Do You Judge People By Their Friends?

  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Feb 26, 2016 2:01 PM GMT
    I'm sure you've heard the saying "people judge you, by the company you keep". Are any of you less inclined to get to know someone if they hang with shady people? Do you think someone's friends is a good indication of their character?
  • mar0302

    Posts: 273

    Feb 26, 2016 4:59 PM GMT
    Definitely important what kind of people someone hangs out with.. It's insightful to understand their morals and views..
  • Tawrich

    Posts: 62

    Feb 26, 2016 5:23 PM GMT
    Nope but I do count how they treat their friends, how diverse their friends are (not necessarily race. ideology is more important to me. I respect people who can view different sides of arguments and are willing to understand them if not agree), and how many they have.
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    Feb 26, 2016 5:24 PM GMT
    NyRuinz said...less inclined to get to know someone if they hang with shady people?

    YES
    -like everyone has too much time on their hands and likes to do charity work. Why is your new friend hanging with un desirable charity cases?
    -dont get invited to a crowd of people you are not compatible with.


    NyRuinz said... Do you think someone's friends is a good indication of their character?
    look for a new friend you consider your equal. If they have friends that are their better in some areas and equal in most it a good indication where your prospective new friend is headed.


    NyRuinz saidI'm sure you've heard the saying "people judge you, by the company you keep"...
    judge people by their actions, words. Also judge your new friend on how he loves him self. Make sure the treats other people and your self a little better than he treats himself.
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    Feb 26, 2016 5:28 PM GMT
    I do tend to consider the friends and associates in evaluating the person. I believe the "company you keep" adage continues to have some validity.

    And the premise here is focusing on guys who are associating with "shady people". But it actually can work in other ways. Some people don't have shady friends, but they sure have obnoxious ones, or otherwise consistently offensive. Traits I would never tolerate in my own friends. Therefore I am inclined to judge this person's own choices accordingly, and anticipate aspects of their own behavior I may not have witnessed yet.
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Feb 26, 2016 5:42 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidI do tend to consider the friends and associates in evaluating the person. I believe the "company you keep" adage continues to have some validity.

    And the premise here is focusing on guys who are associating with "shady people". But it actually can work in other ways. Some people don't have shady friends, but they sure have obnoxious ones, or otherwise consistently offensive. Traits I would never tolerate in my own friends. Therefore I am inclined to judge this person's judgment accordingly, and anticipate aspects of their own behavior I may not have witnessed yet.


    Thanks for that response Art, Well said!
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Feb 26, 2016 5:47 PM GMT
    It really depends on what my intentions are.

    If I am looking for a friend to purely socialize with, I am somewhat inclined to look into who his friends are.

    Other than that, I have learnt that many people have friends that I would not really care for. This is however, purely their business. As long as I do not have to associate myself with the people I am not interested in, everything is fine.

    Fortunately, the birds of the feather do flock together, so if a dude has a lot of shady friends, he usually has that vibe, too.

    What I am very keen on is to listen to his stories about his friends. A guy who demeans his friends, is out there to exploit them, and abuse the friendships usually never fails to share his exploits pretty soon. That is a big red flag in my books.

    SC
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    Feb 26, 2016 6:06 PM GMT
    Definitely, and my friends and I are not at all shy about judging people generally. That's part of the deal: judge and be judged yourself, so conduct yourself accordingly by becoming and surrounding yourself with people of good judgment.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Feb 26, 2016 6:14 PM GMT
    Yes to the extent of whether they are kind, good people. I like the occasional oddball friend who surprises you but ethics, interests, motivation matters and reflects on your friend and you.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Feb 26, 2016 6:21 PM GMT
    MGINSD saidDefinitely, and my friends and I are not at all shy about judging people generally. That's part of the deal: judge and be judged yourself, so conduct yourself accordingly by becoming and surrounding yourself with people of good judgment.


