What does a gay man bring on a second date?

  • RainBow_Drago...

    Posts: 337

    Apr 19, 2016 10:36 AM GMT
    And the age-old Response to that age-old joke is:
    “What second date?”

    You might think, oh his is just another internal gay-bashing post but hey if there are gay people coming on RJ and crying about coming up empty-handed every time they tried to maintain the date then There must be some truth to the old joke.

    We all want to find that prefect one whom we will eventually marry and create a home together and share our eternity with them.

    However a lot of us just can’t seem to meet the right guy or make the right connection and we always end up coming up empty-handed and stymied because many of us can't stop swiping.

    As an openly gay man with almost 31 years of experience as a a gay manicon_lol.gif I have seen scores of single gay men who sabotage their efforts to find a partner because they keep placing so much obstacles in their own path and they don't even know it!

    bottom line a lot of gay men just don't know what they want. it's like they wanna date you but they won't marry you or they wanna do you but won't date you. bottom line there is always something wrong and they can't meet with the right guy or make the right connection.
    In my opinion, this pursuit of Mr.prefect everythin that by the way only exists in the figment of your imagination) is the biggest hurl that prevents some gay men from building a healthy relationship.
    So stop judging and start lovin. Stop looking for Mr. right, and start looking for Mr. right now! cuz I tellya that damn clock is clickin!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2016 1:39 PM GMT
    I like your post, mate. Indeed, I find and meet a lot of gay guys, go out with them, only for them to come with the "I feel I'm not good enough for you" speech. It's something that I cannot own for people... I love to travel, have a very outgoing personality, and don't do the whole social media/hookup apps/swiping thing. In other words, I know what I want and won't settle for less. It seems like a lot of guys are just always looking for the next best thing, and I don't have time for that.

    Cheers,

    Sean
  • Aldente

    Posts: 22

    Apr 20, 2016 3:59 PM GMT
    Condoms.

  • Apr 21, 2016 12:05 AM GMT
    RainBow_Dragon2000 saidAnd the age-old Response to that age-old joke is:
    “What second date?”

    You might think, oh his is just another internal gay-bashing post but hey if there are gay people coming on RJ and crying about coming up empty-handed every time they tried to maintain the date then There must be some truth to the old joke.

    We all want to find that prefect one whom we will eventually marry and create a home together and share our eternity with them.

    However a lot of us just can’t seem to meet the right guy or make the right connection and we always end up coming up empty-handed and stymied because many of us can't stop swiping.

    As an openly gay man with almost 31 years of experience as a a gay manicon_lol.gif I have seen scores of single gay men who sabotage their efforts to find a partner because they keep placing so much obstacles in their own path and they don't even know it!

    bottom line a lot of gay men just don't know what they want. it's like they wanna date you but they won't marry you or they wanna do you but won't date you. bottom line there is always something wrong and they can't meet with the right guy or make the right connection.
    In my opinion, this pursuit of Mr.prefect everythin that by the way only exists in the figment of your imagination) is the biggest hurl that prevents some gay men from building a healthy relationship.
    So stop judging and start lovin. Stop looking for Mr. right, and start looking for Mr. right now! cuz I tellya that damn clock is clickin!



    You got it. Heck, seems like most gay men are looking for perfection even in a FWB situation.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Apr 21, 2016 8:00 AM GMT
    I have come to believe that men and women alike reason that Mr/Ms. Perfect should have all those amazing and usually unattainable attributes mostly because they really do NOT want anything serious in their lives, and ARE happy to play the field.

    Now, it always sounds as a very nice thought to say that you are looking, doesn't it? It also sounds very respectful to say that you want to go 'serious' with a guy/gal who has got it all, because you certainly deserve it, and more... And, yeah, should that guy show up on the horizon, you may really want to hunt him down, and take him home. But we all know that the likelihood of that happening equals that one of winning a major lottery.

    Yet, it all sounds pretty good and cool, and it strikes a great pose, too. But it does not do any good to anyone in particular.

    Once you are ready, you'll go for the best there is on the fresh meat market for you, and hopefully, have some luck with your choice.

