How could he leave me in all of this pain??

  • zelon1

    Posts: 81

    Mar 14, 2016 9:46 PM GMT
    Currently going through my first big break breakup. We dated for 8 months and he dumped me like a week after valentine's day. They say it gets better with time but I still feel numb and lifeless. I miss him so much, I never would have done anything to hurt him. Never saw it coming I thought we were so happy. Everything about him made me smile...literally everything he did lit up my whole world. Now my baby is gone and that one person that made me happy stopped loving me out of the blue. Nothing's the same, I toss and turn at night because he's not here. It's the worst pain imaginable, heartbreak is no joke. It's like having opiate withdrawal times 20 but with even stronger craving for your ex.
  • metta

    Posts: 39078

    Mar 14, 2016 9:54 PM GMT
    I'm sorry for your loss! It sounds like a little closure might have been helpful. I'm sure that you would not want to stay with someone that was not into you.

    But c'est la vie. Time to move on. Go out and have some fun! icon_smile.gif


    6a00d8341c562c53ef01b8d16ce46e970c-800wi
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    Mar 14, 2016 11:17 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear about it but at least you had a date for Valentine's Day. Onwards!
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    Mar 14, 2016 11:21 PM GMT
    icon_rolleyes.gif


    8 months
    what a joke


  • Import

    Posts: 7188

    Mar 14, 2016 11:36 PM GMT
    Bonaparts saidicon_rolleyes.gif


    8 months
    what a joke



    oh fuck you. you stupid bitch. What do u know about relationships and being with someone? You're sad and alone u sad sad fucker.

    OP, it will take some time. I know how you feel. There's not much I can say to make you feel better, but since the break up happened shortly after Valentines day, it's been a few weeks now try and keep yourself busy. Try and go out with friends, stay distracted, throw yourself in a new project, maybe entertain a date with a new guy, etc... You know u can't wallow in your misery forever... the sooner u kind "snap out of it" the better off you'll be. I know that's easier said than done, but try and stay busy....that's the best thing you can do. Go meet new guys, go have fun
  • venue35

    Posts: 4644

    Mar 14, 2016 11:42 PM GMT
    This kind of makes me want to cry
    It's always the nice guys that get dumped for being genuineicon_cry.gif
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Mar 14, 2016 11:50 PM GMT
    Import said
    Bonaparts saidicon_rolleyes.gif


    8 months
    what a joke



    oh fuck you. you stupid bitch. What do u know about relationships and being with someone? You're sad and alone u sad sad fucker.

    OP, it will take some time. I know how you feel. There's not much I can say to make you feel better, but since the break up happened shortly after Valentines day, it's been a few weeks now try and keep yourself busy. Try and go out with friends, stay distracted, throw yourself in a new project, maybe entertain a date with a new guy, etc... You know u can't wallow in your misery forever... the sooner u kind "snap out of it" the better off you'll be. I know that's easier said than done, but try and stay busy....that's the best thing you can do. Go meet new guys, go have fun

    _____________________________________
    This is the perfect advice.
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    Mar 14, 2016 11:51 PM GMT
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  • Wendigo9

    Posts: 426

    Mar 25, 2016 3:54 AM GMT
    Been down that road before, it's just a matter of what went wrong between you two, too much or too little attention, or it turned out to be one-sided. The memory of my last breakup is heavily burnt in my mind (and still hurts), but try and focus on the things you didn't like about him, you'll gain strength from it and begin to separate any/all reminders of him.

    You could also pin the blame on a third party that was actually involved and responcible for breaking you two apart. I know who did it in my scenario, and I "took care" of them personally.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 871

    Mar 25, 2016 7:19 AM GMT
    I doubt that my way of dealing with similar situations may help everyone else. But for whatever it may be worth...

    I have learnt to grieve for a week, and find my inner strength to shrug with my shoulders, and move on. I try to see the good side of the experience first. We have had some great times together. We enjoyed each other's company. But it came to an end. I cannot be held responsible for his decisions.

    So, I relegate it all to the realm of fond memories from which I draw my strength and swiftly move on.

    There are all these great guys out there who ARE a great BF material. Why not give them a chance, too?

    SC
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    Mar 25, 2016 7:36 AM GMT
    zelon1 saidCurrently going through my first big break breakup. I toss and turn at night because he's not here. It's the worst pain imaginable, heartbreak is no joke. It's like having opiate withdrawal times 20 but with even stronger craving for your ex.


