I'm a drug addict.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2016 4:14 PM GMT
    Hey guys, long time luker and first time poster here. I thought this would be a good place to get some things off my chest.

    I'm a drug addict. More specifically, a crystal meth addict. I'm not here for your judgement and i'm not here for your insults.

    Trust me, nothing you say to say to me is any worse than the horrible things I say to myself each and every night.

    I've been using meth for about 2 years now, but it's only been these last couple months were I have admitted to myself it's been a problem. It began as a once every few months vice. Then it became a monthly habit. Then biweekly. Now weekly. I last got high exactly a week ago.

    There are many reasons why I turned to this drug. But yes, I mainly use it as a form of escape. I've been running from my issues for years now and no matter where I go...there it is. My pain mainly comes from the horrible way I've been treated by men in the past and how I seek validation in men today. It's not an excuse for my addiction, but it is at the core of my problem.

    If you or someone you love is an addict, please do not give up hope. This is an illness. We need your support. Ask me 5 years ago if I were to ever see myself in this position and I would have looked at you crazy. This is not something I would have wished on my worst enemy. This addiction destroys your body, and most importantly, your spirit. The slightest smile or words of encouragement can mean the difference between me staying sober or getting high. Everyday for me is an ongoing battle I'm trying to win alone. My relationship with my parents is almost nonexistent. My friends are in the dark. I'm in no place to carry on a romantic relationship. I live alone.

    I'm not trying to win sympathy or your pity. I just came here in hopes of documenting my journey. I hope you can at least try to understand.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Mar 04, 2016 4:23 PM GMT
    Switch to marijuana. It's safe, effective, and it will save your life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2016 4:25 PM GMT
    You already have accomplished the first step toward a good future ..
    Recognising your addiction has already started to help your problem ..
    Please enroll in a program which will free you from that devil , you deserve a better life that the life of a drug addict ..
    Best luck to you !!

    And i agree with HottJoe , Marijuana would be a better choice , as it is natural and doesn't cause any health problem
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    Mar 04, 2016 4:29 PM GMT
    neffa saidYou already have accomplished the first step toward a good future ..
    Recognising your addiction has already started to help your problem ..
    Please enroll in a program which will free you from that devil , you deserve a better life that the life of a drug addict ..
    Best luck to you !!


    I try to. But I get very flustered easily.

    I had an appointment with a new doctor this morning that I have waited 3 weeks for. When I got there he didn't have my files or seem to know why I was there. I hate explaining myself again and again so I just walked out. It's not the most mature thing to do I know and I kinda regret it now but I was uncomfortable and felt he was indifferent. This is how I deal my problems.

    I don't know what else to do.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Mar 04, 2016 4:40 PM GMT
    Good luck, man. Find help. Addiction is now hardwired into your brain. You can't kick the habit alone.

    And I hear your advice that if we know someone with an addiction, reach out with kindness. I've known several addicts very well-- was married to one and now am manager of an estate for the benefit of another, a cousin who's mother asked me to watch over him by not allowing him access to the money too quickly. I'm a big believer in the theory that some people are predisposed to addiction and others are not. So I am pretty nonjudgmental about an addict. The problem non addicts have with addicts is that they will waste part of your life. Every excuse, every sad story, every story of reform, every plea for help that will be the turnaround point eats up a bit more of MY life. And it is always a waste of time, of MY life. After a while, it drains away all your good intentions. And you just don't want any more of your life wasted on this person.

    You sound like you've got a good handle on what is wrong and what you need to do. Do it. Now. You do it. You take control. Find a clinic that specializes in meth and check in. Then start over. It is the only way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2016 4:40 PM GMT
    I have a friend in your situation, and he got into a 12 step recovery program, which was the best thing he ever did. Check these out. Free to attend and self run. Phone or Internet meetings in case you just want to lurk.

    http://www.crystalmeth.org
    http://www.na.org

    Family addiction, dysfunction or other abuse is often the underlying cause of addiction. Coda, Alanon or ACA 12 step can help you deal with the family.

    http://www.adultchildren.org
    http://al-anon.org/

    There's lots of people out there working on this stuff. Good luck to you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2016 4:52 PM GMT
    Please reach out to a local support group, try to get your family on board..

    We all wish to see you overcome this, please let us know how you are doing and if there's anything we can do to help
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2016 4:53 PM GMT
    theantijock%20engage%20stalker%20reducti

    journey_man saidHey guys, long time luker and first time poster here. I thought this would be a good place to get some things off my chest.

    I'm a drug addict. More specifically, a crystal meth addict. I'm not here for your judgement and i'm not here for your insults.

    Trust me, nothing you say to say to me is any worse than the horrible things I say to myself each and every night.

    I've been using meth for about 2 years now, but it's only been these last couple months were I have admitted to myself it's been a problem. It began as a once every few months vice. Then it became a monthly habit. Then biweekly. Now weekly. I last got high exactly a week ago.

    There are many reasons why I turned to this drug. But yes, I mainly use it as a form of escape. I've been running from my issues for years now and no matter where I go...there it is. My pain mainly comes from the horrible way I've been treated by men in the past and how I seek validation in men today. It's not an excuse for my addiction, but it is at the core of my problem.

