Support networks

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2016 5:50 PM GMT
    I had an interesting discussion with a guy last night. I've finally decided to move back home to Florida from Houston after two years. I grown to love Houston but its not Fort Lauderdale. The guy I was speaking to is convinced I am going back for all the wrong reasons. What's odd to me is that I told him I have a huge support network in Florida. Almost all of my family lives there and I have a lot of friends I have known for years there. His response was that that was not a good enough reason to up root my life because if they truly cared they would support me here. I'm truly dumb founded. I certainly didn't expect that response. Does anyone else feel this way about support networks? That being near those who support you the most means nothing. I need some help understanding this because I don't get it at all.
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    Feb 09, 2016 5:59 PM GMT
    What is this guy's claim to credibility?

    Sounds to me like he's arguing for the sake of argument (and that if you had 'decided' to stay instead of move he'd tell you you were staying for the wrong reasons), but maybe that's the missing part of the conversation.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Feb 09, 2016 6:15 PM GMT
    I think the importance of support networks must be evaluated in a case by case basis. Sometimes, they're great. Sometimes, people need to strike out on their own.
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    Feb 09, 2016 6:16 PM GMT
    the reasons (if any apply to this discussion) for the initial move from F Lauderdale to Huston will still haunt you when you return home.
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    Feb 09, 2016 6:24 PM GMT
    pellaz saidthe reasons (if any apply to this discussion) for the initial move from F Lauderdale to Huston will still haunt you when you return home.


    I moved to be back with my long distance boyfriend of 3.5 years who decided to dump me 13 days before i was set to move to Houston. I initially moved back to Florida to help out my mother financially and try to help my little brother get his life together. I don't see how I am going to be haunted since the only reason I moved was to be with a man who I had every intention of marrying.
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    Feb 09, 2016 6:27 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidI think the importance of support networks must be evaluated in a case by case basis. Sometimes, they're great. Sometimes, people need to strike out on their own.


    You are right. This does not apply to me of course since I have routinely shown a willingness to strike out on my own. The reason I left home the first time was a desire to strike out on my own. I enjoy Texas but I'm a Floridian through and through. I love Broward County.

    I think my ex is someone who needed to strike out on his own and be willing to leave his homophobic support network behind. He wasn't able to and that is his burden to bare.
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    Feb 09, 2016 6:28 PM GMT
    anotherphil saidWhat is this guy's claim to credibility?

    Sounds to me like he's arguing for the sake of argument (and that if you had 'decided' to stay instead of move he'd tell you you were staying for the wrong reasons), but maybe that's the missing part of the conversation.


    It could be. I just never expected someone to dismiss the importance of a local support network the way he did.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Feb 09, 2016 6:59 PM GMT
    'Support' is a very broad term.

    Sending a WhatsApp or two a day is supportive. Paying someone's rent and utilities, or his student loan is supportive, too.

    People who wish to be supportive of me are likely to find the way to overcome the geography to some extent.

    No doubt, being close to them would make it easier on all of you. Yet, providing most kinds of support is really NOT about making it easier. It is about believing in that what you do is both right and needed.

    On a purely personal note, I would be really concerned if I were to move anywhere because I needed a support network alone.

    If I saw a welcome support as a small additional benefit, fine. But not more than that.

    Just my 2 centsicon_lol.gif

    SC

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2016 7:55 PM GMT
    SilverRRCloud said'Support' is a very broad term.

    Sending a WhatsApp or two a day is supportive. Paying someone's rent and utilities, or his student loan is supportive, too.

    People who wish to be supportive of me are likely to find the way to overcome the geography to some extent.

    No doubt, being close to them would make it easier on all of you. Yet, providing most kinds of support is really NOT about making it easier. It is about believing in that what you do is both right and needed.

    On a purely personal note, I would be really concerned if I were to move anywhere because I needed a support network alone.

    If I saw a welcome support as a small additional benefit, fine. But not more than that.

    Just my 2 centsicon_lol.gif

    SC



    True this is what he was telling me. That if they truly cared they'd support me here. No doubt they would. My grandmother did wire me some money a few years ago when I had car trouble. Personally I would rather make it easier on the people trying to support me. My family is far from wealthy. Even though I would be far more likely to support them I'd feel bad simply asking for money from a group of people who don't have much already. I disagree that it's not about making it easier. Being local makes giving support easier which allows people to give more support. A person may not be able to send you money for rent but may be able to allow use of a spare bedroom. A person may not have employment connections in a city they've never been to, but may have contacts in their city. Then there are times people may be able to help each other. You may rent a room from someone at a discounted price both helping them and helping yourself.

    This is all very interesting to me. Texans are very big on family. While no one has told me they are concerned that I was living in a city so far from all of my family I could here the concern in their voice. I understood their concern because they couldn't imagine not being near thier family. Its interesting that now that I've decided to move back home I've met someone who sees family as a bad reason to move. I've decided to cut him from my life. He showed more judgment than concern. We've only recently met so he doesn't know me well enough to judge my reason for going back home. Its odd because I'm always telling people to visit south Florida because they will love it. I'm not sure why he'd think I was moving for the wrong reasons. My only guess is that he seems to think I moved to escape some as opposed to moving to go to something.

    No the support network is not the only reason I'm moving back home. Its one of many reasons.
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Feb 10, 2016 10:45 AM GMT


    To me it sounds like he's trying more to convince himself of conclusions he has reached within his own life and in regards to his own friends and family that he isn't sure enough of.

    I used to argue or debate or whatever you want to call it with people all the time about the nature of friendship or family. I do fall more into the category of your "friend" here and in my younger days i could imagine taking his view or atleast coming across to someone that i held the view you are supposing he does.

    It just sounds to me he has emotionally withdrawn to some degree from people in his life he thought he could count on and is still trying to make sense of it on some level.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 10, 2016 2:00 PM GMT
    You're right. Your friend is wrong. And Ft.Lauderdale is a great place.
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Feb 10, 2016 2:38 PM GMT
    You're right. Your friend is wrong


    Of course you'd say that. We all know your game by now. Lies, subterfuge, chicanery and all out manipulation.

    Is there anything you won't say or do to swing people to your wild opinions and machinations?? Is there no depths to which you won't sink or no souls you won't drag down to the bottom of your endless pit of destruction?

    Duluthrunner indeed. Running from all the lies and broken promises left behind in your wake of destruction. Running over, trampling over the broken hearts of the innocents that get caught up in your games. Dululth runner? More like Duluthstomper, stomping on the dreams and ideals of generations.

    And here you are again, trying to lure another into your web. For shame! For shame!
  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Feb 10, 2016 3:50 PM GMT
    I think a support network is very important. Humans need community. I don't use mine nearly enough and my family are all within 20 mins drive.
    But I'm always reminded of their importance when I spend time with friends of family.

    I've thought about relocating but I don't really want to have to build a new support network right now.

    I don't think there is any defeat in going where you are supported.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2016 6:55 PM GMT
    As someone who moved from India to Canada and after two and a half years later, back to India; my experience says that there is a new kind of appreciation one has for home and family.

    You should be ready to miss Houston too. It is a place you have lived for sometime, made new connections and built a life on your own where nobody knew you and sometimes these things create a certain crises of what home is but that's the price of seeing and experiencing the world. There never remains a single place that can absorb us in entirety.