Spotted someone cruising.

  • Syther

    Posts: 19

    Apr 09, 2016 1:30 AM GMT
    So I know a gay couple for a few months who are together ten years.

    This will sound odd but I know them both as individuals and they don't know that they both know me! If that makes sense!

    As far as I know it's not an open relationship. Let's call them A and B.

    I saw A at a cruising spot today (not the first time I saw him cruising but first time I saw him following some stranger into the woods).

    He pulled up to the spot and the guy in the car beside him got out and went down to the wooded area. A followed him quickly.

    I was actually disgusted to see him doing this and I drove off.

    B is a really nice guy. And when I asked him before do they see other people he said no. He said 5 years ago they went through a rough patch and he thought A might have cheated then but he didn't know for sure. B said he never met anyone himself.

    I texted A tonight and told him I saw him. He told me I should have joined in. I actually then said "God only knows what I might have picked up!"

    I know for a fact this isn't the first time he has cheated.

    I then said "You do what you like but I feel really sorry for your boyfriend."

    And I finished it by saying: "You won't get away with cheating all the time."

    He then blocked me on the app we were chatting on.

    I just feel disgusted by him. B is a really nice guy.

    I know I shouldn't get involved but I just feel that B deserves better than this.



  • Ariodante83

    Posts: 152

    Apr 09, 2016 2:05 AM GMT
    Syther said
    I know I shouldn't get involved





    You're right, it's not your business.
  • interesting

    Posts: 577

    Apr 09, 2016 3:01 AM GMT
    ^ Why do nice guys always finish last?

    To Syther, I understand the idea of maybe not wanting to get involved because it does not affect you, but this reminds me of those videos where you see two people fighting and a group of people gathered around, doing nothing, except pulling out their phones to record the fight and jeering. It's so sad and sickening we've come to the point where people are so selfish, basically saying, it doesn't affect me, it's not my business, moving on. (Just to be clear, wasn't calling anyone selfish here, just saying in general)

    Someone is getting hurt (physically, mentally, emotionally), but we stand by and watch the scenes unfold. I would say go through this in the same sneaky way that A is going through. Next time you see A in the cruising spot, pull out your phone and record a short video (not the actual action performed, but just everything leading up to it), and anonymously send it to B and be there for the reaction from B. Perhaps, maybe just maybe that B knows it's going on and is lying to himself, or others because he's embarrassed, or he doesn't care.

    Essentially, I'm saying that if I was B, I would like to know, and I would be angry (first), then grateful for the person/people that enlighten me.
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    Apr 09, 2016 7:41 AM GMT
    Is B a friend of yours? Or just an acquaintance? It really sounds odd that you know B well enough to know some of the details of his relationship, but don't know the two of them together as a couple. If B were a friend of yours (a mate), and you knew that random stranger sex was not part of their arrangement, I would let him know that you saw A go off into the bushes. Otherwise not. A and B may very well have the sort of relationship where they know (or pretend not to know) that the other strays occasionally. That would not be uncommon. A lot of gay couples (and straight ones) don't care about some random infidelity - as long as it stays random, and does not become an ongoing affair. A and B may be one of those couples. And sometimes they just don't want to know if the other is getting sex somewhere else. So, before spilling the beans, you ought to find out if B is one of those guys who would prefer not to know.
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    Apr 09, 2016 8:38 AM GMT
    I'm conflicted on this. My initial reaction is to not get involved with another couple's private life.

    On the other hand, the "sex in the woods" scene bothers me. If sex did occur, I wonder if it was safe?

    A personal topic for me, because my late partner was killed by a careless, cheating previous partner who infected him with HIV by concealing his cheating. HIV that later became AIDS and was fatal.

    My current partner also lost a partner to cheating that resulted in AIDS. Fortunately my current partner was told of the HIV when it was detected and remained negative, as I do.

    So is "B" at risk for HIV because of "A"s cheating? If so, is telling B saving him from potential HIV infection? Or are both POZ already? Do you know?
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    Apr 09, 2016 11:26 AM GMT
    Syther said... saw A at a cruising spot today (not the first time I saw him cruising but first time I saw him following some stranger into the woods)...
    so what were you doing there
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2016 1:21 PM GMT
    All gay relationships are open, as far as I can tell. Better understanding of the male needs and need to act on a better option. Sure, LTR's are great, ask LingLang, but never believe for a second you have control over someone else, especially when it comes to sex.
    Open relationships are just an honest way to say we are a couple, but not pretending that being a couple removes anyones ability to enjoy some sex outside of the relationship bed.
  • Syther

    Posts: 19

    Apr 09, 2016 1:22 PM GMT
    pellaz said
    Syther said... saw A at a cruising spot today (not the first time I saw him cruising but first time I saw him following some stranger into the woods)...
    so what were you doing there


    What a stupid response.

