A Guy Tells You His Previous Male Partner Was HIV Positive, But That He Never Contracted It.

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    Mar 13, 2016 8:57 PM GMT
    Have you been interested in a Guy, liked a Guy, Dated a Guy, or had a Relationship with a Guy; who told you his previous ex boyfriend had HIV, but that he never become infected? If so, were you still super scared and worried, that he did contract it from his previous male partner, and was lying for whatever reason to protect himself from future rejection etc? Like, did it always stick in the back of your mind of the potential risk and exposure of exercising confidence in his reassurance?
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    Mar 14, 2016 6:49 PM GMT
    No, but I'd sure get myself tested fast. And, depending on when he told you this, I'd let that joker know right away that his moral compass needs boxing.
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    Mar 14, 2016 7:09 PM GMT
    A stupid reason to worry. Have you ever met ANY dude that said he wasn't clean??!!
    You have to go into dating and hooking up as if everyone is potentially not 'clean'.
    Use common sense and protection, and if you're that paranoid, stay out the pool so you don't get wet.
    icon_confused.gif
  • toastvenom

    Posts: 1020

    Mar 14, 2016 7:17 PM GMT
    awesome, sokeep it that way by fucking him with a condom and all will be well in the universe
  • mar0302

    Posts: 273

    Mar 14, 2016 8:29 PM GMT
    No... Use prep.. use condoms.. protect yourself.. and get tested if you've dated him a while and want to get more serious.

    Knowledge goes a long way. If someone is positive and undetectable, then your new guy's risk of getting anything (even if they're having unprotected sex) is very low. At the same time, if you are using protection and/or prep, then your risk is also very low. In either case, be safe and get tested regularly.. and stop judging people.
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    Mar 14, 2016 8:35 PM GMT
    CurtisLG saidHave you been interested in a Guy, liked a Guy, Dated a Guy, or had a Relationship with a Guy; who told you his previous ex boyfriend had HIV, but that he never become infected? If so, were you still super scared and worried, that he did contract it from his previous male partner, and was lying for whatever reason to protect himself from future rejection etc? Like, did it always stick in the back of your mind of the potential risk and exposure of exercising confidence in his reassurance?


    I don't understand why someone would be "still super scared and worried" if you both are being tested. After 3 months the infection window period is over.

    "There's a period of time after a person is infected during which they won't test positive. This is called the “hiv window period.”

    The window period can be from 9 days to 3 months, depending on the person's body and on the HIV test that's used. During that time, you can test HIV negative even though you're HIV positive. You can still catch HIV from someone who is in the window period. In fact, there is evidence that a person in the window period is more likely to pass the virus on."

    http://www.sfaf.org/hiv-info/testing/hiv-test-window-periods.html


    Why would you assume he is "lying for whatever reason to protect himself from future rejection etc?" You are making him out to be a liar. Now he's guilty just for having a POZ ex?

    How do you know you are not POZ?
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    Mar 14, 2016 8:38 PM GMT
    This is kind of like women who date men that are in and out of prison. Get him tested! You can go together. He shouldn't hesitate to do it. You can even go to CVS and get an OraQuick kit for convenience and privacy.
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    Mar 14, 2016 10:29 PM GMT
    CODY4U saidThis is kind of like women who date men that are in and out of prison. Get him tested! You can go together. He shouldn't hesitate to do it. You can even go to CVS and get an OraQuick kit for convenience and privacy.


    Not so quick pookie!

    3 months is the window. Test now and again in 3 months without risky sex in between, ya know like Jacking OFF!
  • Kinneticbrian

    Posts: 230

    Mar 14, 2016 11:08 PM GMT
    With any dating or sexual situation these days, there's risk involved. HIV/AIDS education and support is something I have been passionate about for some time. This situation is pretty simple, physically but more complex, perhaps, emotionally.

    First - Treat every encounter/relationship as if HIV is a very real threat - because it is. Even if you've been tested through the HIV window phase and are negative, your life as you know it depends on your partner's faithfulness.

    Second - Use of Prep does go a long way, but it is still no substitute for responsible behavior and condom use.

    Third - Understand that when someone trusts you enough to engage in sexual activity, they're really allowing you to take their well-being into your hands and you are releasing your well-being to theirs. Be responsible, know your status and if you decide to play with fire - expect sooner or later that you will get burned.

    That being said, if someone is HIV positive, that doesn't mean they're unworthy of being treated with love, respect, care and it sure doesn't mean that they can't still be a vibrant, sexy, very amazing human being.

