Life after achieving your ideal body

  • briggs_49

    Posts: 1

    Mar 05, 2016 7:41 AM GMT
    To the guys out there who have gone from a body they weren't satisfied with to one they were, how profound a impact did it have on your life?

    I'll be 30 this year and until now I've gotten by with an average body but ok face (and personality of course). When the question "body pic?" inevitability comes around on grindr or somewhere I usually miss out.

    Whilst i would say I'm generally happy with life I always wonder, would it be THAT much better if I had the body to go with the face? To those who achieved a killer bod and raised their 'ranking' gaining access to other high ranking men, I'm curious what direction that took your life in, be it positive or negative.

    Would be really interested to hear from anyone who has gone down such a path.
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    Mar 05, 2016 4:39 PM GMT
    You seem to be focused on the ball of seduction aspect. For that you don't need the most muscular and ripped body. Even the most shallow of us takes more than just body to judge attractiveness: your face, your height, your age, your personality -- those can count a lot and will not change.

    Having a good body will open the doors to guys who already like other things about you (face/age/height/personality/etc) but who are currently turned off by your body.
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    Mar 05, 2016 6:52 PM GMT
    At my age it becomes more of a health issue. You can't say active after a certain point without a fit body.
  • jeepguySD

    Posts: 651

    Mar 05, 2016 7:08 PM GMT
    I have not yet achieved my "ideal" body, and I don't think I ever will. I have, however, gone from being absurdly skinny (which I hated) to having a decent amount of mass. I feel much better about myself now than I did when I was skinny, and that alone is worth the effort -- both past and continuing -- in the weight room.

    Sadly, my gains in the gym have not translated to increased interest from men whom I find attractive. As bachian correctly points out, it takes more than just a good body to be attractive.

    I would add, having a good body definitely does not make one less attractive. Ultimately, if you want to give your body to someone else, don't you want to give him something worth having and cherishing?
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Mar 05, 2016 7:58 PM GMT
    We all know the adage, the grass always looks greener from the other side. But that never stops you from wondering. Everyone has difference experiences and different environments. Don't use anyone else's experience as a gauge for yourself.You have to do what feels right for you. Work towards that fit body and see what happens. Maybe it will be a confidence boost that makes you more attractive. If one-offs are what you're in the mood for and you think a better body will help, then you know what to do.

  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1034

    Mar 05, 2016 8:46 PM GMT
    I've always been in good shape but in high school and through most of college I had a runner's body - good legs but skinny arms and torso. Finally I made a conscious choice to improve my self-confidence by muscling up. I figured if I built myself a good body and stayed in shape, that was one thing in my life I'd never have to feel insecure about.

    I gained muscle mass very quickly and the difference it made in my self-confidence was incredible. I literally felt like I was wearing a suit of armor. Before, I was always a little embarrassed about going shirtless, and whenever I caught someone looking at me I assumed they were silently laughing. Now, I peel off my shirt at the drop of a hat, and never feel the least bit insecure about my body.

    I don't know if it's helped me attract a higher quality of guys, or even a larger number of guys - but I didn't do it for them. I did it for me, and I'm very happy with the result. If you do it, you should do it for you - because at the end of the day, who else matters?
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    Mar 05, 2016 9:28 PM GMT
    Having lost around 50lbs slowly over 8 years, I can say the profound difference it made was in the ONLINE world. It got me way more looks and responses and unsolicited remarks. So in that respect, it opened up doors. BUT... abs and chest get you to the door. When you step into the room with a person, CONFIDENCE, tends to be the big deal breaker, way more so than my body. I am hearing this and seeing this search for confident guys a lot now. So while you're working on your body, work twice as hard in making yourself better emotionally/spiritually. A confident guy with dad bod is sooo much hotter than a mushy/low self-esteem guy.
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    Mar 05, 2016 10:51 PM GMT
    I ran in my early high school years, and I was a too-thin guy. I switched sports to water polo & made the team. I worked out - following the coaching staff's routines, and increased my diet - changing to healthier foods. I gained in size & muscle. In college, I made more improvements and worked out intensely as a H2o-polo point player - and l totally sculpted my body into something I was - and am - very happy with. The compliments I got along the way over the years helped turn me from a shy guy into a happier, confident, outgoing guy. I came out of my introvert shell completely.