    Aaaahh. The first heartbreak is like that first day in the gym. You're going thru some serious DOMS (delayed onset Muscle soreness), but it's helping you build to become stronger. Just do some cardio to build you heart, please. And find another guy and get you a nice big protein shake after your heartwrenching workout.

    I dedicate this song to you...for you to dedicate to HIM lol.



    this one I dedicate to you:

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    Mar 25, 2016 1:58 PM GMT
    zelon1 said
    Nothing's the same, I toss and turn at night because he's not here. It's the worst pain imaginable, heartbreak is no joke. It's like having opiate withdrawal times 20 but with even stronger craving for your ex.

    I was living with a guy for over a year when he suddenly attacked me for not having sex when he demanded it at noon in the kitchen. He roughed me up a bit, left serious bruises. I'd never seen that behavior before, I was totally unprepared for it.

    But I'm never tougher than when my back's against the wall. And he literally had me pinned against a wall. He finally backed down in the face of my defiance (non-violent defiance - what could I do against a guy who was twice as strong as me). I promptly dressed and went outside. To trudge though some heavy new snow, crying all the way. I knew it was over with us. He had crossed a line I couldn't forget.

    By the time I returned about an hour later I had made a plan of action. I'm always most comfortable and confident when I have a plan. Within a couple of months I had made new housing arrangements and moved out. That's when I met my first real partner. Who actually proposed to me on bended knee with an engagement ring. We used the term husband for each other, common among our gay partnered friends, though none of us able to legally marry back then. Life began over for me.

    But a few years later my first husband suddenly fell ill at New Years and died 6 weeks later. I felt the things you describe for yourself. And had an emotional breakdown of some sort. I couldn't enter our bedroom. Nor the living room or especially the kitchen, that was his special domain, loving to cook.

    I would drop to the floor at times, flailing my fists, crying & blabbering "I want my Tom back! I want my Tom!" Yeah, a serious basket case.

    I lived in the office, at the computer all day, sleeping on the futon I had designed and had built for us when we got that place. A local supermarket offered an online ordering service, so my groceries were delivered at the front door. I bought stuff I could eat without needing kitchen preparation or refrigeration.

    I almost never went outside the front door, becoming a hermit. Other than using the bathroom, and my utility room to wash my clothes, I never left that office for several months, never went past its door more than 20 feet, with the exception of some garbage runs to the curb.

    Finally a gay couple came over and did an intervention in April. They forced me to take down the Christmas tree, still standing from the day Tom left the house, never to return. One of them cleaned everything in the kitchen, unwashed from when Tom cooked his last holiday meal.

    Their actions jolted me back to sanity (if I can claim any even today). So that I wanted to take charge of my own recovery from that point onward. To make a plan.

    I knew that the grieving had to be over, continuing it was unhealthy for me. I decided that the best cure was socializing again, and at 6 months after his death I should date. Not rebound dating, I recognized those risks while I was still recovering, my emotions by definition unreliable. And yours may be, too.

    I think a lot of us, gay & straight, hit these emotional walls. You now have, I have, many of us have. I worry how I'll handle my current husband's passing, we've had some close calls with him. Although even younger than him I had always assumed I'd go first, my own health marginal, but lately I'm not so sure.

    This is the risk you take in any relationship. Straight men face the same thing, it's not exclusively a gay issue. You just have to work your way through it. Life is like that.
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    Mar 25, 2016 2:36 PM GMT
    You will wake up one day with a smile on your face. That's when life begins afresh and you will face it with renewed vigor and optimism. It's just around the corner. Best of luck.
  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Mar 25, 2016 3:51 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear that. Sending a hug.

    Put on some Adele or Mary J Blige and grieve.
    Do you have friends you can turn to to cry on their shoulder? Don't be afraid to ask for company if you need it.
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    Mar 25, 2016 3:58 PM GMT
    they are not your parents; try your best but sometimes a bf, even a husband, they dont work out.
    -whore around for a while
    -find the feet you were standing on before this all started
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Mar 25, 2016 4:29 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear of your loss. It probably wasn't all that sudden on his part - just for you. He had probably been contemplating a breakup for some time.

    Try intentionally to not ever think about him. Whenever a thought of him pops into your head, consciously stop the the thought and force yourself to think of something else.
  • MadridGuy93

    Posts: 5

    Apr 02, 2016 8:34 PM GMT
    I understand what you're getting through, I lived the same for almost three years, I felt in love, he had to left because he was only studying in my country... I was the sadness in person, what I can tell you for sure... is that time goes by, and time heals all wounds. Trust me icon_biggrin.gif