    SC
  • Peterluke

    Posts: 23

    Apr 21, 2016 10:00 PM GMT
    Lub, condoms and your charms. And wash yourself if you just fucked a guy before the date. lol
  • sportsjockla

    Posts: 498

    Apr 21, 2016 11:10 PM GMT
    Do gay men have 2nd dates? Do they have 1st dates? Usually it's sex 1st & maybe a date will follow.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2016 7:31 PM GMT
    Since you're from Qatar a Lamborghini seems appropriate.
  • TombRaider

    Posts: 94

    Apr 22, 2016 10:34 PM GMT
    If you have an idea of what you're doing or what he likes you can never go wrong with a simple rose icon_smile.gif more than one may seem like you're rushing things. Condoms on second dates are just will make you seem like you're waiting for the sex and then will leave. Just my opinion.
  • OuterBoy

    Posts: 4

    May 07, 2016 1:13 AM GMT
    RainBow_Dragon2000 saidAnd the age-old Response to that age-old joke is:
    “What second date?”

    You might think, oh his is just another internal gay-bashing post but hey if there are gay people coming on RJ and crying about coming up empty-handed every time they tried to maintain the date then There must be some truth to the old joke.

    We all want to find that prefect one whom we will eventually marry and create a home together and share our eternity with them.

    However a lot of us just can’t seem to meet the right guy or make the right connection and we always end up coming up empty-handed and stymied because many of us can't stop swiping.

    As an openly gay man with almost 31 years of experience as a a gay manicon_lol.gif I have seen scores of single gay men who sabotage their efforts to find a partner because they keep placing so much obstacles in their own path and they don't even know it!

    bottom line a lot of gay men just don't know what they want. it's like they wanna date you but they won't marry you or they wanna do you but won't date you. bottom line there is always something wrong and they can't meet with the right guy or make the right connection.
    In my opinion, this pursuit of Mr.prefect everythin that by the way only exists in the figment of your imagination) is the biggest hurl that prevents some gay men from building a healthy relationship.
    So stop judging and start lovin. Stop looking for Mr. right, and start looking for Mr. right now! cuz I tellya that damn clock is clickin!


    THIS THIS THIS!!! RainBow_Dragon2000, you've hit it so hard, that I had to register an account on here to express what I'm going through!

    Here's my situation in a nutshell:

    -The Beginning-
    I met this guy online via gay app; he messaged me first, showing interest in me. I seemed to like him too, so we talked and talked for one week. He was really sincere to me and seemed to genuinely care about me despite us not even meeting. I really appreciated that; all of our text conversations were good. The next week, he wanted to meet me, so we planned to meet last weekend. We have 7 years age difference between us (I'm 31; he's 24).

    -The 1st Date-
    When we met up, he was ABSOLUTELY delighted to see me, and it showed very much so...even I myself was shaken up. He thought I was handsome (as he said before about my profile pics), and he really treated me like an honorable guest throughout the entire date, giving me all the attention a guy (although I'm not officially out) could ask for. He was TOTALLY into me in EVERY way; it was beyond apparent...I had even joked about gay marriage, and he was like "well, we could try". I too, was very attracted to him, and after our date (went to eat dinner and walked in the park) ended, I went back home with my mind in amazement. I thought to myself "could he be The One?"; it felt so damned right with him and we got along like we were destined lovers. After that, I then deleted all gay social apps from my device(s).

    -Week after 1st Date-
    This current week is indeed the week after our 1st date. The night we returned to our homes, we talked about the date, and he showed great interest in getting to know me more; pleased with his response (as I felt the same way), I also told him how I felt about our date without being too direct with how I truly felt (the long forgotten feeling of falling in love, not lust). I only told him something along the lines of "I thought to myself: Where have you been all my life?"...that's as far as I went with strong emotional responses. His last response in this subject was that he'll definitely think about whether he wants to be with me or not. He told me that our date was the happiest he had ever been in a very long time.

