Sexless, hopeless relationship

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2016 12:35 AM GMT
    So as I've mentioned my boyfriend and I haven't had sex in 8 months. He claims he can't move on and it's because I won't leave him alone about having sex. He wants "just a weekend" where I don't "harass" him about it.

    I came out at 34 and a six months after having sex he starts treating me like this. Uhm hello bf this is new and I feel so fucking horny I would fuck and suck anything and you want to be celibate?

    So I can't play all innocent because I'm going through a nasty divorce from a woman and she has done shit to him so I don't know exactly what is making him feel this way.

    What should I do? I can't sleep next to him, smell him, see an outline of his dick without going nuts inside.

    Suggestions?
  • Ariodante83

    Posts: 152

    Apr 02, 2016 1:06 AM GMT
    Split up and go your separate ways. Stop being miserable. Both of you.
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    Apr 02, 2016 1:07 AM GMT
    Ariodante83 saidSplit up and go your separate ways. Stop being miserable. Both of you.


    For you I would. Yowza
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2016 1:11 AM GMT
    Respect that he doesn't want to have sex with you or risk losing the friendship.
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    Apr 02, 2016 1:14 AM GMT
    bywh saidRespect that he doesn't want to have sex with you or risk losing the friendship.


    I get that except I want a partner not just a friendship. I was friends with a woman and played house for years I'm not interested in that again. Am I wrong to feel that way?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2016 1:28 AM GMT
    Yes you are wrong if you think he should have sex with you if he does not want to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2016 1:32 AM GMT
    Find someone else who wants to have a sexual relationship with you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2016 1:33 AM GMT
    bywh saidYes you are wrong if you think he should have sex with you if he does not want to.


    Okay then he also doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone because the two sort of work together. No? I'm not trying to be a smart ass either but someone has to help me understand how someone thinks they can cutoff sex for that long and think it's a relationship other than just being friends. He thinks it is. I don't.
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    Apr 02, 2016 1:37 AM GMT
    bywh saidFind someone else who wants to have a sexual relationship with you.


    Almost there mentally and this is helping. Thank you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2016 1:40 AM GMT
    Excuse me I have to go meet up for lunch and enjoyable company with my good friend. That's the friend who used to be my friend with benefits.
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    Apr 02, 2016 1:54 AM GMT
    bywh saidExcuse me I have to go meet up for lunch and enjoyable company with my good friend. That's the friend who used to be my friend with benefits.


    You're excused
  • Allen

    Posts: 341

    Apr 02, 2016 2:55 AM GMT
    He's probably like a lot of gay men: He got bored having sex with just the same guy and he's moved onto a "variety of things."

    Time to move on my friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2016 3:02 AM GMT
    Get the over the divorce before you jump into another relationship. Maybe take it slow, date and explore your options. Relationships, good or bad can change your focus in life!
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    Apr 02, 2016 4:07 AM GMT
    2Bnaked saidGet the over the divorce before you jump into another relationship. Maybe take it slow, date and explore your options. Relationships, good or bad can change your focus in life!


    +1
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    Apr 02, 2016 4:16 AM GMT
    2Bnaked saidGet the over the divorce before you jump into another relationship. Maybe take it slow, date and explore your options. Relationships, good or bad can change your focus in life!


    Yeah I agree with you. He knew I was married when we met. If I could do it over I would have waited till I was divorced. But we met for a hook up and the rest is history
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Apr 02, 2016 5:38 AM GMT
    You repressed your true feeling for a good part of your life. Then you met a guy who bats for the same team, and all that pent up desire is spilling onto him, and he resents it.
    Have you asked how often he would want to have sex? Have you asked what's bothering him about the sexual issue?
    People don't ask questions, and sometimes when they get the answers they didn't want, they become angry. So, which is it? Did you just jump into this because you found a guy to have sex with you, and turn him into a boyfriend without considering if you were right for each other (compatible values AND temperaments)? If you did, then look at yourself first, and not him. Being boyfriends involves two people on the same page. You are not on the same page. So now, you need to discuss things, and if you find you cannot come to an agreement, you do what mature people do: you say you can't be in this type of relationship with him, and you should separate. And then you DON'T do back simply because of the possibility of having sex again, or you'll create the same dynamic again.
    It sounds like you have a preconceived idea of what it means to be boyfriends without the experience to know that there is more to it than simply sex, especially if the other person feels otherwise (and clearly he does). So communicate, and if you don't know how, then you have a more serious problem: finding someone who feels towards sex and companionship as you do, and that is something you should learn how to do if you don't know it. And that takes time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2016 6:08 AM GMT
    Can you be satisfied by getting your sexual needs satisfied with others, while maintaining a sexless relationship with the BF? If so, try that. If not, move on, and seek another relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2016 6:16 AM GMT
    mcbrion saidYou repressed your true feeling for a good part of your life. Then you met a guy who bats for the same team, and all that pent up desire is spilling onto him, and he resents it.
    Have you asked how often he would want to have sex? Have you asked what's bothering him about the sexual issue?
    People don't ask questions, and sometimes when they get the answers they didn't want, they become angry. So, which is it? Did you just jump into this because you found a guy to have sex with you, and turn him into a boyfriend without considering if you were right for each other (compatible values AND temperaments)? If you did, then look at yourself first, and not him. Being boyfriends involves two people on the same page. You are not on the same page. So now, you need to discuss things, and if you find you cannot come to an agreement, you do what mature people do: you say you can't be in this type of relationship with him, and you should separate. And then you DON'T do back simply because of the possibility of having sex again, or you'll create the same dynamic again.
    It sounds like you have a preconceived idea of what it means to be boyfriends without the experience to know that there is more to it than simply sex, especially if the other person feels otherwise (and clearly he does). So communicate, and if you don't know how, then you have a more serious problem: finding someone who feels towards sex and companionship as you do, and that is something you should learn how to do if you don't know it. And that takes time.


    I was with the same woman for 14 years. We were friends. I know you have to be friends to have a relationship. I also understand very well that just being friends isn't enough. Why do you think I got a divorce? No sex and of course being gay the sex wasn't right. I wanted to feel complete for once in my life. I wanted to be true to myself. Sexual problems were the only problem not friendship with my wife.
    My boyfriend and I found each other on Grindr. We spoke for a good month before we met. The first 6 months were really a magical feeling for me. I've never felt so attracted to someone and we really had chemistry.
    My wife went bananas on us both. And yes I was honest with her from the get go.
    My boyfriend shut down after he quit his job. I told him I would support him going to finish his degree.
    All this aside he just doesn't want me to say anything about sex at all at this point. I've told him I want it daily. I've told him I need affection and love in order to feel something for that person. He just wants me to go out and go to bars with him and that's it.
    After 8 months of that I don't know what he expects. I didn't ask for a drinking buddy. I didn't ask for just a friendship. I asked for a partner and a loving companion.
    My frustration is what the fuck happened that you just shut down after 6 months very abruptly and never come back and then expect that other person to pretend day in and day out without any idea or time frame for when it will end. It's bullshit sort of like the story of my life
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2016 6:32 AM GMT
    is this a joke?