Being a side

  • beaujangle

    Posts: 1701

    Feb 17, 2016 2:11 AM GMT
    In fact, we rarely hear this word. And it's more common than we think

  • mystery905

    Posts: 745

    Feb 17, 2016 2:28 AM GMT
    I'm a side, and I'm proud of it!

  • beaujangle

    Posts: 1701

    Feb 17, 2016 2:45 AM GMT
    mystery905 saidI'm a side, and I'm proud of it!



    +1, me too
  • jlars12

    Posts: 82

    Feb 17, 2016 3:26 AM GMT
    I thought anal was the grossest thing in the world even till I was about 20. Before that porn for me was just pictures of naked guys... anal porn to me then is like watching scat porn today. Eventually I saw some actual porn and grew to like it, so maybe it is a learned taste. I know guys who are sides, as well as tops and bottoms who don't really enjoy doing what they do. I'm sure that if it's generally viewed that one doesn't have to do anal to have sex, those guys might have sex in all sorts of other ways instead. Part of me thinks anal is just gays copying straight sex using whatever hole is available icon_lol.gif
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    Feb 17, 2016 3:54 AM GMT
    theantijock%20engage%20stalker%20reducti

    My usual response:

    Tushies can be cute. That's why they call them tushies. But ass is gross. That's why they call it ass. They put it all the way in the back so you don't have to look at it. If it was pretty like penis they'd have put it up front and center where you could show it off without looking like you're trying to get your head up your ass.

    You might have noticed farts come out of your ass. They designed it like that on purpose. That's so you can walk away from your farts. Otherwise you'd walk into them. Eww. And nothing that smells like fart can be good for you. A fart blows away from the body like an advanced warning system: Beware of Ass. It's like outdated milk. Here, does this smell bad to you? eww


    And I'll add comment towards vid that all the top/bottom stuff only became a big deal later in (at least my) gay life. It wasn't always, as the guy said, a big deal in the gay world, though maybe so throughout his life. When I was younger, and I had a lot of sex, I didn't even know it was a thing.

    Never into it myself, still I didn't care much what people do as long as consenting and no one gets hurt but then I saw guys getting fucked who weren't getting hardons during intercourse.

    So are so-called bottoms who don't get hard really bottoms at all? And if not, then is getting fucked for them really rape, even if willing? I'd think that must effect the psyche.

    Also I think "side" is a stupid name. I'm simply non-anal. We can one-word it. How about nonanal. Nope, still sounds stupid. Someone work on that.
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    Feb 17, 2016 11:05 AM GMT
    If it isn't penetrative sex, it's not sex at all? Why that's the Bill Clinton definition. How very Nineties!
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    Feb 17, 2016 12:27 PM GMT
    WTF is he constantly looking at to the right of the screen and does he have tourettes? His arms and hands are all over the place! DAMN!....twitchy as a whore in church! icon_lol.gif

    Why does every type of sex need a "label"? I thought the point of any "revolution" was to open minds and hearts just enough to recognize that a binary description is not complete. Kinsey started to get the point out with the 1 to 6 scale, but very few things are only 2 dimensional, there is depth and time to consider in the mix and we are only now finding ways to express these...seriously, has "gay" become so "institutional" that our definitions of sex are freezing out the "fluidity" of sexual possibilities? God...I hope not! Now GO HAVE FUN!...however you express it!
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    Feb 17, 2016 3:01 PM GMT
    ^ but it does matter when people feel pressured by rhetoric, by conversation, by dating services with only two options, by forum discussion, by etc etc etc to choose a side when what we are is a side. And we will not be pushed aside. We get a voice too. Only it might sound mumbled. Because we're busy.
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Feb 17, 2016 4:04 PM GMT
    No substitute for the real thing once in a while but for day to day spontaneous sex I'm probably more a side too. In fact, I think I actually prefer taint fucking. From a top perspective I cum easier and bigger when I can pound as hard and fast and deep as I want to without worrying about hurting him.
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    Feb 17, 2016 4:07 PM GMT
    First, I was wondering if the guy in the video would be made mute if he had his hands tied behind him.

    Second, I mostly avoided anal the first few years after I came out. My first BF was an anal aficionado, had even taken formal classes on it, and tried instructing me. I managed the top part OK, but I couldn't relax enough to be a bottom. Fortunately he was very considerate and gentle, didn't force me, and was content to stay the bottom with us.

    My second BF was only a bottom, so that got me off the hook. Except I was too big for him. I could get it in, but not move it without hurting him, even well-lubed, so that sorta had limited appeal for me. He liked me to "twitch" it inside him as he called it, that would elicit a silly giggle and a happy groan from him with each twitch, so at least he was getting something from it.

    For the next few years I mostly did only oral and manual, with an occasional "cameo" performance as a top for some size queen. But I felt I was "incomplete" as a gay man if I remained an anal virgin myself, my education unfinished. A foolish notion, I'll agree, but there it was.