    The real problem with judging people is that we all tend to judge based on what WE know. This is what the logic dictates anyway.

    The good thing here is to exercise a great deal of self-restraint before jumping on any conclusion or judgement. Few people really have the time and energy to share all the relevant information, so the resulting judgement may very well be flawed. We live in shortform times.

    A guy I know pretty well since we have used to work together on several projects if for different companies rented one of my apartments. We have had a good, friendly relationship just like many other people who used to work together for several weeks at a time.

    This dude has started gossiping recently that I have not been spending any time socializing with him like when we used to work together. So, some folks jumped on the conclusion that I am cold-hearted, disinterested in maintaining 'old friendships', etc., etc..

    Frankly, I am not moved a bit. I ain't his babysitter, and I have got a life to live, too. Most probably, he confused the work kind of friendships, i.e., when you go with the guys you work with for a drink or two, have a dinner with a bunch of them to celebrate the end of a project, etc., with personal friendship.

    Just an example of how judging other people without knowing all the relevant facts is patently wrong.

    SC
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    Feb 26, 2016 6:25 PM GMT
    Yes, but for me that goes w/o saying. A valid judgment is an informed judgment, and to be informed it has to know the facts. Judgments take time to make, and can be revised. Nothing's set in stone when most people are concerned. Whoever gave us our minds also gave us the capacity to change them.
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    Feb 26, 2016 7:01 PM GMT
    Yes! I do.
  • nice_chap

    Posts: 277

    Feb 26, 2016 7:52 PM GMT
    Yes. I'm incredibly snobby when it comes to meeting people's friends. If you're friends with the kind of people i wouldn't wanna associate with then I don't wanna associate with you.
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Feb 26, 2016 8:21 PM GMT
    My reason for asking is because I recently met a guy, and his circle is full of scumbags. I knew who his friends were but I still decided to take the time to get to know him. I think he knows he does not have the best group of friends, because when I mentioned some of them by name he looked very uncomfortable and embarassed. I said to myself he must obviously think that I would judge him based off of who he associates with. He kept telling me all the positive things he has done for people. It seemed like he wanted me to like him, and didn't think I would otherwise.
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    Feb 26, 2016 8:49 PM GMT
    theantijock%20engage%20stalker%20reducti

    I'd bring an ocean of salt to that table. Maybe I'd avoid someone in cahoots with scoundrels but not judge if they befriend a mere moderate Republican. I'd not care to be friends with someone who is friends with a child abuser but I did wind up friends with a guy who cheats on his spouse, having come out only very late in life, finding himself now in this awkward situation.

    So on the one hand I'd not want to befriend anew someone who cheats someone else but having kept my childhood friends, I'm not willing to give up on them because of a wrong turn.

    I've an adopted nephew who tends sociopathic so probably not someone I'd normally befriend but my brother and sister-in-law are saints and do everything they can to make sure this kid has a decent life and doesn't hurt anyone. So just because they hang out with a sociopath, I shouldn't befriend them? My friendship with my brother is my honor.

    So I think people who are always so quick to judge are likely lacking themselves. On the other hand, there are somethings I do judge quickly. If someone sought to hurt me and then another one of my friends wanted to be friends with them. No, not while keeping me as a friend. And I've had that. My friend got very upset claiming I was putting conditions on our friendship. I said, "you're God damned right I am." I will not be friends with someone who wants to be friends with someone who wanted to hurt me. Not happening.

    So there are cases where I do judge but I always try to see: is there something else there? Is your friend friends with douchebags because he's one too or because, I don't know, maybe he has some abuse issues that he works out by being with abusive people. In other words, he might not be a douche but he might be putting himself in those situations by whatever patterns or neurosis he's developed by whatever situations he's experienced. So judging him by that might be your own fucked up perceptions, your own prejudices and thereby your loss.
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    Feb 26, 2016 8:54 PM GMT
    nice_chap saidYes. I'm incredibly snobby when it comes to meeting people's friends. If you're friends with the kind of people i wouldn't wanna associate with then I don't wanna associate with you.

