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Feb 09, 2009 5:00 AM GMT
What up? I'm new here so be easy with me.  Since I didn't know with whom to share my problem, I decided to join this group and hopefully get some help. I'm 27 years old, 6'2" , well-built, white guy from Los Angeles. Like most of you, I frequent the gym a lot in order to take care of myself~ which is especially important here just because people are pretty superficial (and I can say I'm probably one of them..until~ well that's where the problem starts, so before I digress, let me continue my introduction...) I've dated a couple of hot young models and jocks around the area, and hooking up with them was never really a problem. Now though, I'm going crazy over this guy who is absolutely the opposite of what I've previously dated. He's Asian, 5'7" and lean (I see him swim in the gym where I work out). I know him because he just recently became my new boss (and everyone in my company's boss for that matter). At 23 years old, having just graduated his Masters from USC, he became the CFO of our company. Pretty darn impressive right? What attracted me to him the most is his personality~ so unassuming and humble. To think he's earning probably 6 figures at 23 yrs old. He's just sophisticated in the way he carries himself (showing he's raised in a good family and has had great education, unlike all of my past relationships, who are just shells). And to top it all of, he has a great look too. It's the first time I've fallen for an Asian, and can't believe how he makes me feel unworthy just to approach him. We've spoken twice (very briefly) and he's very smart and nice, and when he smiles, damn! His friends though are snobs. I saw them working out at the gym, and when I approached, everyone except him had this "Fuck off" look. (By the way, I've tried using good ol charms and sexiness, but it doesn't seem to work for him~ which makes him so much more unlike the rest. What am I to do? Fuck it! I though I was hot enough for everyone. How do I get him to notice me? ( He has a facebook and if I can, I'll grab some of his pics, and put em up here ) |
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Feb 09, 2009 5:19 AM GMT
No. Please respect his privacy and DO NOT post his pics.
I generally think workplace romance is a bad idea, especially if he's your boss. But if you think there might be a real connection, then take it slow. Get to know him, preferably when his friends aren't around. If you think he has an interest in you, then try asking him out. He might say yes. Or he might say no. You'll never know till you try. But it might get awkward around the office if things don't go right. So keep that in mind.
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Feb 09, 2009 5:34 AM GMT
xrichx saidNo. Please respect his privacy and DO NOT post his pics.
I generally think workplace romance is a bad idea, especially if he's your boss. But if you think there might be a real connection, then take it slow. Get to know him, preferably when his friends aren't around. If you think he has an interest in you, then try asking him out. He might say yes. Or he might say no. You'll never know till you try. But it might get awkward around the office if things don't go right. So keep that in mind. You beat me to it. Very good advice, especially about not posting his pics. Just think about what he would feel if he found out. Perhaps he or one of his friends is a member here. It certainly wouldn't make him feel warmly toward you, LosAngeles, and it might actually get you fired. |
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Feb 09, 2009 5:40 AM GMT
I admire your cofindence you just need to get over it. if he is not interested he is not interested. This is the reality, hot or not, gay or straight.
I find people least capable of dealing with rejection/ lack of attention are always the very attractive young guys. just be nice and see where it leads you.
just chill.
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Feb 09, 2009 5:41 AM GMT
Wait is the guy your into gay? I'm just asking because you didn't tell us if he was or not. Also it sounds like you fell beyond head over heels for this guy. And dang thats impressive for a guy at the age of 23.
But anyways, from the way you describe him he sounds like the type of guy who would fall for personality over looks.
If I were you just try to get to know him more. If you want to break the ice, use your words not your looks. Approach him with confidence and sincerity and always make the conversation about him. Like your interested in learning more about him as a person. In addition to that you also want to listen to what he has to say because to be able to connect to anyone's heart you have to listen and learn about the value of that person. I know it sounds corny but listening to someone helps you learn a lot about things.
A little attention while listening will allow you to know the person's likes and dislikes. This will help you to concentrate on pleasing him by doing what he likes like playing his favorite sports with a group of people ,eating at his favorite restaurant, etc. In fact anyone digs a sensitive person that is ready to listen to them.
Also invite him every time you are doing a group activity or going somewhere that you think he might be interested. Even if he says no always keep the invites coming and don't get discourage. Also about his friends...try to win them over. How I don't know, make them laugh or something I guess. Other than that good luck. Also remember that everyone has their own value and that you shouldn't let anyone make you feel unworthy.
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Feb 09, 2009 5:42 AM GMT
metafor saidQUOTE AUTHOR GOES HEREIt's the first time I've fallen for an Asian
Jesus...
Now I know why I hate most gay men. Hopefully this guy stays away from you. so .... you are the one who gives the rest of us a bitter reputation. |
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Feb 09, 2009 5:44 AM GMT
HeyLosAngleles112, the man has you feeling self-conscious. This can be a really good thing; you can grow a little if you look at these feelings as a maybe bit of self examination.
Something about him makes you want to be a better man. That's the right stuff, I think.
-Doug of meninlove
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Feb 09, 2009 5:46 AM GMT
I also agree with xrichx that office romance might get awkward if it doesn't work out so just be careful.
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Feb 09, 2009 5:49 AM GMT
meninlove said
HeyLosAngleles112, the man has you feeling self-conscious. This can be a really good thing; you can grow a little if you look at these feelings as a maybe bit of self examination.
Something about him makes you want to be a better man. That's the right stuff, I think.
