Is marriage really that important?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2016 2:10 PM GMT
    I'm just trying to get a general consensus here. I know marriage means something different to everyone but I'm one of those guys that sort of look forward to it. It's kind of that milestone in a relationship that I feel you should hit before buy a house together or whatever. Eventually I want to adopt and raise a family.

    I've been with my current boyfriend for 3 years and we talk about it every once in a while but it doesn't seem like too big of a deal to him. Im not getting any younger and starting to wonder if it's even in the cards for me with him. I know it's not for everyone but for those who are interest in getting married, where is it on your priority list? I know 3 years isn't too long but how long do you feel like you should be in a relationship before the consideration of marriage should progress to a reality.
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    Feb 18, 2016 3:02 PM GMT
    We got married new years eve last year. Just walked into the Denver City offices and filled out the forms. It was memorable in that the counter clerk was so OCD friendly.

    Marriage has been available for 1-2 years here. Initially i was big on it and my husband to be was not. He changed his mind about summer last year and I freaked out. I was divorced in 2010. The success rate for repeat offenders is lower. Be patient, marriage means different things to everyone. We had rings and common investments way before we got married.

    We were together for 6years before getting married. Initially i kidnapped him and we had a lesbian move in. During the 6 years both of us have had big life churn and change. Experienced the death of pets, lovers, parents and relationships. Changed lives and careers. Buying selling of homes, cars. Big drama friends come and go. At some point:
    -Why look around anymore? You date enough guys; you start to think; turn a boy ass up and they all are totally the same.
    -You and your partner will always have arguments, after a while they stop being a personal attack.

    There are real benefits of being married for retired couples or those having children. If there is a disparity in incomes or one partner has a standard W2 income and the other owns a business filing joint is not that bad.
    -BE AWARE THERE WILL BE TIMES TESTING THE "IN SICKNESS & HEALTH OR POVERTY & RICHES"


    -being married is insignificant to loving your self.
    -every boy will remain a child themselves till they have children.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Feb 18, 2016 3:19 PM GMT
    My husband is the most important person in my life, and our wedding was the happiest day of my life. I didn't know magic was real until we were standing at the altar in an Episcopal church, surrounded by loved ones, and it was like the clouds overhead parted and the sun finally shined down on us.

    Edit: We got married on our ten-year anniversary!
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    Feb 18, 2016 5:34 PM GMT
    HolyHex001 said. I know it's not for everyone but for those who are interest in getting married, where is it on your priority list? I know 3 years isn't too long but how long do you feel like you should be in a relationship before the consideration of marriage should progress to a reality.


    In my...actually, in other people's experience, long term gay relationships tend to maturate after 5 years. And up until that time and around that time, is when I've most often heard of guys breaking up. I dated several guys who were like, "I was with a guy for 5 years". Well that's not exactly marriage. That's just carrying a whole bunch of baggage into the next relationship. Next time a guy says anything about being in a relationship for 5 years, I'm running for the border. Those guys are always drama. They want to cry on your shoulder, and then the next day stab you in the back and say they aren't looking for anything serious.

    I say calm down, and be patient. Don't rush into marriage especially if he isn't pressing it either. Just be together. And adopting kids and raising a family is great and sentimental, but how does he feel about it?

    At this point for me, my priority for marriage is infathomable because I have barely even been dating. I've just been fucking guys and getting paid. And the guys I have dated, they weren't really long term material anyway. I'm not picky, but I don't settle for less. So I don't even go into situations thinking about marriage until I know I'm not settling for less. I do like your traditional approach with marriage before buying a house. I think guys should get married before making decisions like that.

    And I HATE when I'm dating a guy, maybe only met twice and they say, "I'm not looking for marriage." It's like me neither mother fucker! These guys be living with their exes as roommates, and wanna tell me they don't want to get married. Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit. Ain't nobody wanna marry them but their old sorry ass live-in ex boyfriend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2016 6:16 PM GMT
    Yea its important! I feel like it represents this...

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    Feb 18, 2016 6:16 PM GMT
    Marriage sometimes is the only way to social or legal acknowledgement of a relationship. It depends on what country you live in. In Canada, you are protected and recognised by law as conjugal partners or common law even if you decide not to marry. However, In India it is illegal and often times the only way to social recognition is to marry at Buddhist/Hindu temples that carry off marital proceedings regardless of the gender, in spite of the law. Many families who are completely fine with same-sex relationship would only acknowledge a relationship in fullness once you are married.
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    Feb 18, 2016 6:29 PM GMT
    I don't think so. Marriage is just a social construct. It also seems to put unnecessary stress on relationships. I've seen a bunch of couples that were totally fine while shacking up, and then they got married and ended up wanting to divorce very quickly. The whole concept of marriage is really best suited for lesbos. Lesbians can make it work rather effortlessly. Heteros can barely pull it off half the time, and it's definitely a losing battle for gay men.
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    Feb 18, 2016 6:52 PM GMT
    encouraging the gay population into monogamy marriage may reduce sexually transmitted infections. Like every generation has its disease if you choose to partake in it.

    marriage not for everyone but at least there is a choice.
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    Feb 18, 2016 7:05 PM GMT
    Talljock28 said
    HolyHex001 said. I know it's not for everyone but for those who are interest in getting married, where is it on your priority list? I know 3 years isn't too long but how long do you feel like you should be in a relationship before the consideration of marriage should progress to a reality.


