I will only date a masculine guy!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2009 9:41 AM GMT
    How many times have we all read that in forums and profiles?

    It's okay with me if you prefer to be with a guy that expresses certain mannerisms, but i feel sometimes RJers attack and demonize feminine guys--an attack on other RJer's personalities.

    But in your own "cookie-cutter" viewpoint, what makes a guy feminine or masculine

    Can I still be masculine, have the same stereotypical emotional feelings of a woman, enjoy art, knowledge, creative expression more than sports, guns, and farting?

    Can I still be masculine, talk with my hands, jesture sometimes, yet have a moderately deep voice?

    I'm not sure what makes a guy masculine or feminine. I guess I prefer guys who are closer to the average: both somewhat fem and somewhat mascualine. I'm not too fond of the extreme ends... but if that is who they are... who am I to judge? I just probably won't date them... which is cool cause not everyone out there is datable in the eyes of every guy.

    What do you think?
  • junknemesis

    Posts: 682

    Feb 09, 2009 12:31 PM GMT
    I have seen a tendancy for a lot of gay guys to be a bit biased against "effimate" types. I have to admit, someone who is whiny, shrill, fake sounding lisp, and in constant drama overdrive is VERY annoying. However I have met guys who are not exactly what people call masculine. They speak with a higher voice octave, kind of have that "valley" speach manerisam, and they may freak out a bit if they find a spider of their leg. (Heck I would)
    So they're not the steriotypical archtype of masculinity, but they are real guys with feelings, and they can be fun to hang with. Of course everyone has "their type" and I know I don't fit into many people's type.
    We should not bash other people for their personalities.

    Now there is a diference, and a line I believe. Some guys are so off the wall that it is impossible for that to be who they really are. Every one of these guys I have gotten to know who take the "sissy" bit to the extreem has had a difficult, probably abusive past. It's an act, and several have actaully felt they could drop it around me. It's a defense mechinism against whatever they feel hurt them in the past. Same mostly goes for extreem lispers when there isnt a medical reason for the lisp. I'm not meaning to demean these people who do this, but I'm just saying that 90+ % of the time it is an act, and I do wish they would feel comfortible enough to be themselves. When they do I have seen them have a higher sense of self worth, a healthier outlook on life, and just generally be happier overall.

    But each person chooses who they will be. Some make somthing up because they don't really have a sense of self identity, and this can be from SOOO many factors. We should not demean them, or hassel them, or bash them, cause who knows what secret pain they may suffer. We don't want to add to that.

    This is comming from someone who was kind of there once. I was what is refered to as a "Flamer". Now I don't flame on anymore, but I can still get hyper and excited when in a good mood. Mostly my friends say I'm fun in that state.
  • tbeaux

    Posts: 419

    Feb 09, 2009 1:00 PM GMT
    Well I have to be honest, I am one of those people who will only date masculine guys. I don't know why it is, I just find the male "stereotype" attractive I guess, not sure if stereotype is the word for it, but it just it turns me on the most.

    I do think you can be masculine have the typical emotional feelings of a woman, hahaha, I have that quite a bit, and there is no specific reason for it, but it's just how I am.

    I think the reason why we demonize it is because what it symbolizes. Here we are trying to defy this stereotype given to us as being the "fragile weak slutty butt fucking gays who flip their wrists around" , and here we are saying no we are not all like this, we are men, we like sports, we like fitness and looking good, we like hiking camping, the same stuff a regular guy likes, yet we just tend to favor another guy. I think that's the biggest argument for why alot of guys prefer masculine guys or tend to demonize other feminine gays is becuase of that stereotype.

    I don't mind feminine men, i find drag queens to be the funniest people on earth, but again its that I want to date a man who, in societal terms, is a man. Now what he thinks and how he acts is another story.


    Hope this is an answer to your questions!


    -Tim
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Feb 09, 2009 1:03 PM GMT
    cjcscuba1984 said, "But in your own "cookie-cutter" viewpoint, what makes a guy feminine or masculine."



    For my guy to be masculine, he has to only drink Miller High Life and only use Brawny paper towels to clean up his spills.
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    Feb 09, 2009 1:56 PM GMT
    I like to date masculine guys because they:

    - simply turn me on sexually
    - tend to have more of the same interests as I do, especially outdoor stuff (though my dislike of team sports can be a disconnect)
    - don't seem as prone to be drama queens as femmy guys
    - have voices that don't drive me up a wall after 15 minutes with exaggerated inflections and a silly vocabulary
    - are interested in talking about other subjects besides themselves
    - are generally more reliable & punctual, less liable to simply blow-off previous arrangements you've both made without telling you
    - are more down-to-earth & focused, less flighty & air-headed
    - care about other things besides themselves, especially about other men
    - seem more interested in finding ways to say "I can" rather than in ways to say "I can't"

    And BTW, most of my girlfriends are this way, too, which is why almost all of them are lesbians. LOL! Except for the punctual thing, which I don't think 1-in-10 women of any orientation can manage.

