blonde guy jokes :P

  • joeisawesome1

    Posts: 175

    Apr 10, 2016 7:22 AM GMT
    I dont mean to offend or upset anyone with these jokes, but they're all hilarious!!!!


    3 blonde guys are driving to Disneyland, then they see a sign that says "Disneyland Left" then they all got upset and turned around and went home.


    A brunette guy and a blonde guy are getting ready to jump off a building, which one will hit the ground first?
    The brunette guy, the blonde guy stopped and asked for directions.


    what goes "VROOM SCREEZZ VROOM SCREEZZ VROOM SCREEZZ"
    a blonde guy driving through a flashing red light icon_razz.gif


    a blonde guy, a redheaded guy and a brunette guy are all on a roadtrip in the desert. while they're out on the road, their car breaks down so they decide to get out and go looking for help together. The redheaded guy pulls a water canteen out of the car and says "I'm bringing this water canteen, just incase we all get thirsty, we can drink from it", the brunette guy pulls a box of food out of the car and says, "I'm bringing this box of food, just incase we get hungry, we can eat from it".
    Then the blonde guy rips the car door off the car, and the brunette guy and redhead guy ask him "Um... what the hell are you doing?..."
    and the blonde guy says "I'm bringing the car door, just in case we all get hot, we can roll the window down!"


    one day, a blonde guy, a brunette guy, and a redheaded guy all died and went to heaven BUT before they could get into heaven, god presented them with a staircase full of 1,000 steps. on each step they'd take, he'd tell them all a joke, and if they laughed at the joke, they would go to hell.
    On the 333rd step, the redheaded guy laughed and he went to hell
    on the 666th step, the brunette guy laughed and he went to hell
    BUT on the 999th step the blonde guy laughed, and god asked him "why did you laugh?? You were only one step away from getting into heaven!" and the blonde guy laughed and said "I finally got the first joke"


    A blonde guy, a brunette guy, and a redheaded guy are standing on a magic carpet that makes you disappear if you tell a lie..
    The brunette guy says "I think I am the most coolest guy in school." **POOF**
    The redhead guy says "I think I am the most sexiest guy in school." **POOF**
    The blonde guy says "I think-" **POOF**
    icon_lol.gificon_razz.gif


    a brunette guy, a redheaded guy, and a blonde guy are stranded in Antarctica. they all find a magic genie lamp and the genie grands each of them one wish.
    the brunette guy says "I wish I was home! I hate this place" then the genie teleports him home.
    the redhead guy says "I wish i was home too!" then the genie teleports him home.
    the blonde guy then starts crying, and the genie ask him "what's wrong" and the blonde guy says "It's so lonely! I'm all by myself now! I wish both of my friends were back here!"
    icon_razz.gif


    a blonde guy gets a job as a police officer. one day he catches a brunette guy speeding down the road really fast. he pulls him over and says "do you realize how fast you where going? let me see your drivers license" the brunette guy, while noticing the police officer guy is blonde, says "I don't have a drivers license". the blonde police officer then ask him "well do you have an id? or anything" and the brunette guys says "no, all i have is this mirror," the brunette guy then hands the blonde guy the mirror.
    the blonde guy looks into the mirror and is surprised and says "Oh! well if i would've known you where a police officer, i would have never pulled you over. Never mind, you can go. sorry"
    the brunette guy then drives away laughing hysterically.


    a blonde guy and a brunette guy are talking to each other. the brunette guy says, "when i grow up, i want to go to mars" and the blonde guy says "when i grow up, i'm going to the sun!" and the brunette guy ask, "are you crazy? you'll burn up!" and the blonde guy says, "don't be silly, I'm only going at night."
    LOL!


    one day, a blonde guy, a redhead guy, and brunette guy are all standing in line waiting to be executed by a firing squad. they grab the brunette guy first and the commander of the firing squad says "ready... aim..." and the brunette guy points and screams "tornado!". the firing squad then panics and looks for the tornado while the brunette guy runs away and escapes!
    Next, they grab the redhead guy and the commander of the firing squad says "ready... aim..." and the redhead guy points and screams "Hurricane!". the firing squad then panics and looks for the hurricane while the redhead guy runs away and escapes.
    Last, they grab the blonde guy and the commander of the firing squad says "ready.. aim..." and the blonde guy points and screams "FIRE!"....

    LMAO! i feel like an asshole for laughing at that one icon_lol.gif


    and lastly there's this....
    2 gay blonde guys go to a brothel for gay men. the owner of the brothel says "just give them 2 blowup dolls.. they won't notice anything."
    the next morning, both of the blonde are walking home together, scared.
    the first blonde guy says "I think the man i was having sex with last night was dead. he wasn't moving at all"
    the other blonde guy says "well the man i was having sex with was a magic warlock!"
    and the first blonde guy ask, "really? what makes you say that?"
    and the other blonde guy says, "because, while we were doing it, he wasn't moving at all, so i bit him on the butt just to tease him. then he farted in my face and then he flew out the window!"

    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
  • Wendigo9

    Posts: 426

    Apr 10, 2016 11:49 PM GMT
    Aren't these originally from the classic "dumb blonde" jokes? only you rewrote it to be blonde guy jokes #ripoff
  • joeisawesome1

    Posts: 175

    Apr 11, 2016 12:21 AM GMT
    Wendigo9 saidAren't these originally from the classic "dumb blonde" jokes? only you rewrote it to be blonde guy jokes #ripoff


    i found all of those online dude. i never said i came up with them myself icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 12, 2016 2:28 AM GMT
    Guess the "quoting" explains why you used the feminine spelling of blonde throughout. Men are blond, women are blonde. And as a natural blond I can still laugh at them icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 12, 2016 9:18 PM GMT
    True story: I once had a blond ask me, "when do they celebrate cinco de mayo?" icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2016 1:26 PM GMT
    How can you tell that a blond guy has been using your I-pad?

    There are erasure marks all over the screen.

    What does the blond guy do after sex?

    He gets out of the car.

    Bad and old jokes, I know! But I'm a born & raised blond guy, so I can tell them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 15, 2016 5:54 PM GMT
    JDuderrr saidTrue story: I once had a blond ask me, "when do they celebrate cinco de mayo?" icon_eek.gif


    You should have told them "Because the 4th of May was already taken as a holiday by LucasFilms."