-Doug of meninlove meninlove your like Confucius. Always giving great advice.  |
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Feb 09, 2009 5:50 AM GMT
Are there no forums for personal/boyfriend problems/advice? When did RealJock become the gay Dear Abby?   |
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Feb 09, 2009 5:51 AM GMT
...it's his first post Caslon...
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Feb 09, 2009 5:54 AM GMT
meninlove said
...it's his first post Caslon... That's why I was nice about it. |
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Feb 09, 2009 5:59 AM GMT
When I said it was the first time I fell for an asian guy, its because its true. I've seen a lot of hot asian guys, so my comment wasn't meant to demean or insult anyone.
But damn, when this guy came along, I fell pretty hard. He's just different. He talks with everyone, from the Owners to the maintenance people~ he doesn't exude an air of entitlement like most rich kids from USC do. He's just different, and that's what makes it hard for me, because I've enver encountered somone like that around here in Hollywood.
I see him walk around the office a lot, talking to owners/presidents of other companies (I think because we're thinking of acquiring another firm)~ he holds his own very well. Then he turns around and jokes with his secretary.~ and that makes me admire him so much.
His bestfriend Cary is a bitch though. I think she's being protective of him and she doesn't trust me. I want to get to know him SO badly but Cary always gets in the way.
Doug: You said it! He does make me want to a better person.
I need him to give me a chance to show him that Im not like the rest of young,blonde Hollywood guys. This is killing me.
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Feb 09, 2009 6:02 AM GMT
LOL Caslon I just love these threads that are started by people that have just created their profile and we never see them again and never see a picture. On the one hand I like the fact that the regular members try to help the guy out. That shows a good community on this site. Give yourself a pat on the back and a hearty handshake. but... Joining a fitness site and not talking about fitness but starting out with your problems?  How many of these threads do we see? Or better yet how many of these threads do we see in a week? If LosAngeles112 becomes a valued member here then great and I might feel bad for posting this. I know I can be a jerk though sometimes unintentionally. But I dunno. Maybe I'm getting a little jaded here... |
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Feb 09, 2009 6:03 AM GMT
Caslon8000 saidAre there no forums for personal/boyfriend problems/advice? When did RealJock become the gay Dear Abby?
LMAO...Sorry dude. I see how this can be annoying..i'd be annoyed to if this weren't happening to me first hand. |
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Feb 09, 2009 6:03 AM GMT
metafor saidThe moment your face became the dictionary entry for condescension and stupidity. Hey at least I got a face.  |
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Feb 09, 2009 6:10 AM GMT
LosAngeles1127 saidLMAO...Sorry dude. I see how this can be annoying..i'd be annoyed to if this weren't happening to me first hand. I just dont know what you expect us to do for you. You obviously know the situation way better than we ever can. If you are half way intelligent, you can figure it out yourself. Duh! ...If you're not, then no amount of advice from a bunch of strangers is gonna help you. If you are just looking for attention, well...  |
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Feb 09, 2009 6:10 AM GMT
growingbig saidLOL Caslon
I just love these threads that are started by people that have just created their profile and we never see them again and never see a picture. On the one hand I like the fact that the regular members try to help the guy out. That shows a good community on this site. Give yourself a pat on the back and a hearty handshake.
but...
Joining a fitness site and not talking about fitness but starting out with your problems? How many of these threads do we see? Or better yet how many of these threads do we see in a week? If LosAngeles112 becomes a valued member here then great and I might feel bad for posting this. I know I can be a jerk though sometimes unintentionally. But I dunno. Maybe I'm getting a little jaded here... wow... I didn't know it was prerequisite to post about protein shakes first and crunches, and share my cardio work out before I could ask for advice, or that I need to post a picture of myself first before anyone gives credence to my post. Is it because some of you need to see how hot I am first before you give me advice. Trust me you won't be disappointed, Somehow I didn't get that memo when I joined. |
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Feb 09, 2009 6:11 AM GMT
LosAngeles1127 saidWhen I said it was the first time I fell for an asian guy, its because its true. I've seen a lot of hot asian guys, so my comment wasn't meant to demean or insult anyone.
I need him to give me a chance to show him that Im not like the rest of young,blonde Hollywood guys. This is killing me.
No disrespect. the first impression I had for this thread was "another blonde young hollywood gay guy", nothing wrong with that of course. |
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Feb 09, 2009 6:15 AM GMT
LMAO. Caslon. Seriously where do you get this unending supply of animal pictures. lol.
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Feb 09, 2009 6:15 AM GMT
LosAngeles1127 said Trust me you won't be disappointed,  |
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Feb 09, 2009 6:23 AM GMT
Caslon8000 saidLosAngeles1127 saidLMAO...Sorry dude. I see how this can be annoying..i'd be annoyed to if this weren't happening to me first hand.
I just dont know what you expect us to do for you. You obviously know the situation way better than we ever can. If you are half way intelligent, you can figure it out yourself. Duh! ...If you're not, then no amount of advice from a bunch of strangers is gonna help you. If you are just looking for attention, well...
Actually, the first five or six people who responded gave really good advice, which I absolutely appreciate. Yeah, maybe I'm not halfway intelligent., and that's why I'm asking for advice. Something that you are obviously incapable of giving. YOu would think that someone who is already 50+ years old ( or at least looks 50+) would be more mature. But maybe that's why they're still single, alone, and just old. |
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Feb 09, 2009 6:29 AM GMT
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Feb 09, 2009 6:32 AM GMT
LosAngeles1127 said
Actually, the first five or six people who responded gave really good advice, which I absolutely appreciate.