    It's a personal decision as to whether or not someone can handle cross serostatus dating, but there are many couples who have lived very normal lives in cross status relationships where one partner has remained HIV negative.

    If this is a concern you have, then have a responsible, adult conversation with the other person and be upfront about your concerns. Don't punish an innocent person for something his former partner may have done.
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    Mar 15, 2016 12:41 AM GMT
    To answer your question, I would rather date a guy who tells me he's undetectable and open to answering any of my questions. I am negative. But us negative guys are only as negative as our last test date and so many of us have been tested 6 months or more ago with plenty of partners in between. I eventually got tired of getting a text from an ex partner warning me that they just tested positive and weren't sure who they got it from. And I hate to say it, but in my experience, the hotter the guy and the better the body, the more likely he was to be positive.

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    Mar 15, 2016 1:19 AM GMT
    Vaalie505 saidA stupid reason to worry. Have you ever met ANY dude that said he wasn't clean??!!
    You have to go into dating and hooking up as if everyone is potentially not 'clean'.
    Use common sense and protection, and if you're that paranoid, stay out the pool so you don't get wet.
    icon_confused.gif


    I haven't met any Guys face to face that have openly told me they were in fact HIV Positive. But I have had Guys that use to talk with me Online, notify me they were HIV Positive; before any potential plans to take anything further developed. I don't hookup, or engage in risky behaviour for thrills. The point you made is right and I understand exactly what you mean still! And I do stay away from the Pool to a very large extent, and that's irrespective of whether a Guy is HIV Positive or not. Largely overall, I keep to myself and only engage with a Guy in whatever way when there is a quality connection, and have known him well for a few Months; which occurs very seldomly anyway.
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    Mar 15, 2016 1:39 AM GMT
    MGINSD saidNo, but I'd sure get myself tested fast. And, depending on when he told you this, I'd let that joker know right away that his moral compass needs boxing.


    I don't need to get myself tested, because I haven't done anything sexual with this Guy. icon_smile.gif I haven't had sex for Years. Well, he hasn't done anything morally wrong, because I have no proof he is definitely HIV Positive just because his previous male partner was. I appreciate what you wrote though, because it's wise and good advice! Thank-you for your comment!
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    Mar 15, 2016 1:49 AM GMT
    Toastvenom saidawesome, sokeep it that way by fucking him with a condom and all will be well in the universe


    Of course condoms would be used if sex happened! icon_biggrin.gif I intend to remain HIV Negative, and clean from any other Diseases or Infections, absolutely! icon_biggrin.gif I value my health and life massively!
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    Mar 15, 2016 2:00 AM GMT
    CurtisLG saidHave you been interested in a Guy, liked a Guy, Dated a Guy, or had a Relationship with a Guy; who told you his previous ex boyfriend had HIV, but that he never become infected? If so, were you still super scared and worried, that he did contract it from his previous male partner, and was lying for whatever reason to protect himself from future rejection etc? Like, did it always stick in the back of your mind of the potential risk and exposure of exercising confidence in his reassurance?

    I knowingly partnered with an HIV+ guy for several years. I was the bottom, the most risky form of sex, but it was always safe. I'm sure I also had sex with poz strangers when I was single, bar tricks and whatevers. All also safe, or at least as safe as I knew how.

    I remain negative, 20 years later, never had an STD in my life. But I never accepted that a guy was negative, or free of any STD, just because he claimed he was. He may not honestly know his own status himself. Just assumes he's OK because he feels & looks all right.

    The definition of safe sex is to assume that ALL your new partners are poz, with HIV or some other STD. If you don't know how to handle that, or it frightens you, then don't have the sex. You do have choices.
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    Mar 15, 2016 2:09 AM GMT
    timmm55 said
    CurtisLG saidHave you been interested in a Guy, liked a Guy, Dated a Guy, or had a Relationship with a Guy; who told you his previous ex boyfriend had HIV, but that he never become infected? If so, were you still super scared and worried, that he did contract it from his previous male partner, and was lying for whatever reason to protect himself from future rejection etc? Like, did it always stick in the back of your mind of the potential risk and exposure of exercising confidence in his reassurance?


    I don't understand why someone would be "still super scared and worried" if you both are being tested. After 3 months the infection window period is over.

    "There's a period of time after a person is infected during which they won't test positive. This is called the “hiv window period.”