    Are my views "cookie-cutter" and stereotypical? I believe they're what I've personally experienced, leading me by trial and error to learn what I like and don't like. I can certainly have good times with femmy guys, and was for years very closely associated with the drag scene. But if we include the discriminator of the bedroom versus the living room, I'll definitely take the masculine guy.
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    Feb 09, 2009 2:33 PM GMT
    Gay guys were talking about this over 20 years ago when I first came out. My eyes just glaze over now when I see this as a RJ topic.

    I still don't know what is considered truly "masculine" behaviour since every guy to a certain extent has so-called feminine characteristics whether it be outward behaviour (effeminate voice for example), or personality traits.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2009 3:26 PM GMT
    coolarmydude saidcjcscuba1984 said, "But in your own "cookie-cutter" viewpoint, what makes a guy feminine or masculine."



    For my guy to be masculine, he has to only drink Miller High Life and only use Brawny paper towels to clean up his spills.

    Paper towels!? What kind of girly-man would use paper towels when you have a perfectly good sleeve handy!? Secondly, what spills? Miller High Life as we all know is the champagne of beers, and any spills of the glorious nectar would cause a lynching.
  • junknemesis

    Posts: 682

    Feb 09, 2009 3:29 PM GMT
    Well you might as well mop up the mess with a big burly beard! LOL icon_razz.gif
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    Feb 09, 2009 3:43 PM GMT


    hey cjcscuba1984,

    For me, any guy who's unpretentious and without overt affectations in their mannerisms is masculine. I feel this is a comfortably broad spectrum for what falls into masculine attributes.

    -Doug of meninlove


    PS this means that,

    "Can I still be masculine, have the same stereotypical emotional feelings of a woman, enjoy art, knowledge, creative expression more than sports, guns, and farting?

    Can I still be masculine, talk with my hands, gesture sometimes, yet have a moderately deep voice?"

    ..the above description does indeed make you a man, even if you had a 'high' voice, heheh. You man you.

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2009 6:13 PM GMT
    junknemesis saidWell you might as well mop up the mess with a big burly beard! LOL icon_razz.gif

    Can't do that. The beard is holding onto the crumbs of lunch for when I get hungry for a snack later.
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    Feb 09, 2009 6:42 PM GMT
    For most I think we would say these are defined by attitude and how one carries themself (mannerisms) - not by how you dress or if you like art or prefer hunting, if you like to shop or only drink beer in your spare time, if you appreciate beauty or feel the need to scoff at it, etc - although each of these can be things you are or are not attracted to in another person.

    Femine typically equates to a guy who gestures in an slightly to overly exageratted and animated way with a poise you would expect from women - lanquid, loose lightly flittering arms-hands, when shaking hands using fingers and not a grasp or grip. Using more typically femine tone/vocabulary: Hun, sweetie, fabulous, devine - higher pitched voice. Carrying yourself with an air of "show".

    Masculine typically defined as - less animated in body language (arms folded or at your sides, hands in your pockets), and more confident [seeming] tone in voice, short burts in wording. Using the words such as bud, man, great, fantastic as opposed to more colorful or elegant adjectives. Carrying your self with an air of confidence.

    Not to say that you can't be femine and confident - that's not my point at all...

    And finally:
    Everybody burps and farts and/or can be obnoxious - none of those make you masculine, perhaps a lesbian icon_eek.gif but not necessarily masculine. icon_wink.gif


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2009 6:48 PM GMT
    cjcscuba1984 saidHow many times have we all read that in forums and profiles?

    It's okay with me if you prefer to be with a guy that expresses certain mannerisms, but i feel sometimes RJers attack and demonize feminine guys--an attack on other RJer's personalities.

    But in your own "cookie-cutter" viewpoint, what makes a guy feminine or masculine

    Can I still be masculine, have the same stereotypical emotional feelings of a woman, enjoy art, knowledge, creative expression more than sports, guns, and farting?

    Can I still be masculine, talk with my hands, jesture sometimes, yet have a moderately deep voice?



    What do you think?


    When I say I like masculine guys, I think guys freak out because they think I mean HYPER-masculine and not just masculine.

    When I say masculine, I mean a guy who is just on this side of the masculine/feminine line. (Ergo why I say masculine)

    For me that means they CAN have feelings( everyone has them whether they admit it or not) and enjoy any other activity but there's a limit. (I.E. Ballerina dancing, nail painting, the infamous voice, etc.)

    But that's just what I think.
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    Feb 09, 2009 7:07 PM GMT
    I'd date a hot, masculine, straight guy if they weren't off limits. icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 09, 2009 8:05 PM GMT
    Masculinity and femininity are both societal constructs, and therefore are subject to change over periods of time.

    For me, I don't know exactly how to define masculinity. It is more of an aura than anything, although that doesn't really give it justice. That being said, I tend to go for guys that I perceive as masculine.

