Being in a relationship will not fix your problems (and probably not your loneliness either).

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    Apr 04, 2016 4:38 AM GMT
    It seems like there have been a ton of posts recently with guys stressing out over why they can't find a man. There's this dream where "if I had a boyfriend I could..." And the problem is with that people are dreaming "I could" when the reality is "I already can." Yes, having a companion CAN make life feel sweeter. But your man should be the bowl of ice cream you eat with the cake. Not the cake. It's more fair for both of you.

    Having a boyfriend will not mean you'll always have someone to spend holidays with, or go on vacations with or spend your birthday with. In fact, you will likely have a minor/major disagreement about all those things with him lol. He can't keep you from being lonely or help you feel more courageous. Those insecurities can actually be magnified when you find a guy because you'll be afraid to lose him. Or worse, you'll blame him for not meeting those needs. He might not be there listen to your problems and give you great advice. In fact, he might end up being the reason why you'll seek advice.

    I urge you to focus on building your confidence, your circle of friends, your strengths and expanding your comfortzones. And continue this once your in the relationship.



  • Apr 04, 2016 4:57 AM GMT
    dang, some really deep food for thought you bring to the table. i think i can relate in a way. i think the media and holywood portrays all this bullshit as far as what it means to be in a relationship. and people lap it up like eager dogs and expect the same for themselves in their own lives. in many cases it sets unrealistic expectations and people get disappointed and hurt.

    i agree with you man. love yourself. be your own best friend and don't put to much weight in what it means to have a relationship. having someone special is a great way to complement your life. but make sure your complete as a whole yourself first.
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    Apr 04, 2016 5:15 AM GMT
    I fully agree with the OP. It's a balancing act.
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    Apr 04, 2016 7:36 AM GMT
    What?! You mean I'm not a loser for having been celibate and single for the last 30 years?
  • Kinneticbrian

    Posts: 230

    Apr 04, 2016 11:50 AM GMT
    Thank you for this amazing post. You bring up many excellent points with regard to relationships. I'd like to share my thoughts in total support of this post.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with someone; nobody is fundamentally flawed because they're not in a relationship. We live in a culture that somehow reinforces otherwise.

    If you want a relationship that's successful, you have to come at it from a point of strength, not being so emotionally or otherwise needy that you throw things out of balance. The stupidest line in a movie that I have ever heard: "You complete me" in "Jerry McGuire". If you're not "complete" going into a relationship, it's doomed before it ever gets started.

    It's been said here before, by many people, that if you're not happy with and by yourself, you will never be happy in a relationship. This is a great truth of life. That doesn't mean you need to run around like Bozo the Clown on uppers, but if you are not capable of finding joy, or not willing to allow yourself to be content, then you're saddling a prospective boyfriend with a burden that isn't fair to him and setting him up to fail, and your relationship likewise.

    Have a firm sense of identity and confidence in who you are and really take stock of what you bring to the table. A couple of months ago, I had a date with a guy (there will not be a second) who, at 44, told me that he wanted me to "mold him into whomever I wanted him to be". Are you kidding? If I wanted to mold something, I'd spend an afternoon throwing pottery. Being that I don't like playing in or with mud - that's not gonna happen.

    The other thing the OP hit on is insecurity. Reality is that nobody is perfect. Expecting your boyfriend to make up for your insecurity is, in a way, placing him on a pedestal. Statues were meant to be put on pedestals, not people. And being that a lot of statues collect dust and pigeon shit, I doubt too many guys who aren't completely unbalanced would volunteer for that.

    Life and relationships are not a Hallmark Channel movie, where the perfect guy just walks in and "poof!" instant relationship. It gets real when things happen, like your partner comes home on a Friday with a layoff letter in his hand, or the doctor says "We have a problem". If you're not strong enough to be independent for yourself, you'll never be able to be strong enough to withstand the tough moments of life.

    At my brother's first wedding, I heard the priest say that loving relationships are a lot like a cinnamon roll... Everybody likes the rich, sweet spot in the middle, but nobody is really fond of the tough outer ring that's been exposed to the heat. But were it not for that tough outer ring, the roll would not hold together no matter what you put into it.