    I'm SINGLE!!

    If I was in a long term relationship I wouldn't be anywhere near the place. And I certainly wouldn't be going into the bushes with a random stranger!
  • South_Howler

    Posts: 46

    Apr 09, 2016 1:48 PM GMT
    You could say it's none of your business, and promptly wash your hands of this. But, given that they went into the freaking bushes is somewhat alarming.

    The one guy asked you to join in, that's just worse. So, with that said. The fact that you basically scolded the guy is good. Though, as others have pointed out, B can risk infection because of his boyfriend. If you're that close of a friend, point it out. Though tread carefully, you don't really know how their couple mechanics works.

    Though if worse comes to worst and B is in some sort of psychosomatic state of denial over his relationship and lashes out at you for stating the obvious (flying the good ole crazy flag, high and proud), then back away immediately.
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    Apr 09, 2016 2:16 PM GMT
    This is a tough one, but after sorting through all the options, my opinion is "it's none of your business."
  • Ariodante83

    Posts: 152

    Apr 09, 2016 2:53 PM GMT
    Syther said

    If I was in a long term relationship I wouldn't be anywhere near the place. And I certainly wouldn't be going into the bushes with a random stranger!


    You need hobbies and interests that don't revolve about making critical judgement calls about the lives of people you've known for "a few months".
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    Apr 09, 2016 4:06 PM GMT
    It is a hard one ..
    Because someone else's relationship is not per say our business , we shouldn't act , but because of the fact that A is having sex with a stranger , A is endangering the health of B by his actions , so this for sure presents a dilemna , should we stay silent ? or should be blabber ?..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2016 4:26 PM GMT
    Depends on the nature of your relationship with B. If I considered B a very good friend and the feeling were mutual, I would not hesitate to tell B. My approach would be different if I didn't have first-hand knowledge of what went on. In this case, the facts were observable, which were later confirmed by A. Chronic cheating among gay guys is the reason why I am a proponent of open relationships where honesty and transparency are important. If gays guys cannot remain faithful, why the fk should we pretend that we're monogamous and subject our partners to all kinds of issues?
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    Apr 09, 2016 5:58 PM GMT
    If I was "B" I would like to know.

    Time is too precious to waste on someone who isn't worth your thrust and my life is definitly more worthy than getting infected by someone like "A"


    Oh, hi guys, been a while icon_smile.gif
  • Syther

    Posts: 19

    Apr 09, 2016 7:15 PM GMT
    Ariodante83 said
    Syther said

    If I was in a long term relationship I wouldn't be anywhere near the place. And I certainly wouldn't be going into the bushes with a random stranger!


    You need hobbies and interests that don't revolve about making critical judgement calls about the lives of people you've known for "a few months".



    "Critical judgement calls??"

    Am I not allowed to be critical of someone who cheats??

    Obviously we have very different standards.

    It's plain and simple. This guy cheats on his boyfriend. I saw him and he admitted it!

    I have plenty of hobbies and I'm just concerned for a nice, genuine guy who is being made little of!



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    Apr 09, 2016 7:17 PM GMT
    the concept of doing it in the bushes is soooo bad. the concept of watching people doing it in the bushes is ever more bad.

  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Apr 09, 2016 10:25 PM GMT
    You may feel B deserves better but maybe B feels he doesn't The best course of action is to say nothing and realize whatever is done in darkness ALWAYS comes to light.
  • Shark100

    Posts: 234

    Apr 09, 2016 11:03 PM GMT
    one4u2c saidYou should just tell B. Then tell A. That you told B. so there won't be any surprises.

    Problem solved, you have done your good deed, saved one and helped to reveal the wrong doers behavior.


    +1
    If I was B, I probably will appreciate to know my boyfriend is f$cking random guys in the bushes and exposing me to diseases. It might not be your business but if B is a nice guy, he deserves to know what this other guy is doing in public, if B does not want to be seen, maybe he should find a private place and keep his random affairs out of sight.

