Why Do People Do This?

  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Mar 07, 2016 6:55 PM GMT
    Like when you initially meet someone they randomly tell you all the things they are not. For Example they will say I'm not pretentious, or I'm not an asshole etc.
    Then later on you find out they are all the things they said they were not. Is this some form of denial, I just find it odd when people do this. Like why do people volunteer random information like this?
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Mar 07, 2016 6:56 PM GMT
    I just found the answer to my own question...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2016 7:37 PM GMT
    Maybe because those labels don't define someone in the first place. sure people project.. It's human nature.but I don't necessarily believe people in general are all that intuitive to begin with.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2016 8:06 PM GMT
    You literally don't have to put a word in your about me if you're 10 on RJ (for example) so it's not like people are preparing themselves for a shitty personality regardless of whether or not their about me section is full of shit or not.
    But yea I never like it when people basically brag about their personality. Especially those who base their personality off their astrology sign...
    I rather people just experience my personality instead of having to hear about it.
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Mar 07, 2016 8:10 PM GMT
    Painted saidMaybe because those labels don't define someone in the first place. sure people project.. It's human nature.but I don't necessarily believe people in general are all that intuitive to begin with.


    I understand, then why even bring it up when no one asked. Like why randomly say I'm not a "pretentious asshole" or I'm not a "Hoe" when no one ever said you were.
    It just seems like people are in denial about who they really are, and they are paranoid that you are picking up on these traits.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Mar 07, 2016 8:20 PM GMT
    Much of it is a cultural trait.

    Most college educated Central Europeans would never address the issue of their personalities in any context. You have been raised to believe that people will easily establish what your personality is by your deeds rather than by your words.icon_idea.gif

    Most of the people I know would find anyone telling the others about his personality traits as something very highly awkward.

    Yup. It is usually a huge red flag!

    SC

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2016 9:12 PM GMT
    Nobody actually thinks that they are pretentious, an asshole, shallow, etc., so in that sense they believe that they're telling the truth. In your profile here on RJ, grinder, etc. you may want to promote or sell yourself, so you say these things.

    Whenever I see that sort of stuff in someone's profile it makes me raise my eyebrows because (as silverrrcloud said) I've always felt that other people get to decide if you have those qualities. It's better to describe what you like to do, your interests, etc. and let others make the character assessments.
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Mar 07, 2016 10:47 PM GMT
    @SilverRRcloud and @Lumpyoatmeal you are always spot on! The last guy I met randomly decided to tell me he was not a "pretentious asshole" and he was as fake as they come. Another guy told me he is a model, but made sure to let me know he is a model and not a stripper, yet come to find out he was a go-go boy. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • tj85016

    Posts: 4123

    Mar 07, 2016 11:47 PM GMT
    they're trying to convince themselves they're not one of those types, not you
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Mar 08, 2016 12:22 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidWhere are you meeting these guys?

    I also noticed that you live in NYC. I find it common that a lot of people in NYC are about climbing some type of ladder to raise their status. It could be socially or career influenced. Either way, I think there's more of a effort to try and put forth some an image or "brand" that defines one's self favorably, even if it comes down to flat out lying.


    Muscle you hit the nail on the head! I'm a native New Yorker, but most of the people who move here from out of state are definitely opportunist. I meet these people at events or work related functions, so It's not like I'm up in bars and such.
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Mar 08, 2016 12:23 AM GMT
    tj85016 saidthey're trying to convince themselves they're not one of those types, not you


    I think you're absolutely right!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2016 12:41 AM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal saidNobody actually thinks that they are pretentious, an asshole, shallow, etc., so in that sense they believe that they're telling the truth. In your profile here on RJ, grinder, etc. you may want to promote or sell yourself, so you say these things.

    Whenever I see that sort of stuff in someone's profile it makes me raise my eyebrows because (as silverrrcloud said) I've always felt that other people get to decide if you have those qualities. It's better to describe what you like to do, your interests, etc. and let others make the character assessments.


    What does it tell you when someone has nothing in their profile?
  • jlars12

    Posts: 82

    Mar 08, 2016 1:05 AM GMT
    Yeah I generally stay clear from any long rambling profiles, especially ones with drawn-out elaborations on dislikes - no time for baggage like that!

    My favorite are the ones who are looking for "sane" guys. If you think that will weed out insane guys, then you must be insane yourself!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2016 7:27 AM GMT
    The funny thing about the internet, people shoot off their mouths like they got a disease -- people aren't logical to begin with, they are emotional beings that don't share the same luxury that affords others with intelligence and logic. U don't know what kind of looney toon you are talking to, reminding yourself who you are in face of someone that doesn't know shit about u on the internet is a valid defense mechanism. You can't be too careful with all those weirdos out there.
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Mar 08, 2016 7:59 AM GMT
    Painted saidreminding yourself who you are in face of someone that doesn't know shit about u on the internet is a valid defense mechanism.