    I've been single for some time now and I'm not at all unhappy, quite the opposite. I have a career that is going great, a beautiful home, and keep myself quite active. I have a lot of great things I bring to the table because I've invested in myself. No, I'm not the 17 year old gymnast I once was with the 28 inch waist. I'll never be that again and I'm good with it because I wouldn't trade all of the amazing experiences, wonderful people I've met and lessons I've learned along the way for that. I can't wait for the next several years to see what it brings. If the right person comes along, great - I'm open to things. But all things considered, I'm not just letting "anyone" in for the sake of not being single anymore.

    Life is truly what you make of it each day.



  • Shark100

    Posts: 234

    Apr 04, 2016 12:44 PM GMT
    Kinneticbrian saidThank you for this amazing post. You bring up many excellent points with regard to relationships. I'd like to share my thoughts in total support of this post.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with someone; nobody is fundamentally flawed because they're not in a relationship. We live in a culture that somehow reinforces otherwise.

    If you want a relationship that's successful, you have to come at it from a point of strength, not being so emotionally or otherwise needy that you throw things out of balance. The stupidest line in a movie that I have ever heard: "You complete me" in "Jerry McGuire". If you're not "complete" going into a relationship, it's doomed before it ever gets started.

    It's been said here before, by many people, that if you're not happy with and by yourself, you will never be happy in a relationship. This is a great truth of life. That doesn't mean you need to run around like Bozo the Clown on uppers, but if you are not capable of finding joy, or not willing to allow yourself to be content, then you're saddling a prospective boyfriend with a burden that isn't fair to him and setting him up to fail, and your relationship likewise.

    Have a firm sense of identity and confidence in who you are and really take stock of what you bring to the table. A couple of months ago, I had a date with a guy (there will not be a second) who, at 44, told me that he wanted me to "mold him into whomever I wanted him to be". Are you kidding? If I wanted to mold something, I'd spend an afternoon throwing pottery. Being that I don't like playing in or with mud - that's not gonna happen.

    The other thing the OP hit on is insecurity. Reality is that nobody is perfect. Expecting your boyfriend to make up for your insecurity is, in a way, placing him on a pedestal. Statues were meant to be put on pedestals, not people. And being that a lot of statues collect dust and pigeon shit, I doubt too many guys who aren't completely unbalanced would volunteer for that.

    Life and relationships are not a Hallmark Channel movie, where the perfect guy just walks in and "poof!" instant relationship. It gets real when things happen, like your partner comes home on a Friday with a layoff letter in his hand, or the doctor says "We have a problem". If you're not strong enough to be independent for yourself, you'll never be able to be strong enough to withstand the tough moments of life.

    At my brother's first wedding, I heard the priest say that loving relationships are a lot like a cinnamon roll... Everybody likes the rich, sweet spot in the middle, but nobody is really fond of the tough outer ring that's been exposed to the heat. But were it not for that tough outer ring, the roll would not hold together no matter what you put into it.

    I've been single for some time now and I'm not at all unhappy, quite the opposite. I have a career that is going great, a beautiful home, and keep myself quite active. I have a lot of great things I bring to the table because I've invested in myself. No, I'm not the 17 year old gymnast I once was with the 28 inch waist. I'll never be that again and I'm good with it because I wouldn't trade all of the amazing experiences, wonderful people I've met and lessons I've learned along the way for that. I can't wait for the next several years to see what it brings. If the right person comes along, great - I'm open to things. But all things considered, I'm not just letting "anyone" in for the sake of not being single anymore.

    Life is truly what you make of it each day.



    I did really need to read this, thanks man!
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    Apr 04, 2016 1:45 PM GMT
    Generally speaking, many gay men are afraid to be alone or to grow old alone. I have acquaintances who force themselves to remain in relationships that are destructive and unfulfilling precisely for that reason. Is it advisable? I don't think so. Can we blame them? I can't.
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    Apr 04, 2016 2:16 PM GMT
    woodfordr said...focus on building your confidence, your circle of friends, your strengths and expanding your comfort zones. And continue this...


    maybe look at a relationship as what you perform well at and bring this to the table. Your partner; what can he share.
    Dont be redundant in a relationship.
    Life better faster if as a household everyone has more skills.

    To that ends you REALLY need perform your part of the deal because well, there is no one else, your it.
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    Apr 04, 2016 3:29 PM GMT
    This is awesome! Thanks for sharing mate! Yes, I couldn't tell you how many times I hear persons say that they can't be single, and just jump from relationship to relationship. Happiness isn't going to be found in someone else... It has to start from you. Once you're happy, you will glow to the point where everyone wants what you have. (happiness-wise). I totally agree that a partner should be the icing on the cake, and not the cake itself.

