How do I stop obsessing over my boyfriend?

  • zelon1

    Posts: 81

    Jan 28, 2016 1:04 AM GMT
    I feel like I've become too dependent on him to the point where I'm pushing other people away. If he doesn't call/text me I get shaken up and distressed. I can't focus on anything else going on in my life if I don't hear from him in over 8 hours or so. I don't like feeling like this and I can't help it cause I Iove this guy and he loves me....I've never told him any of this cause I don't want him to think I'm weird or a creep.
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    Jan 28, 2016 1:20 AM GMT
    Well, then chill out. No need to freak because he isn't leaping to reply to your every message. How would you have been before the era of cell phones? Biting your fingernails because his return telegram hadn't come?
  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Jan 28, 2016 1:24 AM GMT
    It sounds like there is a fear of abandonment or some other fear underneath.

    First of all there is nothing wrong with feeling that way it is a normal human reaction but don't obsess about it the more you think about it the more intense it gets.

    Don't take the feelings so seriously and feel free to be able to speak about it with him. That will diffuse them somewhat.
    If he's into you he won't think it's weird he'll think it's cute.
  • interestingch...

    Posts: 694

    Jan 28, 2016 1:35 AM GMT
    Maybe tell him whats going on with that, hopefully he will be understanding but you need to calm down a bit, being like that around him in a possessive way might push him away which is exactly what you don't want I imagine, just be honest with him and i'm sure it will turn out fine, he could help you with that.
    Hope you sort this out and good luck
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Jan 28, 2016 3:19 AM GMT

    I have a good amount of experience with obsession. I used to become obsessed with people quite regularly ever since i was about 14. I could almost define my life looking back, in terms of who i was obsessed with.

    As Fireworkz was pointing out to you, it's all about some underlying fear or conflict going on with you that the object of your obsession reassures and soothes with their attention (or the idea of possessing their attention).


    What you need to realise is:

    and I can't help it cause I love this guy and he loves me


    You can't really measure your love by how addicted you are to something. In this case, you bf's attention.
    You are experiencing this person and the highs and lows they create in your life like a drug, which isn't bad unless like you say, it is causing you harm.


    Figuring out what you enjoy so much about this relationship and why you fear losing it so much, will help you understand how to control your emotions.

    If you chalk it all up to "i love him" "he loves me" you will not learn anything, because you will be making him "irreplaceable" and your "love" irreplaceable which is a nice thought, but absurd and childish.


    I see that you are 19, relationships are almost supposed to feel this way at 19. I envy you. icon_smile.gif And i suppose i also pity you as well. icon_smile.gif


    Just find a way to believe that no matter what happens with this relationship, you can handle it and everything will be ok. If he cheats on you, you will get over it. If he dies, you will get over it. If you live happily ever after, you'll be able to deal with that to. Just find a way to trust, that no matter what happens, you will be alright. If you can trust yourself to handle anything that can possibly happen, you will not have to spend so much time worrying about what will happen.

    good luck.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2016 6:06 PM GMT
    zelon1 saidI feel like I've become too dependent on him to the point where I'm pushing other people away. If he doesn't call/text me I get shaken up and distressed. I can't focus on anything else going on in my life if I don't hear from him in over 8 hours or so. I don't like feeling like this and I can't help it cause I Iove this guy and he loves me....I've never told him any of this cause I don't want him to think I'm weird or a creep.

    yessss; this has to be the cutest post.
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    Jan 28, 2016 11:51 PM GMT
    Fireworkz saidIt sounds like there is a fear of abandonment or some other fear underneath.

    First of all there is nothing wrong with feeling that way it is a normal human reaction but don't obsess about it the more you think about it the more intense it gets.

    Don't take the feelings so seriously and feel free to be able to speak about it with him. That will diffuse them somewhat.
    If he's into you he won't think it's weird he'll think it's cute.