    If you or someone you love is an addict, please do not give up hope. This is an illness. We need your support. Ask me 5 years ago if I were to ever see myself in this position and I would have looked at you crazy. This is not something I would have wished on my worst enemy. This addiction destroys your body, and most importantly, your spirit. The slightest smile or words of encouragement can mean the difference between me staying sober or getting high. Everyday for me is an ongoing battle I'm trying to win alone. My relationship with my parents is almost nonexistent. My friends are in the dark. I'm in no place to carry on a romantic relationship. I live alone.

    I'm not trying to win sympathy or your pity. I just came here in hopes of documenting my journey. I hope you can at least try to understand.


    Gay men caused your meth addiction?
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Mar 04, 2016 4:53 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidGood luck, man. Find help. Addiction is now hardwired into your brain. You can't kick the habit alone.

    And I hear your advice that if we know someone with an addiction, reach out with kindness. I've known several addicts very well-- was married to one and now am manager of an estate for the benefit of another, a cousin who's mother asked me to watch over him by not allowing him access to the money too quickly. I'm a big believer in the theory that some people are predisposed to addiction and others are not. So I am pretty nonjudgmental about an addict. The problem non addicts have with addicts is that they will waste part of your life. Every excuse, every sad story, every story of reform, every plea for help that will be the turnaround point eats up a bit more of MY life. And it is always a waste of time, of MY life. After a while, it drains away all your good intentions. And you just don't want any more of your life wasted on this person.

    You sound like you've got a good handle on what is wrong and what you need to do. Do it. Now. You do it. You take control. Find a clinic that specializes in meth and check in. Then start over. It is the only way.

    Not to be judgmental, but......icon_rolleyes.gif
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Mar 04, 2016 4:57 PM GMT
    My advice is the best advice on this thread. Everyone else will just treat you like a diseased pariah and/or a pitiable charity case.
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    Mar 04, 2016 4:59 PM GMT
    theantijock saidtheantijock%20engage%20stalker%20reducti

    journey_man saidHey guys, long time luker and first time poster here. I thought this would be a good place to get some things off my chest.

    I'm a drug addict. More specifically, a crystal meth addict. I'm not here for your judgement and i'm not here for your insults.

    Trust me, nothing you say to say to me is any worse than the horrible things I say to myself each and every night.

    I've been using meth for about 2 years now, but it's only been these last couple months were I have admitted to myself it's been a problem. It began as a once every few months vice. Then it became a monthly habit. Then biweekly. Now weekly. I last got high exactly a week ago.

    There are many reasons why I turned to this drug. But yes, I mainly use it as a form of escape. I've been running from my issues for years now and no matter where I go...there it is. My pain mainly comes from the horrible way I've been treated by men in the past and how I seek validation in men today. It's not an excuse for my addiction, but it is at the core of my problem.

    If you or someone you love is an addict, please do not give up hope. This is an illness. We need your support. Ask me 5 years ago if I were to ever see myself in this position and I would have looked at you crazy. This is not something I would have wished on my worst enemy. This addiction destroys your body, and most importantly, your spirit. The slightest smile or words of encouragement can mean the difference between me staying sober or getting high. Everyday for me is an ongoing battle I'm trying to win alone. My relationship with my parents is almost nonexistent. My friends are in the dark. I'm in no place to carry on a romantic relationship. I live alone.

    I'm not trying to win sympathy or your pity. I just came here in hopes of documenting my journey. I hope you can at least try to understand.


    Gay men caused your meth addiction?



    Read what I said.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2016 5:01 PM GMT
    Painted saidPlease reach out to a local support group, try to get your family on board..

    We all wish to see you overcome this, please let us know how you are doing and if there's anything we can do to help


    My family would literally die if they found out I was an addict. So I prefer to keep them in the dark. Plus they live several states away so out of sight out of mind.

    I told you already I'm going to have to face this alone. Which is the scary part.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2016 5:06 PM GMT
    I think you under estimate how much ur family cares for you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2016 5:10 PM GMT
    Painted saidI think you under estimate how much ur family cares for you


    They probably do care. But I don't care about myself tbh.

    Every little setback like today at the doctors chips away at my soul. I try to get help but then I lose my insurance, or have to move, or there is some sort of emergency that comes up. The only way I know how to deal with these things are by getting high. TBH, I don't see myself getting past the next year or so. I want to, I really do. But realistically I think I'm too spiritually beaten to make it back...icon_neutral.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Mar 04, 2016 5:13 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    Destinharbor saidGood luck, man. Find help. Addiction is now hardwired into your brain. You can't kick the habit alone.

    And I hear your advice that if we know someone with an addiction, reach out with kindness. I've known several addicts very well-- was married to one and now am manager of an estate for the benefit of another, a cousin who's mother asked me to watch over him by not allowing him access to the money too quickly. I'm a big believer in the theory that some people are predisposed to addiction and others are not. So I am pretty nonjudgmental about an addict. The problem non addicts have with addicts is that they will waste part of your life. Every excuse, every sad story, every story of reform, every plea for help that will be the turnaround point eats up a bit more of MY life. And it is always a waste of time, of MY life. After a while, it drains away all your good intentions. And you just don't want any more of your life wasted on this person.

