F****d Up "Badly"

  • gjoseph

    Posts: 250

    Feb 09, 2009 1:23 AM GMT
    Hey Guys,

    This weekend in Tampa we had our tame version of Mardi Gras called "Gasparilla". Basically everyone is drunk etc. Long story short I end up attending an after-party with a bunch of friends and I end up getting hammered! I mean sloppy drunk.....so my friends drive me home and I end up coming out to one girl who I wasn't even ready to or willing to. She just asks me "Gerald are you Bi?" and I'm like noooo I'm gay. She was cool with it but the main problem is she has a BIG MOUTH she "cannot hold her water" always sharing other folks business etc. I was like Erin don't tell anyone....Soo basically do I hope and pray she dosen't tell someone which will leak toward the whole entire school. I know my "girls" are going to be accepting it's just some of the guys....they're going to be very condescending and immature. I just hope this dosen't backfire and turn my last couple of months of high school into PURE hell.

    Thanks You guys --- "Y'all are like my other family lol"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2009 1:31 AM GMT

    You may not appreciate what I'm about to say now but soon you will...


  • gjoseph

    Posts: 250

    Feb 09, 2009 1:58 AM GMT
    Zimster you're right lol but what makes things worse you guys is that I told my friend and her boyfriend about when I first lost it and how hurt I was that the guy took advantage of me. My other friend (Sarah) already knew.....I've only told about 10 people as of last night over a period of a year.
  • Klutch84

    Posts: 286

    Feb 09, 2009 2:22 AM GMT
    gjoseph, I know how that situation is and there's always someone in our "clique" who is the token gossip-monger. You're young, cute and seem very intelligent for your age (although naive as we all are/were at some point). Take my advice and run with it: this is something that happened for a reason. You were less inhibited from the drinking but maybe subconsciously you wanted to open up and confide in someone (though it seems that certain someone wasn't the appropriate someone).

    This is the first major testament of your life and it will affect you and your future friendships/relationships. I believe if you set yourself up to tip-toe out of the closet then you should follow through. This doesn't mean flame-on and scream on the rooftops "I'm GAY!" but to rather have the mentality of "I don't flaunt it but if someone asks then I'll answer honestly." Basically what I'm saying is this is your first step to finding yourself as well as being comfortable with yourself.

    You remind me of myself back in the high school days because you don't seem to look or act like a typical "black" or "ethnic" young man. That alone (being able to speak properly, dressing like a preppy and having interests/hobbies that aren't necessarily stereotypical of a black man) automatically has people questioning your sexuality and you know what I'm talking about, LOL. I was always considered too "white" for the black kids and "not white enough" for the white kids.

    Bottom line: Find POSITIVE role models/mentors for yourself of all races who are gay: White, Black, Asian, Latin, etc. Most likely you'll identify more with people of color but it's helped me immensely. Once you graduate and delve into the "real world", you'll encounter people from all walks of life, classes, races, mentalities, backgrounds, histories and from there you'll find out who your true high school friends are. You'll probably lose a few "friends" due to your sexuality. Remember, "Those who matter don't care and those who care don't matter."

    Keep your head up and the outlook will be positive.
  • gjoseph

    Posts: 250

    Feb 09, 2009 4:40 AM GMT
    Shifty84--- Thank You very much!!! Reading your post gave me a flashback during my middle/high school years with trying to fit due to my race etc. I'm proud to be GAY and would never change it......I just want my family, friends, and acquaintances to accept me for who I am...it's just so hard growing-up in a southern, religious area and having "conservative" parents. I understand there will be ignorant people out there against sexual orientation, ethnic background, and religious affiliation. I'm just going to get through this and if people bring it up I'll just say it. Sometimes I feel "Alone" since I only have 2 friends who are gay but they're always with their significant other. I feel "uncomfortable" telling my straight friends whom I've already told....."Hey I like this guy he's cute", or "Hey let's all go to the club" etc.....I understand they want me to be happy but it's so hard since I feel like the loner.