Preference or racism/homophobia?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2016 12:47 PM GMT
    At what point does one's preference starts becoming racism?

    Looking back, I could say that of all the guys I've gone out with, only about 10% are black or asian, around 50% are latino and the rest are white or very mixed. My group of friends is a lot more diverse though.

    The same applies to feminine guys... not choosing to date them is a preference or homophobia?






    This is not a validation thread. I just think it's an interesting discussion and want to see what you guys have to say about it. (And get some laughs with the trolls)
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Apr 14, 2016 3:55 PM GMT
    When it is not merely a "liking for" but a "I couldn't imagine myself with…" then it's time to have a conversation with yourself about the "whys."

    And ethnicity is different from mannerisms. If you didn't like loud, bigmouthed guys, would you question yourself for not dating them? Probably not. So, one is based in behavior, the other is based on being a member of an ethnic group, something the person cannot change.

    I never looked at it as merely dating someone of a different background. I looked on it as, do I know I'd only go so far with someone because of their ethnicity.

    Example: A Black friend once told me back in the '70s, that another (Black friend) had related to him what a White guy had said, "I'd date a Black guy, and sleep with one, and even have one as boyfriends. But I'd never 'marry' one" (meaning have one as a lover in a committed relationship).

    The other brother and I just looked each other in the eye and we were thinking the same thing, which we said out loud a few seconds later: HE was racist. In the worst way.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Apr 14, 2016 6:40 PM GMT
    Preference... but a there's gay guys with low self-esteem that may try to use the racist and or homophobia theme to rationalize your mindset.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Apr 14, 2016 7:47 PM GMT
    Preference. You're allowed to have preferences. The line is a tricky thing, though. I was trying to conjure up if I had a racist prejudice against any group from a dating perspective and the only one that came to mind was the indigenous people in Bolivia and some of the related tribes. Their shape and look just doesn't appeal. I think most of it is just lack of familiarity. You naturally bond with shapes and sounds at a very young age and these things become hardwired into your brain. I bet if you took just about any race and plopped them into our society for a generation or two, the things that are off-putting about their look/demeanor would fade a way as they ate the same foods and adopted the same habits and look.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Apr 15, 2016 6:47 PM GMT
    Not again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 15, 2016 8:27 PM GMT
    Absolutely again and within a day or two or three, again again
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2016 1:03 PM GMT
    Here's how I look at this: If you have a picture of Hitler in your closet and you're only attracted to blue-eyed blondes, then it's not a "preference." If you have a hand-made Oriental rug adorning your living room and you're only attracted to hairless Asian twinks, it may well be simply a "preference."
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 16, 2016 1:55 PM GMT
    It's racist if you won't date someone of a different ethnicity because you believe that ethnicity is inherently inferior to you.

    It's prejudice if you say you wouldn't date someone of a different ethnicity because you haven's found someone of that ethnicity attractive in the past or you believe you wouldn't be compatible.
  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Apr 16, 2016 6:05 PM GMT
    I've stopped worrying about these things.
    I think your friendships say more about whether you are racist are than your who you date.

    Attraction is not always a logical thing it is chemical and your body likes what it likes. Different ethnicity have different smells, skin textures, looks etc (also within an ethnicity) and each person will find what is attractive to him.

    Everyone has their preferences some are very narrow some are wide open. I don't see a problem with that.


    However when you won't associate with someone because of their race that is another story.
  • Looking9

    Posts: 31

    Apr 17, 2016 2:12 AM GMT
    Mr. Fireworkz

    I agree with you 100%.....
  • Corby

    Posts: 78

    Apr 30, 2016 3:17 PM GMT
    Agree with Fireworkz
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2016 8:36 PM GMT
    A race preference can only be racist if you say something blatantly racist when stating the preference.

    A masc preference is only homophobic to those who think gay men are innately effeminate, in which case, who's the real homophobe there?

    Fireworkz saidAttraction is not always a logical thing it is chemical and your body likes what it likes. Different ethnicity have different smells, skin textures, looks etc (also within an ethnicity) and each person will find what is attractive to him.


    Can you elaborate on the smells and skin textures? I'm sure it's very interesting.
  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Apr 30, 2016 8:59 PM GMT
    CODY4U saidA race preference can only be racist if you say something blatantly racist when stating the preference.

    A masc preference is only homophobic to those who think gay men are innately effeminate, in which case, who's the real homophobe there?

    Fireworkz saidAttraction is not always a logical thing it is chemical and your body likes what it likes. Different ethnicity have different smells, skin textures, looks etc (also within an ethnicity) and each person will find what is attractive to him.


    Can you elaborate on the smells and skin textures? I'm sure it's very interesting.


    Simply that. You can like someone visually but when you smell them or even touch them. The attraction is not fully there.
    Then you smell or touch some people and you are attracted even if you don't find them particularly attractive visually. Your body is drawn to them. I've certainly been on dates where I wasn't attracted to a guy visually but when we touched there was some real magnetic attraction.

    There have been a few studies between men and women that say smells gives clues on genetic compatibility as well as signals when women are ovulating or men have high testosterone. So smell does have a major part to play with attraction

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2016 10:12 PM GMT
    Fireworkz said
    CODY4U saidA race preference can only be racist if you say something blatantly racist when stating the preference.

    A masc preference is only homophobic to those who think gay men are innately effeminate, in which case, who's the real homophobe there?

    Fireworkz saidAttraction is not always a logical thing it is chemical and your body likes what it likes. Different ethnicity have different smells, skin textures, looks etc (also within an ethnicity) and each person will find what is attractive to him.


    Can you elaborate on the smells and skin textures? I'm sure it's very interesting.


    Simply that. You can like someone visually but when you smell them or even touch them. The attraction is not fully there.
    Then you smell or touch some people and you are attracted even if you don't find them particularly attractive visually. Your body is drawn to them. I've certainly been on dates where I wasn't attracted to a guy visually but when we touched there was some real magnetic attraction.

    There have been a few studies between men and women that say smells gives clues on genetic compatibility as well as signals when women are ovulating or men have high testosterone. So smell does have a major part to play with attraction



    So attraction can be hindered by cologne? Or what if the person showered (which most people do meticulously before dates) close to when you smelled them?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 01, 2016 4:19 AM GMT
    If the ethnic group of guys that you exclude from your dating/sex preferences is also the same group of guys that you exclude from friendship, then yes you are a racist.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2016 6:42 AM GMT
    can dating preferences include things like honesty and accomplishmentsicon_rolleyes.gif