Oh, yeah, like dont invade the guy's privacy by posting his pics on the internet without his permission. I'm glad they got that tidbit to you in time!
Yeah, maybe I'm not halfway intelligent., and that's why I'm asking for advice. Something that you are obviously incapable of giving.
YOu would think that someone who is already 50+ years old ( or at least looks 50+) would be more mature. But maybe that's why they're still single, alone, and just old.
Well, at least I made it to being this old. There is no guarantee you will. |
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Feb 09, 2009 6:35 AM GMT
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Feb 09, 2009 6:38 AM GMT
Caslon8000 saidLosAngeles1127 said
Actually, the first five or six people who responded gave really good advice, which I absolutely appreciate.
Oh, yeah, like dont invade the guy's privacy by posting his pics on the internet without his permission. I'm glad they got that tidbit to you in time!
Yeah, maybe I'm not halfway intelligent., and that's why I'm asking for advice. Something that you are obviously incapable of giving.
YOu would think that someone who is already 50+ years old ( or at least looks 50+) would be more mature. But maybe that's why they're still single, alone, and just old.
Well, at least I made it to being this old. There is no guarantee you will. I don't want to be mean here, but if I was gonna grow old with only myself and two pets to call my family, I'd rather die young. |
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Feb 09, 2009 6:38 AM GMT
LosAngeles112, ignore anything on a topic that doesn't help you. You've been honest, open, polite, didn't come on here spewing hatred and you're new.
We think you should just hang in there, try to be the man you want to be, consider taking pages out of that guy's book (he sounds like a fair-minded and considerate man) and you never know. You'll need to look the qualities you have that matter, that make a person's insides great, as charms and sexiness aren't ever enough in the big league of real relationships.
- Doug and Bill of meninlove
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Feb 09, 2009 6:46 AM GMT
LosAngeles1127 said
I don't want to be mean here, but if I was gonna grow old with only myself and two pets to call my family, I'd rather die young. Ummmm.....I am not the one who came on here whining cuz he wasnt being noticed. One guy doesnt pay you attention and you cant stand it. And this person of your devotion that you pine for has "snobs" for friends....he has found them acceptable, but you know better and see them as "snobs." Maybe he sees you for the superficial self that you say you are and therefore wants nothing to do with you.  |
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Feb 09, 2009 6:50 AM GMT
LosAngeles1127 saidgrowingbig saidLOL Caslon
I just love these threads that are started by people that have just created their profile and we never see them again and never see a picture. On the one hand I like the fact that the regular members try to help the guy out. That shows a good community on this site. Give yourself a pat on the back and a hearty handshake.
but...
Joining a fitness site and not talking about fitness but starting out with your problems? How many of these threads do we see? Or better yet how many of these threads do we see in a week? If LosAngeles112 becomes a valued member here then great and I might feel bad for posting this. I know I can be a jerk though sometimes unintentionally. But I dunno. Maybe I'm getting a little jaded here...
wow... I didn't know it was prerequisite to post about protein shakes first and crunches, and share my cardio work out before I could ask for advice, or that I need to post a picture of myself first before anyone gives credence to my post. Is it because some of you need to see how hot I am first before you give me advice. Trust me you won't be disappointed,
Somehow I didn't get that memo when I joined.
It's just that it happens A LOT. No you don't have to post a picture but seeing 'No Photo Uploaded' with a slash through it just has me thinking it's the same poster. You could have a picture of a grocery bag or something that's not actually of you. At least we would recognize immediately who's posted. Just something to link your posts in out mind while we get to know you when you post. |
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Feb 09, 2009 6:55 AM GMT
emailaddress said It was bound to happen after LA1227 said that to Caslon. |
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Feb 09, 2009 6:58 AM GMT
AxLFlip saidemailaddress said
It was bound to happen after LA1227 said that to Caslon. I just love the bitchiness on gay discussion boards like this, Better than WWE, its REAL and FIERCE! |
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Feb 09, 2009 7:09 AM GMT
meninlove said
LosAngeles112, ignore anything on a topic that doesn't help you. You've been honest, open, polite, didn't come on here spewing hatred and you're new.
We think you should just hang in there, try to be the man you want to be, consider taking pages out of that guy's book (he sounds like a fair-minded and considerate man) and you never know. You'll need to look the qualities you have that matter, that make a person's insides great, as charms and sexiness aren't ever enough in the big league of real relationships.
- Doug and Bill of meninlove Thanks! It's nice to see that some people are forthcoming with advice. Trust me, i wouldn't have gone through all the trouble of registering for this site if i knew what i needed to do (or if I knew how hostile some folks could be) so I appreciate it. And true enough, you're in a very satisfied, fulfilled relationship which makes you see other people's perspectives more kindly, unlike others who have to deal with the sad reality that they're not only old but alone, probably still in denial that in fact, they're past their prime and their life has passed them by. |
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Feb 09, 2009 7:14 AM GMT
LosAngeles1127 said ......which is especially important here just because people are pretty superficial (and I can say I'm probably one of them..until~ well that's where the problem starts, ... As You said yourself ...and amply demonstated ....that's where the problem starts! |
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Feb 09, 2009 7:18 AM GMT
To LosAngeles1127,
I hope everything goes well for you and good luck.
heres a to do list for you:
1. Take out Cary!!!! ASAP. lol. jk.
2. Watch out. There a storm coming.
3. take meninlove's advice. He's very wise...like seriously. He's like the Confucius of this website.
