Is this it?

  • warrior1234

    Posts: 204

    Feb 21, 2016 3:44 PM GMT
    I'm gay born and raised in the UK. I'm 27 years old. I feel like I don't fit in with the gay community. I use gay dating sites but nobody talks to me and yes I message them first about their interests after reading their profile. Still no luck. Except I do get some 50 or 60 years olds coming on to me online.

    I went to a gay bar during daytime with a friend once. The guys there were mainly old and singing Elton John and George Michael songs. I don't listen to them. I don't look up to Elton John and George Michael at all. They mean nothing to me.

    I also suffer from a lot of anxiety and depression. A few months a go I managed to get a job. I'm currently working part time. And I'm studying a bookkeeping course in order to better myself.

    But what pisses me off is that I remember back years ago like in 2010 and 2011 I used to support gay rights. I still kinda do but these days I just don't care. There are a lot more issues in the world than just gay rights. I feel as if the gay community has come a long way with gay rights now. Gays can get married and have kids. Unfortunately all that means nothing to me because I'm not one of those people. It feels like being gay is more of a white man thing. I know that might upset some people on here but that is the shit I see. When I heard about gays in the media, they are always referring gay white men. I'm mainly attracted to white men but white men are obviously not attracted to south asian men such as myself. Especially the ones in the UK.

    What future do I have with me being gay? There seems to be nothing for me out there. I'm already 27 years old and I've never had a boyfriend, sex or even a first kiss. A part of me now hates the gay community. At first I used to love support other gays for gay marriage and all that crap.

    But what does it mean for me?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 21, 2016 4:14 PM GMT
    Anxiety and depression are no fun. I suffer from it sometimes, too.

    The best advice I can give you is only go to gay areas when you're in a good mood. If not, people can sense that you're depressed and will shy away.
  • De_Couteau

    Posts: 11

    Feb 21, 2016 4:52 PM GMT
    I echo the above.

    Sounds like you're on the right track with maintaining a job and studying a course to better yourself. A lot of people seem to seek out others to make themselves happy and complete but you'll have to focus on yourself first.

    Get some stability, get great at your job, get into a few great hobbies and get really comfortable with yourself. When you like yourself it's more attractive and it makes it easier for other guys to like you. That's been my experience, and it kind of touches on something everyone goes through, not just gay people, I think.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 21, 2016 5:15 PM GMT
    Don't be an age queen .. IF you looking for a friend , age should not be too much of a consideration , if you are looking for sex then you will have to find someone you are attracted to .
    You should broaden you friend circle because you might be able to find the pearl you are looking for through them ..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 21, 2016 5:22 PM GMT
    Going to a bar in the daytime? Sounds like a recipe for depression.
  • warrior1234

    Posts: 204

    Feb 21, 2016 6:27 PM GMT
    Paulflexes
    Thank you for replying Paul. Yeah depression and anxiety is no fun. When went to a gay bar I was in a good mood. I was with a friend too. We went at daytime because I was meeting my friend in town and she decided to take me to a gay bar for the first time.

    De_Couteau
    Thank you De_Couteau . The only hobbies I’m into is mainly listening to music, watching Netflix, comic books and attending conventions which is my new hobby.
    I’m ok with my job. I’m a temp. I started working in September. It was only a 3 month position full time. They then decided to keep me on for another 3 months with reduced hours (part time). I agreed to take it as I really wanted to make time to do other things like see a friend of mine during daytime in Birmingham (UK) and do a Bookkeeping course.

    Neffa
    Thank you Neffa. The age thing is to do with people hitting on me online without having any pics. Those people I end up ignoring. If it’s for friendship then I’d be fine with that as long at the person isn’t a weirdo or something like that. I will try and broaden my friend circle. That’s the next thing I will work on. You are absolutely right about that.

    Mindgarden
    I only went at day time because I met up with my friend and she decided that we go for a drink at the gay bar. I don’t usually get to go out much unless it’s to work or to do the shopping.

    There are a lot of things I’m confused about me being gay. I’m not into anal sex. And if I will have sex with a guy I would need to know if they look good naked, you know what I mean? I’m not sure how to describe what I’m into.
  • nice_chap

    Posts: 277

    Feb 21, 2016 7:35 PM GMT
    What dating sites are you using?

    I'm taking along break from dating sites and hookup apps because I'm bored of people who only want to ask if I'm top or bottom and ask me to show pics of my cock.