    During all the time since graduation, I've taken very good care of myself. I keep up the weights & swimming laps, as though I was still in my playing days - pretty much the same work outs the coaches taught me back then. I can still play in occasional reunion games during Honecoming week. It is great to still be looking and feeling my best as time rolls on.
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    Mar 05, 2016 11:15 PM GMT
    To the OP ....
    WOW, what GREAT advice these guys offer on the thread so far !
    (Damn sexy guys I might add)

    Take their advice - get in better shape FOR YOURSELF and YOUR HEALTH first. The rest will all fall into place.

    It wasn't until age 40 that this out-of shape, fatt-ass walked into a gym and decided to make a change...oh, if I only knew at 22 what I know now. The best part is that now its become a lifestyle...not to "gain access to higher ranking men", but rather to make me healthy, keep active (FatherTime is catching up....ughh), and age well.

    Do it for YOU..Briggs - the other bene's will follow icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 06, 2016 12:26 AM GMT
    mojohnny saidTake their advice - get in better shape FOR YOURSELF and YOUR HEALTH first. The rest will all fall into place.


    Even if someone just wants to achieve a better body to attract better guys, there's a very objective reason why he shouldn't do it for that reason alone:

    The effort required to attain a better body is wildly unequal. Someone may achieve in months what took you years. If you attach sexual or romantic expectations to your effort ("I made a greater effort so I deserve more") you are in for a huge disappointment. As far as physical attraction is concerned, it's the visuals that count, not what took you there. You're gonna meet dozens of guys who look better than you with half your effort. If you ask them if they would do the same effort you do, they will likely say no -- why would they?

    No hot guy in the world will ever restitute you for your effort. If you do this for other people only you will feel cheated your entire life.
  • jjguy05

    Posts: 459

    Mar 06, 2016 12:41 AM GMT
    Well, a "killer bod" is subjective. I get attention, I get emails here form other RJers that think I have a killer bod. Then, there's RJers who look at my profile after I've hotlisted them, and they don't hotlist me back. So, it's subjective. You may or may not like how I look. It's subjective.

    Have I reached my ideal body? I have definitely reached what I once considered an ideal body, but my ideal body shifted. I originally just wanted to look good, be cut with abs and defined delts when I take my shirt off (yes, my bodyfat is a bit high in my pics). Now, I've decided to pursue a bodybuilder look, which entails much more attention to detail (traps, inner and upper pecs, wide lats, impressive triceps, capped delts/wide shoulders etc) and of course more mass. I don't just want to look good on the beach; I wanna look impressive with clothes on. (I've made some good progress since I updated my RJ pictures, and would like to update them again in the spring or summer).

    So, my ideal body has changed, and that may happen for you as you progress.

    If you think you have an ok face, definitely work on your body. Guys with an "ok face" but very buff build have an amazing, masculine sex-appeal to them that "perfect" guys don't have. So, it can be a blessing in disguise, and can open doors for you.

