Wanting to kill Sexual attraction. How to go about it other than surgery?

  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 03, 2016 2:17 AM GMT
    So I know awhile back I was talking about the process of chemical castration but after spending some weeks reading on it, it doesn't seem like a good idea what with some of the side effects.

    I took some advice from some people and tried getting to know the type of guys who found me attractive despite the feelings not being mutual. As much as I tried, I couldn't get passed their weight (both overweight as usually, overweight men are the ones who find me appealing). As nice as they were, I couldn't muster up any physical attraction.

    I still find muscular guys attractive but I know I'm a hypocrite because I'm not muscular and I still don't want to get big. I have toned my body a bit but it's not enough to attract and I accept it. And I mean still, I'm Black and feminine so it wouldn't make a difference lol.

    Personally, I like myself the way I am. I accept my feminine personality. I accept I'm unconventional. And I accept that Muscular guys won't be interested in me (I never shame those who reject me because that would be stupid).

    I know I always talk about my brother and how he changed himself because he genuinely wanted to change. Here's a photo of him (I blacked his face out for privacy purposes but this is him.

    Picture: http://imgur.com/JgDc9AF

    So as you can see, we are very different lol.

    I just realize that I'm just a big ball of undesirability despite being myself. I think it's just the way my brain is wired (I'm a lefty lol) and I honestly believe that if I could just kill off my sexual-drive, I'll be 100% complete and content with being alone till the day I finally drop dead. I wouldn't have to worry about failing to attract guys I like while turning down guys I'm not interested in.

    So maybe there are some pills I could take? Something that doesn't require surgery would be ideal. I just want to finally move on with my life. Accept that as far as attraction goes, it's a lost cause (because I really do like myself as I am and I don't want to be something I'm not). I'm not transgendered so I can't get a sex change, I can't muster the courage to go through with suicide because a part of me still wants to live...

    I just weighed in my options since I'm not willing to compromise who I am so killing off my sexual drive would be the ideal thing to do because I always think about attraction in the back of my mind. But there's no point in having it because mutual love is just not in my future so I need to find a way to get rid of it.

  • mybud

    Posts: 11821

    Apr 03, 2016 2:30 AM GMT
    I never read long threads, but actually I think you're a good person so I'll answer. If you "kill" your desires, you're killing a part of your unique self. Your present being exists no more... That would be a shame because that current uniqueness will be what attracts your future partner and your future true friends. You were created for a purpose but that purpose as of yet hasn't been realized. Be "YOU", because that "YOU" is pretty fucking amazing individual...BUD
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 03, 2016 3:15 AM GMT
    Speaking from personal experience, when I was skinny like you and full of acne on top of that, I was aware that there was a very small market for me. Also like you I accepted without resentments that that situation precluded me from having any standards. That alone killed my libido. I used to think "what's the point of having a sexual desire I can't use?" As my market grew as I gained weight, I had to go into therapy to recover my libido.

    Be careful what you wish for.
  • Ariodante83

    Posts: 152

    Apr 03, 2016 3:39 AM GMT
    BloodFlame said
    I took some advice from some people and tried getting to know the type of guys who found me attractive despite the feelings not being mutual. As much as I tried, I couldn't get passed their weight (both overweight as usually, overweight men are the ones who find me appealing). As nice as they were, I couldn't muster up any physical attraction.




    See this is the part that makes it difficult to be at all sympathetic. You come off a whiny and fatalistic, while at the same type acknowledging a "substandard" group of people that you recognize as being attracted to you, but that unfortunately do not meet up to your standards, and hence the only solution is some ridiculous and lifetime-harmful solution of destroying an essential part of yourself.

    Seek therapy or just be less self-involved. Sometimes when we're busy being productive, building up our self-worth and self confidence by increasing what WE have to offer the world (and not the way around), we stop having time fabricate first-world problems for ourselves.
  • Twozera12

    Posts: 13

    Apr 03, 2016 5:23 AM GMT
    Have you considered plastic surgery? Look at korean woman before and after surgery and you will see how effective it can be.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 03, 2016 11:44 AM GMT
    mybud saidI never read long threads, but actually I think you're a good person so I'll answer. If you "kill" your desires, you're killing a part of your unique self. Your present being exists no more... That would be a shame because that current uniqueness will be what attracts your future partner and your future true friends. You were created for a purpose but that purpose as of yet hasn't been realized. Be "YOU", because that "YOU" is pretty fucking amazing individual...BUD


    Thank you for the compliment but really, while I am happy being who I am despite the few gripes, I feel that if I just killed off the sex desires, I'll be 100% content and happy. It's kinda hard to explain but I remember I saw an absurd episode of Family guy where the son Chris takes some pills to kill his sex drive and it benefited him (well in the beginning lol).

