Feeling Nostalgic and missing my ex a little bit, is this normal? lol

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2016 2:59 AM GMT
    Ok, I don't really open up that much about my love life but I don't know, it's weird, it's just lately, I've been missing my ex and my old life a bit. Not that I want to get back together with him or anything, but I'm feeling more nostalgic about things we've done together, places we went to visit...etc. Now people say that *it's best to find someone new and move on, I'm trying to do that but IDK, sometimes I felt like an idiot for the breakup in the past. But yes, not to beat myself up, I know that it's in the past and I need to move on completely. I guess I'm just in a lonely ranting mode, since after a long day of work, I come home by myself and just feeling weird about it all I guess. And watching too many gay romantic movies doesn't help either. !! icon_redface.gificon_confused.gif SOme words of encouragement please !! icon_evil.gif
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    Mar 07, 2016 8:22 AM GMT
    try and get back into the life you had before you met him.
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Mar 07, 2016 9:34 AM GMT

    Don't watch romantic movies, seriously.


    Our brains are funny things, nostalgia is nostalgia for a reason. It's easier to edit out the bad parts because our minds are not actively fearing the past, our brains have mainly evolved to avoid immediate danger. The little mouse-like creature in the dark that scurried away at the first unknown sound survived and the ones that thought "meh it's probably nothing" got eaten.


    So we are always going to view the past with a certain degree of rose coloured glasses because it's not as much of a threat to us. Threat as in, our brains view any potential stress as a threat, and other parts of our brains process whether or not it's worth the reward to endure that stress.


    So yeah, basically it's an illusion. Your past life was not as good as you remember. Your relationship will always look better when it's over.

    Remember Michael Jackson? He was a laughing stock pedophile.....until he died. Then suddenly he was the greatest musician who ever lived and those little bastards were probably liars!!!! Brains are funny.


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    Mar 08, 2016 2:07 AM GMT
    ^^ Thanks, I tend to agreed with your assessment somewhat. Yes, there were bad and good times that we spent together. Thinking about it now, I did edit out the bad times. But I guess, you live and you learn from your past, mistakes and grow as a person. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 08, 2016 4:26 AM GMT
    LOL I have similar regrets sometimes. I broke up with my 2nd boyfriend 2 years ago, but somehow he became the gold standard for my friends by which all my subsequent boyfriends/dates were compared to - "sorry, he was better". There came hotter ones, but as for boyfriend material, everyone liked him best. I'm starting to believe it too, despite our awkward chemistry at the time.
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    Mar 08, 2016 3:05 PM GMT
    The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence--until you get closer to it and you realize it's astro turf.
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    Mar 08, 2016 3:15 PM GMT
    It's perfectly normal to look back fondly on happy times, particularly after a painful breakup. It's not much different from how we deal with the death of a loved one in that eventually the sharp pain of grief lessens and we tend to dwell more of the good memories and a bit less of the bad times.

    If you had happy memories why feel guilty about it? Own them! Tell yourself "We had some great times together and eventually I'll have more great times like that when the next great love of my life enters the scene!".

    :-)
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Mar 08, 2016 5:42 PM GMT
    Ya, it's normal. Get a dog. No kidding.
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    Mar 08, 2016 9:37 PM GMT
    ^ My ex took the dog. Well, actually he took the little terrier; I kept the Great Dane, but here lately I've been missing that little pup.
  • beaujangle

    Posts: 1701

    Mar 08, 2016 11:27 PM GMT
    badbug said
    Don't watch romantic movies, seriously.


    Our brains are funny things, nostalgia is nostalgia for a reason. It's easier to edit out the bad parts because our minds are not actively fearing the past, our brains have mainly evolved to avoid immediate danger. The little mouse-like creature in the dark that scurried away at the first unknown sound survived and the ones that thought "meh it's probably nothing" got eaten.


    So we are always going to view the past with a certain degree of rose coloured glasses because it's not as much of a threat to us. Threat as in, our brains view any potential stress as a threat, and other parts of our brains process whether or not it's worth the reward to endure that stress.


    So yeah, basically it's an illusion. Your past life was not as good as you remember. Your relationship will always look better when it's over.

    Remember Michael Jackson? He was a laughing stock pedophile.....until he died. Then suddenly he was the greatest musician who ever lived and those little bastards were probably liars!!!! Brains are funny.




    mmm, interesting ... hence the phrase 'the good old days'!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 10, 2016 3:15 AM GMT
    YVRguy saidIt's perfectly normal to look back fondly on happy times, particularly after a painful breakup. It's not much different from how we deal with the death of a loved one in that eventually the sharp pain of grief lessens and we tend to dwell more of the good memories and a bit less of the bad times.

    If you had happy memories why feel guilty about it? Own them! Tell yourself "We had some great times together and eventually I'll have more great times like that when the next great love of my life enters the scene!".

    :-)


    Well said, Thanks. !! icon_smile.gif