    In my...actually, in other people's experience, long term gay relationships tend to maturate after 5 years. And up until that time and around that time, is when I've most often heard of guys breaking up. I dated several guys who were like, "I was with a guy for 5 years". Well that's not exactly marriage. That's just carrying a whole bunch of baggage into the next relationship. Next time a guy says anything about being in a relationship for 5 years, I'm running for the border. Those guys are always drama. They want to cry on your shoulder, and then the next day stab you in the back and say they aren't looking for anything serious.

    I say calm down, and be patient. Don't rush into marriage especially if he isn't pressing it either. Just be together. And adopting kids and raising a family is great and sentimental, but how does he feel about it?

    At this point for me, my priority for marriage is infathomable because I have barely even been dating. I've just been fucking guys and getting paid. And the guys I have dated, they weren't really long term material anyway. I'm not picky, but I don't settle for less. So I don't even go into situations thinking about marriage until I know I'm not settling for less. I do like your traditional approach with marriage before buying a house. I think guys should get married before making decisions like that.

    And I HATE when I'm dating a guy, maybe only met twice and they say, "I'm not looking for marriage." It's like me neither mother fucker! These guys be living with their exes as roommates, and wanna tell me they don't want to get married. Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit. Ain't nobody wanna marry them but their old sorry ass live-in ex boyfriend.
    .

    Your last paragraph cracked me up. Thanks for the solid advice
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2937

    Feb 18, 2016 7:07 PM GMT
    If it's important to you, then it is important.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Feb 18, 2016 7:08 PM GMT
    CODY4U saidI don't think so. Marriage is just a social construct. It also seems to put unnecessary stress on relationships. I've seen a bunch of couples that were totally fine while shacking up, and then they got married and ended up wanting to divorce very quickly. The whole concept of marriage is really best suited for lesbos. Lesbians can make it work rather effortlessly. Heteros can barely pull it off half the time, and it's definitely a losing battle for gay men.

    I guess my husband and I are lesbos.

    (But at least I have a man!!icon_lol.gif )
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2016 7:34 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    CODY4U saidI don't think so. Marriage is just a social construct. It also seems to put unnecessary stress on relationships. I've seen a bunch of couples that were totally fine while shacking up, and then they got married and ended up wanting to divorce very quickly. The whole concept of marriage is really best suited for lesbos. Lesbians can make it work rather effortlessly. Heteros can barely pull it off half the time, and it's definitely a losing battle for gay men.

    I guess my husband and I are lesbos.

    (But at least I have a man!!icon_lol.gif )


    Well Boni called you a queen so that's a confirmation coming straight from the pope. icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2016 8:14 PM GMT
    Marriage is very important to me. If a guy doesn't want to get married I won't date him. I'm not saying he has to marry me the moment he sees me. If can't imagine our long term goals harmonizing why waste time. As for now I'm just working on myself and making myself a better catch. For the longest time I assumed what was on the inside was what counted. Despite how many gay guys tell me its true I watch guys. I watch guys go for the emotional wreck with the hot body over the guy who is stable but not as hot. I've seen guys ruin relationships over a big dick. I realize you have to dangle a diamond in front of a guy before he'll look deeper. Guys are visual and will go through emotional hell for something shiny than ever settle for stable and supportive. My only fear about marriage is that I'll marry a guy for the same reason most gay guys date. That would be tragic.
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    Feb 18, 2016 8:17 PM GMT
    CODY4U saidI don't think so. Marriage is just a social construct. It also seems to put unnecessary stress on relationships. I've seen a bunch of couples that were totally fine while shacking up, and then they got married and ended up wanting to divorce very quickly. The whole concept of marriage is really best suited for lesbos. Lesbians can make it work rather effortlessly. Heteros can barely pull it off half the time, and it's definitely a losing battle for gay men.


    Did you ever think they weren't actually fine and that marriage was an attempt to save a relationship they didn't want to admit was failing. Its easier, more fun, and socially laudable to get marriage. Hard conversations and working together is much harder.
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    Feb 18, 2016 8:41 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidMy husband is the most important person in my life, and our wedding was the happiest day of my life. I didn't know magic was real until we were standing at the altar in an Episcopal church, surrounded by loved ones, and it was like the clouds overhead parted and the sun finally shined down on us.