    I know it's a cartoon but it really did make me think that if I could do something like that, I can be 100% myself with no apologies.

    bachian saidSpeaking from personal experience, when I was skinny like you and full of acne on top of that, I was aware that there was a very small market for me. Also like you I accepted without resentments that that situation precluded me from having any standards. That alone killed my libido. I used to think "what's the point of having a sexual desire I can't use?" As my market grew as I gained weight, I had to go into therapy to recover my libido.

    Be careful what you wish for.


    Yeah but you changed because you genuinely wanted to. I did some self-reflection and just accepted that yeah, I'm feminine (I can't pretend to be "Straight acting"). Yeah, I'm slim built (I like it on me, it fits me and I do have an exercise regimen I strictly follow already.

    It's like my brother. He used to be REALLY effeminate back then before post-high school. He wanted to change because he didn't want to be referred to as fem so he did what he did (as you saw in the pic).

    But for me, I like myself the way I am. I just feel that if I went through with this one little thing, I'd be complete you know?

  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 03, 2016 11:54 AM GMT
    Ariodante83 said
    BloodFlame said
    I took some advice from some people and tried getting to know the type of guys who found me attractive despite the feelings not being mutual. As much as I tried, I couldn't get passed their weight (both overweight as usually, overweight men are the ones who find me appealing). As nice as they were, I couldn't muster up any physical attraction.




    See this is the part that makes it difficult to be at all sympathetic. You come off a whiny and fatalistic, while at the same type acknowledging a "substandard" group of people that you recognize as being attracted to you, but that unfortunately do not meet up to your standards, and hence the only solution is some ridiculous and lifetime-harmful solution of destroying an essential part of yourself.

    Seek therapy or just be less self-involved. Sometimes when we're busy being productive, building up our self-worth and self confidence by increasing what WE have to offer the world (and not the way around), we stop having time fabricate first-world problems for ourselves.


    Sure it comes off whiny and that wasn't my intention. It was just realization. I wanted to see if I could just roll with the punches sorta speak and just settle with what I could get. It turned out that I just couldn't muster physical attraction and I'm not going to string a guy I have no physical interest in when he could find a guy who would be heavily interested in him. I hate people use people just because they're lonely and the result is never good.

    I don't think of this as killing an essential part of myself. I genuinely feel that if this one little thing turned off, I'd be 100% happy because I wouldn't have that nagging thought in the back of my head of trying to appeal to men.

    And I have worked on myself. I'm happy with myself. I love doing art. I found my passion doing reviews. I'm continuing my 3rd year of exercising. Believe me, I don't hate the person I am. I'm just tired of thinking about failing to attract certain guys because yeah, I know what I'd have to do to get them (in this case, acquire a body I don't want on myself or fake masculinity). And like I said, I'm not going to string along a guy because that's not fair to him.

    So do you understand why I feel a procedure like this would be beneficial for me?

  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 03, 2016 11:55 AM GMT
    Twozera12 saidHave you considered plastic surgery? Look at korean woman before and after surgery and you will see how effective it can be.


    I have thought about it (lip reduction because I feel my lips are too thick). But I can't afford that lol And I don't think my facial features are that bad.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 03, 2016 12:07 PM GMT
    I don't get it, why can't you just live your life as being celibate ? You sound like you have inner conflict with yourself and you think that this sex drive oppression thing will fix it
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 03, 2016 8:01 PM GMT
    Bonaparts saidI don't get it, why can't you just live your life as being celibate ? You sound like you have inner conflict with yourself and you think that this sex drive oppression thing will fix it


    I've been trying to go celibate but it just seems impossible because I still have the thoughts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 03, 2016 8:17 PM GMT
    ^ so after you will ''kill '' your drive you will not have thoughts any more icon_rolleyes.gif
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 03, 2016 11:04 PM GMT
    Bonaparts said^ so after you will ''kill '' your drive you will not have thoughts any more icon_rolleyes.gif


    Isn't that what happens? When the sex drives goes, doesn't it get rid of those kinds of thoughts as well?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 04, 2016 2:06 AM GMT
    To me being celibate doesn't mean not having any sex, it just means not having sex with another guy.

    I pull my pud while looking at porn on a regular basis. The downside is that with the porn it's easy to get focused on the perfect looking guys and you could find it hard to be attracted to average guys if you ever decide to discard the veil of celibacy.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 04, 2016 3:59 AM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal saidTo me being celibate doesn't mean not having any sex, it just means not having sex with another guy.

    I pull my pud while looking at porn on a regular basis. The downside is that with the porn it's easy to get focused on the perfect looking guys and you could find it hard to be attracted to average guys if you ever decide to discard the veil of celibacy.


    Oh, I'd want it to be long-term till the day I drop dead.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 04, 2016 5:28 AM GMT
    That's quite drastic and unnecessary. You say that you are okay with who you are, but that isn't completely true if you want to change a normal part of yourself because you aren't attracting a certain type of guy. That is allowing you define yourself by what others think and that is a never a good thing.

