Sexual problem Need help

  • orionsirius

    Posts: 10

    Jan 29, 2016 7:15 AM GMT
    I'm a 23 year old healthy male , I dont have any health issues and im in good shape ( slim frame but im working on getting bulkier and more defined and muscular now ).
    I always knew I was attracted to men ever since I was 14 or so and have zero attraction towards women , consumed lots of gay porn since I was 14 up till I started becoming sexually active at the age of 20.

    However my problem is I cant have a proper erection with a guy in bed , sometimes I get erect during foreplay and lose it later . sometimes I never have it , but very rarely Im erect all through. I mostly have sex with guys who definitly are very attractive so lack of attraction is i'm sure not the case.

    At the beginning I tried not to overthink it as I thought I was young and inexperienced and thought it might be performance anxiety But its almost 2.5 years since I lost my virginity so i'm not exactly new to this .

    To avoid this problem I tend to go for exclusive "pure" tops because I think it makes it easier for me , I tend to avoid vers and bottoms so I wont disappoint anyone , but even the "pure" tops want to perform oral sex on me or play with my dick which more often than not is flaccid . 

    I'm very sensual in bed (kissing , nipple play, I also give head very well  ..etc) and i'm also a good bottom and enjoy bottoming ALOT. many guys say im very good in bed if it wasnt for the lack or erections :/. Lots of guys I was with commented on this issue of mine and its killing my self esteem and making me really depressed. There was even an older guy who I was totally head over heals on him , but I think he started avoided me over this problem( we had sex once btw )

    WHY is this happening to me ? I am so young for that .. 
    I LOVE the male physique and and emotionally love men . why is this issue so recurring with me?? 
    Has any of u ever experienced something like this . or was in a case where he was with a bottom like me.How did u react? 
    Also IF u are a top is this a deal breaker for you ? ( assuming the bottom assures u he is into you )

    N.B.: I can't visit a doctor because im not married and I live in a middle eastern nation , so I obviously can't disclose that im gay to the doctor as it will be too embarrasing and might get me in trouble, so I really need your advice as you are I'm sure more experienced than I am .

    Any input from you will be vastly appreciated and welcomed . And sorry for any mistakes as English isn't my first language.
    Thanks in advance

  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 29, 2016 7:26 AM GMT
    Maybe you're not with the right guy
  • orionsirius

    Posts: 10

    Jan 29, 2016 7:41 AM GMT
    I really hope so , but they have been happening for almost two years now ( which is a fairly long time ) , that really got me worried.
    plus in the early 20s, I dont think that it is common for issues like this to happen even if u dont find the right guy . I do enjoy the sex btw , but the guys im with dont seem to be convinced .
    If u are with a good looking guy , u should be erect . Even if its a hook up scenario. Or what ?
    I'm really worried there might be more to it than just that . Thanks btw for dropping by Mr amoonhawk
  • LuisG_82

    Posts: 37

    Jan 29, 2016 8:02 AM GMT
    Hi

    I think, most of us have been in a similar situation, either you don't get a hard on, or we just cum fast.

    Sometimes we overthink the things, trying to perform better for others, instead of enjoying the time of being with someone else, once you realize that is not only your job, but for also from your sexual partner.

    Try to enjoy the time, not only in bed, and everything would be easier.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Jan 29, 2016 8:10 PM GMT
    You really want to get some professional help here. Casablanca must have a number of international docs who will keep their patient's secret, well, an absolute secret.

    You simply want to make sure that there is no underlying cause for your apparent ED.

    On a more practical level, ALL of your playmates would want you to be hard while you are having any kind of sexual encounter with them. People simply (and rightly) enjoy the visual confirmation that they are attractive/appealing enough for you to get your juices flowing. Given your present predicament, I would mention to the guy you are about to have sex with that, whereas you do find him very attractive, you are undergoing a specific medical procedure that would most likely be causing a temporary ED.

    If your top knows about this beforehand, he will be more likely than not able to take it in its stride, and enjoy the encounter nonetheless.

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2016 8:55 PM GMT
    You could probably benefit from psychological counseling - but I can understand how that might not be possible in Morocco, because of your gayness. Perhaps there is a foreign (not Moroccan - but British/AMerican/Scdanavian/German) therapist in Casablanca that you might see, where you would not have to worry about revealing your gayness.

