I Need Some Help And Opinions

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 21, 2016 11:53 AM GMT
    So, I think I might be giving this Guy I have been trying to get to know, more excuses for treating me like he does, than maybe what he deserves; but I keep undermining my vibes with him for some reason.

    We first started talking on one of the Gay Applications. He messaged me first. There was decent conversation between us, and we did exchange a few Photos with one another. He never actually stated he wanted sex though, or just to hook up with me, and then forget about me for Months on end until his next needed release. I told him I am interested in friendship and connection. I didn't rule out being sexually intimate with him, but I made it clear that I wouldn't unless I felt a connection, and that we would still keep in contact with each other. He had no issue with this, and gave the impression that he was thinking and feeling along the same line. But, I know from common sense and experience, that nothing is truly clear until you meet the Guy in person, and gauge things from there. So, at this point, we are both extremely excited to see each other, and we schedule a day that works best for us to meet. He lived close to me and said he could and would pick me up, and drop me back home, or anywhere else I liked afterwards. I was appreciative for this. Anyway, so, he picks me up after 9:00AM once he finished at the Gym and takes me back to his house. He was super nice to me in person, and was able to have good conversation in real life too. At this point, I am even more excited. When we get to his house, I no sooner walk into his house with him, and he is kissing me so hard and really rushing with everything! I did let him and reciprocate, because I actually was really shocked, thereby feeling unable to gather myself and think! He walks me over to his bed, and then as we were laying in there naked, he asks me if I want to f*** him, or if I want be f*****. At this point, I am not interested, my excitement is gone, and I am feeling nervous and rushed as hell! I decline to both, because, it's our first meet, and this was not what we talked about. It was all suppose to be a natural progression to even getting to emotional and sexual intimacy. I put my clothes back on, and he has a shower. We didn't have sex, but he tells me he has to shower, because he has an Appointment to get a Tattoo done. He never mentioned this beforehand to me. He told me he was free all Morning, but the day of, he tells me he forgot about his Tattoo Appointment, and that we need to leave. I was only there for 30 minutes. I understood, and then we left. He never text me for quite a while, unless I initiated sending him messages. I put this down to his very busy life, and just being overall exhausted after each day etc. We see each other another two times, both being very far apart in timeframe. The second time seeing him, he avoided any and all closeness or affectionate body language with me, like I had the Black Plague. Helping him with his Horses, he proceeds to tell me he worries that I am too young. He is nearly 40. I am 23. But this never bothered him in the beginning. I assured him age is not an issue to me, so please don't feel bad in any way. He says; "I know it's not". I was at his place the second time around for close to 3 hours. On leaving his place, I affectionately just touched his shoulder while we were talking, and he completely cringed at me doing it! I felt really embarrassed and confused that he cringed like he did, like I was so disgusting and unclean! I messaged him back on the Gay Application a week later, asking him what is going on. I wanted to know why he was not texting me at all, and why were they one line text messages, that never answered anything. Even simple things. I never sent him annoying text messages anyway, especially ridiculous long text messages, that I knew he wouldn't appreciate because of having no time. But, at least make sense and answer properly with short text messages! He messages me back, explaining that I am too young, but he really likes me and wants to be friends. I reply back saying that we were working on getting to know each other and being friends at the very least anyway; as agreed on in the beginning. He replies back; "I am sorry". "You can have a ride on my horse when you come over next". Lastly, we meet for a third time, back in late 2015 last year. He asked if I wanted to sleep over. I declined, because I didn't feel comfortable this soon to do that, but Thanked him anyway. I stayed there for the longest out of the previous visits, into the nighttime. But, I had to waste all our time watching him forget about our scheduled time together, with dedicating his time and energy to a Female Client of his, whom he was looking after her Horse; and Training her Horse. Again, he assured me he had nothing on and nothing to do, as this was a Sunday this time around. As soon as I got out his Car, he proceeds to tell me his Friend/Client Cass is coming over. I felt like calling a Taxi/Cab back home, as this was the third time he blew off our time together. I stayed anyway, he cooked me a Vegan Dinner, (He isn't Vegan) and after telling me he didn't want anything else but friendship; he tried to have sex with me again. Since that time, I message him, and he only replies 3 out of 10 times. He has been nice to me, but, is it clear that what is going on is just bullshit, and I should stop trying with him?????
  • mystery905

    Posts: 745

    Feb 21, 2016 12:24 PM GMT
    TL;DR ?
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    Feb 21, 2016 12:37 PM GMT
    mystery905 saidTL;DR ?


