Help deciding if this guy is gay?

  • almo89

    Posts: 8

    Feb 13, 2016 12:46 AM GMT
    I'm sure this topic comes up all the time. I need help deciding if a friend of mine could be gay or maybe bi. I met him about a year ago when we started playing on the same sports team. He's really soft spoken and shy and wears some pretty tight pants, if that matters. The only reason I'm confused is because his facebook profile says he's in a relationship with a woman, however no pictures on there of them together to back it up. I've definitely seen him leave with a woman, and before leaving in separate cars they didn't kiss, only awkwardly hugged.

    In one of his Facebook pics, he's holding hands with another guy leaning over and although not making contact with him, he's "kissing" him. Thought it could be just them playing around for the picture but I've never known a straight guy that would do that and make it public joking around or not.

    When we're sitting on the bench together, he sits so that our legs (or at least pads) are touching regardless of how much room there is on the bench. Sometimes thats unavoidable with any teammate we're sitting next to but most of the time there is plenty of room to spread out. When he first joined us he seemed very shy and nervous so I really took him under my wing and that lead to us texting a few times a week. Neither of us has made any real move to ask the other out or anything but he will use a lot of smiley faces and phrases like "aw come on" or "you're making me blush" if I compliment him on anything. Again, I've never known a straight guy to use the phrase "you're making me blush".

    While we talk all the time, we're still not really close enough for me to ask or to come out myself. What do you all think? Straight, gay or bi?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2016 1:06 AM GMT
    almo89 said

    While we talk all the time, we're still not really close enough for me to ask or to come out myself. What do you all think? Straight, gay or bi?


    Well, then get close enough so you caan ask.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 873

    Feb 13, 2016 6:29 AM GMT
    When you come to think about it, why would you really want to know if he is gay or not? icon_question.gif

    What you may want to really know is if this dude is really interested in you?

    Does he find YOU attractive? Sure, he may be as gay as Christmas but if he does not find you attractive, you are really wasting your time wondering about his sexual orientation.

    Change your focus from being interested in his sexual orientation to being interested in how he sees you in terms of attraction. icon_idea.gif

    A dude who says that he is in a relationship with a woman on the FB does so for a reason. Asking him if he is gay or not is most likely NOT your best option here. Actually, talking about this big GAY thing out there is very likely going to be the last thing this guy possibly wants.

    Consider the fact that quite a few guys out there do enjoy m2m sexual and other relationships of all kinds but do NOT wish to be perceived as being GAY at all.

    Mirror his behavior. If he always sits as close to you as possible, do the same. He is blushing in his texts? You do the same! Show guarded interest the way he does and go at his speed.

    SC


  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Feb 13, 2016 8:32 AM GMT
    Just ask him out
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2016 12:29 PM GMT
    What? You mean he doesn't have a tattoo that's says I am gay?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2016 12:59 PM GMT
    Does he wear a jockstrap that says "Nasty Pig"?
  • helloandgoodb...

    Posts: 620

    Feb 13, 2016 1:41 PM GMT
    does he know you are gay? what does your facebook profile says?
  • almo89

    Posts: 8

    Feb 13, 2016 5:03 PM GMT
    helloandgoodbi saiddoes he know you are gay? what does your facebook profile says?


    He doesn't. If anything, he'd probably assume I'm not based on what I drive, wear, political affiliation, hobbies etc. I think most people look for stereotypical signs of someone being gay, which there are none in my case. Hell, I guess thats kind of what I'm doing with him. Ignorantly assuming based on his actions and dress that he could be.
  • almo89

    Posts: 8

    Feb 13, 2016 5:05 PM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidWhen you come to think about it, why would you really want to know if he is gay or not? icon_question.gif

    What you may want to really know is if this dude is really interested in you?







    Yes, I suppose that would have been a better way to word it.
  • namche

    Posts: 13

    Feb 14, 2016 2:53 AM GMT
    Hey, man. I am from New Jersey as well, although a long time gone - and in many, many ways, I miss it and the Northeast terribly.

    From an older guy from the Garden State to one with nearly an entire life in front of you, I'd like to suggest something like this, and hope I don't come off preachy or judgmental, although I recognize I might.

    I'll also try to be honest. Frankly, it hurts to look back and think about what I didn't adequately do at your age and very, very much wish I had. I put myself through hell then and never ought to have. I screwed up for too long. Don't.