    We messaged each other everyday of this week with basic everyday life messages, and I deliberately held back on anything regarding the result of our date (in terms of strong emotions). All of these conversations were text-based (not via gay app), and the texts were not severely long, as I tried to maintain proper limits by texting at different times of the day (don't wanna be a bore). We later arranged to meet again this coming weekend......however, as the conversation progressed, he mentioned that his friend asked him what type of guy was his "Mr. Right", and he told me that he responded to his friend by saying he doesn't know what kind of guys he likes. So, I think to myself "so, I didn't come to mind?"....not even a "I think I may be onto something".......it was just a blatant "I don't know what I like" coming from the guy who I just dated who was SO into me. It kind of hurted me to hear that, and I re-affirmed the notion by asking passive questions about his idea of a "Mr. Right" candidate. Eventually, I flat out asked him "I like you, but you're not sure if you like me, right?", and he said "yes".

    This put me off emotionally by a great deal, and I eventually thought to myself, "maybe we cannot have a relationship...I knew this was too good to be true." I'm ready, and he's seemingly not, well at least after a few days after the 1st date. I can do nothing about the way he is handling this, as he is entitled to his own feelings. I fear that my time may be wasted.....we will proceed with the 2nd date later today, but this time, I will be more concise about my actions and words (to indirectly read him).........after the date is over, I will determine (within my own feelings) whether I should continue to pursue him or not for a relationship.

    I understand that he may need time, and I will certainly see how well he stands up to the test of time before he either cracks or disappear. Results of the 2nd date will determine whether or not I will give him that time, as it could possibly be a total waste of mines.



    This post is extremely long, as many of these love story-esque things tend to be, but I truly appreciate anyone taking the time to read this. Stay tuned, I will post the results of the 2nd date tonight.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2016 1:36 AM GMT
    RainBow_Dragon2000 said
    Stop looking for Mr. right, and start looking for Mr. right now! cuz I tellya that damn clock is clickin!

    +1

    That kinda describes my own approach when I was single. I knew in the long term I'd wanna settle down, have a partner, hopefully for life. But in the meantime, or maybe as a part of that long-range strategy, I'd enjoy sampling as much of the merchandize as I could get my hands on! icon_wink.gif

    And if a trick or a date didn't amount to any kind of follow up, no second time, that was OK. One more guy off my list, move on. But at least we had a good time, I didn't consider it a waste of my time.

    Or even if it was terrible, I still learned some valuable lessons, making me better prepared for future encounters. Or to anticipate the problem guys and avoid them in the first place. And to have some great stories of my disasters to share, some of which I've posted right here on RJ. I find them laughable, not tragic.

    No, it was all good. Because I WANTED to make it good. That formula hasn't failed me yet. My goal is to be a victor, not a victim.
  • OuterBoy

    Posts: 4

    May 07, 2016 6:32 PM GMT
    -The 2nd Date-
    Today, we went on the 2nd date. My mind was clear, and I wasn't concerned about being disappointed...I just went with the flow. We had lunch together, and then we sat down in a mall and talked about various things for a good while. Interestingly enough, I didn't even bother bringing up the issue of him not knowing if he likes me or not (as he mentioned on the previous day).

    Honestly, the 2nd date felt pretty much like the 1st date; one could even say that it was a bit better than the 1st date. I observed him well today, and I can see that he is a caring guy, and at the same time, his mind is like a crystal....clear, so clear that you could almost see right through him. He is open to suggestion, but has his likes and dislikes of course. He agrees with me quite easily, and all signs point to him truly being inexperienced in terms of complex emotions and real relationships in general. Like I said, he has what I'd like to call a "crystal mind".

    The most 'intimate' thing we did on this 2nd date was compare our hand sizes.