    You sound like you've got a good handle on what is wrong and what you need to do. Do it. Now. You do it. You take control. Find a clinic that specializes in meth and check in. Then start over. It is the only way.

    Not to be judgmental, but......icon_rolleyes.gif
    That isn't judgmental. That is the truth. I know from experience that the last thing an addict needs is pointless platitudes. And your advice is not only insensitive, it is ignorant. Grow up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2016 5:18 PM GMT
    I'm not going to judge you and I'm not going to offer any advice--I'm incapable of either as I don't know you. However, I am exceedingly impressed that you're confronting your addiction. My very best wishes and I sincerely hope that you will receive the help that you need and deserve. Good luck!
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Mar 04, 2016 5:20 PM GMT
    My advice is based personal experience and all the new studies coming out which support it. If the OP switches to marijuana, he will NOT be dead in a year, and he will be able to quit meth. He will not have to join support groups that don't work and sit around with a bunch of fiends who can't move on in life, as if they're diseased. Marijuana is an antidote to more harmful addictions, and more and more doctors are agreeing with this fact. It can't kill you, and it has amazing health benefits which I enjoy every day.

    I'm not wrong about this. It's solid advice, with evidence to back it up, and it's the wave of the future.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2016 5:28 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidMy advice is based personal experience and all the new studies coming out which support it. If the OP switches to marijuana, he will NOT be dead in a year, and he will be able to quit meth. He will not have to join support groups that don't work and sit around with a bunch of fiends who can't move on in life, as if they're diseased. Marijuana is an antidote to more harmful addictions, and more and more doctors are agreeing with this fact. It can't kill you, and it has amazing health benefits which I enjoy every day.

    I'm not wrong about this. It's solid advice, with evidence to back it up, and it's the wave of the future.


    If I could quit meth I would have long ago.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Mar 04, 2016 5:29 PM GMT
    journey_man said
    HottJoe saidMy advice is based personal experience and all the new studies coming out which support it. If the OP switches to marijuana, he will NOT be dead in a year, and he will be able to quit meth. He will not have to join support groups that don't work and sit around with a bunch of fiends who can't move on in life, as if they're diseased. Marijuana is an antidote to more harmful addictions, and more and more doctors are agreeing with this fact. It can't kill you, and it has amazing health benefits which I enjoy every day.

    I'm not wrong about this. It's solid advice, with evidence to back it up, and it's the wave of the future.


    If I could quit meth I would have long ago.

    Have you tried smoking weed instead meth?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Mar 04, 2016 5:33 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidMy advice is based personal experience and all the new studies coming out which support it. If the OP switches to marijuana, he will NOT be dead in a year, and he will be able to quit meth. He will not have to join support groups that don't work and sit around with a bunch of fiends who can't move on in life, as if they're diseased. Marijuana is an antidote to more harmful addictions, and more and more doctors are agreeing with this fact. It can't kill you, and it has amazing health benefits which I enjoy every day.

    I'm not wrong about this. It's solid advice, with evidence to back it up, and it's the wave of the future.

    Really? I've not read or heard anything like that. I have zero prob with Marijuana and have enjoyed it my entire adult life and also dislike most 12 step bullshit but I'd be amazed if what you say is true. Do you have a reference?
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Mar 04, 2016 5:34 PM GMT
    Numerous RJers who have never experienced meth addition will tell that you have to give up everything and go cold sober for the rest of your life. But no doubt many of them consume alcohol and ignore that drug treatment is a failed approach that fails most people.

    They will say I'm irresponsible, immature, etc, but the OP is going to die if he doesn't quit meth. Meth is a poison that will make swiss cheese of his brain and kill him. He needs something else that will not kill him.

    You can't tell an obese person to quit food. You can't tell an addict to go sober. You're setting nearly all of them up for failure. You just have to show them how to eat healthier, or what they can use that won't hurt them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2016 5:53 PM GMT
    maybe this will help

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2016 5:54 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidNumerous RJers who have never experienced meth addition will tell that you have to give up everything and go cold sober for the rest of your life. But no doubt many of them consume alcohol and ignore that drug treatment is a failed approach that fails most people.

    They will say I'm irresponsible, immature, etc, but the OP is going to die if he doesn't quit meth. Meth is a poison that will make swiss cheese of his brain and kill him. He needs something else that will not kill him.

    You can't tell an obese person to quit food. You can't tell an addict to go sober. You're setting nearly all of them up for failure. You just have to show them how to eat healthier, or what they can use that won't hurt them.


    It's not that easy Joe. Pot is not the answer to all the world's problems.
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2937

    Mar 04, 2016 6:05 PM GMT
    There's nothing a person can't do if he sets his mind to it. Wishing you great success and all the best.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2016 6:08 PM GMT
    I didn't wanna get personal but I just wanted to let you know that - family support is the most important thing I urge you to reach out.

    After my dad's passing with addiction / depression I'm still dealing with the sideeffects and this song I put on and cry. It helps