Boyfriend 'needs' to jerk off when he bottoms. Help!

  • void88

    Posts: 1

    Feb 26, 2016 5:02 PM GMT
    Hi,


    I'm just curious if others have experienced this as well and if there's a 'remedy'?

    My boyfriend and I are both versatile and we both oscillate from topping to bottoming. When I bottom, I don't have to jerk off. When he bottoms, he can't go on for more than a few seconds before putting his hand on his dick. This annoys me a tiny bit, because with him jerking off, I'm not able to be fully be dominant with him and place him at different positions. Also, the sex length shortens since me being in him plus him jerking off nonstop will make him cum really fast.

    My ex was the same, but with him there were times when he was super horny and he was able to not jerk off.

    So I'm wondering if it's just a force of habit that has made my boyfriend like this. And if I should restrict him from jerking off, so he gets used to it. He tells me the pleasure is too strong and he can't handle it without jerking off.. which confuses me a bit icon_confused.gif

    Thanks in advance!
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Feb 26, 2016 5:59 PM GMT
    Ya know, there are two of you in that bed. So you need to be dominant all the time, or at least when you top? Try being dominant. Pin his hands out or tie him to the bed. He may like it. Might not. Good sex requires communication and variety. Just remember, the point is to laugh and enjoy yourselves, both of you, not follow some narrow pattern that you develop because it works for you. He may surprise you with some new requests, too.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Feb 26, 2016 6:06 PM GMT
    Some of it is probably the force of habit. This is how he bottoms. Some of it may be his sensitivity level which drives him to a very fast orgasm if he is bottoming.

    A possible way out of this problem may be to let him come but continue topping him, nonetheless. A dude cannot expect you to come in 3 min flat just because he likes it so fast. So, he will have to accommodate for your needs, just as much as you are accommodating for his ejaculating pretty soon. He may find this a bit uncomfortable at first, but the chances are that he will start to adapt, and slow down his orgasm a bit.

    A few guys out there can bottom for a very short time only. Such guys tend to orgasm very fast and end the play before it really gives any pleasure to their tops.

    Whatever the cause of this problem may be, it would be a good idea to talk this over, and try to see how can you top him for a reasonable period of time without him shooting his load this soon, and somewhat spoiling the play altogether. You may be surprised to possibly hear that you are topping him too deep, too fast. A few guys I know can take it for a longer time but need relatively frequent slow downs, and even interruptions of the pounding action.

    If he genuinely likes bottoming for you and wants to give you pleasure he'll agree to tryoutsicon_biggrin.gif.

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 26, 2016 6:43 PM GMT
    be generous loving; get him off first.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Feb 26, 2016 6:46 PM GMT
    I honestly don't see a problem here icon_question.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 28, 2016 10:33 PM GMT
    I do it because I want to cum with the top or before. If he cums really fast then I'm left to jerk it to get off and that is really boring for me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 29, 2016 4:37 PM GMT
    Jerking off when you bottom is standard as far as I'm aware (either the bottom jerking themselves or the top jerking the bottom as they fuck), so not really sure why you're making such an issue out of it to be honest. It intensifies the pleasure.

    If the issue is that he's cumming too quickly, perhaps you can suggest that he wears a cockring when he's getting fucked, or just take a few breaks while you're fucking to switch positions, or get kinky and try pinning his arms while you fuck him (for short periods only, as if he wants to jerk off while being fucked and that is what he finds pleasurable I think it's a bit mean to deny him that).

    You could also try delay sprays, normally they would be used on the top to delay ejaculation but he could jerk off using some lube with a mild numbing effect which could extend your fucking.

    If I'm bottoming, I will jerk off some of the time and just enjoy the feeling of being fucked some of the time, mix it up, have some variety - and if I am jerking and feel like I'm approaching climax and want the sex to last longer I would ease up (though sometimes it's past the point of no return by then and I might have stopped touching myself but I start cumming anyway from the prostate stimulation).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 29, 2016 4:39 PM GMT
    SilverRRCloud said
    A few guys out there can bottom for a very short time only. Such guys tend to orgasm very fast and end the play before it really gives any pleasure to their tops.


    Yeah this could be a factor. I'd say I was 95% top, 5% bottom and when I bottom I can't take it for an extended period of time, perhaps he's the same and he reaches a limit and would rather cum while getting fucked than stop and cum just from jerking.

    Just talk!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 29, 2016 8:03 PM GMT
    The OP sounds like a control freak to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 01, 2016 5:23 AM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal saidThe OP sounds like a control freak to me.


    I agree. I mean he's doing what is pleasurable to him. If it's a matter of him cumming too fast then tell him, but as a top you better be able to fuck his brains out before you cum otherwise he's going to feel cheated. Who wants to get off by jerking it after the top has already cum? I mean I don't need you then I have my hand.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Mar 01, 2016 3:57 PM GMT
    zoltar said
    Lumpyoatmeal saidThe OP sounds like a control freak to me.


    I agree. I mean he's doing what is pleasurable to him. If it's a matter of him cumming too fast then tell him, but as a top you better be able to fuck his brains out before you cum otherwise he's going to feel cheated. Who wants to get off by jerking it after the top has already cum? I mean I don't need you then I have my hand.




    Gotta Agree here.

    WTF, dood? Just ENJOY icon_exclaim.gif
  • imperator

    Posts: 626

    Mar 02, 2016 10:32 AM GMT
    void88 saidHi,


    I'm just curious if others have experienced this as well and if there's a 'remedy'?

    My boyfriend and I are both versatile and we both oscillate from topping to bottoming. When I bottom, I don't have to jerk off. When he bottoms, he can't go on for more than a few seconds before putting his hand on his dick. This annoys me a tiny bit, because with him jerking off, I'm not able to be fully be dominant with him and place him at different positions. Also, the sex length shortens since me being in him plus him jerking off nonstop will make him cum really fast.

    My ex was the same, but with him there were times when he was super horny and he was able to not jerk off.

    So I'm wondering if it's just a force of habit that has made my boyfriend like this. And if I should restrict him from jerking off, so he gets used to it. He tells me the pleasure is too strong and he can't handle it without jerking off.. which confuses me a bit icon_confused.gif

    Thanks in advance!



    Um, just speaking for myself.. I don't bottom very often, and when I do it kinda' hurts (I figure because it' usually been a while since the previous instance). But that sensation from being stroked at the same time takes the discomfort away as if by magic and I can get into it way more easily. Maybe it's the same for your bf?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 02, 2016 7:14 PM GMT
    For some bottoms, it's the only way they can get off. I was like that for a short while.