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Feb 09, 2009 7:29 AM GMT
AxLFlip said3. take meninlove's advice. He's very wise...like seriously. He's like the Confucius of this website. Well, he did get run out of his neighborhood...at great financial loss, he says, so he might not have the corner on the human relations market. |
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Feb 09, 2009 7:32 AM GMT
Caslon8000 saidLosAngeles1127 said ......which is especially important here just because people are pretty superficial (and I can say I'm probably one of them..until~ well that's where the problem starts, ...
As You said yourself ...and amply demonstated ....that's where the problem starts!
It's one thing to know that something is a problem, and its another thing to know how to solve that problem. If everyone who had a problem knew how to solve it, then there wouldn't be any need for help/counseling/support. A problem is a problem no matter how big or small it is. I came here coz I had a problem I wanted help with. It would have been easy for you to ignore me coz if you say that Im only here for attention, then it would have been in your best interest to deprive me of "that" which you think I was after. It's just appaling to see people make light of other people's situation just because its not their own. I read in your profile that you are a cancer survivor. If I came in here and posted "funny pictures" making light of your situation or of cancer for that matter, I don't think you'd find it funny. Respect, is all I ask, which , as you so amply demonstrated, you cannot give. |
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Feb 09, 2009 7:33 AM GMT
Caslon8000 saidAxLFlip said3. take meninlove's advice. He's very wise...like seriously. He's like the Confucius of this website.
Well, he did get run out of his neighborhood...at great financial loss, he says, so he might not have the corner on the human relations market. But then again.. I could be wrong.  |
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Feb 09, 2009 7:36 AM GMT
LosAngeles1127 saidRespect, is all I ask, which , as you so amply demonstrated, you cannot give. True respect is something that is earned ....and maybe you have answered your own question on how to get attention from your CFO. Stop being so superficial and do something to earn his respect...and attention. Next... |
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Feb 09, 2009 7:39 AM GMT
LosAngeles1127 said...unlike others who have to deal with the sad reality that they're not only old but alone, probably still in denial that in fact, they're past their prime and their life has passed them by.
Some of us don't want to find anyone right now. Your only past the prime of your life when your dead. |
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Feb 09, 2009 7:45 AM GMT
AxLFlip saidTo LosAngeles1127,
I hope everything goes well for you and good luck.
heres a to do list for you:
1. Take out Cary!!!! ASAP. lol. jk.
2. Watch out. There a storm coming.
3. take meninlove's advice. He's very wise...like seriously. He's like the Confucius of this website. Hey AxlFlp! Yeah, I'd definitely do #1 if I could j/k. Appreciate the advice. Meninlove does sound very insightful. |
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Feb 09, 2009 7:46 AM GMT
This isnt where I parked my car...
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Feb 09, 2009 8:13 AM GMT
Ok, just tell us you're not going to post the guy's pics. That can get you fired and sued.
Here's what I'm reading...you meet this guy who's intelligent, has power, and yet doesn't shove it down other people's throats. He has respect for his fellow human being. He's a good man, and that makes him desireable. However, that does not mean that attempting to date him would be a good idea since he IS your BOSS.
It seems like you place a lot of your self esteem on your looks, and you may have had a history of placing a similar value upon people. What else do you have to offer? If you're not sure, you seriously have a lot of work to do before getting into a relationship. If you feel you don't measure up, you're not going to be happy. It seems like this guy is the trigger that has identified something that is potentially an issue for you. Maybe having things easy seems comfortable because it's well...easy, but you know you can do better for yourself.
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Feb 09, 2009 8:43 AM GMT
metafor saidQUOTE AUTHOR GOES HEREIt's the first time I've fallen for an Asian
Jesus...
Now I know why I hate most gay men. Hopefully this guy stays away from you. I think that sums it up perfectly. |
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Feb 09, 2009 8:53 AM GMT
Well, someone beat me to it about the don't post his pictures. You don't have yours up, so why should you "out" him on here? Pretty good advice on here, so just try what the others are saying. Oh, and it might help if you don't think the way you do... that you're hot enough for everyone.
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Feb 09, 2009 9:58 AM GMT
I think you're making a big mistake by looking at the guys friends as obsticles to getting to him. Maybe his friends seem protective because they see that you don't really care about them.
If someone wants to date me or be in a relationship with me then my best friends are part of the package. If my friends don't like who I date then it's a pretty good indicator of the person not being good for me.
My point is. If you want to get closer to him then get to know his friends.
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Feb 09, 2009 11:09 AM GMT
Dude sort thru the good advice, ignore the negativity.
I read these threads, and all I see are dumb pics.
I think if Caslon spent as much time on pics of himself as he does silly pics of cats, he might have some credibilty.The time spent on that just astounds me.Just ignore him.
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Feb 09, 2009 11:32 AM GMT
LosAngeles1127 saidWhat up? I'm new here so be easy with me. There is not a chance in hell you'll find that here. LosAngeles1127 saidAt 23 years old, having just graduated his Masters from USC, he became the CFO of our company. Pretty darn impressive right? ... To think he's earning probably 6 figures at 23 yrs old... You feel so unworthy because you're more concerned about social status than anything else. Why do you care about things like this? I'm not normally this nice, but here goes: I don't know you, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to tell you that you are worthy. Everyone is worthy of someone. |
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Feb 09, 2009 11:58 AM GMT
Unworthy I think is the wrong description
what you should be asking yourself
is how can I get to know this guy better
and let the chips fall where they may
Who knows?
