Where are all the Asian men?

  • Kalidas

    Posts: 5

    Apr 14, 2016 3:19 AM GMT
    Can anyone offer me some straight forward tips or advice?

    I have seen many a thread over the years about the Asian community struggling with finding gay men they are attracted to for dating and relationships (be it often a preference for white men or even finding other asians).

    I seem to be the more rare caucasian white male who preferences towards Asian men (Koreans, Chinese, Japanese etc.) who struggles to ever catch their interest. Interest beyond going to a room for an hour.. actual decent marriage and family oriented men.

    I have decided living in Florida most of my life has not helped much when it comes to Asian guys. Is it true that living in California is probably the best for me due to the very diverse population out there? People think Florida is really diverse, but honestly it's not that great here. Anyone have experience with this? Any Asian men want to tell me if there's something particularly wrong with my looks or something? lol.

    Thanks for any input guys icon_smile.gif

    P.S. I hope this does not cause some sort of flame war about racism or "asian fetishes" or other rather rude labels. I've heard it all before and I've dated white, hispanic and asian men... I'm simply trying to follow my natural attraction/tendency that leans much more towards Asian men and would like to be in the best geographical dating pool.
  • Kalidas

    Posts: 5

    Apr 14, 2016 7:29 AM GMT
    one4u2c saidNo matter how you try to word it, you are definitely fetishizing.

    Why not focus on finding a nice person, no matter what their race is? icon_rolleyes.gif


    Again, I am open to everyone. I do not believe it fetishizing to tend towards being attracted towards certain physical features or traits of ethnicity. If I stated I can only exclusively date one specific "race" to the exclusion of everyone else, that may be closer to a fetish..

    Why is it assumed I don't focus on finding a nice person just because I find myself attracted to Asian men? I don't think that's a fair accusation nor worthy of an eyeroll icon_confused.gif

    If a gorgeous person of __________ race/ethnicity/background walked into my life tomorrow I wouldn't turn them down because they were not Asian. My question was really just more focused on what geography is suited best to widen the dating pool of people I tend to feel physical attraction to. We can't just pretend that ONLY personality matters as nice as that would be. Physical connection is also required. Anyway, thank you for your response. Any other thoughts from people?
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 14, 2016 11:51 AM GMT
    OP, there really is no magical answer. Asian men are pretty much everywhere so it can't be that hard to find one.

    But I'd definitely think about how you're coming off. You are right, some people do have preferences, especially when it comes to race but when it comes to minority race, you need to tread lightly.

    As far as Asian men go, I'm sure most are very wary of being fetishized and they really don't like that (heck any minority doesn't like that).

    You say you struggle to catch their interest but you didn't expand on that? What do you mean by that? Care to elaborate? Do you try talking to them? What do you say? Is there a certain kind of guy you're going for?

    I'm sure if you answer these questions, some guys may be able to help.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2016 3:29 PM GMT
    More power to you for acknowledging your preferences. We're all entitled to choose the people to whom we're physically attracted. A couple of thoughts for you: in my view, there are at least two ways to approach this. There are two types of gay Asian men--those who were born and raised in Asia (i.e., spent a great part of their adult life in Asia) and those who were born and raised in the US/Europe (or born in Asia but grew up in the US/Europe). The former tend to gravitate towards predominantly Asian communities, so you will likely find them in Asian enclaves. The latter tend to be more assimilated, so you will likely find them spread out across the general population. So, if you're really serious about finding a gay Asian male, you need to first figure out what exactly you're looking for. Good luck. By the way, you look great, and you shouldn't have any problem finding a suitable gay Asian male.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2016 4:39 PM GMT
    physical & emotional is shared between you & yours. Your not going to respond if you know your less than acceptable in HIS eyes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2016 6:32 PM GMT
    one4u2c saidNo matter how you try to word it, you are definitely fetishizing.


    Who cares? We all "fetishize." The last thing any gay man needs is (more) guilt over liking what he likes.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 802

    Apr 14, 2016 7:01 PM GMT
    "Where are all the Asian men?"

    They took up and left town after a series of vicious thread-bashings in here.
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1034

    Apr 14, 2016 7:24 PM GMT
    San Francisco is 33% Asian.

    Orlando is 3.8% Asian.

    Do the math.

