A friend's bf is chatting to me on Grindr!!

  • Syther

    Posts: 19

    Mar 03, 2016 1:41 AM GMT
    Here is my story. I'm not sure what to do.

    So I was in the gym a few months back and noticed good eye contact with a guy (lets call him Mr E).

    He followed me into the changing rooms and we got chatting. It looked as if might go somewhere until he said: "I can't do this, I have a long term boyfriend (8 years!)."

    I respected that and nothing happened. However we did chat further and exchanged numbers.

    We text still and I have seen him since. I think he likes flirting with me but I do believe he loves his boyfriend. So I don't think anything will happen between us.

    He is more like a mate now although I do fancy him.

    Last week I was in the gym and turned on grindr. This blank profile was appearing close by and I messaged him.

    He didn't replied until a few days later. We have chatted a good bit since and I'm getting a strong impression this is Mr E's boyfriend!!!

    Should I tell Mr E his boyfriend is on grindr?? Or will I just leave it?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 03, 2016 3:48 AM GMT
    everyone here is going to tell you to just leave it
  • Syther

    Posts: 19

    Mar 03, 2016 6:17 PM GMT
    I probably will just leave it.

    It's just funny to be talking to the two of them, without either knowing!

    The guy on grindr is says he just joined it and isn't sure what he is even doing on it.

    They have a good thing going. I'll tell the guy on grindr to stick with his boyfriend and that he is lucky to have him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 03, 2016 6:43 PM GMT
    Didn't you know what to do when he told you he's in a long term relationship? If you want an excuse to help them cheat, go right ahead... you've got no allegiance to either of them. If you want to be in a 3way, go ahead. But if you're a normal, moral guy who isn't desperate, you avoid this train wreck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 03, 2016 6:47 PM GMT
    Wait. So both of them are cheating on each other on Grindr?
    Maybe they're both aware or have a relationship that allows for that?
  • Syther

    Posts: 19

    Mar 03, 2016 8:31 PM GMT
    Mr E (who is definitely not on grindr) got chatting to me in the gym. Nothing happened between us. We are like mates now, although he does flirt with me a bit.

    I got chatting to this blank profile on grindr and I'm pretty sure it's Mr E's boyfriend.


    I have morals and I'm not going to get involved in this......

    But I'm just wondering should I tell Mr E that his boyfriend is on grindr?



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 03, 2016 9:04 PM GMT
    Syther saidI got chatting to this blank profile on grindr and I'm pretty sure it's Mr E's boyfriend.
    But I'm just wondering should I tell Mr E that his boyfriend is on grindr?

    Well, following robbaker's advice, since you don't know, of course you should tell Mr. E his boyfriend is on grindr; maximize the drama potential!
  • Syther

    Posts: 19

    Mar 03, 2016 9:18 PM GMT
    Haha, I'm not interested in maximising the drama.

    I've decided I'm just going to leave it.

    This guy on grindr said he hasn't met anyone. I think he is probably just checking it out.

    They are a good couple and I don't want to potentially mess their relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 03, 2016 11:52 PM GMT
    Just because a guy is on Grindr doesn't automatically mean he is cheating. Maybe they're monogamous, but allow each other to be on apps for ego-stroking or whatever. Or maybe they don't allow for that, but it's not really your place to intercede.

    In my previous relationship we had never really talked about the apps, but I suppose if I was being honest with myself I'd have to admit that I knew that my then-bf wouldn't have wanted me to be on them. I was, though. I never cheated on him and never would have, but I guess I liked being on there for the ego-strokes (I just had a torso pic and enjoyed the compliments) and curiosity (to see if such and such dude at the gym was on there and thus was gay). Again, though I would have never cheated on him, I knew he wouldn't have wanted me on there.

    It could be something similar with your friend and his bf.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2016 12:12 PM GMT
    OP, IMHO...mind your own business.
    It seems that you are making assumptions on the identity of "Grinder guy" and even more assumptions on the intent of app users in general.
    This all says more about you than it does about Mr. E and "Grinder guy"... please stop.
    It's not your place to play the sleuth on the relationships of others.
    Please go get laid a few times and let go of the drama and gossip mongering.. people may love to hear gossip, but they hate a gossip... icon_rolleyes.gificon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2016 1:38 PM GMT
    Syther saidHaha, I'm not interested in maximising the drama.

    I've decided I'm just going to leave it.

    This guy on grindr said he hasn't met anyone. I think he is probably just checking it out.

    They are a good couple and I don't want to potentially mess their relationship.



    You are making a huge assumption about the blank profile. Sounds like a fantasy in your head more then anything else. If you are talking to your mate talk to him about the grinder dude. Maybe they need to open up
    The relationship to save it.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Mar 04, 2016 7:38 PM GMT
    Syther saidHaha, I'm not interested in maximising the drama.

    I've decided I'm just going to leave it.

    This guy on grindr said he hasn't met anyone. I think he is probably just checking it out.

    They are a good couple and I don't want to potentially mess their relationship.


    You have got a good head on your shoulders.

    What you do with the dudes who flirt with you is purely your business.

    Revealing your doubts to the others who may or may not be in any relationship is wrong.

    SC
  • Kinneticbrian

    Posts: 230

    Mar 05, 2016 1:36 AM GMT
    woodfordr saidDidn't you know what to do when he told you he's in a long term relationship? If you want an excuse to help them cheat, go right ahead... you've got no allegiance to either of them. If you want to be in a 3way, go ahead. But if you're a normal, moral guy who isn't desperate, you avoid this train wreck.


    Brilliantly said...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2016 12:30 AM GMT
    Kinneticbrian said
    woodfordr saidDidn't you know what to do when he told you he's in a long term relationship? If you want an excuse to help them cheat, go right ahead... you've got no allegiance to either of them. If you want to be in a 3way, go ahead. But if you're a normal, moral guy who isn't desperate, you avoid this train wreck.


    Brilliantly said...


    +1

    I had a little bit of a similar situation happen to me at the gym last week. New guy walks into the locker room and we make eye contact. He's cute, I definitely get that he's gay. I say hello, and think nothing, and proceeded upstairs to workout. He made his way upstairs as well, and I saw him walking around the whole gym as though he was searching for someone. (me).

    He sees me on 2nd round and comes over and begins a fake workout. I went up, introduced myself, asked if he came to this location long... Got a conversation started. I said that maybe we should do lunch one day... He seems nice, and I'd love to get to know him. He said, "To be honest, I'm not single." I said, "ok, no worries... Friendships are good and this can be a good networking deal. (for single friends)"

    We exchanged numbers and he started texting me about how hot i was, and he would like to meet me in the shower. AWKWARD! So I waited a while, and he was wrapping up, of course, his shower door open, waiting for me to walk by. I didn't even acknowledge his behaviour and continued walking by. Later in the day, i said, "You know, you seem like an awesome guy, and your boyfriend is VERY lucky to have you." I decided to do a little "digging" at work, and discovered that he and boyfriend got married in June of 2014. We no longer speak. He tried telling me that his relationship is "complicated." I said that he needs to vent this all to his boyfriend or therapist. I'm out.

    Cheers,

    Sean
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 10, 2016 11:31 PM GMT
    Id call him out.