people you just meet who dump their problems or toss their victimhood syndrome in your lap too soon


  • Mar 31, 2016 1:59 AM GMT
    i don't know bout y'all but this has been something that has always bothered me. you meet someone and they share a bit too much too soon. someone'll say something like, "my difficult childhood this" or "my traumatic upbringing that." once i even saw someone's professional bio go in this direction.

    just curious how y'all handle something like this. when somebody talks this way or i read it in someones profile or bio my radar goes off and I stay away. i find people who do this to be manipulative emotionally; it's a bad sign and it's not healthy at all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 31, 2016 2:24 AM GMT
    I think it depends on the situation. Sometimes people are most open to friendship when they most need it... when they're vulnerable. That doesn't mean they are harmless by any means. But maybe they feel comfortable with you. I tend to just listen and follow my gut. People who have a lot of drama are often enablers of drama. So I stay away from people who are negative or perpetually afflicted by issues.

  • Mar 31, 2016 2:59 AM GMT
    woodfordr saidI think it depends on the situation. Sometimes people are most open to friendship when they most need it... when they're vulnerable. That doesn't mean they are harmless by any means. But maybe they feel comfortable with you. I tend to just listen and follow my gut. People who have a lot of drama are often enablers of drama. So I stay away from people who are negative or perpetually afflicted by issues.


    i listen to my gut too and my instincts haven't failed me to this day. i personally believe when someone throws their victimhood in your face when you first meet them that they're putting you through a test. it's like they wanna know if they can manipulate you. when they know they can't they either dislike you or don't even give you the time of day anymore.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 31, 2016 3:13 AM GMT
    theantijock%20engage%20stalker%20reducti

    Soooo, when yer not talking about your problem with other people talking about their problems what do you talk about?

  • Mar 31, 2016 3:49 AM GMT
    icon_lol.gif
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Mar 31, 2016 4:26 AM GMT
    I can deal with problems of a long time friend. Why would I (or the OP) want to deal with problems (or even listen to a litany of them) of someone just met? There are professionals for such people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 31, 2016 3:27 PM GMT
    Millennials are frequently called the "ME" generation. Many feel victimized, entitled and self absorbed which is why they flock to their Socialist savior, Bernie Sanders.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 31, 2016 4:39 PM GMT
    I ve been guilty of sharing too much and i regret it alot. But im learning with age things take time to share and trust is earned. Howver if you ask me about my life i wil shre with you what got me there lol
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Mar 31, 2016 5:00 PM GMT
    I don't mind someone referencing a tough childhood or any other hard time so long as it seems they're living in the present. People get nervous sometimes when telling their story to someone new and sometimes tell just too much. But it doesn't mean anything. I hear ya, though, about people who seem to live for drama. I'll avoid if at all possible.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 31, 2016 5:31 PM GMT
    Suetonius saidI can deal with problems of a long time friend. Why would I (or the OP) want to deal with problems (or even listen to a litany of them) of someone just met? There are professionals for such people.

    ^^^^^+10K! People who open up too quickly tend to be the first to close down.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Mar 31, 2016 6:16 PM GMT
    Much of it is a cultural trait.

    Being too open too soon, is something that most Germans/Swiss/Austrians experience when they start living in the US. Europeans are almost in shock at the extent of the instant openness they encounter and are likely to shrug away.

    The same is true for the Americans living in Central Europe. Many of them are utterly shocked that you happen to be friends with someone and does not know much or anything about their childhood, family, relatives, other friends, etc.

    ---
    I would agree here with the OP. A dude who is spilling his beans too soon AND too much is a huge red flag. Everyone you'll ever meet will come with his baggage. The key difference is if he has already learned how to carry it right or not.

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 01, 2016 10:08 AM GMT
    I would love to be open with someone I feel comfortable with.
    But that usually only means talking about the food that I like too much or embarrassingly bad habits, if we just starting to get to know each other. Not some traumatic childhood experiences. Because when you talk to someone face to face, it feels more personal than let's say writing on internet forums.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 01, 2016 6:16 PM GMT
    Definitely a red flag.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 02, 2016 12:34 AM GMT
    Definitely TMI....Too Much Information!



    It's an attempt at instant bonding. It seems desperate to me. They are certainly seeking sympathy. I feel like a clod sometimes, I want to run away LOL.

    I'm from the mid-west and we hold our emotions close to our breast.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 02, 2016 2:09 AM GMT
    People who are gay like talking about being gay and a lot of the time the coming out process isn't a pretty picture. So I can sympathize that you want someone to be uplifting but maybe give them the benefit of the doubt they are trying to talk about something they feel you might be able to relate to
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 02, 2016 9:56 AM GMT
    zoltar saidPeople who are gay like talking about being gay and a lot of the time the coming out process isn't a pretty picture. So I can sympathize that you want someone to be uplifting but maybe give them the benefit of the doubt they are trying to talk about something they feel you might be able to relate to


    I work in a gay bar, that's totally OK. I've had women, virtual strangers, tell me about being physically abused and their abortions, not even at the bar.

    I listen well and have an honest face! LOL I do sympathize, but why me??? It's kind of a compliment....or they are crazy. They are often just venting. And bartenders are kind of like cheap therapists icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 05, 2016 1:59 AM GMT
    Of course it sets off red flags; use your self-preservation skills to avert getting sucked in too far. But you could also benefit. Use it to practice your listening skills. Learn how to keep them grounded in the now without being preachy; after all, isn't it a matter of time before you encounter someone in your immediate circle or family who'll have similar issues?

    Set boundaries. They're being frank about themselves, so you be too. What will it hurt to say, "I'll let you go on for fifteen minutes, but then you've gotta focus on fun with me..."?