Mid-life Crisis- or Gay-life Crisis? Aging while gay.

  • RainBow_Drago...

    Posts: 337

    Apr 15, 2016 11:58 AM GMT
    So brushing my hair today noticed I have gray hairs that has just began to sprout. There is also a couple of stray hairs on my shoulders and back.

    Five years ago I would have nearly died seeing these but I’ve since stopped being scared of getting old. In fact I think that my boyfriend’s salt and pepper hair is sexy, so maybe mine will be too.

    last night we went out in the gayborhood with my boyfriend's friend a 50+ gay guy white-haired very self-deprecating in an a super-tight see-through shirt a shinny necklace bracket and earrings telling me how he has denied guys his age in the past because he is not into older men icon_rolleyes.gifthey remind him he's getting old. Then he just goes off on a rant about how aging sucks for him and how tens of thousands of years ago he could get any man he wanted because he was beautiful and all the boys in the gayborhood wanted to be his boyfriends.

    I just don’t get it. Why so many gay guys place so much emphasis on age?
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    Apr 15, 2016 12:34 PM GMT
    I've observed that gay guys who've always relied on their looks, particularly during their gay "formative" years, tend to be more concerned about getting old and losing their perceived attractiveness. Gay guys who rely on other things--e.g., intelligence, educational attainment, successful career, financial stability, etc.--tend to be less worried about old age and the cumulative effects of gravity.
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    Apr 15, 2016 1:00 PM GMT
    It's not so much a gay thing as a human thing; although, gay men and culture seem to place undue emphasis on it.

    The quick and dirty answer as to why is that people, for the most part, are shallow.

    Also, unless you're blessed with superhuman genetics, age brings any number of maladies despite all your efforts you can't stave off no matter how hard you try. Just think of all the pharmaceutical advertisements there are on TV. I ask you: What's so appealing about that?

    Also, what's so wrong with wanting to look your best - watching what you eat, exercising, taking care of your skin, grooming, nice clothes, etc?

    There's a middle ground somewhere between complete abandon to aging and letting yourself go and looking ridiculous fighting it.
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    Apr 15, 2016 1:18 PM GMT
    Guys,

    There are lots of invisible, not necessarily closeted, older Gay men who don't live in "Gayborhoods" but out in main-street America who seem to be aging better than people you meet in Gay venues (bars, parades, etc) or online.

    I think hanging out in a cruising or otherwise sexually changed environments makes people more aware of people's appearances, including their own. If you just interacting with someone to visit while having coffee or shopping for antiques, why would their age or appearance matter much?

    I know an older (in their 60's,) Gay male couple who have an antique store and seem very happy and are very well accepted in a small town in rural Florida. They don't seem all that upset about white hair or larger belt sizes.

    Just my two cents,
    FloridaRugbyBear
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    Apr 15, 2016 1:42 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidIt's not so much a gay thing as a human thing; although, gay men and culture seem to place undue emphasis on it.

    +1

    gay men:
    The generation that we are talking about, have not had lots of inclusion into family life. Chances are they had less exposure to a grandfather as they grew up. Were not able to be evolved in their parents aging process.

    the older population
    the hidden generation. really not a lot of information out there on things for example
    -pay off your mortgage, how to best re channel stuff
    -effect of lay offs for workers near retirement
    -death of parents, happens to every lucky man on the planet
    -management of your household after you no longer work
    -changes in your body / mind
    -effects of the great recession on near retirement peeps.

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    Apr 15, 2016 4:51 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidI've observed that gay guys who've always relied on their looks, particularly during their gay "formative" years, tend to be more concerned about getting old and losing their perceived attractiveness. Gay guys who rely on other things--e.g., intelligence, educational attainment, successful career, financial stability, etc.--tend to be less worried about old age and the cumulative effects of gravity.


    This is true in my experience as well except that in addition to intelligence, career etc I would also add guys who have good personalities and interpersonal skills to offer also tend to care less about aging too.
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2937

    Apr 15, 2016 4:59 PM GMT
    We all age. Bitching about it is as useless as bitching about the weather. I'm 67, almost completely white haired, dealing with aches and pains (and totally out to everyone.) But what the heck - it's part of the deal, and I am PROUD of the experiences I've had, whatever compassion I've gained, the friend I have... I don't see the point of worrying: think of the gains, and enjoy what you have.
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    Apr 15, 2016 5:26 PM GMT
    theantijock%20engage%20stalker%20reducti

    I doubt there's much difference generally between aging gay or str8. We all turn invisible in this culture (western/westernized) but not in all cultures (Asian) and many of us get arthritis (I hate you arthritis) or insert any various disease here. The biggest difference probably being less chance of having had children by the time you're aged (though not all str8s had them either, only we didn't even have adoption rights--so we were pretty much fucked on that front), and of course not having had equal marriage rights which--though would not have solved my widow problem--would likely have supported longer relationships generally (if only by divorce being such a pain in the ass but also by families formed and all those supporting structures which can later help with aging), more meaningful relationships (celebrated by your families and by society in the light of day), more beneficial relationships (helping each other age, not being left with nothing when one passes, etc.) .

    Make no mistake about it, this world has fucked us. And you'll notice it the more you age. Just wait until you wind up in a nursing home with no kids to look in on you. Fuck that. So it would be a mistake for us to blame that on us. That's simply our situation. A lot of this shit isn't our fault though now it will be up to us to dig our way out of this shit. Because the world won't lend a helping hand on that even while it's the one which heaped the shit in the first place. We'll neither be getting reparations nor even paid for prior efforts. Karma is universe laughing behind your back.

    I took very good care of my mom for many years of her ageing and twenty years before that I took care of my grandfather about once a month or two when we'd send his wife to a spa to give her a break and I'd fill in. Both mom and he wound up with Alzheimer's which comes down one family line from his mother. Well, I could wind up with that shit too and who's gonna take care of me? Fucking no one other than my two adopted children, Smith and Wesson who I've lovingly nicknamed Bye Bye.

    I've had a lifetime of being with my elders. Getting older never scared me though I might not like all of the process. My own death does not scare me though I'd hate for my two caregivers to leave a mess.

    Grey hair? Dude, let that be the least of your worries. You know how we've been telling you that it gets better. Well, we lied. But yer old enough for the truth now. You're doomed.
  • nice_chap

    Posts: 277

    Apr 15, 2016 5:35 PM GMT
    I've sprouted a few grey hairs recently. I'm hoping I get all my grey at the temples like Petyr Baelish in Game of Thrones!
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    Apr 15, 2016 8:22 PM GMT
    Geez…I started having grey hair at 11 years old. I guess my mid life crisis should have started way back then.
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    Apr 15, 2016 10:17 PM GMT
    I'll be fab @ 90....one way or another!!