    Oh, and one great benefit of being more buff? People take you more seriously. Someone bumps into you, they're more likely to apologize to you, that sorta thing. Not 100%, but definitely more people respect you than before and it's nice. On the downside: people will think you're stupid, and you're the first one they come to if they need help moving and they're too fucking cheap to hire movers.
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    Mar 06, 2016 3:34 AM GMT
    briggs_49 saidLife after achieving your ideal body
    You get content, go back to a few unhealthy ways, and lose it.
  • davfit

    Posts: 309

    Mar 06, 2016 4:16 AM GMT
    the best part getting a great bod .. is keeping it..and that keeps me Happy ...the bonus ..Hot guys stare and women too ..in general people notice....down side ..I'm treated as object..by a few..
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    Mar 06, 2016 7:08 AM GMT
    Hi Briggs 49, all these responses to your topic are spot on.
    I'll just add as we age, our body's can no longer endure excesses of sugar, salt, fat, alcohol, coffee, tobacco, drugs or eating large amounts of food before bed without consequences. Sugar addiction causes diabetic amputations. Salt addiction causes stroke expressed as having to drag around the entire limp half of your own body or inability to control your speech etc. Being too fat makes keeping your ass clean very difficult. Also hard to breathe tying your shoes, and larger people won't breathe normally without a machine pushing air in their face all night. Dialysis 3 times a week will be the life of many that kill their kidneys with substance abuse or STD's.

    All these things start from a single thought. We have to learn how to manage our thoughts. Shield ourselves(reduce the time spent with them ) from toxic people, toxic Internet/TV, toxic music. Be around healthy friends, fun fascinating Internet/TV, and music with healthy, fun, life giving words.

    I've achieved peak condition (ideal body ) about 4 times in my 55 years. At 15, then in 12th grade, cougars stared at me driving by and in food stores. Then about 1984 being in an area where all the armed forces were near each other. At about 24 I exercised for only one reason and that was to land the best guy I could. Those were soul emptying days from being with a new guy every weekend or one on Friday night and a different guy Saturday night for about a month. Then after 12 years of no physical intimacy except Rudy Palm, being the almost ideal Christian, I had to rebel due to not being able to connect on a physical level.
    After searching many websites and finding the "high ranking " or as I'd use the words my "peak desire " men. When lucky enough to get mutual communication with a peak desire man, he did not go for more than a few emails. They were flaky to me. But I was very determined and kept looking for my lifemate another 22 more years. A colossal destructive waste of life. I could of taken one college course at a time and been a PhD by now. About 11 years ago I found a man in DC, at the time I was again getting to Peak condition. He is polished, gray haired, trimmed beard(I prefer clean shaven), average nice face and golden red pubic hair below(oh yeah), but way too much chest and belly hair for me and his penis bent downward smallish head (not my type but). He was kind and engaging but a Top (only letting me top him for 30 seconds 2x in 11 years) that insisted he can't bottom due to being molested as a teen by his aunt's husband and that man's friend. I'm versatile so I had to put up with bottoming but the frequent oral sex on me made up for it. He didn't care that my weight went up to 220, during his reign. We needed each other to talk about details of our lives we couldn't tell another or that no one else wanted to care about. His motivation was my hair and that we could trust each other to not cheat each other because he lived with a sex less partner and my adopted mother lived with me. He made 3x my income and his partner now husband makes 3 times his income. So yeah I got to know the big time. (High ranking ). It's like I get bored with Burger King, McDonald's, KFC, Subway or Wendy's. And the high ranking get bored with Thai, American, High end Chinese, Indian, Mexican, Italian etc.
    I broke up with him because we used each other as emotional crutches. Early on in our relationship, he took photos of me nude, and when I found one of them online he gave me a very hard way to go until I found the paper copies he masterbated with and brought them home to use to negotiate with him which ones he had to destroy from the originals or our friendship was over. He didn't want to see me in my natural environment, only in his environment. I got passed that but started losing interest in giving him oral sex so he was ok with me masterbating him, while his appetite for oral to me got even better. But this rich but not high ranking man turned me off sexually but I liked his intimacy. I also didn't really want to masterbate him either. I should of made him a life size Teddy bear out of all my hair that falls on my floor and clean it for him to caress and bang.
    Finally healed by this long overdue breakup, by getting older and my blood pressure med or age finally lowering my sex drive to a more controllable level where I could enjoy life like a child again, not being aggravated and led about by my dick head. He says all the time that I'm the best he'll ever find and says he will stay celibate because of the crazy older men that's out there. We still email once in a while.
    I got to the point of total frustration with not being able to attract a light haired smooth guy with any morals. I like average but going in a healthy direction and found one is interested in a 5'4" very hairy purposely below average income guy. Even 50 miles away. It actually repulses me to pursue anyone who has a need to constantly travel this world. I will have plenty of time to see creation from it's eternal viewpoint when I'm there. And having the best possessions is an endless time sucking pursuit. I'm happy I know this now but had to learn it the hard way.
    I hope this helps.
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    Mar 06, 2016 6:43 PM GMT
    Good luck with gaining "access to high ranking men".
    High ranking men are usually the offspring of parents who generally work as carnival workers and who travel obsessively.
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    Mar 07, 2016 1:52 AM GMT
    briggs_49 saidTo the guys out there who have gone from a body they weren't satisfied with to one they were, how profound a impact did it have on your life?