    However, I find it hard to assign certain criteria, because a trait that I may perceive as masculine in one guy may come of as either a feminine or neutral trait in another guy. Similarly, what I consider masculine, another guy may consider feminine, and so on and so forth.

    I find it much easier to take people at face value, and try not to make assumptions. Even this is an ongoing battle; if I am not actively trying to be non-judgmental, it is very easy for me to slip back into that sort of mindset.

    It all boils down to perception; society may help shape your perception, but ultimately, everyone has varying perceptions of what constitutes masculinity and femininity.
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    Feb 09, 2009 8:34 PM GMT

    Of course I will only date a masculine guy, 'cos I'm a bottom and that's reason enough to! icon_razz.gif
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    Feb 09, 2009 8:54 PM GMT
    ZiMsTeR said
    Of course I will only date a masculine guy, 'cos I'm a bottom and that's reason enough to! icon_razz.gif


    So you think being a bottom makes you the more feminine partner? Why, because society perceives the receptive partner to be equivalent with femininity?
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    Feb 09, 2009 8:55 PM GMT
    It's not just here at RJ, that a number of guys are not attracted to flamers. It's also out here in the real world, it's life, it's reality, it's the way it is.

    Lots of flamers don't want to date another flamer either. They too want a man.

    For me it's so much of what being a fag is all about. We are not some sudo butch guys, dressed in leather wanting to look like a man. Nor some gay acting flamer. We are just regular guys who just happened to also be born homosexuals. We have not adopted this gay acting life style, to shove our sexuality down an other's throat, or be in their face. We are just regular guys, who happened too be born homosexual, and are into other regular guys.

    If some-one want to act like a flamer, fine. I really don't care. I want look, touch, respond. Thus no abuse from me.

    I'm lucky in a way. I've always had flamers chase me, and want to please me. I've also had men attracted to me, and please me. Both my husbands, don't act gay, nor would you pick us as being husband, and husband sitting together in a str8 bar having a VB.

    But it's OK for flamers to nasty, spitful, little women?
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Feb 10, 2009 11:14 AM GMT
    So Pattison, some here are not gay at all, just acting gay icon_question.gif
  • LeeBee

    Posts: 26

    Feb 10, 2009 11:55 AM GMT
    I am a Bottom. I am Feminine (somewhat-i don't freak out when a spiders on my leg,I hate loudness) I am Gay I am Proud I am Too-Thin I am Dancer

    I am also Fu*king Fed Up With People Worrying About Labels And Not Getting On With Their Lives

    LOVES!
    Lee
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 10, 2009 12:09 PM GMT
    I am a Bottom, but I am masculine...God made me a Man therefore I am a man before I am Gay...so I prefer masculine men with my same interests...just my preference...I do have friends who are effeminite, and I have No problems with friednship, but not dating...
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    Feb 10, 2009 12:43 PM GMT
    dragoonxi said
    ZiMsTeR said
    Of course I will only date a masculine guy, 'cos I'm a bottom and that's reason enough to! icon_razz.gif


    So you think being a bottom makes you the more feminine partner? Why, because society perceives the receptive partner to be equivalent with femininity?


    I'm pretty sure Zim was being sarcastic.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 10, 2009 1:10 PM GMT
    I think to make judgements like "I don't date fem guys" really is pretty short sided. I would think whether "one dates another" should be based on chemistry, personality, etc with each person you consider.
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    Feb 10, 2009 1:49 PM GMT
    MikePhilPerez saidSo Pattison, some here are not gay at all, just acting gay icon_question.gif
    One truly thought you would to busy saving the worlds rain forests, and the world from homosexuality, to be stalking me. Being the good catholic lad you are. icon_lol.gif

    Well I'm not gay, I'm a fag; a pure homosexual. I never act gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 10, 2009 1:53 PM GMT
    madtown said
    dragoonxi said
    ZiMsTeR said
    Of course I will only date a masculine guy, 'cos I'm a bottom and that's reason enough to! icon_razz.gif

    So you think being a bottom makes you the more feminine partner? Why, because society perceives the receptive partner to be equivalent with femininity?

    I'm pretty sure Zim was being sarcastic.


    I was being honest actually. I don't equate anything to anything, that's just me. In dating, in mating, it's all about The Me more. Who cares about what society perceives? Society doesn't feed nor fuck me. icon_cool.gif

    p.s. I love being attacked and demonized (esp. from behind my cute back!). icon_twisted.gif
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Feb 10, 2009 1:59 PM GMT
    Pattison said
    MikePhilPerez saidSo Pattison, some here are not gay at all, just acting gay icon_question.gif
    One truly thought you would to busy saving the worlds rain forests, and the world from homosexuality, to be stalking me. Being the good catholic lad you are. icon_lol.gif

    Well I'm not gay, I'm a fag; a pure homosexual. I never act gay.


    What happened to ONE? Or were you just acting?