    So I planned it as methodically as I do everything (OCD?), like a military operation. I picked a guy I knew was versatile, and very small, from having previously blown him. And whom I felt I could trust to keep his condom on, go slowly, and stop if I began hurting and said STOP!

    Well, he agreed, and my deflowering was glorious! Didn't hurt, felt great. So great we took turns fucking until dawn. I think he did me at least 3 times, maybe 4. Tried all different positions, at one point on my back, legs on his shoulders, I jerked myself until I came all over my stomach and chest, which thrilled him to his own orgasm while reaming me. It couldn't have been better.

    A couple years later with my new partner I was the bottom. Once again I was too big to be top with him, but that was OK. And what I still liked most to do was blow him, my preferred sex anyway.

    I never became an anal fan like my first BF, but I am versatile in a great many ways. Not into the weird & kinky stuff, I suppose it's termed vanilla off the standard gay sex menu. With anal a little down on my list, but still there.
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    Feb 17, 2016 6:23 PM GMT
    I definitely fit in that " being a side " category ...icon_smile.gif
    I tried it once ( giving and receiving ) and hated it ..
    Never tried again since , and it was 30 yrs ago ...
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    Feb 17, 2016 9:09 PM GMT
    Lots of talk but if he is so proud of being a side why did he not define what a side is rather what a side it not. I'm cluesless . If he is not a top or a bottom is he a cocksucker or is that also penetrative sex?
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    Feb 17, 2016 9:37 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidLots of talk but if he is so proud of being a side why did he not define what a side is rather what a side it not. I'm cluesless . If he is not a top or a bottom is he a cocksucker or is that also penetrative sex?


    Exactly, also gay men have been forgoing anal sex for ad long as I can remember. This is only new if you are the type that talks too much, judges easily, or have just had a limited exposure to gay sex. I personally wouldn't mind a side as a sexual partner. Anal sex is great but foreplay is better.
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    Feb 17, 2016 9:44 PM GMT
    jlars12 saidI thought anal was the grossest thing in the world even till I was about 20. Before that porn for me was just pictures of naked guys... anal porn to me then is like watching scat porn today. Eventually I saw some actual porn and grew to like it, so maybe it is a learned taste. I know guys who are sides, as well as tops and bottoms who don't really enjoy doing what they do. I'm sure that if it's generally viewed that one doesn't have to do anal to have sex, those guys might have sex in all sorts of other ways instead. Part of me thinks anal is just gays copying straight sex using whatever hole is available icon_lol.gif


    If they aren't enjoying sex it's their fault and their fault alone. More guys need to man up and let others know what they want and don't want. When you put yourself out there you would be surprised by what you find.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2016 10:11 PM GMT
    I don't get it? This is a non-issue. He's not into anal... so what? We have Oral, Anal, Foreplay, Fetish, Frottage etc. Most guys do acts according to their comfort level with the other guy(s). Do we really need to add ANOTHER label because a guy is not into anal? His real issue is likely with finding other guys with whom he is sexually compatible with... that's all. He spent the 2 minute clip saying everything but what he is ACTUALLY INTO? Waste of airtime in my honest opinion.
  • slimnmuscly

    Posts: 541

    Feb 18, 2016 12:20 AM GMT
    It's amazing how many guys don't particularly enjoy fucking but feel obligated to go through the tedious motions. Gay men should be more explicit as individuals about what we do and don't want to do in bed, and it's great to challenge the dogma that we have to define ourselves around one particular sex act.

    But the term "side" doesn't do that. Like "top" and "bottom" (when used as nouns) or "versatile," it still defines a guy based on his anal sex preferences. Ditto using "foreplay" to mean "anything but anal."

    Still, a lot of people can't cope without labels, so if "side" helps them get out from under "top," "bottom" or "versatile," I guess it does some good.

    But it's not necessary, and if you tell people you're a side you're still going to have to explain what you want, so why not just skip to that part? Lead with what you like, briefly and unapologetically mention what you don't, and move on if it turns out the other guy can't function sexually unless somebody's dick is up someone's ass.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Feb 18, 2016 12:53 AM GMT
    To each their own, but I'd be like:

    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidWhat...?


    No buttsecks...?!





    meangirls.gif~c200

    ^this
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    Feb 18, 2016 1:47 AM GMT
    Alpha13 saidLots of talk but if he is so proud of being a side why did he not define what a side is rather what a side it not. I'm cluesless . If he is not a top or a bottom is he a cocksucker or is that also penetrative sex?


    Cocksucker? The polite term is oral technician, you fudgepacker.

    I think that those of us who are neither anal top, anal bottom nor anal versatile more often refer to ourselves not as frottage only (though they might care to specify before dinner) or oral (be that oral active or oral passive or Oral Roberts) but that we say non anal because just referring to oral could also mean ew rimming ick ew yuck.