Maybe this guy is just a charmer
Maybe he'll be interested ... but you'll never find out without
getting closer to him
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Feb 09, 2009 1:06 PM GMT
GQjock said what you should be asking yourself
is how can I get to know this guy better and let the chips fall where they may
I disagree. Consider the pitfalls. He may not be interested. If he is interested, he may not be as perfect as he appears on the surface. If he is interested and he's compatible, any relationship that develops is subject to the same odds of success that we all know from experience -- not very good. Finally, he is your boss. He will have far more power than you in any relationship, and the relationship will be awkward because of the imbalance. And if the relationship fails, it won't help your prospects at your job. |
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Feb 09, 2009 1:16 PM GMT
Perhaps it's more admiration of him than anything; granted, I'm sure he's hot stuff as you are. But because this admiration--intellectual, physical, emotional, financial--is not mutual, that may be why you feel unworthy. Furthermore, perhaps you subconsciously desire to some of those qualities he has for yourself, as meninlove has mentioned. It's a blessing when another can mirror for us who we can become (or show us what we're not). The fact is, unless he sees something in you that he admires or respects, it's a long shot for you. (It doesn't mean you're not a worthy person, though). The fact that he's your company superior, well, frankly, don't complicate your life.  It's not worth it if things don't work out. If the situation were otherwise, I'd say go for it; explore the opportunity. In the meantime, there are many fish in the sea... being from LA myself, there are a lot of other wonderful "Asian" men in Los Angeles. Heck, head over to Micky's or Red Dragon LA. Have a blast finding someone comparable (and compatible)!  |
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Feb 09, 2009 1:19 PM GMT
In my opinion, the player feels like he is getting played.
I think that you're in no position as an employee to seek your superior for a personal relationship. If you do seek that relationship, you shouldn't keep that job. The only thing you can do is decide which one is more important to you.
The same goes with a platonic relationship. You want more than that and your work will suffer as familiarity breeds contempt.
Do you even know he's into men? And if you do establish a relationship with him, remember that you're there for him, not his friends. Don't dictate to him who he is to associate with.
You should let your infatuations subside and emulate the personable qualities you like in him. I had a boss like that before.
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Feb 09, 2009 1:24 PM GMT
my opinion: its not worth it, if ur trying and hes obviously not into u, no need to waste time and emotions for sum1 who doesnt wanna be with u. if ur as hot as u say u r im sure theres other/better dudes
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Feb 09, 2009 1:26 PM GMT
If I read this correctly he is your boss? If not then my apologies for what I am about to say. It is not a good idea (and in many companies not allowed) to have an intimate relationship with your boss. You should kill off your infatuation as soon as possible.
You have described yourself in a pretty positive light so I am sure you will have no trouble finding other potential partners.
I am a bit concerned that you feel yourself "unworthy" based on so little information. You have a lot going for you so why are you giving yourself a hard time because this particular guy has done well for himself?
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Feb 09, 2009 1:28 PM GMT
I agree - if he is a superior, do NOT pass go. I know that is hard advice but it is responsible advice. I know of way too many similar circumstances that ended quite badly. LA, you just joined RJ (welcome BTW) so maybe you could find someone on here?
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Feb 09, 2009 1:32 PM GMT
i dont think it matters if its ur boss or not the point is hes not into u...
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Feb 09, 2009 1:36 PM GMT
MeanMikey said, "i dont think it matters if its ur boss or not the point is hes not into u..."
You don't know that. He might be discreet when it comes to seeking other men OR he might respect the rules of subordination enough to not seek out employees.
OR, he might prefer to shag/date outside of the workplace. Just because he hasn't sought someone doesn't mean that he is categorically not interested in him.
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Feb 09, 2009 1:42 PM GMT
Well I'm probably repeating advice previously given, but....
To begin with you have an issue with personal/ professional. If he is your boss, you have to interject professionalism into your decison making.. That means back off on your personal desire to mess with him.
There are instances of people who get together personally when in a business relationship, but its the exception, not the norm.
Anything that would come about would have to occur outside the office in more of a friendly personal atmosphere. You are out of line if you try anything "personal" in the office and for him, even less so.
Being friendly is always appropriate. I just think you need to always act within bounds profesionally. If you don't you run the risk of being fired.
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Feb 09, 2009 1:44 PM GMT
coolarmydude saidMeanMikey said, "i dont think it matters if its ur boss or not the point is hes not into u..."
You don't know that. He might be discreet when it comes to seeking other men OR he might respect the rules of subordination enough to not seek out employees.
OR, he might prefer to shag/date outside of the workplace. Just because he hasn't sought someone doesn't mean that he is categorically not interested in him. the OP said it i just repeated it. thats normally a stop sign for me no matter how much i like the guy |
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Feb 09, 2009 1:56 PM GMT
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Feb 09, 2009 2:04 PM GMT
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SED YOU LOOK EXACTLY LIKE YOUR CONFUSED SMILEYCON!!!  |
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Feb 09, 2009 2:05 PM GMT
I know.  |
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Feb 09, 2009 2:12 PM GMT
What's going on inside of you? What do you base your confidence and self-worth on?...If it's just your looks and than you got some work to do...that's not gonna get you far when dealing with real feelings and real connections. Best to deal with any insecurities you have, so you can have a solid internal confidence and the good looks to go with it! and btw nobody can make you feel unworthy, you probably felt that way the whole time...it's just stuff like infatuations can bring this stuff out. And even if he's not into you...w/e nobody is going to be liked by everybody...it doesn't mean you're less than or not worth it...it's a fact of life.