    It isn't that long. The details are necessary to get and understand the full scenario/situation. I understand if it does seem long to other Guys though, and respect that I won't get Replies because of that.
  • interestingch...

    Posts: 694

    Feb 21, 2016 12:50 PM GMT
    He just wanted sex and wasn't interested in anything else, because nothing happened between you on the first meeting he is pissed off and just making excuses about the tattoo etc, DO NOT put yourself in a position where you will be used, having self respect is important and you don't want to loose that, if you were just after a quick fling then fine, you both know what you are doing but it seems that isn't what you want and if he can't accept that then he is not respecting your opinion and therefore not worth having a relationship with.
    He obviously can't be honest with you or even himself as he keeps being erratic with your dates and can't seem to tell the truth, if he only wants sex then why not be just honest about it.
    I think you should tell this guy what you think and not see him anymore, there could be issues with commitment or family issues because of being gay, maybe he isn't out or maybe he is just an arse hole, who knows, I'm sure you have an idea deep down to what is going on with him and for me never having met the guy can't judge that, only you can. I think you shouldn't see him but tell him why so he can learn from it.
    Good luck and keep us informed with how it goes.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Feb 21, 2016 9:10 PM GMT
    A good way to understand the complexities of this relationship is to try and put yourself in his shoes.

    There is a generational gap between the two of you. This may not matter to you personally but it affects your interaction nonetheless. Your friend belongs to the generation that usually did not pre-condition m2m sex with any sort of emotional bond. If the sex worked out fine, then the bonds grew anyway. So, he goes around saying, 'yeah, I want to be your friend, etc.', but since you cringed away from him, he is now cringing away from you, and does not want to experience yet another rejection.

    He is indeed, erratic with his time management probably signaling that he does not want to invest more of his time in you, simply because the whole thing is not really going anywhere.

    He is also too experienced to simply break it. So, he keeps you on the furthest back burner as yet another possible option at zero cost.

    Live and learn.

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 21, 2016 11:00 PM GMT
    Yeah, it sounds like you guys want two different kinds of friendship. Maybe it just won't work out like you want. It is a learning experience for you for sure.
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    Feb 22, 2016 7:53 PM GMT
    if it didnt work the very first go round dont see why you continue to text him.
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    Feb 23, 2016 6:43 AM GMT
    mystery905 saidTL;DR ?

    I concur. With all the bombardment of social media these days, anything longer than a short paragraph is a tl;dr.

    At least break it up into smaller paragraphs. Some of us have the attention spans of ferrets!
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    Feb 23, 2016 3:25 PM GMT
    the OP really needs to organize his thoughts. For example you have to remember to disregard any life changing decisions the first 22 minutes after waking up in the morning. that much out poring of outward display if inner reality is bad for anyone's eyes.
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    Feb 25, 2016 1:38 AM GMT
    runner1701 said
    mystery905 saidTL;DR ?

    I concur. With all the bombardment of social media these days, anything longer than a short paragraph is a tl;dr.

    At least break it up into smaller paragraphs. Some of us have the attention spans of ferrets!


    It's not my fault the bombardment of Social Media, has influenced you to develop a shorter attention span. If you viewed my Post, and didn't want to read it, why comment? Your attitude is the real problem here, not my long Post. I will make my Post's shorter, next time though.
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    Feb 25, 2016 1:43 AM GMT
    pellaz saidthe OP really needs to organize his thoughts. For example you have to remember to disregard any life changing decisions the first 22 minutes after waking up in the morning. that much out poring of outward display if inner reality is bad for anyone's eyes.


    Excuse me, don't allow your inability to read anything longer on the Internet then what you are use to, to make a false claim of me not having my thoughts organised. My thoughts are precisely organised, which is why I wrote a long Post, covering the whole scenario. A lot of people can't remember what they had for their breakfast, and I can remember everything, including the finer details. It's why I excel in the areas of my life to be Studious, and successful. I understand your viewpoint to a certain extent, but if you have no regard to make a comment that's related to this Post; why comment at all?
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    Feb 25, 2016 1:49 AM GMT
    pellaz saidif it didnt work the very first go round dont see why you continue to text him.