    The window period can be from 9 days to 3 months, depending on the person's body and on the HIV test that's used. During that time, you can test HIV negative even though you're HIV positive. You can still catch HIV from someone who is in the window period. In fact, there is evidence that a person in the window period is more likely to pass the virus on."

    http://www.sfaf.org/hiv-info/testing/hiv-test-window-periods.html


    Why would you assume he is "lying for whatever reason to protect himself from future rejection etc?" You are making him out to be a liar. Now he's guilty just for having a POZ ex?

    How do you know you are not POZ?


    Hi. Yes, I am fully aware and knowledgeable of how HIV Testing is conducted, the timeframes of everything, and the process of things. Being potentially super scared and worried stems from not knowing if the Guy has been tested or not. You are making out that just because a Guy says he doesn't have something, automatically proves that he is telling the truth. At the same time, I am not making out he isn't telling the truth either! I never mentioned that in my Post. I posed a logical contemplation and questions that can run through ones mind when this comes into consideration. I just wanted to ascertain if Guys have been dubious or worried by similar experiences and scenarios pertaining to HIV, as I was. In relation to be confidence of another Man's Negative Status, I am referring.

    I know I am not HIV Positive, because I have been tested recently, and haven't had sex in Years. I don't do anything to acquire a potent HIV Transmission/Infection. Again, I am NOT making out this Guy is lying at all! But, ignorance and wishful thinking aren't wise when protecting yourself. So of course I think about the potential of being lied to, because a lot of Guys have and do, and a lot probably aren't even aware they are Positive to begin with.
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    Mar 15, 2016 2:14 AM GMT
    mar0302 saidNo... Use prep.. use condoms.. protect yourself.. and get tested if you've dated him a while and want to get more serious.

    Knowledge goes a long way. If someone is positive and undetectable, then your new guy's risk of getting anything (even if they're having unprotected sex) is very low. At the same time, if you are using protection and/or prep, then your risk is also very low. In either case, be safe and get tested regularly.. and stop judging people.


    Yes, I agree with everything you wrote, and it's true!! Except, the part about me judging! Since when did caring about yourself, equal judging another person?! I am not judging anyone!
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    Mar 15, 2016 2:20 AM GMT
    Kinneticbrian saidWith any dating or sexual situation these days, there's risk involved. HIV/AIDS education and support is something I have been passionate about for some time. This situation is pretty simple, physically but more complex, perhaps, emotionally.

    First - Treat every encounter/relationship as if HIV is a very real threat - because it is. Even if you've been tested through the HIV window phase and are negative, your life as you know it depends on your partner's faithfulness.

    Second - Use of Prep does go a long way, but it is still no substitute for responsible behavior and condom use.

    Third - Understand that when someone trusts you enough to engage in sexual activity, they're really allowing you to take their well-being into your hands and you are releasing your well-being to theirs. Be responsible, know your status and if you decide to play with fire - expect sooner or later that you will get burned.

    That being said, if someone is HIV positive, that doesn't mean they're unworthy of being treated with love, respect, care and it sure doesn't mean that they can't still be a vibrant, sexy, very amazing human being.

    It's a personal decision as to whether or not someone can handle cross serostatus dating, but there are many couples who have lived very normal lives in cross status relationships where one partner has remained HIV negative.

    If this is a concern you have, then have a responsible, adult conversation with the other person and be upfront about your concerns. Don't punish an innocent person for something his former partner may have done.


    Thank you for your Comment!! I agree with all your information, and it's right!! Just to be clear, I am not punishing an innocent person for anything!! Never have, and never would I do that, especially on purpose!!
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    Mar 15, 2016 2:25 AM GMT
    CODY4U saidThis is kind of like women who date men that are in and out of prison. Get him tested! You can go together. He shouldn't hesitate to do it. You can even go to CVS and get an OraQuick kit for convenience and privacy.


    Well he told me he has nothing! The first thing I asked him was, "did you go and get tested as soon as you found out your ex male partner was HIV Positive". If anything came to something serious between us, I would definitely get tested together! Thank you for your Comment!!
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    Mar 15, 2016 2:31 AM GMT
    woodfordr saidTo answer your question, I would rather date a guy who tells me he's undetectable and open to answering any of my questions. I am negative. But us negative guys are only as negative as our last test date and so many of us have been tested 6 months or more ago with plenty of partners in between. I eventually got tired of getting a text from an ex partner warning me that they just tested positive and weren't sure who they got it from. And I hate to say it, but in my experience, the hotter the guy and the better the body, the more likely he was to be positive.