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Feb 09, 2009 2:16 PM GMT
metafor saidCaslon8000 saidmetafor saidThe moment your face became the dictionary entry for condescension and stupidity.
Hey at least I got a face.
Debatable. META get a life okay. Stop being a snotty kid that needs his face wiped. You have taken the guys comment about falling for this guy to personal. Get over it and move on. |
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Feb 09, 2009 2:22 PM GMT
growingbig saidLOL Caslon
I just love these threads that are started by people that have just created their profile and we never see them again and never see a picture. On the one hand I like the fact that the regular members try to help the guy out. That shows a good community on this site. Give yourself a pat on the back and a hearty handshake.
but...
Joining a fitness site and not talking about fitness but starting out with your problems? How many of these threads do we see? Or better yet how many of these threads do we see in a week? If LosAngeles112 becomes a valued member here then great and I might feel bad for posting this. I know I can be a jerk though sometimes unintentionally. But I dunno. Maybe I'm getting a little jaded here... Give the guy a break okay. What other alternatives does he have. Realjock maybe a fitness site but it is also a neutral site that is not filled with sex. So guy find it more confortable to ask questions here than on some hook up site. |
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Feb 09, 2009 2:27 PM GMT
Jeeze from the title I was expecting another "my-life-sucks-no-matter-how-hot-you-might-think-i-am-so-please-give-me-pity" thread by terra 22, but thankfully I didn't have to crack my head on my desk once I read it.
Dude all I can say is if you really like the guy, you need to ascertain whether or not if first he's even gay, if he has a bf, and then if he's available I say just go up to him, make a bit of small talk, then ask him out. If he says no then you haven't really lost anything, but if he says yeah then great
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Feb 09, 2009 2:28 PM GMT
Caslon said,
"Well, he did get run out of his neighborhood...at great financial loss, he says, so he might not have the corner on the human relations market."
Caslon, we would truly like to see how you would have fared in a similar situation. Fighting bigotry is a task that many struggle with. Making derogatory comments about our misfortune - which happened to be far beyond most people's control including the police is tantamount to us doing the same over your battle with cancer which I've (Doug) seen first hand through my experiences in palliative and volunteer care. Could I scare the crap out of you with various scenarios of what can happen fighting cancer? Maybe, maybe not. I admire you for your courage in dealing with what could have been fatal. You could grant us the same consideration when thinking or speaking about ours.
We learned greatly from our trial of fire. What have you learned from yours?
Both of us feel the need to reach out to any that ask. Why?
Well, we could have used that kind of help at times in our own lives. When we came out, when we first fell in love or explored relationships back in the 60s and 70s we had few or no one to talk to. The school of hard slaps. Why should that continue for younger guys in this day and age? Can they not have it better than we did?
Professionals in the medical and psychiatric organizations here will vastly disagree with your above quoted surmising of us.
Instead of being bitter why not be better?
We'd appreciate your consideration of our past plight and as the superintendent of police said, our resilience in the face of crappy and unusual odds.
thanks - Doug
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Feb 09, 2009 3:07 PM GMT
[quote][cite]LosAngeles1127 said, 'Fuck it! I though I was hot enough for everyone.'
you poor thing, however will you cope?
it must be such a shock for you that someone isn't interested in one who so obviously has the looks of a god?
and you'd think being asian he'd be glad of the attention from a superior white guy, wouldn't you?
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Feb 09, 2009 3:26 PM GMT
Yeah but what about religion?
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Feb 09, 2009 3:32 PM GMT
Whatever you do, don't become a stalker! I've had my social life ruined with stalkers everywhere in gay clubs and restaurants. I now go to straight venues and avoid the gay scene.
If you have used your "good ol charms and sexiness" and that didn't work, then putting more effort into it will certainly chase him away and make him cry ;-) The best you can do is show your respect and have great conversations with him.
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Feb 09, 2009 3:49 PM GMT
My parents met as boss/employee and they've been married blissfully for 26 years. Of course, they're the exception, not the rule. |
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Feb 10, 2009 9:26 AM GMT
Caslon this is Bill... I'm not as polite as Doug.
We weren't run out of our neighbourhood. We were victims of a hate crime. We decided to sell our home when our small dogs were poisoned. The neighbourhood was pretty angry at that one next door neighbour and still is. You know little of this except what you found on this site, which you've tried to use to bring Doug down. Says a lot about you, buddy.
Guys here will read Doug's posts - and read yours. They'll figure out pretty quick who's the better man.
You're the last person who'd know who is or isn't any good at human relations.
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Feb 10, 2009 3:23 PM GMT
Nobody can make you feel unworthy, except you.
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Feb 10, 2009 3:38 PM GMT
Good point, flieslikeabeagle. I think that LosAngeles112 is saying in this case that the man LosAngeles112 is focused on triggers the sensations of unworthiness. In this case LosAngeles112 is going though some self-examination and that's bringing him to the realization he wants to be more than a handsome face and body.
That's pretty good stuff, I think.
-Doug of meninlove
Hmmmm....that Bill! Must have posted after I went to bed!
