snowcastle saidIs it possible to love someone and be in a relationship without having sex?
Could you be happy in your relationship without sex, the attraction is there and you love him but you're just not sexually attracted to him but you enjoy being with him and around him but you just don't feel the need to have sex with him.
Could a relationship work without the sexual attraction and just be based on genuine honest feelings for each other?
I hope this makes sense, would love to hear what you guys think, and what do you think makes a good/lasting relationship?
Do you only love him, but are not in love
with him? Has it always been this way? And is this the first time this has happened?
There is a condition called "a split" in psychological terms. It is a defense mechanism, designed to protect someone from being hurt. The person either seeks out someone whom they can love - but are not turned on to - in which case, they feel a sense of safety, because being both "in love" and "hot for him" makes them feel too vulnerable and they fear that. So the person picks this side of the love/desire equation as their way of being in a relationship.
The other side of the "split" is to find someone they are wildly hot for, but in that scenario, the person feels quite insecure - and not "safe" - at all. This is in their mind, of course, but usually comes from witnessing it as a child viewing the parental relationship and drawing inaccurate conclusions ("love hurts, so I'll never fall all the way in love" or "you can't have both love and desire in the same person"), or some unconscious message along those lines.
If this is a pattern, it might be that you suffer from this syndrome - which can be dealt with in therapy. Otherwise, you might have acquired a perspective on love that only admits to a partial enlightenment of what Love is, and will gain more understanding of a larger sense of what it can be over time.
Ask your friends if they've noticed a pattern in the guys you have chosen in the past. Assuming they are mature, they might have noticed something that we, on the board, can only be guessing at.