    As one4u2c said, tell B and warn A, then I woul like to see his coward face trying to deny it, specially if he offered you to join...I'm sick of this double standard, I hate to hear why women refer to man like dogs or pigs, I know sex is great but can't gay men be faithful and love and commit themselves to someone?, is it too hard?...
  • Ariodante83

    Posts: 152

    Apr 09, 2016 11:28 PM GMT
    Syther said
    Am I not allowed to be critical of someone who cheats??





    Do you mean, are you entitled to to decide how people other than yourself should proceed with their personal lives and the consequences of their choices? Nope, you're not. You can meddle if you want. That doesn't mean you have any place in it.
  • Syther

    Posts: 19

    Apr 10, 2016 12:48 AM GMT
    pellaz saidthe concept of doing it in the bushes is soooo bad. the concept of watching people doing it in the bushes is ever more bad.



    Are you being serious?

    I didn't watch. As I said in my original post I drove off immediately.

    If you have nothing constructive to say don't say anything at all.
  • Syther

    Posts: 19

    Apr 10, 2016 12:51 AM GMT
    Ariodante83 said
    Syther said
    Am I not allowed to be critical of someone who cheats??





    Do you mean, are you entitled to to decide how people other than yourself should proceed with their personal lives and the consequences of their choices? Nope, you're not. You can meddle if you want. That doesn't mean you have any place in it.



    I said to the cheater....."You do what you want, but I just feel sorry for your boyfriend"

    The cheater can fool around with every guy in Ireland for all I care.

    The only person I'm concerned for is his boyfriend of 10 years!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2016 1:03 AM GMT
    Syther saidSo I know a gay couple for a few months who are together ten years.

    This will sound odd but I know them both as individuals and they don't know that they both know me! If that makes sense!

    As far as I know it's not an open relationship. Let's call them A and B.

    I saw A at a cruising spot today (not the first time I saw him cruising but first time I saw him following some stranger into the woods).

    He pulled up to the spot and the guy in the car beside him got out and went down to the wooded area. A followed him quickly.

    I was actually disgusted to see him doing this and I drove off.

    B is a really nice guy. And when I asked him before do they see other people he said no. He said 5 years ago they went through a rough patch and he thought A might have cheated then but he didn't know for sure. B said he never met anyone himself.

    I texted A tonight and told him I saw him. He told me I should have joined in. I actually then said "God only knows what I might have picked up!"

    I know for a fact this isn't the first time he has cheated.

    I then said "You do what you like but I feel really sorry for your boyfriend."

    And I finished it by saying: "You won't get away with cheating all the time."

    He then blocked me on the app we were chatting on.

    I just feel disgusted by him. B is a really nice guy.

    I know I shouldn't get involved but I just feel that B deserves better than this.





    I would say mind your fuck own business you stupid F.....

    It is none of your business what another couple does or doesn't do. Why do you think you a single loser has anything to say about what it takes to be in a relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2016 1:44 AM GMT
    Someone should correlate the responses with age; it seems to me that the younger guys say "tell" and the older guys say "mind your own business."
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    Apr 10, 2016 2:14 AM GMT
    DTOBIN2013 said
    Syther said

    I would say mind your fuck own business you stupid F.....

    It is none of your business what another couple does or doesn't do. Why do you think you a single loser has anything to say about what it takes to be in a relationship.

    Jeez, I hadn't realized you were such an uncivil bastard.

    The OP is a "loser" because he's single? So half the men on this site are "losers" because they are single? How could you know anything about him? He's new here, and doesn't have much of a profile. He may have had a number of relationships, or he might be happily and determinedly single.

    > OP: You'll find there a re a lot of obnoxious guys on this site. Learn to use that "Ignore His Posts" button under a poster's pic, and life here will be pleasanter.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2016 2:36 AM GMT
    pellaz saidthe concept of doing it in the bushes is soooo bad. the concept of watching people doing it in the bushes is ever more bad.

    Tsk tsk, so judgemental.

    Reminds me of when I was a 20 something way back when in San Diego in a sex club, aka the baths, called The Vulcan. They had an orgy room and this hot guy was getting a blow job and moaning and making noises. He was holding out for as long as he could and a sizeable crowd developed around them watching. When he finally shot his load it was cataclysmic and we all clapped and cheered.