    Also, it isn't as if there might not be top/bottom/versatile/depends on chemistry with oral technicians too. Just because someone enjoys sucking cock, doesn't mean they'd want to suck yours, though given two more beers you may want to suck theirs unless you want to fudgepack them first in which case the label is motherfucking cocksucker.

    Hmmm, that might have taken a bit too long to set up. Someone edit that for me.

    Notice though the pressure already, um, mounting by the ass people upon the penis people. It, um, seeps out even while the whole ass group is trying their best to hold back. Thus we read (just picking examples at random, you can relax your sphincters now) :

    wild_sky360 saidNo substitute for the real thing...

    MrFuscle saidAnal sex is great but foreplay is better.


    which is rather diminishing to men who enjoy oral not anal, whose sexuality is oral or frottage or cuddling or anything but anal.

    So here's my theory on why it has become this. You're all overcompensating for your enormous asses for all the mental abuse you've taken from society hell bent against sodomy generally; for let's face it, ass has always gotten the dirty end of that stick.

    We get it; you're into ass. We have no problem with that. Please understand that we are not.

    This post brought to you by the ass preferred/penise only alliance. Chapters now opening near you.
  • oldfart

    Posts: 328

    Feb 18, 2016 10:57 PM GMT
    MrFuscle said
    ...gay men have been forgoing anal sex for as long as I can remember. This is only new if you are the type that talks too much, judges easily, or have just had a limited exposure to gay sex. I personally wouldn't mind a side as a sexual partner. Anal sex is great but foreplay is better.

    Great points.
    Look, my whole generation got wiped out from AIDS. A very few of us saw it as a choice: Am I going to join in this incredible freedom and fun, or am I gonna be a dull old prude and live to tell? "and I alone [almost] am survived to tell thee." I sorta know what a Holocaust survivor must feel like. It's excruciatingly painful and heartbreaking to think about all my friends - brothers - that we lost.

    And now it's back, from outer space. Of course, buttfucking never went away. But once again it's like racism: if you're not in the majority who do it/like it, you are a Nonperson. Your queer card is reJECTed.

    I actually did it before we saw the catalclysm coming. I vaguely recall enjoying it, sometimes ecstatically. I'm even trying to wear down my ancient resistance and add it back, now that we know how to do it safely. I really don't like the idea that there's something sexual I can't or don't enjoy. I'm a sexual athlete.

    Yes, it's a tired topic. It's also sensitive, and it's enduring. And the next time you hear "everything else is foreplay," think about all those generations of black Americans had no vote, and sucking dick got you burned at the stake.
  • oldfart

    Posts: 328

    Feb 18, 2016 11:00 PM GMT
    PS Thanks for the warnings about the guy in the video. I'm allergic to chicken.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Feb 18, 2016 11:08 PM GMT
    These threads always end up flame wars...

    I get that people who aren't into anal sex feel left out, but I don't get why they feel left out. If I didn't like baseball, I wouldn't feel left out for not playing baseball. I'd only feel upset if I was being forced to play baseball.

    Maybe I'm just irked because theantijock and a few others are trying to make buttsecks sound depraved, just to make themselves feel superior, cleaner, less gross. They should just join a church.

    As usual, theantijock has shit coming out both ends. I wouldn't fuck him even to shut him up.icon_evil.gif
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    Feb 19, 2016 3:04 AM GMT
    It's like being asked if you're black or white and respond "neither". "So you're mixed?" No. "Then what are you?"
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    Feb 19, 2016 3:10 AM GMT
    sunjbill saidI have no problem with someone being in-"side":
    tumblr_neyyoxT67W1qb18qmo1_r2_500.gif


    Needless to say NSFW now.
  • highforthis

    Posts: 680

    Feb 19, 2016 3:25 AM GMT
    slimnmuscly saidIt's amazing how many guys don't particularly enjoy fucking but feel obligated to go through the tedious motions. Gay men should be more explicit as individuals about what we do and don't want to do in bed, and it's great to challenge the dogma that we have to define ourselves around one particular sex act.

    But the term "side" doesn't do that. Like "top" and "bottom" (when used as nouns) or "versatile," it still defines a guy based on his anal sex preferences. Ditto using "foreplay" to mean "anything but anal."

    Still, a lot of people can't cope without labels, so if "side" helps them get out from under "top," "bottom" or "versatile," I guess it does some good.

    But it's not necessary, and if you tell people you're a side you're still going to have to explain what you want, so why not just skip to that part? Lead with what you like, briefly and unapologetically mention what you don't, and move on if it turns out the other guy can't function sexually unless somebody's dick is up someone's ass.


    Totally agree! And I don't see how penetrating someone's mouth counts less as sex than penetrating their fartbox
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    Feb 19, 2016 3:49 AM GMT
    HottJoe saidThese threads always end up flame wars...

    ... a few others are trying to make buttsecks sound depraved, just to make themselves feel superior, cleaner, less gross. They should just join a church.

    Since I'm celibate I can take the highest moral ground ... all of you are depraved gross degenerates!   icon_lol.gif