Are you cheating on your partner if.....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 06, 2009 3:48 AM GMT
    you get a massage with a happy ending or get a lap dance from a stripper in the private room where anything goesicon_question.gif
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    Feb 06, 2009 4:01 AM GMT
    If you tell your boyfriend "hey, I got a massage with a happy ending" and he responds "That's lovely" then no, it is not cheating.

    Assuming there is an element of your own life in this, have you talked to your boyfriend about what constitutes cheating?
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    Feb 06, 2009 4:10 AM GMT
    Yeah there's another topic here about discussing boundaries with your boyfriend. You should do that too, in my opinion.

    if it's kinda agreed, you're monogamous, then yes, to me it would constitute as cheating. (If we were straight it'd be comparable to womanizing, less than adultery, but still cheating).
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    Feb 06, 2009 4:21 AM GMT
    I'm just curious as to what other guys think. I read an article on this topic in a straight magazine. These are both activities I enjoyed prior to meeting my boyfriend but have not engaged in since (1.5 yrs); although, I don't believe that either is cheating.
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    Feb 06, 2009 4:26 AM GMT
    My question would be if "anything goes" where it went if it allegedly did? icon_lol.gif
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    Feb 06, 2009 4:44 AM GMT
    If you have to ask then it probably is.
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    Feb 06, 2009 4:46 AM GMT
    I would consider it cheating.
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    Feb 06, 2009 4:47 AM GMT
    If you got a "happy ending" while getting a massage then yes I would ultimately say you are cheating because you could easily say no to a happy ending.

    If you are in private room with a stripper and just getting a lap dance then no I wouldn't say you are cheating because it's a lap dance. If anything else happens int he room that goes beyond that of a lap dance then I would highly question it.
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    Feb 06, 2009 5:15 AM GMT
    Ah, the slippery slope of subjective definition... icon_lol.gif

    Thing is, if you EVER start a sentence with "Am I cheating if..?" then you probably are. It's you that you have to ultimately answer to, in truth or no, so it's YOUR gauge that answers this question and I'd say your question already answered itself.

    In my personal opinion? BOTH are cheating.
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    Feb 06, 2009 5:23 AM GMT
    I recommend a questionnaire at the beginning of the relationship. But I'll bet somebody was a naughty boy.

    I'd say if you haven't discussed this subject yet, you've cheated.
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    Feb 06, 2009 5:46 AM GMT
    DOH! YES! LOL!

    As if the question even needed to be asked. That's like saying, "If I paid a hooker to beat me off, is that cheating?"
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    Feb 06, 2009 5:47 AM GMT
    Why does one want to mix sex and a massage? That's just silly.

    If one is so desperate as to have to coerce a "massage" guy into jerking him off, it says:
    1. The massage guy is a slut / not very serious about massage.
    2. You're happy to exploit the massage guy.
    3. You're not happy with your significant other.
    4. Your massage isn't about massage, but, getting jerked off.

    Ick.

    How tasteless.
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    Feb 06, 2009 5:58 AM GMT
    I would consider it cheating and would never do it because I think that cheating is one of the worst things you can do to someone that you are in a relationship with. Complete deal breaker for me.
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    Feb 06, 2009 6:27 AM GMT


    Ugh. If you're in an open relationship - no.

    If you're in a monogamous relationship - huge yes.
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    Feb 06, 2009 7:21 AM GMT

    I love couples who have open relationships!!!
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    Feb 06, 2009 7:46 AM GMT
    I am just really glad that people are saying that this is cheating.

    I hate that some gay guys are such sluts.
    My best friend just cheated on his bf with my x.
    Disgusting.
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    Feb 06, 2009 8:13 AM GMT
    Of course its cheating.
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    Feb 06, 2009 8:13 AM GMT
    YES. period.
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    Feb 06, 2009 8:27 AM GMT
    I wouldn't like it if my BF did it. That's my cheating test.
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    Feb 06, 2009 8:49 AM GMT
    The answer to this question depends on how logical you'd like your life to be.

    Two men are two men. And communication is what two men should do with one another. (Among other things.) Men and men are not men and women.

    Men and women sign up for marriage, and there's tremendous pressure to behave in ways defined by tradition, religion, and culture, and sometimes this all works for them.

    As gay men, well, we don't have any role models at all for this sort of thing. Or do we? Ironic, to find ourselves comparing our gay relationships against the Judeo-Christian prototype of relationships as taught to us by Mom and Dad, and then labelling ourselves sluts and whores when we fail at it.

    Men should be pairing off according to friendship, according to bonds they have shared, and according to the places they'd like to go together as men in their mutual love for one another. Not for co-dependency, not for kids, not for a house, and not because they want to play Marcia Brady cheating games on their companion.

    Men should set boundaries, communicate, and then honor their word. Nothing more, nothing less.
  • Tyinstl

    Posts: 353

    Feb 06, 2009 9:42 AM GMT
    I wouldn't mind if my boyfriend got a happy ending i don't think. It seems very mechanical and nonemotional to me, and it's not like he could get anything from it, since it's just hands (right?)

    But yeah, I should be doing that, not the massage dude.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Feb 06, 2009 11:03 AM GMT
    While it's not actually "hooking up" with a guy
    it's still cheating
    where there is actual body fluids being "expensed"
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    Feb 06, 2009 11:08 AM GMT
    Why even put yourself in that situation? And yes it is. Come on! ICK!

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    Feb 06, 2009 1:14 PM GMT
    A quarter of the forum threads seem to be about bewailing the difficulty of finding a bf, and another quarter ask questions like this that show a lack of awareness of what you need to do to keep a bf (i.e., talk to each other about what you want and expect). Group B should learn from Group A that if you're in a relationship you need to put forth some effort to keep it healthy.

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    Feb 06, 2009 1:18 PM GMT
    Dude, I think you know the answer.... do you just want us to tell you it's okay? 'Cuz from where I am sitting either you do, or your partner did this to you and is telling you that it's not cheating. Which is it?