    For actual friendships, I use outeverywhere.com It's more aimed at making new friends rather than dating, though you do have the option to indicate if you're open to dating as well. But the people I've met on there actually talk to me about hobbies and interests and mundane things like work. It might not be for everyone, but it's good enough for me because I live in an area with a very small gay population, and I just want other gay men to chat to about normal things besides just sex.

    As others have said, going to a gay pub during the day is a bad idea. Better to go in the evening when things liven up a bit more, and there will be more younger people around. They are likely to play more up to date music during the night as well, if that's what you're into. It'll be a totally different atmosphere.
    It's good that you have a friend you can go with.

    It can be difficult to find a gay social life that makes you feel satisfied, but don't let one or two disappointing experiences put you off. It's worth having another go.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 21, 2016 7:41 PM GMT
    warrior1234 saidPaulflexes
    Thank you for replying Paul. Yeah depression and anxiety is no fun. When went to a gay bar I was in a good mood. I was with a friend too. We went at daytime because I was meeting my friend in town and she decided to take me to a gay bar for the first time.
    You're welcome! icon_biggrin.gif
    Going with a friend for the first time is a great idea. Once you're comfortable with it and ready to meet up with a guy, it's usually best to go by yourself. Having a friend along makes it very difficult to meet someone, cause they usually want to leave the bar and go somewhere else, like dinner, or the park if it's daytime.

    warrior1234 saidThere are a lot of things I’m confused about me being gay. I’m not into anal sex. And if I will have sex with a guy I would need to know if they look good naked, you know what I mean? I’m not sure how to describe what I’m into.
    I'm the same way...not into anal. That narrows down the selection quite a bit, but it's not impossible to meet others like that. Personally I generally go for "straight" guys who are comfortable with letting me touch them, and sometimes they'll be a little bi and masturbate with me. That's not great for relationships, but it makes for a great friendship...even without the sexual part.
  • warrior1234

    Posts: 204

    Feb 21, 2016 8:08 PM GMT
    nice_chap saidWhat dating sites are you using?

    I'm taking along break from dating sites and hookup apps because I'm bored of people who only want to ask if I'm top or bottom and ask me to show pics of my cock.

    For actual friendships, I use outeverywhere.com It's more aimed at making new friends rather than dating, though you do have the option to indicate if you're open to dating as well. But the people I've met on there actually talk to me about hobbies and interests and mundane things like work. It might not be for everyone, but it's good enough for me because I live in an area with a very small gay population, and I just want other gay men to chat to about normal things besides just sex.

    As others have said, going to a gay pub during the day is a bad idea. Better to go in the evening when things liven up a bit more, and there will be more younger people around. They are likely to play more up to date music during the night as well, if that's what you're into. It'll be a totally different atmosphere.
    It's good that you have a friend you can go with.

    It can be difficult to find a gay social life that makes you feel satisfied, but don't let one or two disappointing experiences put you off. It's worth having another go.


    Hi Nice_chap. I'm using Gaydar, Planetromeo, Manhunt, Scruff and Manjam. I always get confused when people ask me if I'm top or bottom. It really turns me off. I can't even remember which ones which lol. I suck at being gay lol

    I might give that one a go (outeverywhere.com).
    About the gay bar thing, I don't usually got out at nights to be honest with you. The gay bars in Birmingham (UK) would be a issue for me to go to at nights because I would need to get back home in Wolverhampton relying on public transport by myself. I'm always worried about my safety.

    Thank you for your advice nice_chap.

  • warrior1234

    Posts: 204

    Feb 21, 2016 8:11 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    warrior1234 saidPaulflexes
    Thank you for replying Paul. Yeah depression and anxiety is no fun. When went to a gay bar I was in a good mood. I was with a friend too. We went at daytime because I was meeting my friend in town and she decided to take me to a gay bar for the first time.
    You're welcome! icon_biggrin.gif
    Going with a friend for the first time is a great idea. Once you're comfortable with it and ready to meet up with a guy, it's usually best to go by yourself. Having a friend along makes it very difficult to meet someone, cause they usually want to leave the bar and go somewhere else, like dinner, or the park if it's daytime.

    warrior1234 saidThere are a lot of things I’m confused about me being gay. I’m not into anal sex. And if I will have sex with a guy I would need to know if they look good naked, you know what I mean? I’m not sure how to describe what I’m into.
    I'm the same way...not into anal. That narrows down the selection quite a bit, but it's not impossible to meet others like that. Personally I generally go for "straight" guys who are comfortable with letting me touch them, and sometimes they'll be a little bi and masturbate with me. That's not great for relationships, but it makes for a great friendship...even without the sexual part.