    It's now 2016. I am genuinely in love with the future you have in front of you. You really do stand on the shoulders of millions, and it really is a new world. Perfect? No. Better? In many ways, yes. It's been a long road. Consider being a leader that so many, myself included, could not manage to be.

    I see posts similar to yours - and, now yours - and the first thing that comes to mind is something like this:

    Why not stick out your hand in friendship, and just try something like,

    "Buddy. I don't know if you know this, but I'm gay. I've come to really enjoy your companionship and friendship over these months. If you're gay as well, and if you have any interest? You know what? I'd like to ask you on a proper date. Either way, though, as I've come to know you a little better, I feel obliged to share that fact about me. To do otherwise, would be disrespectful and I think you deserve more. Either way, man, if you're game? Let's go have a beer after this one. I'd like an opportunity share a more of our lives, in friendship or otherwise, outside of this ball field. If your up to it? Let do that. Good to go? I hope you are, because I'd like that very much."

  • namche

    Posts: 13

    Feb 14, 2016 2:58 AM GMT
    Sorry. That would a "you're" in the last line of my post.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Feb 14, 2016 3:06 AM GMT
    If he uses the word,"Blush"..he's gay ...TRUST
  • almo89

    Posts: 8

    Feb 14, 2016 3:13 AM GMT
    mybud said If he uses the word,"Blush"..he's gay ...TRUST


    Haha, yeah thats the one that really started to make me think.
  • almo89

    Posts: 8

    Feb 14, 2016 3:19 AM GMT
    namche said


    "Buddy. I don't know if you know this, but I'm gay. I've come to really enjoy your companionship and friendship over these months. If you're gay as well, and if you have any interest? You know what? I'd like to ask you on a proper date. Either way, though, as I've come to know you a little better, I feel obliged to share that fact about me. To do otherwise, would be disrespectful and I think you deserve more. Either way, man, if you're game? Let's go have a beer after this one. I'd like an opportunity share a more of our lives, in friendship or otherwise, outside of this ball field. If your up to it? Let do that. Good to go? I hope you are, because I'd like that very much."




    I've thought about doing it that way. I guess the best way is to let the friendship play out and see what happens. The concern being he's straight and has a problem with it. I'm interested in him, but I could also hide my sexuality from him and be just as happy with the friendship and him never knowing.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Feb 14, 2016 3:22 AM GMT
    Bro...Looked at your profile...You're 27 right?....He knows you're gay.
  • almo89

    Posts: 8

    Feb 14, 2016 3:24 AM GMT
    mybud saidBro...Looked at your profile...You're 27 right?....He knows you're gay.


    How does my age give that away?
  • namche

    Posts: 13

    Feb 14, 2016 3:40 AM GMT
    You: "I've thought about doing it that way. I guess the best way is to let the friendship play out and see what happens. The concern being he's straight and has a problem with it. I'm interested in him, but I could also hide my sexuality from him and be just as happy with the friendship and him never knowing."

    Obviously, it's you're young life. On all that I know, the best way, and I say this with greatest degree of sincerity, isn't to "let the friendship play out and see what happens".

    1. If he has a problem with it, then, I dunno, but it's sorta self-evident, isn't it? that - there isn't a friendship, bud, and

    2. I'd urge you, on the been-there-done-that-stack, not to go down the road of being "just as happy with the friendship never knowing". Really? Never?

    Don't put yourself through that heartbreak - not for him, and, oh, geeze, not for you.

    BTW: If he DOES have a problem with it, I'll fly back to Newark and give you a hug.

    He won't.

    He may not be interested sexually, and, yep, he may be straight or, perhaps, gay and scared. But, the only sound path forward, wherever the chips may land, is to be honest.

    Do THAT. It will be fine.

    There really isn't any alternative.

    Anything else is, well, it just ain't not good.
  • namche

    Posts: 13

    Feb 14, 2016 4:08 AM GMT
    On a lighter note, AMoonhawk said it more succinctly, and myBud more accurately.

    Not too many 27-year old guys send send smiley faces, tells you he's blushing and touch legs together VERY intentionally in the dugout without, uh, having a clue.

    Just ask the guy out.

    ... and try not to be afraid. Nervous? O.K. Afraid. Nah.

    You really, really don't have anything to lose (except yourself) if you don't.

    Swear.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3525

    Feb 14, 2016 4:10 AM GMT
    Well if you are going to act like a 13 year old anyway, tell someone else to tell him you want to fuck him, and see if he accepts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 14, 2016 1:02 PM GMT
    He's gay. Gay. Gay. Gay.