HottJoe saidMy husband is the most important person in my life, and our wedding was the happiest day of my life. I didn't know magic was real until we were standing at the altar in an Episcopal church, surrounded by loved ones, and it was like the clouds overhead parted and the sun finally shined down on us.
Edit: We got married on our ten-year anniversary!
I'm really happy for you, Joe, though I have to admit that I'm surprised you would agree to be married in a church given the views you've expressed about religion.
Minnesota had gay marriage before it became the law of the land, and when my husband and I got engaged, my father-in-law and his wife, who are both Episcopal priests, put a lot of pressure on us to get married in one of their churches. So we joined the church with the gay priest and went every Sunday for many months leading up to our wedding. I really enjoyed being part of an accepting community, and I'm grateful, I really am. Episcopalians are a swell bunch of people. At the time, joining up seemed harmless and fulfilling. In fact, to shun them would've made us feel like total jerks.
And yet there was something gnawing at me the whole time. I kept wandering the halls, waiting for the God I was raised with to jump out at me and kick my ass down to hell. I was raised with the Catholic God, and the message from that God, which is ingrained in my psyche, is, no to gay marriage, no to gender equality. If the pope's God had been to my wedding, I'm sure there would've been an earthquake in California, or maybe a plague in Texas. As it happened, the Catholic God wasn't at my wedding. There was simply no one there who thought our relationship was a sin. It was like looking for the God who loomed over me like a stone-faced judge and encountering a jolly mall Santa instead. It was all lovely pageantry, but the real Santa wasn't there. Maybe there is no real Santa, I had to admit...
As for the views I've expressed on RJ, they were largely formed after I was already married. It was right around the time of the Charlie Hebdo attack that I really started to think organized religion was as bad or worse than racism. Sure it's a privilege for those who benefit from it, but I also saw the dark side. I watched my fellow Americans beseeching Muslims to renounce their religion, or else. They were judging people on the inside the way racists judge people on the outside. It really forced me to examine my soul, at which point I realized that I couldn't reconcile asking someone to give up their superstitions if I was unwilling to let go of my own, no matter how happy a mall Santa could make me.
In the end, I realized that I love the people who came to my wedding and supported us. I hope Episcopalians don't hate me or feel I used them for a wedding. I did it in good faith. Unfortunately, I didn't read the fine print. We wrote so many checks, but that wasn't all there was to it. Now I fear I owe them my soul, or they'll reject me. Who knew a wedding could get so expensive?
I'm grateful to the Episcopal church and would recommend them to any gay couple that wants a church wedding. I just don't believe in the God of a book that says women are property, or that men will have virgin concubines awaiting them in heaven. And it seems wrong to tell children such things.
tl;dr: I evolved.