Gay guys need to stop fucking doing this.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2016 3:09 AM GMT
    This is seriously not a gay bash thread. But....I can't help but mention stuff that guys do sometimes.

    This really annoys me: a guy you met once or twice blows your phone up, texting you daily or throughout the day, "good morning, hi, sup, etc.). And then, almost like Jekyll and Hyde...you meet them again or for the first time, and suddenly they stop contacting or responding. This is more for when I start meeting new people, not guys I've known for awhile.

    Now before anyone says, "he's just no that into you"...I think it's something else. Because how can they go from being so into me they are texting me everyday all day, to playing like they don't know you the next day?

    I'm having 2 people do this to me this week. One guy JUST started doing it, but I think he might just be busy. But it seems to have come so suddenly, it's very suspicious. Just the other day he asked when he could see me again, but something in his responses today just seem off unless I'm just being insecure. The other started doing it after the 2nd time we hung out last weekend. Like everyday he was texting me...but he's only sent me one text reply this week.

    It seems like these immature guys create some image in their heads of someone, and the minute it's different from what they expected (whether it be their job, house, car, whatever), then they do a complete 360. Or someone else comes along, and suddenly grass is greener/new toy syndrome comes into play.

    The good thing is...I really have grown to stop myself from reacting or feeding into these types of games. I jus let em go. I may "close it out" or "bait them" by suggesting meeting again to see if they respond...but I can always tell when it's just time to move on. But, all the OCD bullshit is just balls to the wall crazy.
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    Apr 13, 2016 11:50 AM GMT
    I get that all the time. I think it is the nature of Men. They are always candy shopping and do not want to settle down. Women on the other hand, their nature is to build a nest, so there is less of this crap in a hetro relationship.
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    Apr 13, 2016 12:08 PM GMT
    It's just horniess . It's drive by hormones so their is nothing rational about it.
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    Apr 13, 2016 12:14 PM GMT
    so this is after sex?
    well then yeah, they just want a taste, they don't want to buy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2016 1:28 PM GMT
    There's a lot of psychopathy and sociopathy in the gay world. The best way to deal with these folks is to either minimize or ignore them--I tend to use both approaches depending on the level of the person's mental defect.
  • Coast

    Posts: 24

    Apr 13, 2016 1:58 PM GMT
    I'm also sick and tired of this bullshit as well. It's not even after sex or anything either. They just flake but if that's what they want to do then that's their loss and I can easily know who is worth my time. Makes my job a whole lot easier too, weeding out the duds.
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Apr 13, 2016 2:08 PM GMT
    I want to dispel the implied notion that only "gay guys" do this.

    Humans do this. I have plenty of straight friends who have told the exact same stories and hypotheses.
  • RainBow_Drago...

    Posts: 337

    Apr 13, 2016 2:29 PM GMT
    you're absolutely right, the amount of 'peter pans' I have met myself in the past before I met with my 3 years boyfriend was astounding to say the least.I'm not e en talking about young juvenile Twinkies who just had their first cum-shot last night. I'm actually talking about grown ass men in their late Twinkies/thirties/ and early forties by the way. Im gay obviously, and i make no secret of that, but these guys lives revolved around stupid sex sex and only sex! I dont mean to sound like a douche, but as a grown ass man I like im mature than a lot of these skin-deep shallow minded indecisive immature douche bags - i just couldn't think of anything worse than that lifestyle. I dont get it, why do so many gay men just refuse to grow the fuck up and act like adults? Its not exactly getting us anywhere.
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    Apr 13, 2016 4:07 PM GMT
    I've only done this when meeting up terminated the attraction for one reason or another. Before meeting, you can be very excited about the few profile pics and personality the person has presented on their profile. Maybe you said or did something in person that made you unappealing to them.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Apr 13, 2016 5:35 PM GMT
    Here's a website owned by a bloke whose only interest in life seems to be to have sex with as many guys as possible and write about each contact. He makes all his contacts through grindr.

