Apr 06, 2016 2:07 PM GMT
MILWAUKEE (The Borowitz Report)—In a sharply worded post-election threat on Tuesday night, the Republican Presidential candidate Donald J. Trump said that he intended to sue the entire population of Wisconsin “for everything it’s worth.”
In his terse remarks, Trump departed from the customs of political concession speeches by failing to congratulate the evening’s winner or thank his supporters, instead sternly warning the people of Wisconsin to “lawyer up.”
“By the time my attorneys are through with you, I’m going to own your entire state, lock, stock, and barrel,” he said. “Not that I want to own it. Wisconsin is a freaking dump.”
In announcing the lawsuit, which he said he would make the state of Wisconsin pay for, Trump denied that he was being a poor loser.
“I am a fabulous loser,” he said. “I am the biggest loser in this country.”