    I would rather that too, the same as you. And regularity with being Tested has to be done for things to be consistently legitimate, absolutely! I am not sexually promiscuous anyway, or engage in risky behaviour; so I don't add to my risk significantly, anyway. Hey no, I concur with you on that too - the hotter a Guy is, it does sometimes increase the likelihood that he is HIV Positive!
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    Mar 15, 2016 2:38 AM GMT
    CurtisLG said
    timmm55 said
    CurtisLG saidHave you been interested in a Guy, liked a Guy, Dated a Guy, or had a Relationship with a Guy; who told you his previous ex boyfriend had HIV, but that he never become infected? If so, were you still super scared and worried, that he did contract it from his previous male partner, and was lying for whatever reason to protect himself from future rejection etc? Like, did it always stick in the back of your mind of the potential risk and exposure of exercising confidence in his reassurance?


    I don't understand why someone would be "still super scared and worried" if you both are being tested. After 3 months the infection window period is over.

    "There's a period of time after a person is infected during which they won't test positive. This is called the “hiv window period.”

    The window period can be from 9 days to 3 months, depending on the person's body and on the HIV test that's used. During that time, you can test HIV negative even though you're HIV positive. You can still catch HIV from someone who is in the window period. In fact, there is evidence that a person in the window period is more likely to pass the virus on."

    http://www.sfaf.org/hiv-info/testing/hiv-test-window-periods.html


    Why would you assume he is "lying for whatever reason to protect himself from future rejection etc?" You are making him out to be a liar. Now he's guilty just for having a POZ ex?

    How do you know you are not POZ?


    Hi. Yes, I am fully aware and knowledgeable of how HIV Testing is conducted, the timeframes of everything, and the process of things. Being potentially super scared and worried stems from not knowing if the Guy has been tested or not. You are making out that just because a Guy says he doesn't have something, automatically proves that he is telling the truth. At the same time, I am not making out he isn't telling the truth either! I never mentioned that in my Post. I posed a logical contemplation and questions that can run through ones mind when this comes into consideration. I just wanted to ascertain if Guys have been dubious or worried by similar experiences and scenarios pertaining to HIV, as I was. In relation to the confidence of another Man's HIV Negative Status, I am referring.

    I know I am not HIV Positive, because I have been tested recently, and haven't had sex in Years. I don't do anything to acquire a potent HIV Transmission/Infection. Again, I am NOT making out this Guy is lying at all! But, ignorance and wishful thinking aren't wise when protecting yourself. So of course I think about the potential of being lied to, because a lot of Guys have and do, and a lot probably aren't even aware they are HIV Positive to begin with.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Mar 15, 2016 3:02 PM GMT
    Toastvenom saidawesome, so keep it that way by fucking him with a condom and all will be well in the universe



    Wise Words.



    In all probability, we have all had sex with a pos guy; it just that neither one of us knew it at the time.

    Test, pREP and protect icon_exclaim.gif


  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Mar 15, 2016 3:03 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    woodfordr saidAnd I hate to say it, but in my experience, the hotter the guy and the better the body, the more likely he was to be positive.



    Don't hate saying it and also, your experience is what others have observed as well. I've actually had face to face conversations with guys in their late fifties who elaborated on the very same thing you mentioned. One of these guys was someone I dated for awhile. He said that all the beautiful men from the 1980's were dying of HIV (or luckily had it and survived) and the reason for it was simple. It was because they were desirable by most people which meant their chances of contracting HIV were greater.





    Well then, I will prolly live forever icon_exclaim.gif





    icon_lol.gif
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    Mar 15, 2016 7:11 PM GMT
    CurtisLG said
    CurtisLG said
    timmm55 said
    CurtisLG saidHave you been interested in a Guy, liked a Guy, Dated a Guy, or had a Relationship with a Guy; who told you his previous ex boyfriend had HIV, but that he never become infected? If so, were you still super scared and worried, that he did contract it from his previous male partner, and was lying for whatever reason to protect himself from future rejection etc? Like, did it always stick in the back of your mind of the potential risk and exposure of exercising confidence in his reassurance?


    I don't understand why someone would be "still super scared and worried" if you both are being tested. After 3 months the infection window period is over.

    "There's a period of time after a person is infected during which they won't test positive. This is called the “hiv window period.”