    http://cocksearch2009.blogspot.com

    I know that there are non-gay men who do the same thing with women.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2016 6:54 PM GMT
    I think people just get too caught up in all these apps and social medias. People are able to get in contact with far too many people they can keep up with on a daily basis. It's not a gay issue unless you're expecting people to put you first on a hook up app.
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    Apr 13, 2016 6:59 PM GMT
    Maybe he found out you're a prostitute. You know, most guys are not cool with that shit.
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    Apr 13, 2016 8:33 PM GMT
    Radd saidMaybe he found out you're a prostitute. You know, most guys are not cool with that shit.


    Lol, every time I post a thread...I always wait for it from you or someone. I know it's gonna be the sole reason for everything...as if you and all of these guys are saints themselves. TBH, one of the mentioned guys showed me his "toy" collection...I was like dayum, that makes a prostitite look like a school boy! And this guy is 5 years younger than me!
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    Apr 13, 2016 8:42 PM GMT
    CODY4U saidI've only done this when meeting up terminated the attraction for one reason or another. Before meeting, you can be very excited about the few profile pics and personality the person has presented on their profile. Maybe you said or did something in person that made you unappealing to them.


    Ok, in the 2 examples above...one guy came up to me at the club. We met the next day also. He was still into me, texting hi every 3 hours, Etc. but we agreed to start as friends...no sex either time. No sex this last time, just cuddling. Maybe he wanted more...but he didn't express it.

    The other guy we met once last week...and he was hitting me up daily afterwards. Plus we only had Bill Clinton sex the first date, not real sex. So that wasn't an issue. It's just out of nowhere...I was sending him texts and wouldn't respond for hours, but he did get back to me and explain he just went to bed and went to work. But he's still acting non chalant all of a sudden, with no real reason I can see.

    Mind you...I know I'm not married to these guys. I'm not being possessive or anything, but it's like....why start something that you can't finish? I like good morning texts, but I don't need them. But the gays giveth, and then they taketh away...they come off obsessed from the start, but then throw shade shortly after. That's just creepy weird bullshit.
  • carew28

    Posts: 662

    Apr 13, 2016 8:54 PM GMT
    I think it's just part of modern life. In the old days, it took longer to establish a relationship & get to know someone. And so relationships, be they friendship or something more, tended to last longer. Nowadays, they begin quicker, and end quicker. Just the way things are.

    I think that texting has a lot to do with it. In the old days, you met someone in person, either at a bar or at a party, or through friends, or at work, etc. You had to put a bit more time & effort into the friendship, got to know someone, and relationships had more permanence. Even e-mail relationships took a little more time & effort. But with texting & smartphones, things just happen so fast, and relationships are over almost before they've begun.

    I myself don't know how to text, or to use a smart-phone. I tend to do things the old-fashioned way.
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    Apr 13, 2016 9:23 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs28 said
    CODY4U saidI've only done this when meeting up terminated the attraction for one reason or another. Before meeting, you can be very excited about the few profile pics and personality the person has presented on their profile. Maybe you said or did something in person that made you unappealing to them.


    Ok, in the 2 examples above...one guy came up to me at the club. We met the next day also. He was still into me, texting hi every 3 hours, Etc. but we agreed to start as friends...no sex either time. No sex this last time, just cuddling. Maybe he wanted more...but he didn't express it.

    The other guy we met once last week...and he was hitting me up daily afterwards. Plus we only had Bill Clinton sex the first date, not real sex. So that wasn't an issue. It's just out of nowhere...I was sending him texts and wouldn't respond for hours, but he did get back to me and explain he just went to bed and went to work. But he's still acting non chalant all of a sudden, with no real reason I can see.

    Mind you...I know I'm not married to these guys. I'm not being possessive or anything, but it's like....why start something that you can't finish? I like good morning texts, but I don't need them. But the gays giveth, and then they taketh away...they come off obsessed from the start, but then throw shade shortly after. That's just creepy weird bullshit.