    I'll be 30 this year and until now I've gotten by with an average body but ok face (and personality of course). When the question "body pic?" inevitability comes around on grindr or somewhere I usually miss out.

    Whilst i would say I'm generally happy with life I always wonder, would it be THAT much better if I had the body to go with the face? To those who achieved a killer bod and raised their 'ranking' gaining access to other high ranking men, I'm curious what direction that took your life in, be it positive or negative.

    Would be really interested to hear from anyone who has gone down such a path.


    For me, the huge turnoff isn't in the average body, but, the lack of self acceptance. You're 30, and you don't have a smiling face on this site? What does that immediately tell someone about you? Fix that part, FIRST.

    Nothing is a bigger turn off than low self acceptance / dishonesty.

    When you exude confidence, you'll win much more often.

    Time to put on your big boy pants and be a big boy.

    Get pictured and profiled. Like yourself; the rest will follow.
  • josephmovie

    Posts: 533

    Mar 07, 2016 4:10 AM GMT
    It's also important as you get older to realise when you have achieved your ideal body. When I look back now I can see there was a point where my body looked as good as it was going to, but I foolishly believed that I had to be bigger and signed up with trainer who believed in protein shakes and more protein shakes. Going against my personal experience that protein shakes add more fat than muscle to me, I went along with the program and although I did get bigger I also put on a fair whack of fat which has been VERY hard for me to lose.

    I'm back on track but when I get to my ideal I'm not going to mess it up like that again.
  • jjguy05

    Posts: 459

    Mar 07, 2016 6:53 AM GMT
    josephmovie saidIt's also important as you get older to realise when you have achieved your ideal body. When I look back now I can see there was a point where my body looked as good as it was going to, but I foolishly believed that I had to be bigger and signed up with trainer who believed in protein shakes and more protein shakes. Going against my personal experience that protein shakes add more fat than muscle to me, I went along with the program and although I did get bigger I also put on a fair whack of fat which has been VERY hard for me to lose.


    My guess is that your body is carb-sensitive (like me), so you need a relatively low level of carbs. The trainer probably put you on mass-gainers (a.k.a. meal replacements), which are protein + simple carbs (not straight protein), and you probably didn't have a proper diet plan while you were training with him.

    Another possibility I'm thinking is that the trainer didn't differentiate between whey protein (better for right before/during/right after lifting) and casein protein (better for when you're distant [time-wise] from your workout).

    Your body right now looks fine, as far as bodyfat level, so perhaps you're also exaggerating. Some fat gain during bulking will happen, as long as you don't let it spiral out of control.

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    Mar 07, 2016 2:20 PM GMT
    I think the concept of "ideal body" is not useful. I set goals. I'm disciplined in meeting those goals. Once success is inevitable, I set new goals.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Mar 07, 2016 5:04 PM GMT
    The only real difference is that I'm happier with the way I look. That alone is enough. I like having people comment that I look great. I'm healthier and have the benefit of having found a daily gym routine that I enjoy and it has pretty much become my "sport." The spillover benefit of having improved my diet has led me to become an adventurous (healthy) cook and I enjoy putting together people around the table for something unexpectedly good (and healthy) or even just to do it for myself on a quiet evening alone. But don't kid yourself. Being buff and having a good haircut and dressing well will get you noticed in all sorts of ways, both your job and in bed and just walking through life.

