Alzheimer's - heart wrenching vid - abandoned by friends and family

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    Jan 30, 2016 6:56 AM GMT
    http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/man-alzheimer-emotional-plea-facebook-video-friends-family-visit-alan-beamer-a6800676.html

    Obviously, remember everyone who you are close to who are going through the ravages of this disease, but especially the homosexuals who never reproduced and have been pretty much abandoned by family.
  • metta

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    Jan 30, 2016 7:18 AM GMT
    Thanks for sharing. I visit my mom (with dementia) pretty much every day.
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    Jan 30, 2016 7:25 AM GMT
    metta saidThanks for sharing. I visit my mom (with dementia) pretty much every day.


    When my dad got beyond what we could care for at home mostly due to falls and had to put him in a rest home, I was there every single day for him. It was pretty painful to have to spoon feed your own dad, but then things got much worse to where he couldn't remember how to swallow.
  • metta

    Posts: 39104

    Jan 30, 2016 8:08 AM GMT
    ^
    Yes, my mom does that sometimes. We were told to contact hospice when it happens frequently.
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    Jan 30, 2016 1:52 PM GMT
    I've dealt with Alzheimer's patients a bit. My (now ex) BF's father developed it. His wife tried to care for him herself at home, but eventually it meant she couldn't even go out for groceries. Her husband was a danger in the car if she took him along, kept trying to open the door while driving and get out, and was an unmanageable hazard in the store.

    If left home he might hurt himself, start a fire, break things. Worse, he could wander away from the house and become lost. Or in the North Dakota winter become frozen in minutes without a coat in -20F temps. Every year the newspapers carried stories of the Alzheimers patients who died that way, discovered in snow banks.

    He eventually was placed in a care home. Where I visited him with his son, my BF. We both also were already doing volunteer work there for the elderly & disabled. It was a place with progressive care, and one wing was devoted exclusively to Alzheimers victims.

    You needed to key-in a door passcode to enter or leave that wing, to keep those residents from wandering away. Their private rooms had "memory boxes" on the wall outside their doors, a kind of shadow box, that family filled with photos and personal objects the patient might recognize to know which room was theirs, and not enter the wrong one. Because they often wouldn't remember their own name on a door plaque.

    Inside their room it was fully open, with the toilet right in view on the floor, not enclosed. This was to remind them to use it, and where it was located. There was a hospital-style drape on a ceiling track they could close around it, but most of them forgot to use it.

    My mother-in-law also developed Alzheimers. There were numerous incidents where she got out of her house late at night, her sleeping husband unaware she had slipped away. I had to go searching for her multiple times, eventually requiring the police to find her, wearing a nightgown in freezing weather and completely disoriented.

    Yet despite that, it took her husband and 2 daughters over a year to get a judge to sign an involuntary commitment order to a home. You'd think the husband could have done it, but this particular nearby home, the husband's preference, required a court order.

    And the judge wasn't persuaded by the doctors' confirmed diagnosis, the police reports, and the testimony of her husband and daughters. He kept wanting more "proof". Well, there's never gonna be any more proof than you have now, unless you want to see her dead body when the police find her outside some night.

    But she would appear in court before the judge for a short hearing, and for those brief moments she would be lucid. So the judge used his own unqualified evaluation, ignoring the testimony of medical experts and the police reports.

    It was very infuriating. Alzheimers is a horrible thing for the patient, but the family suffers, too. And it's painful & stressful to visit them, when in the later stages they don't even know who you are, and can be largely unresponsive, like in a wakeful coma.
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    Jan 30, 2016 6:55 PM GMT
    Very sad. It is a horrible way to go. Perhaps there will eventually be treatments that work. But if not, if I eventually get it, I will not wait until I am totally out of it mentally, before ending my existence in this life.
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    Jan 30, 2016 7:04 PM GMT
    My Mother suffered from Parkinson's and only in the last year from PD related dementia. What a shitty way to go - not only for the afflicted but for the ones who love them. I guess my Mom was "fortunate" because cancer got her instead.
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1034

    Jan 30, 2016 7:54 PM GMT
    My dad contracted Alzheimer's when he was 72; I was 28 years old at the time. At first my mom tried to take care of him but after three years he no longer recognized her as his wife, and did not recognize the house as his home. He was under the constant delusion that he was living in a brothel (I don't think he'd ever actually been to one in his life), and my mom was the madam. He kept begging her to call his wife so she could come take him home. Seriously, it was like something dreamed up by a hack sitcom writer.

    My mom realized that when he no longer recognized any family members or his surroundings, it was doing him no good to be cared for by her at home. It was only making her life a living hell. She put him in a nursing home where he spent the next ten years before he died, most of them bedridden and unable to speak or even to acknowledge anyone's presence.

    Thankfully, my mom had it much easier. She was hardly sick a day in her life, lived on her own and drove her own car (short distances) until a week before her 96th birthday, when she had a stroke. She entered a rehab facility and passed away a couple months later in her sleep.