    Thanks for sharing this.

    Cheers,

    Sean
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    Apr 04, 2016 7:35 PM GMT
    one4u2c saidI agree totally!!!!!! I don't need a man to know my self worth, I get off being me and being free. No one could ever satisfy me, but me.


    I actually disagree with some of this. It only reinforces the stereotype that gay men are selfish, immature, and incapable of keeping any sort of long term thing going. Gay men can be an interesting bunch. If someone can't get into the right relationship, then it's like we resolve to love ourselves and that no addition to our life in the form of love wiill make a difference.

    @woodfordr, though I can appreciate your view of the topic, what you're referring to sounds more like dating, not a boyfriend or husband. If someone is boyfriends and they have to worry about not spending the holidays together, that's just dating. Dating can last up to a year or 2. most guys claiming boyfriend haven't been together that long. And sometimes, yes, the wrong person in your life can cause those problems. But that doesn't mean resort to being single or that NOBODY can enhance your life. Throughout my years of dating, relationships have helped me in ways that I couldn't help myself...just because 2 minds are better than one. And being in a relationship has made me feel happy more days than when I'm by myself...not because I'm not happy by myself or can't find ways to do so. But when you go to the mall, store or out to eat and everybody is coupled up and have kids...you feel a certain way. Especially when people look at you, like..."are you okay? Do you need help?"

    Anyone can say a relationship will not fix problems. But tell that to the straight, married man or woman who are making 6 figures dual income and can afford anything they want. Tell that to guy who spends holidays and weekends either alone, or constantly being that confident guy you refer to...but coming up short on the relationship front, despite having tons of friends and a very comfortable comfort zone. Tell that to the gay couple who looks so good everywhere they go and are planning to get married.

    So don't anyone sit here and tell me, a relationships can't enhance someone's life. Straight people have been doing it for 6,000 years. Why can't gay people do it? Maybe because people have been mislead to believe otherwise.
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    Apr 04, 2016 7:49 PM GMT
    woodfordr said He can't keep you from being lonely or help you feel more courageous. Those insecurities can actually be magnified when you find a guy because you'll be afraid to lose him. Or worse, you'll blame him for not meeting those needs.


    Can you cite this quote in MLA format? What's the source of this information lol? Whom said that a boyfriend can't keep you from being lonely or more courageous? It seems like that's how you feel....but that doesn't speak for everyone.

    Last weekend I had 2 choices: I could have continued to stew in anger about a guy who didnt reciprocate my desire to explore a possible relationship. That would have equated to being lonely. Or, I could go out on dates. I chose #2. Had 2 dates. I was not lonely in the least and I had someone to hangout with.

    Now, if one of those guys become my boyfriend...I don't expect them to be hovering over me 24/7. So there will be some lonely moments, but nothing like when you move to a new town or visit a new one every month and don't even have a regular group of friends yet. Imagine that shit.
  • cageym

    Posts: 99

    Apr 04, 2016 8:59 PM GMT
    Not sure I should wade in here, but I think it is important that we are reminded that there is no "happily ever after."

    Relationships are a lot of work and if you (and your prospective partner) aren't prepared for that, save yourself the pain.

    My partner and I will celebrate 30 years together this October and yes, I'm grateful to have found him and to have shared our lives together. But does it fix my shortcomings? Does he make me whole? Nope, only I can do that and I'm trying all the time. In fact, for a relationship to work you'd better both be trying! Something that seems cute and quirky in the light of new love can grow to be annoying as hell in no time at all!
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    Apr 05, 2016 1:45 AM GMT
    cageym saidNot sure I should wade in here, but I think it is important that we are reminded that there is no "happily ever after."

    In fact, for a relationship to work you'd better both be trying! Something that seems cute and quirky in the light of new love can grow to be annoying as hell in no time at all!


    30 years? That's great, why wouldn't you want to wade in?

    I do agree though with what you said. I will say the one thing that kinda scares me about getting into a relationship for a long time, is possibly losing my sense of originality and thinking. I won't even lie...a couple times I've dated boring or nothing in common type of guys, and the whole time I didn't even realize I was losing myself and conforming to them. After awhile, couples become alike. You almost have to become alike if you're gonna fucking deal with each other.