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Feb 10, 2009 3:47 PM GMT
MeanMikey said, "i dont think it matters if its ur boss or not the point is hes not into u..."
"the OP said it i just repeated it. thats normally a stop sign for me no matter how much i like the guy"
Please re-read. He only asked, "How do I get him to notice me?" Not even close to your remark. There is nothing in the OP that says that the other guy isn't interested.
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Feb 10, 2009 4:09 PM GMT
meninlove said
Caslon this is Bill... I'm not as polite as Doug.
We weren't run out of our neighbourhood. We were victims of a hate crime. We decided to sell our home when our small dogs were poisoned. The neighbourhood was pretty angry at that one next door neighbour and still is. You know little of this except what you found on this site, which you've tried to use to bring Doug down. Says a lot about you, buddy.
Guys here will read Doug's posts - and read yours. They'll figure out pretty quick who's the better man.
You're the last person who'd know who is or isn't any good at human relations. Bill, this is Caslon...I am sorry to hear about your little dogs. Of course I only know what I "found" on this site. How else would I know anything? And, of course, what I "found" on this site is what Doug put here. According to what Doug put here, you all were run out of the neighborhood and had to sell your house at a great loss. That's all he put here to be found by us. If that is wrong or woefully incomplete or misleading or too personal for the public internet, talk to Doug about it. But dont blame others for repeating what he said. Now I understand the trouble with your neighbor might not have been Doug's fault. As you say, you are not as polite as Doug. And it is a shame that those little dogs had to be the victims of a human relations failure between neighbors. But it wasnt I who was involved in the calamity. And as meager as you say my human relations skills are, I get along great with my neighbors and nobody has poisoned my cats. So I think there is at least one person behind me in this line of Human Relations Ability. |
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Feb 10, 2009 4:24 PM GMT
Wasn't this about Los Angeles112 problem when did it become the::
" Caslson, Bill and Doug show?
Los Angeles. He's your boss and he could very well be one of those guys who will not date guys that work for him. Just let it go and move on dude.
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Feb 10, 2009 4:31 PM GMT
Well, good morning Caslon,
Your subtle hatred for me is as fresh as the day I first posted here and you slapped me with your usual derogatory condescension. You do this to a lot of people you consider easy targets. I'm a lot milder (what you consider weaker - you're the type that seeks out others weaknesses for your sense of power) than Bill, so easier to poke and prod.
Here's today's example:
"Now I understand the trouble with your neighbor might not have been Doug's fault."
The neighbour hates gays. We did everything to get along for 10 years. They wanted to sell to a developer - we didn't. In the end they lost, because forcing us to sell right away meant no developer which can take 2 years. When they found out we were trying to sell, they tried acting up whenever buyers came over. That way our price would drop, we'd supposedly not sell, and a developer would eventually come along. We chose not to live in hell. Yes they drove us out. It was a tragedy that has most of the neighbourhood emailing us asking us how we are etc - asking us to come visit etc etc.
Most of what happened was posted on topics here long ago. You chose to not read much of it - too busy denigrating others or strutting about Realjock with made up rules about addressing you.
-Doug
Bill wants to know, "Why do you would think that what happened 'MIGHT' be Doug's fault? Spill it. I think you hate Doug like you do because he gets you and calls you on your nastiness."
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Feb 10, 2009 5:00 PM GMT
Ok people don't bring your own personal business out there, you can do it on emails.
This posting is about advice, not about finger pointing.
Now back to our regularly scheduled program!
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Feb 10, 2009 6:42 PM GMT
Getting back to the original post:
I won't reiterate (beyond this sentence) that you seem to be status conscious. I would like to note though, that all of your qualifications about yourself and him are fairly shallow. You don't mention anything about yourself or about him that is substantial. I'm not saying that you are shallow, but rather that your post is. If your viewing him on these terms, you may be seeing with a far more narrow view than he has. All of the things that you point out as 'pros' vs. the ambiguously offensive* 'con' of being Asian, may be issues that are of little or no importance to him.
You may think this is not offensive, but, by putting it in a negative context, you make it offensive, even if unintentionally.
Anyone who tells me to my face, how great he is, has just knocked himself off the list.
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Feb 10, 2009 8:20 PM GMT
bgcat57 saidGetting back to the original post:
I won't reiterate (beyond this sentence) that you seem to be status conscious. I would like to note though, that all of your qualifications about yourself and him are fairly shallow. You don't mention anything about yourself or about him that is substantial. I'm not saying that you are shallow, but rather that your post is. If your viewing him on these terms, you may be seeing with a far more narrow view than he has. All of the things that you point out as 'pros' vs. the ambiguously offensive* 'con' of being Asian, may be issues that are of little or no importance to him.
You may think this is not offensive, but, by putting it in a negative context, you make it offensive, even if unintentionally.
Anyone who tells me to my face, how great he is, has just knocked himself off the list. Exactly. You pointed out all your 'desirable traits' then proceeded to enumerate his 'undesirable' traits, and included Asian in it. I know it's not malicious, but it still comes across the wrong way for some of us Asians here. Why is 'falling for the first time for an Asian' even a big deal to you? You're giving off the wrong vibes which is why all his friends are hostile against you (and not because they're 'snobs' as you say), because this does sounds more like a novelty infatuation rather than something real (i.e. sooner or later you'll get tired of it and go back to the 'beautiful people'). And if I was a friend of the guy, I'd be just as protective too. I dunno, though, I am basing it all on your OP, and I do not have full grasp of what the situation really is. |
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Feb 10, 2009 8:26 PM GMT
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Feb 10, 2009 8:44 PM GMT
metafor saidSedative saidI do not have full grasp of what the situation really is.
