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2016 2:44 AM GMT
    mesa999 said...I'm just upset that he all of a sudden doesn't want sex now... Am not going to pay for everything and get nothing out of it to be honest.
    Humans make bad pets. Move on.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Jan 26, 2016 5:32 AM GMT
    Live and learnicon_idea.gif.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a (sugar) daddy if you feel like it and if you are up to it. Some people will always be critical of such arrangements which remains their prerogative. We are talking your life here, so you call the shots. This is your prerogative.

    Having reasonably defined rules is what practically keeps ALL relationships going. The folks involved need to know what they need to give in order to be able to take, too. This may sound very business-like and cold to some, but when you look into the issue a bit deeper you get to the point of recognizing a very similar universal pattern...

    If a guy cheats on his partner in a monogamous LTR, most RJers will be advising you to kick out the cheater. Not because wishing to have sex/having sex is wrong. But because, in the end, he did not hold on to his part of the agreement to stay monogamous...

    The same basic rule applies to your relationship, too. You were dishing out some dough to keep your young(er) bf going against a few odds. You were doing it while he was functioning as your bf. You never said that you were going to be footing his bills no matter what. Sure, he is a free man, and may not want to have sex with you any more. You, too, are a free man, and have a reasonable expectation that your bf wants to have sex with you. If he doesn't, you draw the consequencesicon_idea.gif

    SC
  • oldfart

    Posts: 328

    Jan 26, 2016 1:56 PM GMT
    ^ Yes, daddy/big brother can be very gratifying - if you choose a young guy who is worth it, who really will benefit. Been there.

    But ask yourself this tough question honestly: Will he really benefit and grow?

    To most of us here it looks like this one does not genuinely appreciate you. What evidence do you see that he does?

    You can choose to let him go and move on. Don't waste your effort and goodwill, and end up with an empty heart. At your age you are far from desperate, aren't you?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2016 3:32 PM GMT
    Things that stand out:

    He's 22.
    He's been to prison.
    He's a recovering addict.
    You pay for everything and give him a monthly allowance.
    The age difference is 23.

    I think you could be in a good position to be a mentor or big brother if you can take your mind off the sex. This guy can barely take care of himself and is still becoming a man. If you take away the sex he's giving you and the cash you're giving him, how much relationship (or interest) will you have left?
  • d_1M

    Posts: 598

    Jan 26, 2016 6:04 PM GMT
    woodfordr saidThings that stand out:

    He's 22.
    He's been to prison.
    He's a recovering addict.
    You pay for everything and give him a monthly allowance.
    The age difference is 23.

    I think you could be in a good position to be a mentor or big brother if you can take your mind off the sex. This guy can barely take care of himself and is still becoming a man. If you take away the sex he's giving you and the cash you're giving him, how much relationship (or interest) will you have left?


    i like this advice i agree with out telling you what to do and more telling you the reality is good advice thumbs up
  • mesa999

    Posts: 17

    Jan 26, 2016 6:55 PM GMT
    I appreciate everyone's feedback to me, thank you. I probably should have know better to have ever gotten with him but I just honestly fell for him. I'm not a sex addict, nothing like that but when all of a sudden he tells me no more sex I told him that is unacceptable to me. We really never had a lot of sex anyways, however I would have liked too of course but never pressured him into anything.

    Well I've cut him completely off at this point. Guess am just glad this all happened before he moved all of his stuff into my place.

    I will miss him a lot but just cannot be told by someone that is supposedly my boyfriend that the sex is over, that's completely ridiculous and in my opinion is no relationship that I want to be a part of!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2016 7:59 PM GMT
    If you have a grand a month to piss away and have a need to help people start a scholarship fund for needy students in your area. Save your love and affection for one who will love you for you and not what you give them in the way of cash.

    You're a good man with a big heart. Young grifters will take advantage of you.
  • namche

    Posts: 13

    Jan 26, 2016 8:36 PM GMT
    I feel for you, but it really is this simple:

    You are 45.

    You know the answer, as hard as it may be to face.

    The sooner you do and act upon it, the less clouded this will be for you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2016 10:52 PM GMT
    He is a user. (No pun intended) you are better off without.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2016 11:55 PM GMT
    Are you just stupid, or are you just stupid? I think you are stupid. Why would you ever take care of some slow life trash gay person you met on grindr? Jesus! Kick his kid to the curb and date someone your age or appropriate to your age. Fuck.
  • mesa999

    Posts: 17

    Jan 27, 2016 12:22 AM GMT
    Thanks jjohnson88 for the feedback there. I just fell for him, Grindr probably isn't the place to look for a boyfriend but I fell for this guy, I really did. I wish that I was still with him but thinks it's completely unacceptable to block me from sex.
  • davfit

    Posts: 309

    Jan 27, 2016 1:38 AM GMT
    Clearly he doesn't love himself so you loving him will get you nothing ..at the age of 45 and looking at 22 you need to grow up ..and stay above 30 with a job and no issues
  • mesa999

    Posts: 17

    Jan 27, 2016 2:38 AM GMT
    Thanks dfit your probably right.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3534

    Jan 27, 2016 3:57 AM GMT
    OKAY JUST SOME RELATIONSHIP DON'Ts after age 30.
    --------------------------------------------------------

    Don't fly people ANYWHERE to date ...fuck everyone else in town.

    Don't pay for sex and call it a "relationship"

    Don't date prisoners.

    Don't date addicts.

    Don't date children and call it a "relationship".

    Don't date anyone who lives with their parents.

    Don't date people who are not OUT.

    Don't date people who are not top bottom vers compatible (ask first).

    Don't date anyone you have broken up with twice.

    ----------------------------------------------------------

    copy and print it out for your wallet if need be.
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Jan 27, 2016 4:07 AM GMT


    Don't pay for sex and call it a "relationship"



    I am bisexual....does this mean i have to give up women?



  • mjlikeaboss

    Posts: 70

    Jan 27, 2016 5:16 AM GMT
    Even with men, you always pay for sex, one way or another....
  • mesa999

    Posts: 17

    Jan 27, 2016 5:50 AM GMT
    Thanks guys for everyone's feedback. It makes things a little easier to put him behind me. He hasn't contacted me nor have I tried to contact him. I truly loved him and his past I was willing to work with as I think everyone deserves second chances in life, he will however have to spend it with someone else unfortunately.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 27, 2016 6:10 AM GMT
    Oh bro, who are you kidding? He only sees you as a sugar daddy while you call it a relationship. Chances are he's not even attracted to you and just want you to take care of him. When two people in love, they can't get enough of each other in bed. Next thing you know you're gonna mortgage your house for him. lol Consider yourself dodging a bullet now that he's gone.