    However, after those relationships ended, I immediately desired to travel, be creative, and follow my desires. So yeah, it's tricky. I've realized though...I need to stick with guys no older than 40 if we're talking a serious relationship.

    I want to add also, America seems designed for couples and kids. I don't think anyone understands how hard it is to be single in this FUCK country. Everything is stacked against you. Apartment rents are set up to assume a 2 bedroom house for $1,475 is going to be split among 2 couples and their snotty nosed kids. Hotels charge $349 a night because they figure a couple will be splitting the expense. Restaurants don't have "tables for 1"...but they do for 2. And if you're single, you'll be suggested to sit at the fucking bar. You can buy a 2 seater car, but you can't buy a 1 seater.

    I know this sounds grim and depressing, but it doesn't have to be. But...the main thing is the cost of living in this country. I lived alone for 5 years and although at some point I may do that again eventually...I'm enjoying the rent-free lifestyle because the person I'm with can afford it.

    So, anyone who says relationships won't make someone happy, talk to someone who has struggled alone for too GODDAM long by themselves, and ask that mother fucker if life would be better with someone else. Because some weeks, I fucking sick of grocery shopping by myself all the fucking time (lived with another guy last year who helped do my grocery shopping and it made going so much more enjoyable than by myself).
  • Allen

    Posts: 341

    Apr 05, 2016 6:04 AM GMT
    I would much rather be alone than be with someone just to be with someone.

    But I understand that not everyone is wired that way. Some people simply need companionship, even if it brings stress, drama, and heartache.
  • Jedizenmaster

    Posts: 2

    Apr 05, 2016 6:58 AM GMT
    I just turned 36 and am single and its awesome!!!

    Sure i want to find that person to cuddle but shits not so bad without it until then I'm going to enjoy my thing. Remember you made it this far alone and if they got issues they may need t o check their itinerary
  • Noeton

    Posts: 208

    Apr 05, 2016 3:31 PM GMT
    Thanks, OP, for the great topic! I agree with what someone above said, that I don't to just be with someone to be with someone. When I was in a long relationship, I remember being more happy usually then when I'm single. But, since that relationship broke up, I regret the part of my life that it wasted, despite the good things it gave me. In my opinion the phrase "love yourself" is pointless, since I think everyone already loves themselves, even, sometimes, to the point of doing things that are harmful to themselves at great cost. The extreme here would be suicide. Instead, what I believe in is "respect yourself and others" and look for friends and a boyfriend or husband that does the same. As gay men, and I think this goes for lesbians as well, we did not usually get the experience of courtship that starts for straight people usually during their teens. I think that kind of leaves us with a generally skewed attitude towards a lot of this. Both of these factors, I think, stem from the way that those around us can tend to treat us with disrespect for being gay. Also, I figure that gay men do not usually look towards healthy long-term relationships among their straight family and friends as models, but I see no reason why they should not. With that said, everyone here knows some people in straight relationships that are troubled. A lot of good points have been made above by other posters, so I won't go on at length.
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    Apr 05, 2016 4:48 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs28 said... will say the one thing that kinda scares me about getting into a relationship for a long time, is possibly losing my sense of originality and thinking...
    interesting concept:
    -granted you dont get to brand an original thought as your own but always nice to have another view on every thing. If your willing to mix & match your partner's ideas with your own.


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    Apr 05, 2016 8:12 PM GMT
    I was in Philadelphia last weekend to attend the wedding of a good friend. She's 57 and this is her first marriage. She has a 12 year old daughter whom she adopted as a single parent when her daughter was a newborn.

    I had a great time at the wedding. I didn't feel awkward to be there without a date because I knew so many couples and other single folks there. Still, as is true for me so often, I feel so envious of those who have found their beloved and been able to get out of the dating scene.

    I know there is a "grass is always greener" aspect to this. My parents have been together 55 years and I know that it hasn't always been easy for them. Yet I'm in awe of their love and commitment to each other.

    I was with my ex for 9 years, ending in 2012 when we finally split up. In retrospect, I well know that he and I got together in 2003 to a large extent because we were both simply sick and disgusted of being single. I know now that that's not a good enough reason for two people of whatever sexual orientation to get together.

