Having trouble meeting people on grindr/scruff/online?


  • Mar 12, 2016 10:57 PM GMT
    Hey

    I've been using hookup and dating apps like Grindr and Scruff for a couple months now and have had little to no success connecting with people for anything; dating, friendships, hookups, nada. And I'm not really sure why.

    It could be my profile, but it seems fine to me. It's dutifully filled out with a couple witticisms sprinkled here and there. I indicate interest in everything from hookups to chat-only to friendships. I use a good, clear face pic for my profile and I'm like 80% sure I'm somewhat attractive. I mean I'm aware I'm not a 10 but a solid 6-7 at least. So why don't get I many hits? Why don't many people message me or respond to my messages?

    I know the issue not a lack of users; I live in NYC. Tons of gays here. Maybe it's just my approach; I've tried a handful of different ones when first messaging someone...

    -complimenting them, either on their profile or their pic.

    -latching on to something memorable or unique in their profile; a joke they made or some other detail. If they identify as a geek I might ask "hey so what kind of geek are you ;)" for example.

    -leading with an absurd and completely out of place factoid so bizarre it will at least gets their attention, like "Did you know that flatworms, being asexual, reproduce through a mating ritual called 'penis fencing' where the two mates attempt to stab one another with their phallus? The loser becomes pregnant icon_biggrin.gif!"

    -Simply saying "Hey, how's it going?"


    None of these approaches have really gotten me anywhere though. Maybe I'm just not direct enough? Like I should just message people "looking?" and "into?".

    I wouldn't really care so much or put much energy into these apps if I was socializing more outside of them. But right now, between my age, being out of college, and my work schedule; my circumstances are really non-conducive to most avenues of socialization. Apps are really all I have time for atm.

    Idk, anyone have any suggestions or input? It'd be appreciated.
  • zelon1

    Posts: 81

    Mar 12, 2016 11:46 PM GMT
    Don't feel bad I'm going through the exact same thing. Guys on those apps do not know how/or want to hold a conversation.
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Mar 13, 2016 12:03 AM GMT
    Grind is horrible. It's not good for any man's self esteem. reasons why ppl don't answer
    -they are fake
    -they are busy
    -they are not looking atm
    -they are not interested
    -messages are not sending
    -they are cunts (i find this is very often the case together with being fake)

    Maybe try tinder, it's not much better but it seems to be a little better.

    Good luck, don't let it get you down.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2016 12:55 AM GMT
    Assume that 90% are "fakes and flakes," and that the only people you'd actually consider hot that are interested in you are only real if they're over a thousand miles away, and you'll save yourself heaps of frustration.

    I suppose it's a numbers game and you have to be proactive and cast a wide net, phishing, as so many appear to do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2016 6:38 AM GMT
    I gave on apps a long time ago. Unless you're a 10/10, you won't get very far. Besides, there's a high number of fake profiles and random weirdos that just want to collect pics to jack off to.

    I mainly use it to browse around and see who the local gays are. If you want to meet people with substance, join a local gay social/sports club.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Mar 13, 2016 5:54 PM GMT
    Many dudes on the apps are there to confirm that someone out there is interested in them, i.e., finds them attractive enough. That's ALL they want to hear/know. It's an ego booster at a very low cost, too.

    A few guys are very conservative when it comes to the little footwork needed to hook up via an app. If they saw you in real life at one of the bars/clubs/spas they'd have no problem jumping your bonesicon_eek.gif. But when they start thinking that they will have to chat, maybe win, maybe lose..., they move on.

    Get going and hit real life, real guys and real places.

    Invest some to gain some...

    SC
  • nice_chap

    Posts: 277

    Mar 13, 2016 6:44 PM GMT
    you're more than a 7.
  • mystery905

    Posts: 745

    Mar 13, 2016 8:04 PM GMT
    nice_chap saidyou're more than a 7.


    + 1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2016 8:20 PM GMT
    The vast majority of app hookup site users are incredibly shallow and have an over inflated self image. Interesting people do interesting things and doing those things, they actually meet other interesting people.

  • Mar 14, 2016 4:11 AM GMT
    mystery905 said
    nice_chap saidyou're more than a 7.


