Memory relapse, just want it to stop : (

  • Wendigo9

    Posts: 426

    Apr 18, 2016 4:17 AM GMT
    April 27th 2013, my ex shatterd my soul when I visit him in Toronto: We met up and hung out at the ROM, said I didn't mind meeting his friends, and then I hear things from them making it pure helfire. Being a guy, I suppressed my feelings, despite feeling cold/hurt and saying "I'm fine" when asked. Having dinner with them and a walk through High Park seems nice, but not when an asian catholic bi guy says he's been shacking up with (what you thought was) your bf.

    Forgive me for venting, but in spite of this past event (which I should be over), I still feel haunted by the exact day it happend. I should be happy having someone new in my life now, but it's like that night of hell was heavily burnt into my head and still hurts. Has anyone else delt with something like this? and how do you get it out permanently?

    *If anyone in the Toronto/Brampton/Mississauga area (in Ontario, Canada) knows a 6ft nerd named Roger Williams, show him the karma of what's been done*
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Apr 19, 2016 7:38 AM GMT
    I find your post somewhat hard to follow, though i am high on codeine so there could be that.


    What i will say though, is that if something is bothering you like this it helps to figure out what you are truly afraid of and angry that it might say about you. In your situation, an ex fucking you over, i imagine i would be angry and hurt that it meant that on some level i was not attractive enough that someone felt they could treat me that way. Although i would be very angry at the person who rejected me, it would only really be because i was more angry and scared at the fact that others in the future may reject me. Dealing with that, that would be how i would move past the specific person and their specific crime against me......and for something like that, i have come to learn there isn't too much to be done about the changing emotions of others and that i will never be attractive enough to feel secure enough with any person, which is why i rage or become despondent at any hint of dissatisfaction with my presence.


    Anyways, it's not your memory that hurts you. It's what you think of that memory that does. Once you know why it hurts you, why it scares you, you can freely live with those memories because you understand them.



  • Wendigo9

    Posts: 426

    Apr 19, 2016 5:25 PM GMT
    badbug said I find your post somewhat hard to follow, though i am high on codeine so there could be that.

    What i will say though, is that if something is bothering you like this it helps to figure out what you are truly afraid of and angry that it might say about you. In your situation, an ex fucking you over, i imagine i would be angry and hurt that it meant that on some level i was not attractive enough that someone felt they could treat me that way. Although i would be very angry at the person who rejected me, it would only really be because i was more angry and scared at the fact that others in the future may reject me. Dealing with that, that would be how i would move past the specific person and their specific crime against me......and for something like that, i have come to learn there isn't too much to be done about the changing emotions of others and that i will never be attractive enough to feel secure enough with any person, which is why i rage or become despondent at any hint of dissatisfaction with my presence.

    Anyways, it's not your memory that hurts you. It's what you think of that memory that does. Once you know why it hurts you, why it scares you, you can freely live with those memories because you understand them.

    You realize I'm saying this still weighs me down without even trying to think of it, meaning I want to forget but feel stained by it, almost like it's trauma to the unconscious mind.
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Apr 20, 2016 4:28 AM GMT

    There's a metaphor about a band-aid.

    Memories don't hurt us, our thoughts about them is what hurts us. There are lots of interesting studies using MDA to treat PTSD in veterans that essentially verifies this assertion. Plus we all sort of instinctively know that denial isn't generally healthy.


    Anyways when some shit is really bothering me, i find it can help to think about some other shit that is much much worse to give me perspective.
  • Wendigo9

    Posts: 426

    May 06, 2016 10:37 PM GMT
    Fixed it, just walked alone through where it all happend. If my ex saw me, he's the one with the nightmares from now on.