    I'm inspired by a lot of the posts on this thread. I just want to say -- I DO like myself and I DO appreciate the freedom of being able to, as it were, come and go as I please.

    But it's still a challenge at times.icon_razz.gif
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    Apr 06, 2016 2:08 AM GMT
    woodfordr saidIt seems like there have been a ton of posts recently with guys stressing out over why they can't find a man. There's this dream where "if I had a boyfriend I could..." And the problem is with that people are dreaming "I could" when the reality is "I already can." Yes, having a companion CAN make life feel sweeter. But your man should be the bowl of ice cream you eat with the cake. Not the cake. It's more fair for both of you.

    Having a boyfriend will not mean you'll always have someone to spend holidays with, or go on vacations with or spend your birthday with. In fact, you will likely have a minor/major disagreement about all those things with him lol. He can't keep you from being lonely or help you feel more courageous. Those insecurities can actually be magnified when you find a guy because you'll be afraid to lose him. Or worse, you'll blame him for not meeting those needs. He might not be there listen to your problems and give you great advice. In fact, he might end up being the reason why you'll seek advice.

    I urge you to focus on building your confidence, your circle of friends, your strengths and expanding your comfortzones. And continue this once your in the relationship.




    Block profile and ignore all posts for the above.
    You can put glass ceilings on other people but not the ones who are making something of new marriage and domestic partnership lifestyles.

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    Apr 06, 2016 2:12 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs28 said
    woodfordr said He can't keep you from being lonely or help you feel more courageous. Those insecurities can actually be magnified when you find a guy because you'll be afraid to lose him. Or worse, you'll blame him for not meeting those needs.


    Can you cite this quote in MLA format? What's the source of this information lol? Whom said


    Whom said
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    Apr 06, 2016 2:14 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs28 said
    woodfordr said He can't keep you from being lonely or help you feel more courageous. Those insecurities can actually be magnified when you find a guy because you'll be afraid to lose him. Or worse, you'll blame him for not meeting those needs.


    Can you cite this quote in MLA format? What's the source of this information lol? Whom said that a boyfriend can't keep you from being lonely or more courageous? It seems like that's how you feel....but that doesn't speak for everyone.

    Last weekend I had 2 choices: I could have continued to stew in anger about a guy who didnt reciprocate my desire to explore a possible relationship. That would have equated to being lonely. Or, I could go out on dates. I chose #2. Had 2 dates. I was not lonely in the least and I had someone to hangout with.

    Now, if one of those guys become my boyfriend...I don't expect them to be hovering over me 24/7. So there will be some lonely moments, but nothing like when you move to a new town or visit a new one every month and don't even have a regular group of friends yet. Imagine that shit.


    Going to ask someone to cite a quote in MLA format, then writes, Whom said...

    Block profile and ignore all posts.
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    Apr 06, 2016 2:25 AM GMT
    StephenOABC said
    woodfordr saidIt seems like there have been a ton of posts recently with guys stressing out over why they can't find a man. There's this dream where "if I had a boyfriend I could..." And the problem is with that people are dreaming "I could" when the reality is "I already can." Yes, having a companion CAN make life feel sweeter. But your man should be the bowl of ice cream you eat with the cake. Not the cake. It's more fair for both of you.

    Having a boyfriend will not mean you'll always have someone to spend holidays with, or go on vacations with or spend your birthday with. In fact, you will likely have a minor/major disagreement about all those things with him lol. He can't keep you from being lonely or help you feel more courageous. Those insecurities can actually be magnified when you find a guy because you'll be afraid to lose him. Or worse, you'll blame him for not meeting those needs. He might not be there listen to your problems and give you great advice. In fact, he might end up being the reason why you'll seek advice.

    I urge you to focus on building your confidence, your circle of friends, your strengths and expanding your comfortzones. And continue this once your in the relationship.




    Block profile and ignore all posts for the above.
    You can put glass ceilings on other people but not the ones who are making something of new marriage and domestic partnership lifestyles.



    Why block profile and ignore all posts for the original post?

    1) For the reason given: putting glass ceilings on people.

    2) Don't know what time it is. The spirit of the times is more domestic partnership possibilities, marriage even.

    3) Personal opinion, no need to be didactic with it.