    For one thing, you're only 24 and you have 50 to 60 years ahead of you if you are fortunate, so you definitely should not talk as if it is the end of the world. You can live a happy, full life being alone, but you should never close any doors. Getting rid of your sex drive would not get rid of your emotions and it would still be possible for you to fall in love with someone a long the way. That aside, your sex drive isn't about other people, it's part of your natural biological make up.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 04, 2016 6:05 AM GMT
    James_Thunder_Early saidThat's quite drastic and unnecessary. You say that you are okay with who you are, but that isn't completely true if you want to change a normal part of yourself because you aren't attracting a certain type of guy. That is allowing you define yourself by what others think and that is a never a good thing.

    For one thing, you're only 24 and you have 50 to 60 years ahead of you if you are fortunate, so you definitely should not talk as if it is the end of the world. You can live a happy, full life being alone, but you should never close any doors. Getting rid of your sex drive would not get rid of your emotions and it would still be possible for you to fall in love with someone a long the way. That aside, your sex drive isn't about other people, it's part of your natural biological make up.


    I don't think of it as something that is a big part of me. I feel that if I shut it down, I'd still be myself only I'd be 100% happy because I wouldn't have to worry about my lack of attracting men because lets face, this is something all men deal with (the sexual feelings).

    And I think it's safe to say "love" is not in the cards for my future so I think it's kind of useless to have a sex drive because like I said earlier, I'm not going to drag a guy I'm not interested in into my mess.

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    Apr 04, 2016 11:13 AM GMT
    Ariodante83 said
    BloodFlame said
    I took some advice from some people and tried getting to know the type of guys who found me attractive despite the feelings not being mutual. As much as I tried, I couldn't get passed their weight (both overweight as usually, overweight men are the ones who find me appealing). As nice as they were, I couldn't muster up any physical attraction.




    See this is the part that makes it difficult to be at all sympathetic. You come off a whiny and fatalistic, while at the same type acknowledging a "substandard" group of people that you recognize as being attracted to you, but that unfortunately do not meet up to your standards, and hence the only solution is some ridiculous and lifetime-harmful solution of destroying an essential part of yourself.

    Seek therapy or just be less self-involved. Sometimes when we're busy being productive, building up our self-worth and self confidence by increasing what WE have to offer the world (and not the way around), we stop having time fabricate first-world problems for ourselves.


    I agree with this absolutely. It sounds a bit harsh but it's what you need I think. You're still really young and it's like you've given up already which I just can't understand.

    You recognise that most of the guys that you find attractive are not attracted to you - boo hoo, you know what that's just normal! That is just life, it's the way it is and it's about looking for someone who is a good fit for you - that may be harder for some people than others due to any number of factors. You are young, fit and healthy, not ugly and look to have a big dick - trust me, you are ticking a hell of a lot more boxes than you're not!

    P.s. your bro looks fucking hot as hell, it's no wonder you're so insecure! How much of your insecurity comes from comparing yourself to him?
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 04, 2016 6:18 PM GMT
    PulseFit said
    Ariodante83 said
    BloodFlame said
    I took some advice from some people and tried getting to know the type of guys who found me attractive despite the feelings not being mutual. As much as I tried, I couldn't get passed their weight (both overweight as usually, overweight men are the ones who find me appealing). As nice as they were, I couldn't muster up any physical attraction.




    See this is the part that makes it difficult to be at all sympathetic. You come off a whiny and fatalistic, while at the same type acknowledging a "substandard" group of people that you recognize as being attracted to you, but that unfortunately do not meet up to your standards, and hence the only solution is some ridiculous and lifetime-harmful solution of destroying an essential part of yourself.

    Seek therapy or just be less self-involved. Sometimes when we're busy being productive, building up our self-worth and self confidence by increasing what WE have to offer the world (and not the way around), we stop having time fabricate first-world problems for ourselves.


    I agree with this absolutely. It sounds a bit harsh but it's what you need I think. You're still really young and it's like you've given up already which I just can't understand.

    You recognise that most of the guys that you find attractive are not attracted to you - boo hoo, you know what that's just normal! That is just life, it's the way it is and it's about looking for someone who is a good fit for you - that may be harder for some people than others due to any number of factors. You are young, fit and healthy, not ugly and look to have a big dick - trust me, you are ticking a hell of a lot more boxes than you're not!

    P.s. your bro looks fucking hot as hell, it's no wonder you're so insecure! How much of your insecurity comes from comparing yourself to him?


    I don't think it's "giving up", more like accepting things. What's the point of keeping something you aren't using anyway?

    Well maybe a little bit but like I said, he got that way because he wanted it. He used to be around my size but he wanted to get bigger because he wanted to be a personal trainer and also attract other big guys (which he has, a lot).