    Some things to always keep in mind when dealing with gay men:

    1. Sites/apps make it very convenient for us to treat each other as items and options. How many times have you read "Just browsing" on profiles? Lots! They could simply be busy with other options at the moment. Don't be surprised if you get another "Good morning" text in several weeks (after weeks of no communication at all).

    2. Most guys--even the self-proclaimed alpha male tops--generally want the other guy to do all the work. Lots of self-important diva attitudes, even with the most butch of them.

    3. It's very possible either of those guys could be infected with God knows what or come with some other really heavy baggage. Be careful about chasing after gay men or worrying about them going unresponsive. It's highly likely that you have just dodged two bullets.



  • Apr 13, 2016 9:31 PM GMT
    NerdLifter saidI want to dispel the implied notion that only "gay guys" do this.

    Humans do this. I have plenty of straight friends who have told the exact same stories and hypotheses.


    ^ the only voice of reason in this thread. i'm in the closet and see my straight friends do this to each other all the time. my own sister whose younger then me has been called a cock tease for doing this same thing.
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    Apr 13, 2016 9:55 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs28 said
    Radd saidMaybe he found out you're a prostitute. You know, most guys are not cool with that shit.


    Lol, every time I post a thread...I always wait for it from you or someone. I know it's gonna be the sole reason for everything...as if you and all of these guys are saints themselves. TBH, one of the mentioned guys showed me his "toy" collection...I was like dayum, that makes a prostitite look like a school boy! And this guy is 5 years younger than me!



    I wasn't bashing you. You made (yet another) thread expressing your bewilderment at why guys keep rejecting you and I gave you my honest opinion. In fact, you create more threads complaining about relationship issues than any other person here. At some point you have to stop and look in the mirror and ask yourself if it's really possible for everyone else to always be the problem. No one wants to bring a man home to meet his mom and have to crawl under the table when she asks "so what do you do for a living?" It's just common sense but you still refuse to acknowledge the elephant in the room. icon_confused.gif
  • venue35

    Posts: 4644

    Apr 13, 2016 10:19 PM GMT
    Nomi: "You might be a whore Cristal but im not!!!"
    Cristal : "Of course you are darlin! We all are!!"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2016 11:54 PM GMT
    Guys (straight and gay) generally suck at communicating what they are thinking. I agree that it isn't always the "he's not that into me" default answer we like to blurt out. My last 3 boyfriends have actually been very poor communicators or have had submissive styles when they liked a guy. It drove me crazy but they ended up being great guys.

    On the other hand, guys with strong communication styles can be misperceived as "clingy" or "sensitive" by guys who are not used to communication. This happens especially when you reach out to a guy who hasn't yet decided how he feels about your date. You text "how's your week going?" after 4 days of space and he might hear "I love you and have a poster of you hanging above my bed!!!!!!" which scares him off. So you might have to ask him what his style is and how he likes to communicate.

    I've found that the best way to minimize frustration is to
    1. Focus on what I can control... my actions and reactions.
    2. Have positive thoughts and ask questions when you don't understand... Negative thoughts do you absolutely no fucking good and can cost you a potential friend or date.
    3. Accept that some guys need way more time than you do to feel ready for another interaction. If you like them, you'll have to deal with this for a bit (or until you realize its a dealbreaker)
    4. Date other guys and keep all options open. Don't spend all or even most of your energy on a guy until after you've gone on out with him several times (outside the bedroom).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2016 12:02 AM GMT
    Maybe it is a matter of convenience? There are so many apps to meet tons of guys on and some people take for granted that it usually takes at least a couple of in-person interactions to see if you get along well. For whatever reason, some people are impatient and/or just don't care to wait around that long.
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    Apr 14, 2016 7:06 AM GMT
    Radd said
    FuzzyPecs28 said
    Radd saidMaybe he found out you're a prostitute. You know, most guys are not cool with that shit.


