Have you ever heard the concept of men being hunters and like a challenge? That they are wired to pursue the women they like? How would that work in a gay relationship?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 06, 2016 7:31 AM GMT
    This concept is not new to me. But, I've been thinking about it lately. It just seems like so many guys will play the chase game, e.g. Make the first move, call you First, etc but then when you try to play it back on them...they seem to not appreciate it. Then, you're chasing them and suddenly they aren't interested. Eventually, it's you who's doing all the work in trying to keep the relationship going. But wait...it was they whom originally contacted youm. How the fuck hell could that be?

    It leaves me confused because if all men are supposed to be wired to only have an attraction to something they can chase, wouldn't that mean all gay men are like that also? And if so, that would explain the troubles of gay dating.

    I'm basically asking other gay men, do you feel you're wired much differently than straight men? Or, is it true. Should gay men play hard to get to a certain extent...while still displaying a reasonable amount of interest?

    For anyone who's ignant on the subject, here's an example article that covers all the bases: http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/a2423/thrill-of-the-chase-081214/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 06, 2016 7:46 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs28 saidThis concept is not new to me. But, I've been thinking about it lately. It just seems like so many guys will play the chase game, e.g. Make the first move, call you First, etc but then when you try to play it back on them...they seem to not appreciate it. Then, you're chasing them and suddenly they aren't interested. Eventually, it's you who's doing all the work in trying to keep the relationship going. But wait...it was them whom originally contacted youm. How the fuck hell could that be?

    It leaves me confused because if all men are supposed to be wired to only have an attraction to something they can chase, wouldn't that mean all gay men are like that also? And if so, that would make it hard to understand.

    I'm basically asking other gay men, do you feel you're wired much differently than straight men? Or, is it true. Should gay men play hard to get to a certain extent...while still displaying a reasonable amount of interest?

    For anyone who's ignant on the subject, here's an example article that covers all the bases: http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/a2423/thrill-of-the-chase-081214/

    It varies from person to person. I'm not a fan. We're all adults. We can convey our interests to another persons without silly mind games.

  • Apr 06, 2016 8:41 AM GMT
    no. i don't feel wired this way.this all looks like all that chase me bullshit games some people like to play. i aint n2 games. ain't nobawdy got time 4 dat.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 06, 2016 8:50 AM GMT
    I don't feel wired that way.
    Maybe there's some men who are. And perhaps society kinda make them to be like that in a way. And the females expect them to do that. To chase the females.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 06, 2016 1:14 PM GMT
    should not be big news:
    we are all wired different
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 06, 2016 1:54 PM GMT
    I also am not a player of games or wired this way... We are adults, and if I feel a certain way, I have no problem conveying those feelings to the person in whom I'm interested.

    Cheers,

    Sean
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 06, 2016 2:55 PM GMT
    This is amusing to me, because whenever I was single (no steady BF or LTR) I'd say that I had gone back into "hunt mode" - my own words. And that's pretty much how it was: eyes constantly scanning, if surreptitiously, ears alert, aware of all the guys around me, evaluating them, gathering information, planning my next move.

    That part didn't really surprise me, I thought it was what I was SUPPOSED to do if I wanted to meet guys, hopefully date some. After all, I knew few would be coming to my own "doorstep", so I had to go calling on them myself.

    No, what did surprise was that as soon as I had bagged my "catch", found a guy to start dating steady, the hunt mode switch automatically turned off on its own. No more looking at guys, checking them out, etc. If I am a hunter, I guess maybe not a very greedy one, nor one who plays the game just for accumulating trophies.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 06, 2016 3:08 PM GMT
    Yes, I go after guys what is unusual about that?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 06, 2016 7:06 PM GMT
    I thought this was common knowledge...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 06, 2016 7:15 PM GMT
    All of life is a game. You can either decide to play it badly and be a poor sport or cheater or play fair and by the rules.

    That is why childhood games and team sports are crucial to the development of children and teens - they prepare you for life.

    I suspect that people who are chronically single may have problems with participating in the dating game. It IS a game whether you like it or not.

  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Apr 06, 2016 7:21 PM GMT
    And thats the problem..... but the other way around in Israel ,everyone expects the other to pursue.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2016 12:08 AM GMT
    GAWD told me, this Chinese year of the Monkey

    Root piggy, or die [Root hog, or die], particularly since you're over 35 years of age. You're not the hunted/attraction.

    I guess my charisma is low this Chinese year, unlike in some select years ...

    GAWD: I'm not preparing anything for you this year. I'M NOT COOKIN' so go dig around in the refrigerator or the freezer or the pantry and see what man/men you can find.