    I'm just more into muscle worship. I seem to be only attracted to bodybuilder muscle guys ever since I was a little kid. That's the only sexual thing I look forward to and fantasise about. But chances of experiencing that in real life is very slim.

    So straight guys masturbate with you? Tell me more about that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 21, 2016 8:17 PM GMT
    warrior1234 said
    paulflexes said
    warrior1234 saidPaulflexes
    Thank you for replying Paul. Yeah depression and anxiety is no fun. When went to a gay bar I was in a good mood. I was with a friend too. We went at daytime because I was meeting my friend in town and she decided to take me to a gay bar for the first time.
    You're welcome! icon_biggrin.gif
    Going with a friend for the first time is a great idea. Once you're comfortable with it and ready to meet up with a guy, it's usually best to go by yourself. Having a friend along makes it very difficult to meet someone, cause they usually want to leave the bar and go somewhere else, like dinner, or the park if it's daytime.

    warrior1234 saidThere are a lot of things I’m confused about me being gay. I’m not into anal sex. And if I will have sex with a guy I would need to know if they look good naked, you know what I mean? I’m not sure how to describe what I’m into.
    I'm the same way...not into anal. That narrows down the selection quite a bit, but it's not impossible to meet others like that. Personally I generally go for "straight" guys who are comfortable with letting me touch them, and sometimes they'll be a little bi and masturbate with me. That's not great for relationships, but it makes for a great friendship...even without the sexual part.


    I'm just more into muscle worship. I seem to be only attracted to bodybuilder muscle guys ever since I was a little kid. That's the only sexual thing I look forward to and fantasise about. But chances of experiencing that in real life is very slim.

    So straight guys masturbate with you? Tell me more about that.
    Every once in a while, yeah. Most of the time they just enjoy the attention while flexing for me, cause I also like muscle worship, but with thin/defined guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 21, 2016 8:24 PM GMT
    All you need to do is find just one guy. Perhaps a dude with some intelligence and maybe some kindness and who isn't afraid of being gay. You ain't bad looking by any stretch of the imagination. It's just a matter of numbers.
    Don't give up.
  • warrior1234

    Posts: 204

    Feb 21, 2016 8:27 PM GMT
    bon_pan saidAll you need to do is find just one guy. Perhaps a dude with some intelligence and maybe some kindness and who isn't afraid of being gay. You ain't bad looking. It's just a matter of numbers.
    Don't give up.


    Thank you bon_pan
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Feb 21, 2016 8:52 PM GMT
    Collective wisdom seems to be working here pretty well!icon_idea.gif

    First and foremost, you want to turn off your negativity switch. Telling us that you do not know/care for Elton John/George Michael, etc., won't really make you more attractive to anyone. Telling us the good stuff about you; the stuff you are into may get you quite some traction with the like-minded folks.

    Second off, it is very true that the birds of the feather flock together. This is how it is, and we will be all wasting our lives by debating this well-known fact ad nauseam here. If you are not getting so much resonance among the white guys, try the dudes who may be sharing your ethnic background, too. The wider the search parameters the better are the chances...

    Third off, the people are the way they are, and their prefered sexual roles as such have not changed for a very long time now. By far, most gay guys identify themselves as being tops or bottoms or versatile... You and I disliking it won't really get you very far, will it? Point out that you are into muscle worship and trading handjobs, etc.. Start accepting the fact that we have all somehow learnt to adapt ourselves to the actual circumstances of our lives. Sex, too, is a bit of 'give and take'. If you show no flexibility and project yourself as someone who is out there only to fulfill his agenda only, the chances are that you'll get plenty of rejections mostly because so many people out there ARE on a mission to punish whomever they perceive as being selfish.

    Fourth off, plan ahead and figure out how to join the gay bunch out there even when the public transportation stops. If other dudes can do it, you can do it, too.

    SC



  • warrior1234

    Posts: 204

    Feb 22, 2016 5:25 PM GMT
    Thank you SilverRRCloud.icon_biggrin.gif