    OTOH, you could try (if you can get hold of them) some erectile dysfunction medications. (Levitra, Cialis, Viagra)
    Which you could no doubt get in europe if they should turn out not to be available in Morocco. They do work. A lot of porn actors use them to make sure they stay hard during a filming.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2016 9:07 PM GMT
    I would be careful getting psychological care, given your locale. Maybe you could travel abroad for treatment... Does sound like you need a doctor of some sort.
  • Edepic

    Posts: 88

    Jan 30, 2016 12:09 AM GMT
    Do you get morning erections?
    Can you always climax with masturbation?
    are you on any medication?
    Sometimes there can be a correctable blood flow problem, so see a urologist before you assume its psychological.
  • orionsirius

    Posts: 10

    Jan 30, 2016 4:24 AM GMT
    No , I'm not on any medications or have any medical issues that im aware of.
    Morning erections rarely happen . Last time I can remember them happening consistantly was when I was 18 or 19 .. They still happen but maybe 2 or 3 times a month not a very healthy rate for someone my age . and when they happen they dont last that long .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2016 4:40 AM GMT
    Low testosterone?
  • orionsirius

    Posts: 10

    Jan 30, 2016 5:13 AM GMT
    I kinda hoped that time will make everything ok and that its purely psychological , i normally have social anxiety and get stressed out easier than others but judging by the time frame of it happening I'm inclined to believe it is something else other tham anxiety . One guy even (jokingly) suggested that I might not be even gay if i'm not erect ( which I kinda found insulting tbh )....

    I have never used any of the ED drugs before , they are available where I live but I never thought I would have to use them :/ . also I heard if nerves are the issue they don't work properly , no?


    EDIT: I did make a testosterone test on two different occasions btw , it was on the low 300s in one and late 200s in another which as far as I know is low for guys in their early twenties ( where it should be 650 or above ) . If it is of any relevance I have a high grade varicocele on both testicles. , but I read over the internet that the level of testosterone has no bearing on erections (unless one is castrated or sth )
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2016 5:26 AM GMT
    orionsirius saidNo , I'm not on any medications or have any medical issues that im aware of.
    Morning erections rarely happen . Last time I can remember them happening consistantly was when I was 18 or 19 .. They still happen but maybe 2 or 3 times a month not a very healthy rate for someone my age . and when they happen they dont last that long .


    At your age you should wake up every morning with raging wood. Do you smoke? There is definitely something amiss here.
  • orionsirius

    Posts: 10

    Jan 30, 2016 5:39 AM GMT
    No, I don't smoke neither cigarettes nor shisha , or drink alcohol or do drugs . ( Never have and probably never will ) . Nor am I diabetic or have any medical conditions.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2016 6:10 AM GMT
    You sound like me in my early twenties and it's completely normal for someone who has social anxiety, even in the least amount.

    We at least know for ourselves that we are fully attracted to the same sex in all aspects, physically, romantically etc.. but the performance part of sex is where we tend to over analyze the situation as we do with almost everything in our lives icon_rolleyes.gif

    What I think helped me, was leading a healthier lifestyle especially when it comes to cardio and diet. Just so I'm sure everything is flowing well..

    Also what worked for me was counseling treatment called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which helps us to think realistically about our thoughts and how we can change them. I highly recommend this, and you don't have to mention the sex part, just the general social anxiety issue. This helped take away most of my shyness and I felt less insecure about sex and my performance and was able to focus more on the "passion" side of things which is what makes me hard icon_smile.gif It takes effort and patience, and just remember lots of people go through this.






  • Edepic

    Posts: 88

    Jan 30, 2016 3:56 PM GMT
    According to Web MD, low testosterone causes erectile dysfunction in a small minority of men with the problem. This is a deceiving statement because most men with this are much older than you. So in your age group , it would be a significant factor.
    Could your varicocel be causing the low T? You can have it removed easily (a vein is tied off in the lower abdomen)
    You are not having morning erections for a physical reason . Find out what it is.
    Consider:
    1.low testosterone, possibly corrected by surgery or getting a prescription for thr T patch
    2. Hemodynamic penis problem. See a urologist, surgically correctable
    3.Possibly psychological element, that makes getting interpersonal erections difficult but is not causing the problem.
    Get the physical cause fixed and then see how you do on dates.
  • orionsirius