    Ya gotta do something with your time. I'd rather spend my free time seeing friends in they gym and feeling good, then cooking something delicious than just sitting around with the TV on or being in bars.
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    Mar 07, 2016 9:31 PM GMT
    I don't know of a single guy who thinks they have the "ideal body" including a gigantic bodybuilder I know who complains that he's not quite as big as some other massive bodybuilder.

    Personally, while I have surpassed my original goal as it existed a decade ago, that goal has shifted progressively. Who knows what it will be in another decade? But I know I'm not there yet.

    Just keep setting new goals for yourself.

    But to answer your question: yes, it's true that because we gays are pretty superficial, even the nicest guys out there who happen to be super hot and jacked are going to react different between someone with an average body and that same person with a "killer body". I know that once I started packing on the muscle some guys who had rejected or ignored me before gaining all that muscle were knocking down my door after I'd gained it. It's awful, but it's true.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Mar 07, 2016 9:53 PM GMT
    jackedgamer saidI don't know of a single guy who thinks they have the "ideal body" including a gigantic bodybuilder I know who complains that he's not quite as big as some other massive bodybuilder.

    Personally, while I have surpassed my original goal as it existed a decade ago, that goal has shifted progressively. Who knows what it will be in another decade? But I know I'm not there yet.

    Just keep setting new goals for yourself.

    But to answer your question: yes, it's true that because we gays are pretty superficial, even the nicest guys out there who happen to be super hot and jacked are going to react different between someone with an average body and that same person with a "killer body". I know that once I started packing on the muscle some guys who had rejected or ignored me before gaining all that muscle were knocking down my door after I'd gained it. It's awful, but it's true.

    It's not just gays. It's human.
  • Ariodante83

    Posts: 152

    Mar 16, 2016 11:44 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    It's not just gays. It's human.


    I'm pretty confident in saying physical cult is disproportionately higher in the gay community, even though it also definitely exists in the straight community.
  • DrMGGGMD

    Posts: 4

    Mar 23, 2016 3:37 AM GMT
    I would say generally positive, I wouldn't say it's ideal but I'm happy with the progress. I went through a lot of my adolescence being self-conscious because of my body, but it's very nice to see results from something you put time and effort into. I think the self confidence boost helped above and beyond just the gains in physical attractiveness. And yes, it gives you more bargaining power in brokering that next piece of dick, but it can also attract the type that won't take no for an answer
  • Triggerman

    Posts: 528

    Jul 27, 2016 2:30 AM GMT
    Good question! I was always fairly big and naturally strong, but not athletic. I am still not. But I loved the look of bodybuilders and '70s wrestlers. If I could just be that! Forget football or basketball or tennis. I was what we call farm boy strong but not a jock. I gravitated to solo sports like wrestling and boxing. Went through HS not as a jock as I did not play a letter sport ( football, basketball, baseball, track or swimming). But I had friends in the sports crowd and the theater crowd. In late HS years I discovered weight training. It has been my passion ever since. 35 years. I have not always been in great shape but pretty darn good shape. It definitely opens doors. But, I will say, being funny and well read and a good listener and a loyal friend and the first to offer help and the guy that stays and cleans up after the party is much more important. I have a good group of friends here of every shape, size and ethnicity. I find intelligence more attractive than anything, and the ability to laugh at one's self most of all. So, yeah, open the door with a good looking body, face, it helps. But be fun, be exciting, be inquisitive, be helpful and dependable. That is my turn on. Decent body but fun and adventurous and random and funny? Perfect.