    The window period can be from 9 days to 3 months, depending on the person's body and on the HIV test that's used. During that time, you can test HIV negative even though you're HIV positive. You can still catch HIV from someone who is in the window period. In fact, there is evidence that a person in the window period is more likely to pass the virus on."

    http://www.sfaf.org/hiv-info/testing/hiv-test-window-periods.html


    Why would you assume he is "lying for whatever reason to protect himself from future rejection etc?" You are making him out to be a liar. Now he's guilty just for having a POZ ex?

    How do you know you are not POZ?


    Hi. Yes, I am fully aware and knowledgeable of how HIV Testing is conducted, the timeframes of everything, and the process of things. Being potentially super scared and worried stems from not knowing if the Guy has been tested or not. You are making out that just because a Guy says he doesn't have something, automatically proves that he is telling the truth. (Not hardly, but if someone does state they have been with someone who was HIV and they weren't POZ, it implies they have been tested. And they are open to discussion. And they probably know about PREVENTION.) At the same time, I am not making out he isn't telling the truth either! (you said "and was lying for whatever reason.") I never mentioned that in my Post. I posed a logical contemplation and questions that can run through ones mind when this comes into consideration. (FEAR is not logical! You are scared of someone you haven't even had sex with! You are so afraid of HIV, even the contemplation of someone being with an HIV person scares you.) I just wanted to ascertain if Guys have been dubious or worried by similar experiences and scenarios pertaining to HIV, as I was. In relation to the confidence of another Man's HIV Negative Status, I am referring.

    I know I am not HIV Positive, because I have been tested recently, and haven't had sex in Years. I don't do anything to acquire a potent HIV Transmission/Infection. Again, I am NOT making out this Guy is lying at all! (again, yes you did "and was lying for whatever reason.") But, ignorance and wishful thinking aren't wise when protecting yourself. So of course I think about the potential of being lied to, because a lot of Guys have and do, and a lot probably aren't even aware they are HIV Positive to begin with.


    You say you aware, but your reaction is based on fear. You haven't had sex in years yet you single out someone who was with an HIV partner in the past. Would you have felt better if he hadn't mentioned it, and was negative regardless? If he was afraid of rejection he wouldn't have mentioned it at all.

    Australia's ACON has a very good synopsis:

    There are now at least five strategies that reasonably constitute‘safe sex’, provided that certain parameters are met.
    They are:
    1.The use of Condoms during casual encounters between men of unknown or discordant serostatus.
    2.HIV negative men taking effective pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP).
    3.Men living with HIV who only have sex without condoms when they have a sustained undetectable viral load (UVL) and in the absence of sexually transmissible infections (STIs).
    4.Effective use of serosorting between HIV positive men.
    5.Effective negotiated safety agreements.

    http://www.acon.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/What-is-Safe-Sex-Position-2014.pdf

    Rather than dwelling on being "lied to" take responsibility for your own health. Use PrEP or insist on condoms. I wouldn't recommend a partner with an undetectable viral load, I don't think you are mentally prepared for that. Or do as you do....abstinence.
  • PTNoge

    Posts: 58

    Mar 15, 2016 7:47 PM GMT
    woodfordr said And I hate to say it, but in my experience, the hotter the guy and the better the body, the more likely he was to be positive.



    In my experience, gross over-generalizations are hurtful and untrue. One can be hot and have a responsible, sex life. With that said, I like the advice that others gave and assume everyone is positive: be safe and knowledgeable.
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    Mar 17, 2016 7:14 PM GMT
    CurtisLG saidHave you been interested in a Guy, liked a Guy, Dated a Guy, or had a Relationship with a Guy; who told you his previous ex boyfriend had HIV, but that he never become infected? If so, were you still super scared and worried, that he did contract it from his previous male partner, and was lying for whatever reason to protect himself from future rejection etc? Like, did it always stick in the back of your mind of the potential risk and exposure of exercising confidence in his reassurance?


    No, doesn't worry me and I had a LTR with a guy who found out he was POZ when we tested together. We stayed together for years and no subsequent guy I have been with has cared. There are some who ask and I tell them yes, coz anyone could have it, just play safe condoms lube, no stupid risks.

    Just don't Bottom BB no matter how hot or convincing a guy is till you know all the facts. Prep for Neg and Undetectable Viral Load for POZ Guys have high levels of protection but not unfalable.

    Check each others safe sex habits and preferences in advance when you can. if you just met & he insists on BB, no hot guy is worth the risks, so if you follow that, everything else is exactly the same as for a neg guy

    I have to admit this trend of BB bottoming with no lube, size queens and getting fisted for what is mainly psychological arousal is what should be all thats worth worrying about