Well, honesty abounds in one of your posts. Finally. Yes, I've never pretended to know everything... unlike some people who seem to have found the answers to the universe at 22. *hint hint* Please ignore me, oh mighty metafor, I am merely one of the shallow mindless gays. Go back to more important stuff like... unclogging your snotty nose. Moah beer, lilman, NAO! Especially with Valentine's drawing nearer and nearer... |
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Feb 11, 2009 11:38 PM GMT
Well, thank you so much for all the insights. I really appreciate it. Again, I agree that my problem seems (or is in fact) embarrassingly superficial. And what most of you have made me realize is that all my life, I have measured my self worth based solely on how I look (sadly enough).
Yesterday, I saw him again at LA Fitness here in Beverly Hills and following some of the brilliant advice here, I came up to him (again he was with his friends, Cary and others~ they just got out of this kickboxing class), and in all of my sweating glory, I approached them and asked Mike(that's his name) if he and I could have lunch this Friday. His exact words were "Oh, I'm not sure what my sched looks like. Ask Sandy (his secretary) and see if i'm available." Then Cary said they got to go, so he just smiled and left.
Then today, Sandy called me and said this better be important coz Mike asked her to move one of his appointments to have lunch with me.
I guess we'll see what happens. I'm putting myself at risk here and probably setting myself up for failure but I'm willing just for the chance to get to know him and maybe myself a lil bit more in the process.
Anyway to lighten this up a bit, don't you find guys doing yoga hot? He does Yoga classes sometimes, and boy, is he flexible. Sorry, just had to sneak that in.
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Feb 11, 2009 11:56 PM GMT
LosAngeles1127 saidThen today, Sandy called me and said this better be important coz Mike asked her to move one of his appointments to have lunch with me. Well, it sounds good that Mike asked for an appt to be moved to have lunch with you. And I dont know what importance Sandy's remark has. If she is reflecting Mike's attitude and all you are going to lunch for is to chat him up with small talk, you may really have shot yourself in the foot. If you sense that he freezing up during the lunch as he realizes that there was no purpose of significance to him for this lunch, then I suggest you have something up your sleeve to relate the lunch to work.....something like....[i am just making stuff up here since I dont know your situation]....how you really like what he is doing and want to become more of a part of it? Or what does he see for the company's future and is there something more you could do? Something, so that the lunch seems to have a legiitmate business purpose. Or you may pass from just being that superficial pretty boy that he simply tolerates to the poster child for superficiality, poor judgment, AND waste of time who is to be avoided! |
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Feb 11, 2009 11:58 PM GMT
xKorix saidWhat's going on inside of you? What do you base your confidence and self-worth on?...If it's just your looks and than you got some work to do...that's not gonna get you far when dealing with real feelings and real connections. Best to deal with any insecurities you have, so you can have a solid internal confidence and the good looks to go with it! and btw nobody can make you feel unworthy, you probably felt that way the whole time...it's just stuff like infatuations can bring this stuff out. And even if he's not into you...w/e nobody is going to be liked by everybody...it doesn't mean you're less than or not worth it...it's a fact of life. I think this is worth exploring. The idea that someone can make you feel "unworthy" is interesting to say the least. If someone - anyone - can make you feel "unworthy" at all, then you probably shouldn't be dating. Period. |
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Feb 12, 2009 5:12 AM GMT
styrgan saidIf someone - anyone - can make you feel "unworthy" at all, then you probably shouldn't be dating. Period. Said the man holding a glass of liquid fortitude and fun ... |
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Feb 12, 2009 5:46 AM GMT
There isn't an LA Fitness in Beverly Hills ...
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Feb 12, 2009 5:49 AM GMT
Tried to post map - they're pretty close - Bel Air for instance...
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Feb 12, 2009 5:52 AM GMT
trust me, meninlove, no one who lives here would consider that part of town to be in Beverly Hills. that section of La Cienega is a grimy part of Los Angeles.
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Feb 12, 2009 5:55 AM GMT
Here's a simple rule that you can apply, which makes perfect sense when you're thinking clearly: in a world of 7 BILLION people, if someone causes you distress, then get rid of them. That will leave you with 6,999,999,999 other folks who don't irritate you. This is, by no means, a difficult question.
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Feb 12, 2009 6:00 AM GMT
Interesting allgoodinhwood! *puts down violin, picks up pipe, takes puff and regards Dr Watson standing at the window*
So, what does this mean? To me it means LosAngeles112 doesn't want to divulge too much publicly, to be twisted and used against him, much like Caslon used twisted innuendos about us earlier on this topic, gleaned from information that he selected bits from to make his ethically bankrupt insinuations. Seeing that unfold could anyone blame LosAngeles112 for remaining a bit undercover?
Sometimes we wonder what Caslon's antics over time have cost RJ in the way of paying supporters. It also explains the seemingly ever-growing number of faceless detail-less profiles.
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Feb 16, 2009 10:08 AM GMT
Wow... flamewar much?
Can't we all just get along??
No? Yea... that's asking too much from the so-called "adults" who are acting more like their shoe size. Like I said in another post.. if you don't like what you see, leave.. if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it... it's that fucking simple people.
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