    Lol, every time I post a thread...I always wait for it from you or someone. I know it's gonna be the sole reason for everything...as if you and all of these guys are saints themselves. TBH, one of the mentioned guys showed me his "toy" collection...I was like dayum, that makes a prostitite look like a school boy! And this guy is 5 years younger than me!



    I wasn't bashing you. You made (yet another) thread expressing your bewilderment at why guys keep rejecting you and I gave you my honest opinion. In fact, you create more threads complaining about relationship issues than any other person here. At some point you have to stop and look in the mirror and ask yourself if it's really possible for everyone else to always be the problem. No one wants to bring a man home to meet his mom and have to crawl under the table when she asks "so what do you do for a living?" It's just common sense but you still refuse to acknowledge the elephant in the room. icon_confused.gif


    I'm going to address your fucking ass one more time...and then I'm done with the topic. STOP thinking that everyone has a problem with it. In 6 years, I know when someone has an issue with my lifestyle because they say it. I know when they don't have an issue because they will also say it. That's like saying someone doesn't want to be with an HIV POZ person. Sure there's people who would run, but many wouldn't. Ditto with guys who say they want open relationships.

    You are a very judgemental, close-minded individual. What you just said can apply to any aspect of being gay. Would you tell your mom what you and the guy you bought over to meet her, does in bed? Would you tell her which one of you gets fucked in the ass or the last time you sucked a dick, bitch? No, so shut the fuck up. You sound real stupid right about now. There's people out there doing WAAAAY more shit In the dark than I've ever done, but you so goddamn hungup on what I'm doing, you think that's the worse thing someone can tell someone.

    You sound like some old conservative, old-fashioned prick. Who the fuck brings a man home to their mom anyway? But since you asked....I've met plenty Thankyou very much. And FYI dipshit...couple years ago I was dating a guy who introduced me to his WHOLE FAMILY (grandma, mom, stepmom, dad, sister, aunt, uncle, step-kids, etc.) during thanksgiving...and he knew what I was about because we were living together mother fucker. What I was doing didn't matter a GODDAMN thing.

    Take your holier than thou morals, judgement, and condemnation and wrap em around a 20" dildo with your colon print on it.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2016 7:24 AM GMT
    woodfordr saidGuys (straight and gay) generally suck at communicating what they are thinking. I agree that it isn't always the "he's not that into me" default answer we like to blurt out. My last 3 boyfriends have actually been very poor communicators or have had submissive styles when they liked a guy. It drove me crazy but they ended up being great guys.

    On the other hand, guys with strong communication styles can be misperceived as "clingy" or "sensitive" by guys who are not used to communication. This happens especially when you reach out to a guy who hasn't yet decided how he feels about your date. You text "how's your week going?" after 4 days of space and he might hear "I love you and have a poster of you hanging above my bed!!!!!!" which scares him off. So you might have to ask him what his style is and how he likes to communicate.

    I've found that the best way to minimize frustration is to
    1. Focus on what I can control... my actions and reactions.
    2. Have positive thoughts and ask questions when you don't understand... Negative thoughts do you absolutely no fucking good and can cost you a potential friend or date.
    3. Accept that some guys need way more time than you do to feel ready for another interaction. If you like them, you'll have to deal with this for a bit (or until you realize its a dealbreaker)
    4. Date other guys and keep all options open. Don't spend all or even most of your energy on a guy until after you've gone on out with him several times (outside the bedroom).


    If totally agree. Keeping options open is the best way to keep from being discouraged. But at the same time, the quality of the options matter also. I can't have 4 options who are also working with options all over the place too.

    Lot of communication is bad. One guy I was trying to connect with, he couldn't even just tell me how he felt about long distant relationship. I was letting him know I was open to it, he just sitting there always acting like he too busy to talk more than 1 minute on the phone, skirting all around the questions by texts, etc.