    Edit: We got married on our ten-year anniversary!


    I'm really happy for you, Joe, though I have to admit that I'm surprised you would agree to be married in a church given the views you've expressed about religion.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Feb 18, 2016 10:05 PM GMT
    duluthrunner said
    HottJoe saidMy husband is the most important person in my life, and our wedding was the happiest day of my life. I didn't know magic was real until we were standing at the altar in an Episcopal church, surrounded by loved ones, and it was like the clouds overhead parted and the sun finally shined down on us.

    Edit: We got married on our ten-year anniversary!


    I'm really happy for you, Joe, though I have to admit that I'm surprised you would agree to be married in a church given the views you've expressed about religion.

    Minnesota had gay marriage before it became the law of the land, and when my husband and I got engaged, my father-in-law and his wife, who are both Episcopal priests, put a lot of pressure on us to get married in one of their churches. So we joined the church with the gay priest and went every Sunday for many months leading up to our wedding. I really enjoyed being part of an accepting community, and I'm grateful, I really am. Episcopalians are a swell bunch of people. At the time, joining up seemed harmless and fulfilling. In fact, to shun them would've made us feel like total jerks.

    And yet there was something gnawing at me the whole time. I kept wandering the halls, waiting for the God I was raised with to jump out at me and kick my ass down to hell. I was raised with the Catholic God, and the message from that God, which is ingrained in my psyche, is, no to gay marriage, no to gender equality. If the pope's God had been to my wedding, I'm sure there would've been an earthquake in California, or maybe a plague in Texas. As it happened, the Catholic God wasn't at my wedding. There was simply no one there who thought our relationship was a sin. It was like looking for the God who loomed over me like a stone-faced judge and encountering a jolly mall Santa instead. It was all lovely pageantry, but the real Santa wasn't there. Maybe there is no real Santa, I had to admit...

    As for the views I've expressed on RJ, they were largely formed after I was already married. It was right around the time of the Charlie Hebdo attack that I really started to think organized religion was as bad or worse than racism. Sure it's a privilege for those who benefit from it, but I also saw the dark side. I watched my fellow Americans beseeching Muslims to renounce their religion, or else. They were judging people on the inside the way racists judge people on the outside. It really forced me to examine my soul, at which point I realized that I couldn't reconcile asking someone to give up their superstitions if I was unwilling to let go of my own, no matter how happy a mall Santa could make me.

    In the end, I realized that I love the people who came to my wedding and supported us. I hope Episcopalians don't hate me or feel I used them for a wedding. I did it in good faith. Unfortunately, I didn't read the fine print. We wrote so many checks, but that wasn't all there was to it. Now I fear I owe them my soul, or they'll reject me. Who knew a wedding could get so expensive?

    I'm grateful to the Episcopal church and would recommend them to any gay couple that wants a church wedding. I just don't believe in the God of a book that says women are property, or that men will have virgin concubines awaiting them in heaven. And it seems wrong to tell children such things.

    tl;dr: I evolved.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2016 10:16 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    duluthrunner said
    HottJoe saidMy husband is the most important person in my life, and our wedding was the happiest day of my life. I didn't know magic was real until we were standing at the altar in an Episcopal church, surrounded by loved ones, and it was like the clouds overhead parted and the sun finally shined down on us.

    Edit: We got married on our ten-year anniversary!


    I'm really happy for you, Joe, though I have to admit that I'm surprised you would agree to be married in a church given the views you've expressed about religion.

    Minnesota had gay marriage before it became the law of the land, and when my husband and I got engaged, my father-in-law and his wife, who are both Episcopal priests, put a lot of pressure on us to get married in one of their churches. So we joined the church with the gay priest and went every Sunday for many months leading up to our wedding. I really enjoyed being part of an accepting community, and I'm grateful, I really am. Episcopalians are a swell bunch of people. At the time, joining up seemed harmless and fulfilling. In fact, to shun them would've made us feel like total jerks.

    And yet there was something gnawing at me the whole time. I kept wandering the halls, waiting for the God I was raised with to jump out at me and kick my ass down to hell. I was raised with the Catholic God, and the message from that God, which is ingrained in my psyche, is, no to gay marriage, no to gender equality. If the pope's God had been to my wedding, I'm sure there would've been an earthquake in California, or maybe a plague in Texas. As it happened, the Catholic God wasn't at my wedding. There was simply no one there who thought our relationship was a sin. It was like looking for the God who loomed over me like a stone-faced judge and encountering a jolly mall Santa instead. It was all lovely pageantry, but the real Santa wasn't there. Maybe there is no real Santa, I had to admit...