    And, I'm not giving you a glamour look this year. You're going to be tired. You're not going to have charisma, so g'OWN [go on] and you betta not be dead in the mawnin.

    = = =

    So, I'm not exactly hunting, I'm rooting.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2016 6:28 AM GMT
    I don't chase anyone and prefer to be the one that men chase. Idk obviously everyone is different but I never have been the one to try and chase guys or be on the "hunt" I would rather be the one that is chased.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2016 7:35 AM GMT
    I prefer not to judge so I wont be judged too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2016 7:45 AM GMT
    no. No need to fall into the dark depths of determinism.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2016 3:09 PM GMT
    This reminds me of an interview with Sam Hunt, the country singer.
    He was asked by a reporter, "let's say, just for fun, you and me going on a date, what would you do, the special thing, when you take me out on a date."
    He answered, I don't know, I don't know you, I don't know what you like.
    So she asked him, okay how about what you like then, what if take you out, what do you want to do, what would you like on a date with me?
    He asked, "you taking me out? That's kinda emasculating"
    I guess it's all about the gender role thing, the traditional role of a male, and the traditional role of a female. Obviously for Sam Hunt, his role as a male is pretty much traditional when it comes to dating. And when a female takes control, like taking him out on a date, he will feel emasculated.
    That's not me. Because I can enjoy going both ways. Taking initiative for me and my guy or let my guy take care of things for us. In general.
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Apr 07, 2016 5:32 PM GMT
    It's similar to what little boys did when they were 10 - back in 1960: they would run up to a girl - who usually had her back to them - hit the girl and run away to prove they didn't like her.

    This is just another version of it. See if you can get someone's attention just to see if you can do it, but not because of any emotional feeling. It's a way to remain emotionally static and not become aware (to yourself) that you can't really sustain any real kind of intimacy with another person. It's what led social psychologist to observe that women achieved maturity much sooner than men: that men are considerably more emotionally immature. No reason a gay man should behave any differently: we were raised by the same mothers who raised straight sons and daughters.

    A friend of mine, many years ago said, "Tricks are for kids." (A play on the slogan for the cereal, Trix.)

    From what I observed in groups for guys with intimacy issues, it's guys who have a lot of fear about being close to someone else, because they expect rejection, eventually. So, they set it up to be charming and interesting, and as soon as you, who are authentic, respond, they back away slowly. I found it fascinating, but not surprising.
    I think I mentioned in another thread, a friend who was a therapist, did an exercise where she had a volunteer stand in the middle of the room and instructed the person to move closer or back away from her when she got right up close to them, according to their comfort zone. And then she walked up to within 3" of them. Most who participated backed way to around 18". That's called a 'comfortable personal space.'The more anxious ones backed away to 24-30". She said, that's your comfort zone. Someone gets too close to you, emotionally speaking, you back away. But if they back away too far (i.e, you don't call then for a week, when you had been calling every 3 days, or now, I suppose it would be texting or emailing) and then the anxious person starts calling again, supposedly just to say hi, but really, to gauge if the other person still likes them. As soon as they assured themselves "yeah, he still likes me," they disappear again. Ann Landers called it 'The Dance.' And so the 'dance' continues until the more emotionally enlightened person just stops calling and stops taking the other person's calls. And then the insecure person's self-fulfilling prophecy materializes: "See, I knew I was unlovable." And their fearfulness increases.
    It is fear and insecurity, man. Nothing more and nothing less. The thing is to see it sooner (it usually shows by the 3rd date: something about the number 3 triggers the brain as a warning sign, ask any psychologist) rather than later, and not kid yourself that, "Oh, they'll open up if I just give them time." Sometimes that's true, but more often, it's not. WYSIWYG.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2016 5:43 PM GMT
    GTPSean saidI also am not a player of games or wired this way... We are adults, and if I feel a certain way, I have no problem conveying those feelings to the person in whom I'm interested.

    Cheers,

    Sean


    But that's where the "game" comes into play. Conveying your feelings too soon in the relationship and you risk coming across as clingy and needy and you scare your love interest off, too late and it just might be too late and the love interest has moved on.

    It's really more of a dance than a game. Timing is everything.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2016 6:30 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidI suspect that people who are chronically single may have problems with participating in the dating game. It IS a game whether you like it or not

    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 08, 2016 12:13 AM GMT
    No one wants someone who is throwing themselves at you desperately.

    It's not a "game" it's just how we're wired. I noticed back when I was single that my interest waned when the guy seemed TOO into me and too easy to get, and picked up when there was a little bit of a challenge. It's just basic human nature.

    It's all well and good to say "I don't play mind games"... of course no one WANTS to, but it's just normal subconscious human psyche.