    This^ I agree with you 100%
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2016 8:27 AM GMT
    Well firstly, for the most part being pretentious and an asshole is a matter of perspective. They might be none of that in someone else's opinion. Secondly, we all project an image of ourselves based on our sociological environment. We believe smiling helps ease the tension so we smile more often just like we think saying certain things would trigger a better perception of our reality. And thirdly, the question of what propelled them to say is just as valid as what they said. Conversations aren't interviews where only what's asked is what's told. The beauty of it is exactly the unexpectedness of revelations. When people develop comfort around each other they speak their mind more often without seeking approval for their views and whatever they say can range anywhere from profound to downright cringeworthy. In this world where we are all negotiating with and around each other, we are all to a degree delusional and hypocritical and conveniently so.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2016 2:52 PM GMT
    Because people believe their own shit.
  • charlitos666

    Posts: 290

    Mar 08, 2016 3:01 PM GMT
    When two people go on a date and they are interested in each other physically, they usually end up acting and saying things that they think will cause a good impression on the other person. They are invested in being someone they really aren't. That is why you can't judge anyone on a first date, wether it's good or bad, you will not be able to tell who this person really is until you spend enough time interacting with them privately and socially.
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    Mar 08, 2016 3:40 PM GMT
    Wow I just checked my profile to see if I said anything like that... Maybe I actually am a Neanderthal ;-)

    Fistly few people see their own flaws. I suspect some of this is in fact denial, as some of the more informed gentlemen here have pointed out. Sadly it may also be in response to honest criticism.

    Also remember profiles are the same as resumes with cover letters. People are trying to put their best foot forward. Many profiles less accurately depict their owners than their World of Warcraft avatars. Ironically these folks also seem eager to accuse others of misrepresenting themselves.

    Just my two cents,
    FloridaRugbyBear
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Mar 08, 2016 5:43 PM GMT
    Applause for all of you guys great responses!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2016 9:05 PM GMT
    I've noticed this as well. If you need to reaffirm people how nice or smart you are, you likely really aren't whatever you think you are. Actions speak louder than words
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2016 11:17 PM GMT
    NyRuinz saidLike when you initially meet someone they randomly tell you all the things they are not. For Example they will say I'm not pretentious, or I'm not an asshole etc.

    An even worse red flag is when in their online profile, for the type of guy they're looking for, they have rejection criteria; e.g., "leather costumes, cigars, pipes and other masculinity props are a complete turn off. It's not a costume party. Just be real. Is that asking too much?"

    It's sort of the inverse, instead of saying that they are some thing they're implying that they are not some thing. "Don't be a fake because I certainly am not!"

  • craycraydoesd...

    Posts: 596

    Mar 09, 2016 2:27 AM GMT
    jlars12 saidYeah I generally stay clear from any long rambling profiles, especially ones with drawn-out elaborations on dislikes - no time for baggage like that!

    My favorite are the ones who are looking for "sane" guys. If you think that will weed out insane guys, then you must be insane yourself!


    You mean like this?

    "...Hell, I'll grab your ass in public (with your permission of course, I'm not a complete Neanderthal). I'll do all the things the heteros get to do. I will not relegate myself second class citizenship.... If you act like a woman, move along.... You must be comfortable in YOUR skin... You must be gainfully employed and self sufficient. I'm not looking for a dependent (not unless I can use you as a tax deduction). You should not read this to mean you have to be a rocket scientist, brain surgeon, or Wall St. tycoon..."

    icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2016 3:30 AM GMT
    You're a fuckin idiot OP.

    Which person would voluntary admit their personality faults upon first meeting?

    Hi, I'm Chulo and i'm a narcissist.


    Like WTF dude? Are you a child?????


    And you seem to think you are the only one without any character flaws. If you do, I'm sure you present them to every person you meet, right?????
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1165

    Mar 09, 2016 4:07 AM GMT
    crazycrazydoesdoes said
    jlars12 saidYeah I generally stay clear from any long rambling profiles, especially ones with drawn-out elaborations on dislikes - no time for baggage like that!

    My favorite are the ones who are looking for "sane" guys. If you think that will weed out insane guys, then you must be insane yourself!


    You mean like this?

    "...Hell, I'll grab your ass in public (with your permission of course, I'm not a complete Neanderthal). I'll do all the things the heteros get to do. I will not relegate myself second class citizenship.... If you act like a woman, move along.... You must be comfortable in YOUR skin... You must be gainfully employed and self sufficient. I'm not looking for a dependent (not unless I can use you as a tax deduction). You should not read this to mean you have to be a rocket scientist, brain surgeon, or Wall St. tycoon..."

    icon_lol.gif


    No wonder Undercoverman is so angry at this thread with his passive-aggressive rhetorical questions!

    Btw chulo, or whichever long-winded profile owns that sock account, OP isn't telling people to list their character flaws, simply questioning why people would list unproven character strengths as if anyone would buy it