    4) No reference to God, Prayer, GLBT-friendly church (or what have you), Astrology, astrological compatibility Chinese Astrology or Western Astrology, or any other school of Astrology, Jung, the economics and great challenge of keeping two men out of rentals and roommate arrangements and getting into home ownership; so, no credibility of stooping to conquer and accepting graciously what is needed to survive and thrive a little bit, if not more.


  • interesting

    Posts: 573

    Apr 06, 2016 4:58 AM GMT
    I will too nod in respect to this post by you the OP. Some posts in this thread truly contain the words of wisdom, I used to be so fixated on finding a partner, constantly dreaming of having a husband with kids and holidays splitting time between our parents so they can see the grandchildren (all those Hallmark and Kodak moments!), but slowly (painfully slow!!!), I finally realized what it means to grow up.

    I'm still coming to terms with this, it's like a realization that you don't want to admit to yourself. Dammit, it's like coming out to yourself again. I'm more than likely to be by myself in the future (many people that know me and will agree) and it's time I set out to find my own happiness and discover "life", as the saying goes from this quote:

    "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

    Kinneticbrian saidThank you for this amazing post. You bring up many excellent points with regard to relationships. I'd like to share my thoughts in total support of this post.

    ...It's been said here before, by many people, that if you're not happy with and by yourself, you will never be happy in a relationship.

    ...
    Life is truly what you make of it each day.


    This was a really good post too, just wanted to point out the bold part you said reminded me of a saying by Rupaul!, “If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”

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    Apr 06, 2016 5:52 AM GMT
    StephenOABC said
    Going to ask someone to cite a quote in MLA format, then writes, Whom said...

    Block profile and ignore all posts.


    Oh shut the fuck up, professor. I used whom in a humorous way. I just like the word whom sometimes.

    That said, other than the last sentence in the OP post, i still partiality disagree with this thread because it's reminiscent of what bitter old women would say: i don't need no man, i don't need no nigga, etc.

    Love is a beautiful thing. Love was around since the beginning of creation. However, the issue with gays is some of us move too fast. And then, too many gays have too many mother fucking, undealt internal issues. I speak from experience. Many fucking times i have gotten close to a gay man relationship wise, it has revealed some serious undealt with issues.

    The issues range from daddy issues because their dad died or was absent, alcoholism to excess, drugs, way too much drugs, sex addiction, body image issues, cheating, lying, emotionally immature, demons and demonoids from past relationship failures....the list goes on and on. And gays lie so much. They'll look you right in the eye and tell a fucking lie. It's sad that so many gays are dealing with these issues. Or rather NOT deal with these issues.

    What this thread should be is: Being in a relationship won't fix your problems, and don't put them off on other people. Read and books specific to your problems before you fuck with someone else.
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    Apr 06, 2016 2:41 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs28 said
    StephenOABC said
    Going to ask someone to cite a quote in MLA format, then writes, Whom said...

    Block profile and ignore all posts.


    Oh shut the fuck up, professor. I used whom in a humorous way. I just like the word whom sometimes.

    That said, other than the last sentence in the OP post, i still partiality disagree with this thread because it's reminiscent of what bitter old women would say: i don't need no man, i don't need no nigga, etc.

    Love is a beautiful thing. Love was around since the beginning of creation. However, the issue with gays is some of us move too fast. And then, too many gays have too many mother fucking, undealt internal issues. I speak from experience. Many fucking times i have gotten close to a gay man relationship wise, it has revealed some serious undealt with issues.

    The issues range from daddy issues because their dad died or was absent, alcoholism to excess, drugs, way too much drugs, sex addiction, body image issues, cheating, lying, emotionally immature, demons and demonoids from past relationship failures....the list goes on and on. And gays lie so much. They'll look you right in the eye and tell a fucking lie. It's sad that so many gays are dealing with these issues. Or rather NOT deal with these issues.

    What this thread should be is: Being in a relationship won't fix your problems, and don't put them off on other people. Read and books specific to your problems before you fuck with someone else.


    No, the point of the thread isn't a grouchy "I don't need a man" theme. Its "being in a relationship will not solve your problems" nor automatically cure your loneliness. . I clearly aim it at the single guys who are hurting and think being in a relationship will automatically fix the hurt. I didn't say being in a relationship was bad... I'm in one. I just think that often times single guys, particularly younger guys think being single is a barrier for happiness. I think being single and happy makes for a better potential partner.