    IMPORTANT NOTE: It has been found that lifestyle, specifically diet and exercise, is a much bigger determining factor than genetics on whether you will contract Alzheimer's.
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    Jan 30, 2016 8:30 PM GMT
    bro4bro saidMy dad contracted Alzheimer's when he was 72; I was 28 years old at the time. At first my mom tried to take care of him but after three years he no longer recognized her as his wife, and did not recognize the house as his home. He was under the constant delusion that he was living in a brothel (I don't think he'd ever actually been to one in his life), and my mom was the madam. He kept begging her to call his wife so she could come take him home. Seriously, it was like something dreamed up by a hack sitcom writer.

    My mom realized that when he no longer recognized any family members or his surroundings, it was doing him no good to be cared for by her at home. It was only making her life a living hell. She put him in a nursing home where he spent the next ten years before he died, most of them bedridden and unable to speak or even to acknowledge anyone's presence.

    Thankfully, my mom had it much easier. She was hardly sick a day in her life, lived on her own and drove her own car (short distances) until a week before her 96th birthday, when she had a stroke. She entered a rehab facility and passed away a couple months later in her sleep.

    IMPORTANT NOTE: It has been found that lifestyle, specifically diet and exercise, is a much bigger determining factor than genetics on whether you will contract Alzheimer's.


    "He was under the constant delusion that he was living in a brothel (I don't think he'd ever actually been to one in his life), and my mom was the madam"

    In my dad's final days, he thought it was Dec 13, 1944 and he was on the USS Nashville.

    Those who know, know the rest of the story.
  • takashi

    Posts: 192

    Jan 30, 2016 9:15 PM GMT
    freedomisntfree said

    In my dad's final days, he thought it was Dec 13, 1944 and he was on the USS Nashville.
    Those who know, know the rest of the story.


    To freedomisntfree
    I assume your father was on the USS Nashville. Its amazing that he lived to tell the tale, but it obviously affected him profoundly.
    I am Japanese/American and am sorry that your father had to experience such tragedy. But that comes with all wars.
    That war was very important as the US took under its wing, the two enemies, Germany and Japan and built them up to be, for a long time the 3rd and 2nd World Economies, committed to being Democratic.
    Just goes to show the amazing vision America had in those days.
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    Jan 30, 2016 9:43 PM GMT
    My Mother died of a sudden, unexpected heart attack at 76. She hadn't been diagnosed with heart disease, Took us all totally by surprise.

    My sister, with whom our parents were temporarily staying, said the doctors later told her our Mother was exhitibing signs of Alzheimer's. And she had early liver cancer, as did her mother (my grandmother) did, that killed her.

    Our Father, her husband, said that if that were the case it was better if it was her heart that suddenly killed her. She feared both a slow death from cancer or Alzheimers, didn't want to go either of those ways. Neither do I. Not sure how I would prevent it.
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Jan 30, 2016 9:57 PM GMT
    My Mom has dementia and my dad has Alzheimer's! My Mom is in hospice and still lives at home with my stepdad. I go visit her everyday. I bring her their favorite breakfast on the weekend! She still recognizes me and is very happy when I come over! She is a big Elvis fan, so I added around 5 of his songs to my I Tunes account and we listen to them on shuffle when she eats her breakfast. We call it our breakfast with Elvis time!
    My Dad was put into a home about 1 1/2 years ago. My sister visits him almost every weekend! She brings her little yorkie dog and the residents go crazy when they seem him. When I visit and I go into a room where he is participating in a group activity like singing, I can tell he knows I am there for him. I usually bring him a treat like his favorite pizza or ice cream when I go. I brought him some ice cream and a big balloon for his birthday. We went back to his room and he asked if I worked there. I just told him "No, I am your son and today is your birthday" The funny thing is that I park my Jeep outside his rooms window. He will look outside and pick out my Jeep from the other cars and say "That's your Jeep right?"
    It is very hard to see my parents in this condition. I told my sister that I want no regrets.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2016 10:37 PM GMT
    takashi said
    freedomisntfree said

    In my dad's final days, he thought it was Dec 13, 1944 and he was on the USS Nashville.
    Those who know, know the rest of the story.


    To freedomisntfree
    I assume your father was on the USS Nashville. Its amazing that he lived to tell the tale, but it obviously affected him profoundly.
    I am Japanese/American and am sorry that your father had to experience such tragedy. But that comes with all wars.
    That war was very important as the US took under its wing, the two enemies, Germany and Japan and built them up to be, for a long time the 3rd and 2nd World Economies, committed to being Democratic.
    Just goes to show the amazing vision America had in those days.


    He lost two brothers in the war. One, fried to a crisp on this ship and dad got to help pick up his remains, actually a half brother, but just the same. Dad survived because he up on the radar tower trying to repair it after a kamikaze near miss in an attack just before. And the other in a death camp.

    He was talking (sorta as you couldn't understand much of what he was saying) to his brothers just before my dad left on his eternal journey. I think they were planning to hook up for a beer somewhere far away.