    Posts: 10

    Jan 31, 2016 9:39 AM GMT
    @jameelio
    I do have alot of anxiety , it really feels relieving that someone can relate to what I go through , that i'm not the only gay guy in the world going through this, I definitely will check this cognitive therapy that u suggested . Thank u icon_smile.gif
    @edepic
    I kinda think my testosterone level have a thing to do with it , but many doctors feel otherwise, I'lll retest it again and see what I can do about it , i'll probably check with a urologist to see if there isnt anything wrong as u suggested . Thanks alot man for your comment , it was really very helpful . Merci
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 31, 2016 11:29 AM GMT
    What you describe is actually becoming more common due to the amount of porn available. Many young guys can get hard when masturbating to porn but not in real life situations. Try staying away from porn and masturbating for awhile, then see if that helps.
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    Jan 31, 2016 11:33 AM GMT
    strongbull saidWhat you describe is actually becoming more common due to the amount of porn available. Many young guys can get hard when masturbating to porn but not in real life situations. Try staying away from porn and masturbating for awhile, then see if that helps.


    Here is a link about it-

    http://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/health/are-you-watching-too-much-porn-20130821
  • Edepic

    Posts: 88

    Feb 02, 2016 5:29 AM GMT
    I think that the above link describing a connection between erectile dysfunction with a person and overindulgence in porn and masturbation is right on. Many guys need to be watching porn while they are having sex with a partner or want their partner to act like a porn star.
    But the OP is not having morning erections and anxiety or porn induced ED would not cause this.
    A medical problem is present. In addition there can be compounding problems like anxiety or porn burnout.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 02, 2016 11:34 AM GMT
    You did say you got an erection during foreplay, and get infrequent morning ones. Do you get them when masturbating alone to porn? While low testosterone might not prevent erections, it will effect libido. That could contribute. Best of luck to you!
  • Edepic

    Posts: 88

    Feb 03, 2016 4:02 AM GMT
    I am wondering if it is your guilt about being gay that prevents you from visiting a doctor. Yes you need to be discreet in a middle eastern country, but the fact is that you are not functioning sexually and the sex of your partner is irrevalent. Just tell a urologist that you don't have morning erectiins. If he asks if you can achieve intercourse say no. If he pushes and asks if you find the girl attractive just say yes because the sex of your lover is really totally irrelevant.
    But go.
  • helloandgoodb...

    Posts: 620

    Feb 03, 2016 12:55 PM GMT
    you have two options: see a urologist about E.D. you don't have to talk about orientation to say you have a toug time getting hard when alone and are "worried when you get married you will not be able to perform".

    get some E.D. drugs online and see if they hep or not.
  • orionsirius

    Posts: 10

    Feb 05, 2016 3:28 AM GMT
    I dont feel any guilt about being gay as i have been comfortable with it for a few years now , So I don't think guilt is a factor

    When i masturbate alone to porn my erections are there but I sometimes have to apply some physical stimulation to keep it there, but otherwise its ok. I consumed LOTS of porn when i was younger because this was my only release. So this may be the case .

    I think ill visit a doctor and wont necessarily tell him that im gay. And yes the frequency of my morning erections are unusual IMO.

    Ill try to cut on porn and masturbation and see how it goes .

    **The Whole thing doesnt bother me that much , but it DOES bother the tops i'm with , which in turn bothers me :/ , I thought tops are supposed not to be fixated on their partner's dick but rather put more emphasis on their partners ass for instance among other things.


    @strongbull : My erections during foreplay are hit and miss. sometimes they are present , sometimes not ( even during foreplay and this is more common ). And VERY rarely can last till anal.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 05, 2016 3:44 AM GMT
    If you can get an erection at some point, it might not be purely physical. These things can be complex. But seeing a doctor is a good idea.
  • helloandgoodb...

    Posts: 620

    Feb 05, 2016 1:22 PM GMT
    orionsirius saidI dont feel any guilt about being gay as i have been comfortable with it for a few years now , So I don't think guilt is a factor



    I am glad you are comfortable with it now, but that fact that it took some time and that you are trying to hide could still make it a partly a psychological factor. You have come to terms with it but that does not mean you don't have some anxiety over your situation.