    +1 Well said.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2016 1:17 AM GMT
    Every time you start to think about him, put on some porno to distract you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2016 1:27 AM GMT
    some self love might help? instead of relying on him to fill you up completely. no pun intended.
  • onelousymick

    Posts: 23

    Jan 29, 2016 7:49 AM GMT
    badbug said
    I have a good amount of experience with obsession. I used to become obsessed with people quite regularly ever since i was about 14. I could almost define my life looking back, in terms of who i was obsessed with.

    As Fireworkz was pointing out to you, it's all about some underlying fear or conflict going on with you that the object of your obsession reassures and soothes with their attention (or the idea of possessing their attention).


    What you need to realise is:

    and I can't help it cause I love this guy and he loves me


    You can't really measure your love by how addicted you are to something. In this case, you bf's attention.
    You are experiencing this person and the highs and lows they create in your life like a drug, which isn't bad unless like you say, it is causing you harm.


    Figuring out what you enjoy so much about this relationship and why you fear losing it so much, will help you understand how to control your emotions.

    If you chalk it all up to "i love him" "he loves me" you will not learn anything, because you will be making him "irreplaceable" and your "love" irreplaceable which is a nice thought, but absurd and childish.


    I see that you are 19, relationships are almost supposed to feel this way at 19. I envy you. icon_smile.gif And i suppose i also pity you as well. icon_smile.gif


    Just find a way to believe that no matter what happens with this relationship, you can handle it and everything will be ok. If he cheats on you, you will get over it. If he dies, you will get over it. If you live happily ever after, you'll be able to deal with that to. Just find a way to trust, that no matter what happens, you will be alright. If you can trust yourself to handle anything that can possibly happen, you will not have to spend so much time worrying about what will happen.

    good luck.







    This guy is perceptive as all hell. I would listen to him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2016 5:04 PM GMT
    badbug said
    I have a good amount of experience with obsession. I used to become obsessed with people quite regularly ever since i was about 14. I could almost define my life looking back, in terms of who i was obsessed with.

    As Fireworkz was pointing out to you, it's all about some underlying fear or conflict going on with you that the object of your obsession reassures and soothes with their attention (or the idea of possessing their attention).


    What you need to realise is:

    and I can't help it cause I love this guy and he loves me


    You can't really measure your love by how addicted you are to something. In this case, you bf's attention.
    You are experiencing this person and the highs and lows they create in your life like a drug, which isn't bad unless like you say, it is causing you harm.


    Figuring out what you enjoy so much about this relationship and why you fear losing it so much, will help you understand how to control your emotions.

    If you chalk it all up to "i love him" "he loves me" you will not learn anything, because you will be making him "irreplaceable" and your "love" irreplaceable which is a nice thought, but absurd and childish.


    I see that you are 19, relationships are almost supposed to feel this way at 19. I envy you. icon_smile.gif And i suppose i also pity you as well. icon_smile.gif


    Just find a way to believe that no matter what happens with this relationship, you can handle it and everything will be ok. If he cheats on you, you will get over it. If he dies, you will get over it. If you live happily ever after, you'll be able to deal with that to. Just find a way to trust, that no matter what happens, you will be alright. If you can trust yourself to handle anything that can possibly happen, you will not have to spend so much time worrying about what will happen.

    good luck.





    I could not have said it any better myself!

    Cheers,

    Sean
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 31, 2016 1:29 AM GMT
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 31, 2016 10:14 AM GMT
    okay.

    couldn't help but notice that you mentioned this person is your boyfriend.

    How long have you been in a relationship with him?

    i think for a boyfriend, taking 8 hours to respond to a message is actually a LONG ass time. seriously.

    one thing is if he was just a friend or a FWB.

    I would just ditch his ass for good. you deserve better.
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    Feb 01, 2016 11:28 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidGet a puppy.

    Then you'll be obsessed with puppy love.


    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRCpjTJ1-7IW8nUrnAQrej


    Best advice.