    Go West, young man.
  • offshore

    Posts: 1294

    Apr 14, 2016 7:28 PM GMT
    2 post count again. Lately there has been a lot of seemingle controversial topics started by new posters with 2 or 3 post counts and are never heard again once the discussion gets going.
    Maybe the bots are getting clever. Maybe.
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Apr 14, 2016 7:39 PM GMT
    In Asia? icon_lol.gif
  • beaujangle

    Posts: 1701

    Apr 14, 2016 10:55 PM GMT
    I'm available! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Wendigo9

    Posts: 426

    Apr 15, 2016 12:07 AM GMT
    Wish I could say the same, maybe most asian men see white guys as ugly, or they're picky and strict about it, idk : S

    Not saying different races are more attractive than others, but all guys give off a certian impression at first glance.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 15, 2016 12:20 AM GMT
    If you don't mind movin up north, Vancouver has the highest percentage in population for those with Asian heritage. A few friends of mine who have explored Vancouver's gay scene told me it definitely isn't hard to find an openly gay Asian men there so it might be a good place for you to visit
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 15, 2016 12:29 AM GMT
    Anyone who has a distinct preference for one race creeps me out. When people say that a certain race is preferred, i look at it as shock value attraction. if you grew up around a certain race and feel more comfortable around that culture, it's fine, but if you didn't, then you really are fetish-izing that race.

  • Apr 15, 2016 1:13 AM GMT
    yycintrov saidIf you don't mind movin up north, Vancouver has the highest percentage in population for those with Asian heritage


    Yes there's a lot of them there, but I heard that the Asians in Vancouver are all wealthy and cliquish.

    I tried locationspoofer on Grindr to gage interest in a bunch of cities. I distinctly remember getting zero messages from Asians under 40 when I was "in" Vancouver.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 15, 2016 1:18 AM GMT
    Kalidas saidCan anyone offer me some straight forward tips or advice?

    I have seen many a thread over the years about the Asian community struggling with finding gay men they are attracted to for dating and relationships (be it often a preference for white men or even finding other asians).

    I seem to be the more rare caucasian white male who preferences towards Asian men (Koreans, Chinese, Japanese etc.) who struggles to ever catch their interest. Interest beyond going to a room for an hour.. actual decent marriage and family oriented men.

    I have decided living in Florida most of my life has not helped much when it comes to Asian guys. Is it true that living in California is probably the best for me due to the very diverse population out there? People think Florida is really diverse, but honestly it's not that great here. Anyone have experience with this? Any Asian men want to tell me if there's something particularly wrong with my looks or something? lol.

    Thanks for any input guys icon_smile.gif

    P.S. I hope this does not cause some sort of flame war about racism or "asian fetishes" or other rather rude labels. I've heard it all before and I've dated white, hispanic and asian men... I'm simply trying to follow my natural attraction/tendency that leans much more towards Asian men and would like to be in the best geographical dating pool.


    You are not fetishizing. You just named your preference for asians. But people will use anything you say to label you as a racist and that's really annoying. Instead of talk about the thread itself in which you ask for advice to get asians guys to like/notice you they will attack you and make you feel bad because of your preferences.

    Whereas I don't have any useful tips for that you asked, I would like to tell you to ignore those people who can't address reality as it is: people are more attracted to specific ethnicities, races, sizes, skin and eye colours and all other physical varieties depending on their own experience with other people and their cultural standards of beauty - and of course what is "exotic" to each one.

    PS. I guess most asians are into white men. Perhaps you'll find that out when you visit an asian country.
  • camfer

    Posts: 892

    Apr 15, 2016 5:20 AM GMT
    Korean spas are really relaxing and full of Koreans. It's a drive, but there's one in Tampa.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 15, 2016 2:37 PM GMT
    Fetishes, preferences, attractions etc are totally fine, totally natural and mostly harmless. There is the sexual attraction aspect of what usually gets you going. There are the emotional and cultural aspects that you knowingly relate to or enjoy. All are fine. As with anything its HOW WE COMMUNICATE AND BEHAVE that gets us into trouble. When we use these natural tendencies to exclude who and how we'll communicate with people, interact with people and judge people, THAT IS where we encounter problems. And BOTH sides actually lose out equally by the restrictions.

    The OP seemed to be pretty thoughtful and sensitive in describing what he was looking for (in my opinion). I hope we don't have to pretend to be equally attracted to every single individual in the world. That would suck and seems very unnecessary.
  • Iakona

    Posts: 367

    Apr 15, 2016 3:47 PM GMT
    It is definitely a location thing. I worked in South Beach for a year and a half, and I think I was one of a handful of asian guys there. I don't think you need to move to find a man, you just have to be patient. Who knows, you may find someone traveling through and you guys fall madly in love.....Fate has a way of doing things! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 15, 2016 5:58 PM GMT
    They're all tooling around SoCal in their souped-up Hondas with cherry bomb mufflers! IMG_8217%20copy.jpg
    And more power to 'em! icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 15, 2016 8:14 PM GMT
    bro4bro saidSan Francisco is 33% Asian.