    Because, he kept reassuring me to keep in contact with him, and because he told me he really liked me, more than once. So it was creating confusion, as his actions were in direct contrast to what he was telling me, and I kept making excuses for him. Hence why I wrote this Post to gain positive, practical, and helpful advice and opinions from other Guys.
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    Feb 25, 2016 2:09 AM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidA good way to understand the complexities of this relationship is to try and put yourself in his shoes.

    There is a generational gap between the two of you. This may not matter to you personally but it affects your interaction nonetheless. Your friend belongs to the generation that usually did not pre-condition m2m sex with any sort of emotional bond. If the sex worked out fine, then the bonds grew anyway. So, he goes around saying, 'yeah, I want to be your friend, etc.', but since you cringed away from him, he is now cringing away from you, and does not want to experience yet another rejection.

    He is indeed, erratic with his time management probably signaling that he does not want to invest more of his time in you, simply because the whole thing is not really going anywhere.

    He is also too experienced to simply break it. So, he keeps you on the furthest back burner as yet another possible option at zero cost.

    Live and learn.

    SC


    If I wasn't putting myself in his shoes, I wouldn't be so persistent with him, or I wouldn't have been understanding to him being erratic and a little rude towards our plans we made in advance; or otherwise. I understand what you mean about the generational gap, and I understand it's probably true that his generation didn't/doesn't care for any emotional bond. I never rejected him, or cringed away from him. Where did you get that from? And if he doesn't want to invest time with me, even though I have given him all of my time, why is he still wanting me to some extent. You would think that he has the ability to tell me what is really going on, and what he really is intending to have or do with me. And if he genuinely is "too experienced" to simply break all contact with me, so he can selfishly have all he wants at zero cost to him; then I guess I have my answer.
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    Feb 25, 2016 2:19 AM GMT
    interestingchap saidHe just wanted sex and wasn't interested in anything else, because nothing happened between you on the first meeting he is pissed off and just making excuses about the tattoo etc, DO NOT put yourself in a position where you will be used, having self respect is important and you don't want to loose that, if you were just after a quick fling then fine, you both know what you are doing but it seems that isn't what you want and if he can't accept that then he is not respecting your opinion and therefore not worth having a relationship with.
    He obviously can't be honest with you or even himself as he keeps being erratic with your dates and can't seem to tell the truth, if he only wants sex then why not be just honest about it.
    I think you should tell this guy what you think and not see him anymore, there could be issues with commitment or family issues because of being gay, maybe he isn't out or maybe he is just an arse hole, who knows, I'm sure you have an idea deep down to what is going on with him and for me never having met the guy can't judge that, only you can. I think you shouldn't see him but tell him why so he can learn from it.
    Good luck and keep us informed with how it goes.


    I am starting to realise that now, that he only wanted sex, despite all that he said, which was suppose to be aligned with what I was thinking, feeling, wanting, and needing. I think you are right that he was pissed off with me. Well, I thought I was being self-respected by what he was assuring me of, and I just got caught up with making excuses for his behaviour. You're very right about me not wanting or desiring a quick fling with him, and I agree with everything you stated. I know his Mother is disgusted by him being Gay, because she is a strict Catholic, and he told me all of this the night he cooked me dinner. I am going to tell him what I really think and feel, and I will definitely Post an Update of what happens. Thank-you for being the only Guy thus far who has read ALL my Post, and offered something very valuable and logical to the table.
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    Feb 25, 2016 2:24 AM GMT
    javelin7 saidYeah, it sounds like you guys want two different kinds of friendship. Maybe it just won't work out like you want. It is a learning experience for you for sure.


    For sure! It's not going to work out either way. His recent texts he sent me, prove that he is so detached.
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    Feb 26, 2016 6:15 AM GMT
    CurtisLG said
    runner1701 said
    mystery905 saidTL;DR ?

    I concur. With all the bombardment of social media these days, anything longer than a short paragraph is a tl;dr.

    At least break it up into smaller paragraphs. Some of us have the attention spans of ferrets!


    It's not my fault the bombardment of Social Media, has influenced you to develop a shorter attention span. If you viewed my Post, and didn't want to read it, why comment? Your attitude is the real problem here, not my long Post. I will make my Post's shorter, next time though.

    I apologise. I'm usually the one that's complaining of people (on any website) responding even though they didn't read the topic. And now I'm one of those idiots. My bad.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2016 6:32 AM GMT
    runner1701 said
    CurtisLG said
    runner1701 said
    mystery905 saidTL;DR ?