    Al this is really putting me in a bad mood. I know I shouldn't let these children affect my sense of happiness, but it's just making me feel....why go about meeting people especially from these apps, if it's going to be like this Everytime?

    Most of these situations occur from app men, by the way. I try to see them as normal gay men who I'd of met anywhere else...but something about them isn't normal. It's like they all lie and play games and do this "ghost" thing.

    And yes...I understand straight people do it too. But...gay guys seem to do it better icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2016 7:47 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs28 said
    Radd said
    FuzzyPecs28 said
    Radd saidMaybe he found out you're a prostitute. You know, most guys are not cool with that shit.


    Lol, every time I post a thread...I always wait for it from you or someone. I know it's gonna be the sole reason for everything...as if you and all of these guys are saints themselves. TBH, one of the mentioned guys showed me his "toy" collection...I was like dayum, that makes a prostitite look like a school boy! And this guy is 5 years younger than me!



    I wasn't bashing you. You made (yet another) thread expressing your bewilderment at why guys keep rejecting you and I gave you my honest opinion. In fact, you create more threads complaining about relationship issues than any other person here. At some point you have to stop and look in the mirror and ask yourself if it's really possible for everyone else to always be the problem. No one wants to bring a man home to meet his mom and have to crawl under the table when she asks "so what do you do for a living?" It's just common sense but you still refuse to acknowledge the elephant in the room. icon_confused.gif


    I'm going to address your fucking ass one more time...and then I'm done with the topic. STOP thinking that everyone has a problem with it. In 6 years, I know when someone has an issue with my lifestyle because they say it. I know when they don't have an issue because they will also say it. That's like saying someone doesn't want to be with an HIV POZ person. Sure there's people who would run, but many wouldn't. Ditto with guys who say they want open relationships.

    You are a very judgemental, close-minded individual. What you just said can apply to any aspect of being gay. Would you tell your mom what you and the guy you bought over to meet her, does in bed? Would you tell her which one of you gets fucked in the ass or the last time you sucked a dick, bitch? No, so shut the fuck up. You sound real stupid right about now. There's people out there doing WAAAAY more shit In the dark than I've ever done, but you so goddamn hungup on what I'm doing, you think that's the worse thing someone can tell someone.

    You sound like some old conservative, old-fashioned prick. Who the fuck brings a man home to their mom anyway? But since you asked....I've met plenty Thankyou very much. And FYI dipshit...couple years ago I was dating a guy who introduced me to his WHOLE FAMILY (grandma, mom, stepmom, dad, sister, aunt, uncle, step-kids, etc.) during thanksgiving...and he knew what I was about because we were living together mother fucker. What I was doing didn't matter a GODDAMN thing.

    Take your holier than thou morals, judgement, and condemnation and wrap em around a 20" dildo with your colon print on it.





    You mad? icon_lol.gif Talk about shooting the messenger. Your hostile attitude is very telling. You've created a gazillion threads ranting about how many relationship problems you have. If you can't see it's you and not everybody else, well you're just being willfully ignorant. icon_confused.gif
  • ndsu36

    Posts: 30

    Apr 14, 2016 8:34 AM GMT
    Well, it's the responses (frequency n type) and the interested of that person. So if you like the person your going to text more, if not as much or not at all wait tell they text or not at all.
    For the text alot one day n very little the next can be being busy but if they like you they will let you know if their interested in you with a text or during a break or lunch period.
    For example, I dated a guy, we had two dates n second date was ok and akward due nerves and anxiety on both ends. When he texted I was pissed cause I lost interest in him cause of he was moving two states down and acted overly smitten with me! Texts were how are you? So on ... I felt irritated and I'm going to cut him kinda a rage.
    However, I been messaging another guy, have not met due to distance but still in conversation and getting to know each. So I would say post meet / sex can change interest drastically but it's hard for us to say it in person but it's ok to reject us over text or phone. Sad but true.