    Orlando is 3.8% Asian.

    Do the math.

    Go West, young man.


    Agreed! I'm currently in the San Francisco Bay Area until the fall for work and compared to my hometown in North Carolina, there are definitely a lot more Asians in the west coast. And it's been awesome living here because I have more of an appreciation for my own culture compared to where I grew up (the southeast).

    OP, I think you will enjoy the west coast. Give it a go!
  • Kalidas

    Posts: 5

    Apr 15, 2016 8:22 PM GMT
    Hey all, just wanted to thank the majority of you that are being very supportive with your responses! I wasn't fake as one person had suggested. I'm very shy with forum posting (because I don't like the concept of about being ripped to shreds on the internet just for sharing some truth/feelings), but it was something I needed to ask about.

    I do talk to/message guys I meet. I use OkCupid as well, it just seems that the gay Asian population doesn't "pick up" what I'm putting "down" ? That's why I get self conscious and have started wondering if there's just something really messed up with my looks or something.

    Bloodflame: I generally just look for anyone around my age who I am attracted to. I always tend to engage first, because it seems otherwise no one will make a move. In the online dating world, it seems that compliments are received by me and thanked for; but when I continue into the "breaking the ice" "want to get to know each other?" phase they just don't seem to respond 90% of the time.

    I think as many of the replies have said, I really should just move west where there is just a statistical guarantee that I will run into more Asian men and thus have a higher chance of being noticed, and reciprocal attraction occurring. It doesn't seem to happen for me here in Central Florida. It's been years too icon_confused.gif
  • Kalidas

    Posts: 5

    Apr 15, 2016 8:26 PM GMT
    Erik101 said
    bro4bro saidSan Francisco is 33% Asian.

    Orlando is 3.8% Asian.

    Do the math.

    Go West, young man.


    Agreed! I'm currently in the San Francisco Bay Area until the fall for work and compared to my hometown in North Carolina, there are definitely a lot more Asians in the west coast. And it's been awesome living here because I have more of an appreciation for my own culture compared to where I grew up (the southeast).

    OP, I think you will enjoy the west coast. Give it a go!


    This is exactly what I think I need to do. There are many other things I want from the west coast as far as lifestyle, culture and climate (SEASONS?!) go. Florida has just never been me, it's awful here. My problem is how to build a life with not much money to the state that is designed to prevent you from living there without TONS of money...
  • Kalidas

    Posts: 5

    Apr 15, 2016 8:28 PM GMT
    offshore said2 post count again. Lately there has been a lot of seemingle controversial topics started by new posters with 2 or 3 post counts and are never heard again once the discussion gets going.
    Maybe the bots are getting clever. Maybe.


    Hi Offshore,

    Just wanted to let you know I'm not a bot! Just very cautious and tepid about exposing myself on the world wide interwebs to be judged by all icon_smile.gif You're very handsome by the way, good luck in your relationship!
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 15, 2016 11:35 PM GMT
    Kalidas saidHey all, just wanted to thank the majority of you that are being very supportive with your responses! I wasn't fake as one person had suggested. I'm very shy with forum posting (because I don't like the concept of about being ripped to shreds on the internet just for sharing some truth/feelings), but it was something I needed to ask about.

    I do talk to/message guys I meet. I use OkCupid as well, it just seems that the gay Asian population doesn't "pick up" what I'm putting "down" ? That's why I get self conscious and have started wondering if there's just something really messed up with my looks or something.

    Bloodflame: I generally just look for anyone around my age who I am attracted to. I always tend to engage first, because it seems otherwise no one will make a move. In the online dating world, it seems that compliments are received by me and thanked for; but when I continue into the "breaking the ice" "want to get to know each other?" phase they just don't seem to respond 90% of the time.


    Well looking at your question again, you seem like you genuinely like Asian guys and as long as you're acting like yourself around them, it's fine. I apologize that I may have overreacted a bit. It's just that while fetishes aren't inherently bad, I think the only trouble is if the guy is so focused on the fetish that he doesn't want any other part of the guy he's fetishing.

    I speak from experience because I've dealt with 2 black fetishizers in my life and they only cared about the BBC. Whenever I tried to talk about things not related to sex, it felt like it went in the ear and out the other. It makes you feel like crap and I remember one of my brother's older friends does kinda the same with Asians. His last Asian boyfriend, he would always tell him how to act, how he should be. He didn't like when he (Asian Boyfriend) would speak up. It was just a mess.

    But again, it sounds like you'd treat the guy as a person and that is good. So I'm going to mirror what the others said, just keep looking or consider moving to the West. Good luck icon_smile.gif