    Not sure if you mean this in parody or not. But let me reverse this argument.

    Sometimes a guy's friends have reservations about YOU! Yes, YOU! Maybe you don't meet THEIR standards. And the same thing, BTW, can happen with the guy's family. Same kind of resitance that straights can encounter when dating.

    Well, I consider that, and have encountered it myself. My approach is simple: win over the family & friends, and I've got a much better chance of winning the man himself. I'll spend as much effort on them as I do on him.

    But a guy with scummy friends, who make no outreach to me as I do to them, well, that's probably a dead-end relationship. Yeah, "judged by the company you keep" still makes some sense.
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    Feb 26, 2016 8:56 PM GMT
    On the flip side, it reminds me of the old saying, "You can choose your friends but not your family."
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    Feb 26, 2016 9:28 PM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    On the flip side, it reminds me of the old saying, "You can choose your friends but not your family."

    But you may still have to deal with his family, as he does. As a separate aside, I've had guys tell me how horrible their parents are, and to expect abusive treatment, maybe just stay away.

    Well, I'm not easily intimated, so I'd still go to meet the "clan". And guess what? They were invariably charming! We got along wonderfully.

    And the guy would say afterwards he couldn't understand it. His parents (or surviving parent) were always total monsters. Well, hey, buddy, maybe you're locked into a childhood image that hasn't kept pace with your parent's evolution & mellowing. Or maybe you were wrong all along, not uncommon for adolescent males with raging hormones, who can't accept authority and restraints on unbridled behavior.

    And so I never found a difficult family member. Much of the alleged resistance I found was in the imagination of the guy himself.
  • conservativej...

    Posts: 2465

    Feb 26, 2016 9:44 PM GMT
    Who a guy "hangs with" is extremely important. If all your friends have criminal records you can be pretty damn sure you have one too.
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Feb 26, 2016 9:50 PM GMT
    theantijock said
    Is your friend friends with douchebags because he's one too or because, I don't know, maybe he has some abuse issues that he works out by being with abusive people. In other words, he might not be a douche but he might be putting himself in those situations by whatever patterns or neurosis he's developed by whatever situations he's experienced. So judging him by that might be your own fucked up perceptions, your own prejudices and thereby your loss.


    He hangs around the catty drug addicts, narcissictic porn stars/escorts and such. I don't know, he "seems" like a really great, supportive and caring guy, but I did get the impression that his self esteem may not be that high. The things is I've met many of sheep in wolves clothing, so the fact that he hangs around certain people could be an indicator of who he really is.
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    Feb 27, 2016 9:18 PM GMT
    Not really. But I do judge people by how they TREAT their friends.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11821

    Feb 27, 2016 9:54 PM GMT
    If you don't,you're a moron...
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Feb 28, 2016 1:33 AM GMT
    woodfordr saidNot really. But I do judge people by how they TREAT their friends.


    Well for me, everyone who I have met with a shady circle has been shady as well.
    They may put up a facade for awhile, but eventually those true colors will show.
  • JasonnNM

    Posts: 33

    Feb 28, 2016 1:37 AM GMT
    If they have a few shady friends I don't
    but if somebody has all shady friends I stay way far away from someone like that
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    Feb 28, 2016 4:51 AM GMT
    This one stated the Sultan Of Brunei (who stones gays to death) is his "Good Friend":



    This group looks real friendly, look where Bill's left hand is:
    trump-hillary-bill-clinton-today-150807_
    trumpwedding.jpg

    More Friends with an accused rapist of dozens of women:
    AP_00110601386_c0-25-2000-1191_s885x516.

    The one on the right likes to call people "homos" and "fags":
    trump-sharpton-getty-640x480.jpg

    528x600.jpg

    The one on the right likes to execute us:
    09-06-12-brunei-g-04.jpg