    As for the views I've expressed on RJ, they were largely formed after I was already married. It was right around the time of the Charlie Hebdo attack that I really started to think organized religion was as bad or worse than racism. Sure it's a privilege for those who benefit from it, but I also saw the dark side. I watched my fellow Americans beseeching Muslims to renounce their religion, or else. They were judging people on the inside the way racists judge people on the outside. It really forced me to examine my soul, at which point I realized that I couldn't reconcile asking someone to give up their superstitions if I was unwilling to let go of my own, no matter how happy a mall Santa could make me.

    In the end, I realized that I love the people who came to my wedding and supported us. I hope Episcopalians don't hate me or feel I used them for a wedding. I did it in good faith. Unfortunately, I didn't read the fine print. We wrote so many checks, but that wasn't all there was to it. Now I fear I owe them my soul, or they'll reject me. Who knew a wedding could get so expensive?

    I'm grateful to the Episcopal church and would recommend them to any gay couple that wants a church wedding. I just don't believe in the God of a book that says women are property, or that men will have virgin concubines awaiting them in heaven. And it seems wrong to tell children such things.

    tl;dr: I evolved.


    I really like your post. We must never cease to question the fundamentals that inform our conscience.
  • tj85016

    Posts: 4123

    Feb 18, 2016 10:20 PM GMT
    it is to lawyers icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2016 2:31 AM GMT
    My husband and I were together for almost 5 years before we got married (Illinois, before DOMA was struct done). I don't know how people get married after they've only known someone for such a short time (like 6months to a year). I feel like I've married my best friend -- couldn't be happier. glad we did it...even though it was in the basement of Cook County Circuit marriage court. not the most romantic, but it didn't matter. the judge was more than happy to administer for us.
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    Feb 19, 2016 2:58 AM GMT
    HottJoe said
    CODY4U saidI don't think so. Marriage is just a social construct. It also seems to put unnecessary stress on relationships. I've seen a bunch of couples that were totally fine while shacking up, and then they got married and ended up wanting to divorce very quickly. The whole concept of marriage is really best suited for lesbos. Lesbians can make it work rather effortlessly. Heteros can barely pull it off half the time, and it's definitely a losing battle for gay men.

    I guess my husband and I are lesbos.

    (But at least I have a man!!icon_lol.gif )


    congrats! how long have you been "married"?
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    Feb 19, 2016 3:00 AM GMT
    MrFuscle said
    CODY4U saidI don't think so. Marriage is just a social construct. It also seems to put unnecessary stress on relationships. I've seen a bunch of couples that were totally fine while shacking up, and then they got married and ended up wanting to divorce very quickly. The whole concept of marriage is really best suited for lesbos. Lesbians can make it work rather effortlessly. Heteros can barely pull it off half the time, and it's definitely a losing battle for gay men.


    Did you ever think they weren't actually fine and that marriage was an attempt to save a relationship they didn't want to admit was failing. Its easier, more fun, and socially laudable to get marriage. Hard conversations and working together is much harder.


    No one gets married to save a relationship; that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Everyone knows you get knocked up to save a relationship/trap him.
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    Feb 19, 2016 4:35 AM GMT
    CODY4U said
    MrFuscle said
    CODY4U saidI don't think so. Marriage is just a social construct. It also seems to put unnecessary stress on relationships. I've seen a bunch of couples that were totally fine while shacking up, and then they got married and ended up wanting to divorce very quickly. The whole concept of marriage is really best suited for lesbos. Lesbians can make it work rather effortlessly. Heteros can barely pull it off half the time, and it's definitely a losing battle for gay men.


    Did you ever think they weren't actually fine and that marriage was an attempt to save a relationship they didn't want to admit was failing. Its easier, more fun, and socially laudable to get marriage. Hard conversations and working together is much harder.


    No one gets married to save a relationship; that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Everyone knows you get knocked up to save a relationship/trap him.


    You are really naïve if you think people don't get married because their relationship is in trouble and they assume being married will fix it. Then again I forgot you aren't to be taken seriously.
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    Feb 19, 2016 4:42 AM GMT
    willular saidMy husband and I were together for almost 5 years before we got married (Illinois, before DOMA was struct done). I don't know how people get married after they've only known someone for such a short time (like 6months to a year). I feel like I've married my best friend -- couldn't be happier. glad we did it...even though it was in the basement of Cook County Circuit marriage court. not the most romantic, but it didn't matter. the judge was more than happy to administer for us.


    I think human beings adapt fairly well to whatever culture we are born into. You find it hard to believe how people can get married after knowing each other for a while but arranged marriages are a thing and cab be successful. Every bottom wonders how a guy can fuck vagina but I'm sure most bottoms would be father's had they been born 50 years ago.
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    Feb 19, 2016 4:43 AM GMT
    If you're marriage day was the happiest day of your life, it sounds like the rest was downhill from there.
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    Feb 19, 2016 5:07 AM GMT
    Oh yeah, I bet you can't wait to get married so you can see your husbear once a week and sleep in separate beds. Sounds like heaven!