    + 1

    *blushes*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2016 9:39 AM GMT
    You're only 18, get out there and meet some real life people - you say you don't have time for it, but I bet the amount of time you spend trawling apps easily adds up to an evening with some sort of gay activity group of whatever interest you have. I'm sure there must be loads in NYC.

  • Mar 14, 2016 3:35 PM GMT
    PulseFit saidYou're only 18, get out there and meet some real life people - you say you don't have time for it, but I bet the amount of time you spend trawling apps easily adds up to an evening with some sort of gay activity group of whatever interest you have. I'm sure there must be loads in NYC.

    There are a bunch of groups in NYU, but the majority of them are aimed at people in their 20's and 30's. All the people my age are socializing through college activities.

    I'm too young to go out to most gay clubs and bars reliably (which sort of discourages me from doing to 40 minute commute to do so) and even if I do get in I have no idea how to act in that social setting.

    And my schedule is really nonconducive to activities and shit; I work full time, working every afternoon from 2 to 10 pm. And I have class every other morning and all of saturday/sunday depending on the week.

    So I really only have some weekday mornings and one day of the weekend to try and socialize.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2016 3:36 PM GMT
    I love Grindr but nobody uses it where I live but I use it when I visit New Delhi. I have made amazing friends on Grindr. Some of them are going to be friends for life.

  • Mar 14, 2016 8:42 PM GMT
    ricky1987 saidI love Grindr but nobody uses it where I live but I use it when I visit New Delhi. I have made amazing friends on Grindr. Some of them are going to be friends for life.

    What's the gay population like in India? I imagine in smaller communities guys would be less prone to dismiss one another.

    Idk, just a thought.

  • Mar 15, 2016 5:02 PM GMT
    Well I updated my profile a bit and seem to be having better results.

    Changed my Profile Name to "Butt Monkey" and my headline to "they tell me my ass pic is magic".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2016 6:07 PM GMT
    theproductofboredom saidWell I updated my profile a bit and seem to be having better results.

    Changed my Profile Name to "Butt Monkey" and my headline to "they tell me my ass pic is magic".


    That should bring in lots of winners.

  • Mar 15, 2016 11:02 PM GMT
    swimmersf said
    theproductofboredom saidWell I updated my profile a bit and seem to be having better results.

    Changed my Profile Name to "Butt Monkey" and my headline to "they tell me my ass pic is magic".


    That should bring in lots of winners.

    Oh yeah I'm sure I'll make a lot of lifelong friends this way.
  • Ariodante83

    Posts: 152

    Mar 16, 2016 8:55 PM GMT
    They're first impression hook-up apps. Sometimes friendships develop. Sometimes. But for the most part the rule of thumb to get anywhere on them is showing skin and appearing sexually open. But don't kid yourself that these aren't hookup apps.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2016 2:22 AM GMT
    Ariodante83 saidThey're first impression hook-up apps. Sometimes friendships develop. Sometimes. But for the most part the rule of thumb to get anywhere on them is showing skin and appearing sexually open. But don't kid yourself that these aren't hookup apps.

    Hey stranger! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Ariodante83

    Posts: 152

    Mar 17, 2016 2:28 AM GMT
    xrichx said
    Ariodante83 saidThey're first impression hook-up apps. Sometimes friendships develop. Sometimes. But for the most part the rule of thumb to get anywhere on them is showing skin and appearing sexually open. But don't kid yourself that these aren't hookup apps.

    Hey stranger! icon_biggrin.gif


    boo icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2016 2:38 AM GMT
    Grindr is shit. Just delete it like every gay man with a self esteem has done. I have great luck with Scruff though. It sounds to me like you're pandering to a wide audience to increase your chances.....and I don't know if that's a good idea. I'm VERY specific about what I'm looking for in my Scruff profile and it weeds out the sketch and attracts the guys that are into what I'm looking for at the same time. Guys don't respect dudes who cast a wide net. They're much more impressed by guys who aren't afraid to say what they want.

    FYI: With a name like Monkey Butt, don't expect anything but hookups. (I need to see this butt pic by the way.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2016 2:47 AM GMT
    Scruff is more appealing, at least visually.