    At the end of the date, it was time for us to part ways and head back to our homes. He did suggest meeting again for next time, and I gave him a wholeheartedly "of course". So, I've decided to stick around and continue dating him....I have absolutely NO idea how this is going to work out, but I won't fret; he treats me with such kindness and respect, and experiencing this in my life is quite fulfilling, so I'll cherish our time together as is. I'll continue to observe his "behavior" (text communication) until the next time we meet up (next weekend). I noticed that he still has the gay social apps on his phone, but that's not my business at this point. All in all, the 2nd date slightly exceeded my expectations.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11829

    May 07, 2016 7:04 PM GMT
    TombRaider saidIf you have an idea of what you're doing or what he likes you can never go wrong with a simple rose icon_smile.gif more than one may seem like you're rushing things. Condoms on second dates are just will make you seem like you're waiting for the sex and then will leave. Just my opinion.
    Probably the best response..^^^^
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2016 7:32 PM GMT
    tranquilizers, to ensure you get a 3rd date!! hahaha
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 07, 2016 9:30 PM GMT
    Lube, condoms, poppers, cock ring, personal wipes.




    icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 09, 2016 5:20 AM GMT
    It's really weird how gay guys overanalyze dating. The simple fact is that most gay (and a lot of straight) men prefer being free and unattached. And those are the guys the popular apps are designed for. Once you accept that fact you won't be spending your time fruitlessly trying to figure out why a connection didn't happen with someone who didn't really want to be tied down in the first place.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 09, 2016 7:18 AM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal saidSince you're from Qatar a Lamborghini seems appropriate.

    Lamborghini and tiger, if the first date was extra special. icon_biggrin.gif

    151a06b045acddf0ba3e7ad33ffdcc88.jpg
  • OuterBoy

    Posts: 4

    May 11, 2016 11:19 AM GMT
    swimmersf saidIt's really weird how gay guys overanalyze dating. The simple fact is that most gay (and a lot of straight) men prefer being free and unattached. And those are the guys the popular apps are designed for. Once you accept that fact you won't be spending your time fruitlessly trying to figure out why a connection didn't happen with someone who didn't really want to be tied down in the first place.

    Although that may be the case with the guy I'm dating, he has mentioned very little to almost nothing about anything sexual. We communicate everyday, usually him sending the first text bright and early in the morning. Although I'm getting mixed signals from him, and judging by his text consistency, I can say that he at least thinks about me each day. He always talks about staying healthy, sleeping early, etc....no lubby-dubby stuff whatsoever. So, with these observations along with our 1st and 2nd dates, it is difficult to deduce his intentions/desires.

    He's not straight acting at all; I'm the straight acting one. His sexuality is quite apparent, and he doesn't seem to mind what others think even though he won't admit to his family that he's gay.

    In any case, I'm still evaluating him to see what his intentions with me truly are....it feels like "light dating"; maybe this is the gay version of courtship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2016 5:42 PM GMT
    OuterBoy said
    swimmersf saidIt's really weird how gay guys overanalyze dating. The simple fact is that most gay (and a lot of straight) men prefer being free and unattached. And those are the guys the popular apps are designed for. Once you accept that fact you won't be spending your time fruitlessly trying to figure out why a connection didn't happen with someone who didn't really want to be tied down in the first place.

    Although that may be the case with the guy I'm dating, he has mentioned very little to almost nothing about anything sexual. We communicate everyday, usually him sending the first text bright and early in the morning. Although I'm getting mixed signals from him, and judging by his text consistency, I can say that he at least thinks about me each day. He always talks about staying healthy, sleeping early, etc....no lubby-dubby stuff whatsoever. So, with these observations along with our 1st and 2nd dates, it is difficult to deduce his intentions/desires.

    He's not straight acting at all; I'm the straight acting one. His sexuality is quite apparent, and he doesn't seem to mind what others think even though he won't admit to his family that he's gay.

    In any case, I'm still evaluating him to see what his intentions with me truly are....it feels like "light dating"; maybe this is the gay version of courtship.


    That makes total sense. You can't know someone's intentions after only one or two dates, or even several months. You have to let people reveal themselves and take seriously and at face value what they tell you by their actions. The danger with trying to figure out (i.e., guess) someone's intentions early on is that you stop looking at what someone is actually telling you about themselves as time goes on. I think all smart dating is "light" at the beginning (i.e., first six months), whether you're gay or straight.