    I concur. With all the bombardment of social media these days, anything longer than a short paragraph is a tl;dr.

    At least break it up into smaller paragraphs. Some of us have the attention spans of ferrets!

    It's not my fault the bombardment of Social Media, has influenced you to develop a shorter attention span. If you viewed my Post, and didn't want to read it, why comment? Your attitude is the real problem here, not my long Post. I will make my Post's shorter, next time though.

    I apologise. I'm usually the one that's complaining of people (on any website) responding even though they didn't read the topic. And now I'm one of those idiots. My bad.

    The problem is not short or long, but readability. Frequent paragraph breaks are necessary on a computer screen. The eye simply cannot follow an unbroken wall of text that large.

    Even printed articles do not go unbroken for as long as the OP gave us. He'd be given a "D" grade for that post in any writing class.

    And I still haven't read it all, because I honestly cannot follow that many continuous lines. Not unless I put a ruler up against the screen to help my eyes move down orderly from one line to the next without getting lost. So I think the criticisms here are valid.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Feb 26, 2016 7:21 AM GMT
    If you're looking for a guy you are either doing it all wrong or he is just not he one for you. The I'm a virgin act doesn't really cut it when you get older, it's a game and guys catch on fast and see right through it. Older guys don't have time for games, they've been through them enough in their life, so if you are trying to act like you are sweet and innocent, just hang it up and start being yourself.
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    Feb 28, 2016 1:31 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidIf you're looking for a guy you are either doing it all wrong or he is just not he one for you. The I'm a virgin act doesn't really cut it when you get older, it's a game and guys catch on fast and see right through it. Older guys don't have time for games, they've been through them enough in their life, so if you are trying to act like you are sweet and innocent, just hang it up and start being yourself.


    There is nothing to see through, because I am not playing the; "innocent", or; "I'm a Virgin act". Some Older Guys have a funny way of showing that they have "no time for games", by consistently PLAYING GAMES. As is the case with this Guy, if you read my Post. Older Guys aren't always smarter, wiser, or have more experience. They can be ridiculously stupid, unfair, and love nothing more than to play Games. And I am NOT acting like I a sweet. I am sweet! I have given him nothing but who I am, and I always am myself!
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    Feb 28, 2016 6:51 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    runner1701 said
    CurtisLG said
    runner1701 said
    mystery905 saidTL;DR ?

    I concur. With all the bombardment of social media these days, anything longer than a short paragraph is a tl;dr.

    At least break it up into smaller paragraphs. Some of us have the attention spans of ferrets!

    It's not my fault the bombardment of Social Media, has influenced you to develop a shorter attention span. If you viewed my Post, and didn't want to read it, why comment? Your attitude is the real problem here, not my long Post. I will make my Post's shorter, next time though.

    I apologise. I'm usually the one that's complaining of people (on any website) responding even though they didn't read the topic. And now I'm one of those idiots. My bad.

    The problem is not short or long, but readability. Frequent paragraph breaks are necessary on a computer screen. The eye simply cannot follow an unbroken wall of text that large.

    Even printed articles do not go unbroken for as long as the OP gave us. He'd be given a "D" grade for that post in any writing class.

    And I still haven't read it all, because I honestly cannot follow that many continuous lines. Not unless I put a ruler up against the screen to help my eyes move down orderly from one line to the next without getting lost. So I think the criticisms here are valid.


    Whether you wanted and needed me to use paragraphing, or not, doesn't change the fact that it's not necessary for you to leave a comment whatsoever; which is unrelated to addressing the information in the ACTUAL Post. You could have wrote nothing and not read my Post, and moved on. That would have been more decent, and I would have preferred no comments at all on this Post, then all the mindless dribble about Paragraphs. There are endless Readings I have to complete for my University Studies, that are not Paragraphed. Of course Paragraphing is needed, and essential to written Articles and such. However, it's not in every single case. Considering this is REALJOCK for crying out loud, I didn't have much concern for Paragraphing. And as far as readability is concerned, that is what Glasses help with. I have read and seen things Online or elsewhere, that overuse Paragraphing, to the point where that actually warrants getting a bad mark for your Paper/s; applying it to an Academic setting. Lastly, if you read at least of some of what I wrote in my Post, and still felt the unnecessary need to whinge about lack of Paragraphing, you could have still bothered since you are already viewing my Post; to have actually added some VALUABLE input to my plight.