    I guess part of me is a little envious because he genuinely wanted to do such a drastic change and it benefited him. And of course if we ever see family or friends, the first thing they make note of is how smaller I am compared to him. I guess it's the case of being the "ugly brother" which I don't mind lol

    But like I said, I genuinely like myself the way I am. I guess I just hate being compared. But at the same time, I have noticed that as far as love/intimacy goes, I haven't had any luck in that department and I don't see myself ever having any so I feel it's best to just dispose of it and dedicate the rest of my life being me with no apologies and not worrying about men when it won't work out anyway.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 04, 2016 6:24 PM GMT
    Unless you're going to school at UNLV: get out of Nevada. Henderson is a suburb of Las Vegas and there's absolutely nothing there. My brother lives in Henderson and his stupid wife thinks Las Vegas is some sort of Xanadu.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 04, 2016 7:12 PM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal saidUnless you're going to school at UNLV: get out of Nevada. Henderson is a suburb of Las Vegas and there's absolutely nothing there. My brother lives in Henderson and his stupid wife thinks Las Vegas is some sort of Xanadu.


    Even if I did leave, I don't think it'd make a difference. Your brother's wife is crazy if she really thinks that. Well, unless she likes the nightlife.
  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Apr 04, 2016 7:36 PM GMT
    Trying to shut down your sexual energy is a waste of energy really.

    Why don't you research sex transmutation. This is re-channeling sexual energy into other pursuits.


    Tibetan monks, kundalini yoga practitioners and artists refocus their sexual energy into the other pursuits.
    In effect it is taking the sexual energy and rechanelling it into other areas of the body like the brain for example
    It makes you more creative, opens up higher centres of consciousness and is said to prolong life.

    A friend of mine who is an artist has been doing this for years and he says it keeps him focused and creative.

    This way you can consciously choose to use your sexual energy for your own benefit.

    It will take some work but at least it will be more beneficial to you.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 04, 2016 8:06 PM GMT
    Fireworkz saidTrying to shut down your sexual energy is a waste of energy really.

    Why don't you research sex transmutation. This is re-channeling sexual energy into other pursuits.


    Tibetan monks, kundalini yoga practitioners and artists refocus their sexual energy into the other pursuits.
    In effect it is taking the sexual energy and rechanelling it into other areas of the body like the brain for example
    It makes you more creative, opens up higher centres of consciousness and is said to prolong life.

    A friend of mine who is an artist has been doing this for years and he says it keeps him focused and creative.

    This way you can consciously choose to use your sexual energy for your own benefit.

    It will take some work but at least it will be more beneficial to you.


    That does sound very good. I'm actually an artist myself (well, amateur anyway).

    But I just want to go that extra mile because I don't think I'll ever need the sexual desire. Like I said, I don't see "love" in my future anyway so why bother holding onto it?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 04, 2016 9:45 PM GMT
    BloodFlame said


    I don't think of it as something that is a big part of me. I feel that if I shut it down, I'd still be myself only I'd be 100% happy because I wouldn't have to worry about my lack of attracting men because lets face, this is something all men deal with (the sexual feelings).

    And I think it's safe to say "love" is not in the cards for my future so I think it's kind of useless to have a sex drive because like I said earlier, I'm not going to drag a guy I'm not interested in into my mess.



    You can't get rid of your sex drive outside of castration, which you already seem to have ruled out. A person can be celibate if they develop strong self-control, so I'd suggest working on that if you are really serious.

    That aside, I'll repeat that you are only 24, which is quite young to proclaim that love isn't in the cards.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 04, 2016 11:14 PM GMT
    James_Thunder_Early said
    BloodFlame said


    I don't think of it as something that is a big part of me. I feel that if I shut it down, I'd still be myself only I'd be 100% happy because I wouldn't have to worry about my lack of attracting men because lets face, this is something all men deal with (the sexual feelings).

    And I think it's safe to say "love" is not in the cards for my future so I think it's kind of useless to have a sex drive because like I said earlier, I'm not going to drag a guy I'm not interested in into my mess.



    You can't get rid of your sex drive outside of castration, which you already seem to have ruled out. A person can be celibate if they develop strong self-control, so I'd suggest working on that if you are really serious.

    That aside, I'll repeat that you are only 24, which is quite young to proclaim that love isn't in the cards.


    If I were to go with castration, I'd prefer it be done by medicine (phobia of being cut open).

    And I don't see why my age is that much of a factor.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 04, 2016 11:32 PM GMT
    BloodFlame said


    If I were to go with castration, I'd prefer it be done by medicine (phobia of being cut open).

    And I don't see why my age is that much of a factor.


    There is chemical castration, but that is used for rapists and other sex offenders, so I doubt it is really accessible.

    As for age, I think you are quite young to have such a dreary outlook.